Updated Timeline

[Ravenne]

SO and I went out to eat today and on the way back, we got into the topic of what our "plans" were. Up till this point we've had to keep things vague because there's so much up in the air financially. But now, I've started a new job in which I'm making a fair amount of money (not great, but enough for us) and stuff is starting to come together in our heads.

And he said that right now he's 98% sure he'll propose after he graduates from undergrad (which is next year in May) and we'd have a long engagement to save up for the wedding, honeymoon, etc. Then he said we'd either get married the summer before he graduates law school or immediately after. At that point, I'd be content waiting until after he's through with law school. We'd already be living together so we'll see when the time comes.

But I told him to make sure he told me a few months before he actually wanted to buy a ring so I could really start hunting for a sapphire. Right now browsing is all fun and stuff, but I'm not contacting vendors. No point. Hopefully it won't take too long to put my ring together, but I don't know that. And he said he'd give me about 4-6 months advance notice (although I think he meant before he actually proposes. Not sure there).

So I'm happy. A year isn't a bad wait, all things considered. I'd known this timeline was a possibility, but I wasn't sure if he'd want to hold off for after law school (parent issues/money). But now it's looking like things are going to go a bit faster. We've already been together for 3 years. What's one more year to wait? It'll go by fast with my new job keeping me busy and his senior thesis.

Just wanted to spread my joy. Now I'm off sapphire-hunting...

 

[madelise]

How exciting! Can't pry you away from browsing lovely sparklies NOW, can we? And all that browsing will definitely keep you busy from focusing on the wait! Have you thought about what type of setting you wanted the sapphire in? And did you ever decide if you wanted a blue sapphire or a white? I remember you posting that you liked white, then you liked blue. I vote blue But I could be biased..

 

[Ravenne]

I was going with white at first, yeah. Now I'm sold on the blue sapphire. The few I've tried on have all been stunning (and these aren't even high quality ones). As much as I'd love a halo, I think I may stick with a cushion cut in an x-prong solitaire or a three stone (if we can afford it) with either halfmoons or pears. Daniel M has an x-prong solitaire ring in his sold pieces that left me drooling when I first saw it. So if the prices point to no sidestones, that's what I'm going for. I just know I don't want a basic solitaire. Something about a ring with the head sticking up with no support system makes me nervous. And I know he'll like the idea of a custom made setting. He's all about quality and individuality like that. He refuses to buy his golf clubs from stock. They're all custom ordered for his height. I think I'll just have to convince him that Daniel M is still a great craftsman even though he sells through Etsy...

It's hard not to browse sapphires at work. Lol.

 

[pandabee]

Hooray!!!! How exciting that you have an estimated timeline now. A 3 stone sapphire sounds absolutely amazing though!! I hope you're able to get that if possible.

PS Congratulations on your new job!!

 

[mary poppins]

Very exciting to have an estimated timeline. I love blue sapphires and can't wait to see what you design.

 

[audball]

How exciting!

Is he opposed to buying now if the right stone comes up? Sapphires are kind of like old cut diamonds...they're all unique and not easily replaced. It's not like a modern round stone that can be easily replaced.

Andrew and I have purchased our engagement stone and are also having it set even though we're not quite there yet. It's a beautiful OEC that we got for a steal and never could have afforded otherwise. It was worth buying now.

The wait is hard! Try and stay busy and focused

 

[madelise]

Is he opposed to buying now if the right stone comes up? Sapphires are kind of like old cut diamonds...they're all unique and not easily replaced.

Yes, ask him that! See if he already has the budget there ready to spend if the "one" comes along, regardless of still having until the following May to wait for proposal. You can always postpone putting it in your dream setting til later (in which you might even keep changing your mind on!)

Have you already chosen what hue and saturation you'd like your sapphire to be? mMmmm.. darker blues are my sweet spot!

And I'd vote no on the solitaire, too I love it when there's contrast of the sapphire against diamond sidetones or melee!

 

[Ravenne]

Lol, if he could buy the stone now we'd already be engaged. His parents would cut him off if he spent money on anything engagement related (or if we moved in together, so separate apartments too), and he still needs help getting through undergrad with no debt. I'm sure financially, he'd be willing to go ahead and get a stone if I found one I liked, but he can't keep secrets from his parents. He's a horrible liar.

And my parents can't wait for us to move in together, ring or no. They ask me all the time when we'll start looking at apartments.

I have to say, I feel a lot better now knowing that things will be happening once he graduates undergrad one way or the other. I told him I was wondering if he was considering holding off engagement until he was closer to graduating law school and he immediately shot that down and told me he was absolutely planning on proposing next year. Phew.

As for the sapphire... I think I want slightly lighter than the 'ideal' medium dark. I wouldn't mind a slight violet tone but I'd like to stay away from grey if I can. But I think I'll wait until he gives me the go ahead. The last thing I want to do is rush the process, and either he end up having regrets or me finding another stone I love more. I'm pretty patient. :p

 

[audball]

Lol, if he could buy the stone now we'd already be engaged. His parents would cut him off if he spent money on anything engagement related (or if we moved in together, so separate apartments too), and he still needs help getting through undergrad with no debt. I'm sure financially, he'd be willing to go ahead and get a stone if I found one I liked, but he can't keep secrets from his parents. He's a horrible liar.

And my parents can't wait for us to move in together, ring or no. They ask me all the time when we'll start looking at apartments.

I have to say, I feel a lot better now knowing that things will be happening once he graduates undergrad one way or the other. I told him I was wondering if he was considering holding off engagement until he was closer to graduating law school and he immediately shot that down and told me he was absolutely planning on proposing next year. Phew.

As for the sapphire... I think I want slightly lighter than the 'ideal' medium dark. I wouldn't mind a slight violet tone but I'd like to stay away from grey if I can. But I think I'll wait until he gives me the go ahead. The last thing I want to do is rush the process, and either he end up having regrets or me finding another stone I love more. I'm pretty patient. :p

Bummer! But I see what you mean. Still being somewhat dependent on parents is indicative of needing to wait awhile anyway, I guess. Good thing you're patient

A year really isn't that long...maybe spend some time perusing settings? Those usually don't become unavailable, etc, which a dream sapphire very well may if it's sold.

 

[madelise]

Oh no.. they're still not letting that one up? How would they know if he bought a sapphire? JK don't listen to me, I'm an enabler and like to get everyone in trouble


Can I ask if they're just maybe threatening all these things because they want him to wait to until after grad school? I know a lot of parents worry that once a couple is cohabiting, they worry that their priority won't be on studying and school anymore, and not do as well academically. I know it's not necessarily true, but folks always seem to worry about that. Have you guys had these conversations with them? Aim for getting on the mom's good side. Usually with the sons, it's always the mom that you've got to break through to, and dad will eventually follow suit. Which reminds me, I need to start schmoozing on my own FMIL! I haven't seen her and caught up with her in almost a year!

Do they know about the updated timeline? Or will it just be a surprise to them too?

I know some gals here have posted that they pitched in for their rings too, since the finances all get mixed together after marriage anyway, so it wouldn't matter from whose checking account it came from. I don't know if that might be an option for you, too?

Whoops, I'm not trying to sound like I'm rushing you and I'm sorry if I'm throwing personal Q's out that you don't want to answer or think about!. It's super late here and I'm just throwing out random ideas off my half sleepy head!

 

[audball]

Oh no.. they're still not letting that one up? How would they know if he bought a sapphire? JK don't listen to me, I'm an enabler and like to get everyone in trouble


Can I ask if they're just maybe threatening all these things because they want him to wait to until after grad school? I know a lot of parents worry that once a couple is cohabiting, they worry that their priority won't be on studying and school anymore, and not do as well academically. I know it's not necessarily true, but folks always seem to worry about that. Have you guys had these conversations with them? Aim for getting on the mom's good side. Usually with the sons, it's always the mom that you've got to break through to, and dad will eventually follow suit. Which reminds me, I need to start schmoozing on my own FMIL! I haven't seen her and caught up with her in almost a year!

Do they know about the updated timeline? Or will it just be a surprise to them too?

I know some gals here have posted that they pitched in for their rings too, since the finances all get mixed together after marriage anyway, so it wouldn't matter from whose checking account it came from. I don't know if that might be an option for you, too?

Whoops, I'm not trying to sound like I'm rushing you and I'm sorry if I'm throwing personal Q's out that you don't want to answer or think about!. It's super late here and I'm just throwing out random ideas off my half sleepy head!

Shame on you madelise! Enabling is bad!

I'm one of the girls that is for pitching in. My thoughts are that the finances should more/less be combined anyway, why not? But I know plenty of ladies who aren't comfortable with that.

What are your thoughts? If something came up that you LOVED would be okay making the purchase to keep his parents out of the know?

 

[madelise]

I can't help it.. I want her to get it so she can post pics for all of us to drool over!

 

[audball]

I can't help it.. I want her to get it so she can post pics for all of us to drool over!

Hahah

 

[Ravenne]

ROFL!

If we waited until after he finished law school, his parents would be on cloud 9. That's exactly what they want. The problem is... well, we disagree. And they are worried that he'll slip on schoolwork if we move in together. Never mind that his work is slipping now because he lives with 3 partying guys who play video games and drink all day long. As opposed to a girlfriend who will stay quiet, let him study in peace and cook decent meals. They turn a blind eye to the fact that while we were long distance, his grades slipped so much he worried about his scholarship, but as soon as I moved closer, he started doing his homework more regularly (but it was too late in the semester to see the difference by end of year grades alone). They refuse to see any good influence I have on him, basically. Really, his dad likes me just fine, it's his mom that the problems stem from. In fact, she blamed me for a fight he had with his roommates that I had nothing to do with. Yeesh. At least his sister's warmed up to me.

And no, they have no idea what our timeline is. The last few times we tried to get their opinion on our future, they've panicked and responded by going back on what they've said they'll do financially. Once his mom even tried to forbid him from getting engaged before graduating law school, but his dad wouldn't let her do it. Right now it isn't affecting what we wanted (because we both wanted to have our undergrad degrees before engagement anyway). But originally they were planning on paying for half of law school, then only half if he gets scholarships, then only if we aren't engaged or living together during law school. And every one of these "new rules" came up in the same conversation as a discussion of our future. So we just stopped telling them our plans because it seems to make them nervous and causes fights. And he doesn't need that stress right now with his thesis coming up. Right now we haven't brought it up for months and they've decided they'll pay for half again. But we'll see what they say when he makes "the call." (assuming he doesn't propose in front of them. He's asked how I'd feel about being proposed to in front of a set of parents, but he didn't say mine or his).

And meanwhile, my mom has a ring bearer pillow and matching flower girl basket tucked away for the big day.

Me helping with the ring may be a possibility... I have more money than he does right now, easily. But I don't know that his traditionalism and pride would allow it. I'll bring it up when the time comes to talk rings though. It may get me a bigger sapphire or sidestones. Sparklesss.......

 

[audball]

I can't wait to see what he thinks!

 

[RebeccaMUA]

Yay congrats! As a blue sapphire lover myself, I think you have made an excellent choice! No doubt you will have a gorgeous ring in whatever style you choose

 

[audball]

Any developments?