Updates/take out your frustrations here

[LadyJane83]

Date: 4/1/2010 9:06:37 AM
Author: Rose_Dust
So how many ways can you ask the same question in a different way, I feel like I am going for a world record. Last night I asked if he had started thinking about how he was going to ask and he said not until he actually has the ring in his possession just in case he comes up with something good. Why are guys (at least mine specifically) so far behind in this thought process compared to women (or just me)??? I feel like I''ve thought about those kinds of things a million times over. Sigh....just trying to hang on.

It''s not just you. There are definitely exceptions, but from my experience guys are just a bit "different" in this department. I think some guys tend to get comfy and more hesitant to change the status quo. They''re more likely to be pragmatic about these types of things (like not thinking of proposals until physically having the ring).

Hang in there! Even though it is frustrating that your bf views things in a different way, it''s good that you are keeping lines of communication open.

 

[legallyspoiled]

Rose Dust, that is just how guys are period. On Monday, I start asking what are plans are gonna be for date night on Friday or Saturday. He doesn''t start worrying about it until the actual day. I find that guys confront things as they happen...where as women prefer to plan.

 

[crossmyfingers]

I am so glad some of you can relate to what I''m feeling right now.

BF told me in January that he was pretty certain he wants to get married this calendar year, and that he wants us to look at rings. So we looked online a couple times, and he paid a lot of attention and really had a lot to say about what he likes and what he thinks would suit me. (At one point, he actually told me that he couldn''t picture me with a solitaire because it''s so plain and I deserve something prettier and nicer than that... Awwww.)

Well, I found *THE* ring that I want at a local jeweler. It''s everything both of us want, and it''s around the budget we''d talked about even with including a diamond with the specs we''d looked at online. I was so excited and I told him, and showed him the photo I took, and asked if he wants to go see it in person - and he said no! I asked why, and he said he''s not ready to buy a ring or propose yet. He said it isn''t the money, it''s that he just isn''t ready.

He said I had been ''a little obsessed'' with looking at rings and he didn''t understand why. I said that I thought he wanted us to find a ring we both liked and then we''d start the buying process. He said no, that he just meant we could look at rings now to get specific about what we both like for the future, for when he does buy a ring. I had completely misunderstood and thought we were looking for a ring and that we''d buy it when we found one we both loved. It was such a big deal to us both when he said we should start looking around online at rings. It was this serious talk and we were both excited about it - really, he was as excited as I am! And when we did look at rings, we were both so happy and it was such a good experience together. Uh, mixed signals much?

That was in February. I''ve not brought it up much since then. He keeps saying he isn''t ready, but *he* brings up marriage on a daily basis. No wonder I am confused about what to think of it all.

 

[Rose_Dust]

Crossmyfingers....


OMG, are you sure I didn''t write that in my sleep? That is exactly what I''m going through. I have found "The Ring" I want and I want to take him to see it in person and he says no. I also try to lay low on the subject and he''ll bring it back up (although he''s doing it less and less), it''s torture.

We are certainly not alone, and we have all these wonderful people to vent to about our frustrations. Just hang in there, I know we can make it through and I trust that things will happen when our guys are ready.

 

[babycush]

Just picked up my ring! It is PERFECT!!!!

Official proposal is forthcoming, I''ll wait til then to start a thread but in the meantime... a teaser iPhone pic!

 

[ChloeTheGreat]

Well, I have an updated timeline, but it looks like 4ever and I are still in the no job=no ring boat.

My SO and I were thinking that we would get our finances on track and use tax refunds to help with a ring purchase. Well, we''re not on track (financially, that is) and that didn''t happen. And I am STILL looking for a job. (Things are tough out there for a recent college grad!)

So, I will for sure have my ring by June 2011 (our 7 year anniversary). SO gets a sort of trust fund payment that is way more than enough to cover the ring I want. Hopefully sooner, but at least I know for sure my finger will be much sparklier in 1 year and 3 months! With that being said, we were expecting to be getting engaged around this time and begin planning our wedding for June 2011. But since that''s when we''ll be getting "officially engaged", we''re thinking we''ll get married December 2011 on our "half" anniversary.

Summary: still frustrated, still waiting, but looking toward the future.

 

[mickeyva]

So close... I know he bought the ring, and I know he talked to my parents, so now it's just a matter of waiting. He says soon, but I've learned soon is all relative. He's kind of dropping hints that make me believe it could be next weekend, but then he could just be throwing me off. Oh well. Good things come to those who wait!

CrossMyFingers and Rose Dust - it took my SO a looong time to buy a ring. We first started looking int Dec. 2008, and then we looked again in Aug. 2009 (after he moved and I was getting ready to move), and then on and off until Feb. 2010 when he became very serious about it. So, take it as a very good sign that they at least want to know what it is you like, etc and that they're thinking that way even though they may not be ready yet.

 

[entitledpearl22]

So as I read through this thread a tear literally formed in my eye... I was reading variations of my story over and over agian!

Facts: BF and I started dating August 2006, became an "official couple" November 2006 ** Proving that my dear BF likes to take his time in making titles driven decesions.

Here is my rant.... So, yesterday, for the first time we looked at rings together and i tried a few on. This was not planned, I was in the mall, he stepped over to the food court and I wanted to watch the mall children attack the Easter Bunny. I gazed over at the Zale''s counter and struck up a conversation with the sales lady... he comes back and joins in the conversation and the next thing I know he''s joking about seeing this $20K 2ct. ring that some lady said was "too small"... next thing I know he''s asking me which one''s I like, trying a few on and having a grand ole time. Later that evening he even asks me about this jewlrey show coming to our city this month that I had mentioned may be a great place to go a few months ago to look at loose diamonds, see settings etc.... well then reality set in and he mentions a few of his recent "expenditures" and I am reminded that he is not financially in the place to make that E-ring purchase and the words he LOVES to tell me, "I don''t like window shopping". Meaning he won''t entertain proposal ideas or rings untill he''s got the money in hand. But he does it for me, since I like it.

We dont live together and are trying to be celibate for spiritual reasons after a few years of prior activity... point being this Lady in Waiting is having a moment of true frustration. Someone''s tag line I read quoted a line from one of my FAVORITE movies; "When you find the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."- When Harry Met Sally.

C''mon rest of life...I''m ready!

 

[Cinna]

I AM CRANKY. I have a week left before my ring is finished and all the waiting is honestly making me cranky. Although I should really just be patient

And if they rushed it and didn't take as much time and effort into the ring and it meant it got here tomorrow, I would be even unhappier!

So the longer I wait, the better so I won't be unhappy later but it makes me unhappy the longer i wait. argh! Now he's saying he's going to suprise me with a proposal when I least expect it anywhere from 1-2 weeks after he gets it (I know exactly when the fed-ex will arrive too.)

The wait will drive me crazy... it's already jumped from one week to maybe 3. We're already well into planning the wedding but I'm not allowed to tell anyone until I get the ring!!!

 

[legallyspoiled]

Cinna, what misery! That is precisely why I told my FF that after all of the details have been sorted out to not tell me anything about it. I don''t want to see the images, or hear about when it is ready and when and where it will be delivered. What I don''t know can''t hurt me! It seems that it is too late on your end for that. Just relax. Go get some ice cream or an italian ice. That always cheers me up! It is out of your hands at this point.

 

[Cinna]

Lol, yeah. You know... I asked/ suggested he do that and. He goes Nah, I''m good. I''d rather have you take care of the rest since its so close to being done.

 

[legallyspoiled]

Cinna...your FI and my FI sound a lot a like!

 

[iota15]

Date: 3/31/2010 1:04:04 PM
Author: MayFlowers
Well I have been doing so much better with focusing on our dating life and our relationship now, instead of focusing on the fact that we aren''t engaged.

BF''s birthday was almost two weeks ago. To celebrate we went to a casino about 30 minutes away. Neither of us had ever been and it was just something we both wanted to do. We walked in completely confused about what to do

. We both sat down at a slot machine just pushing buttons and trying to figure everything out when.....wait for it.....BF WON $1000!!! We were both in complete shock! He didn''t even know what was happening

. It was really funny. We stayed a little longer but BF still walked out with over $1000. He deposited it all into his savings the next day! So, what does all this have to do with waiting? Well, that $1000 took a pretty big chunk of time off my waiting for him to save money for the ring. So, it was exciting for us both. He told me that he wished he had won more so that we could have gone on an gotten the ring so we could get engaged.

It is still hard though because his cousin just got engaged about 4 weeks ago. Her ring is a gorgeous three stone with a 1 carat center and two 1/2 carats on either side! Talk about finger coverage! But, the only problem is that BF doesn''t want us to impose on anyone else''s ''thunder'' or get married near the other people in his family. His brother and sister are both engaged, his cousin is now engaged. He also has another cousin our age, who has been with his GF for longer than we have been together, and he will probably propose soon too. It''s like, I don''t want their relationship timelines to determine ours. I''m not too worried about it though.

Other than this, (I had been thinking about posting a thread about this anyways) BF has been acting really weird lately. He has just not been himself. Usually he''s a very happy person who is always joking and playing around with me and wants to talk about anything and everything. But, for the past three days, he''s not been talkative at all, not joking, not playing, and hasn''t been wanting sex. He acts like this sometimes whenever he''s had a bad day or if he''s super tired. But, we have both gotten plenty of sleep the past two or three nights. I have asked him a few times if everything was okay or if something is wrong and he keeps saying everything is fine. But, I can''t help but feel like he wouldn''t be acting like this if everything was fine. I don''t want to keep asking him because I know that can get frustrating.

Do you ladies have any ideas that could help me figure out what is going on?

Mayflower,

I don''t know what''s going on either - he''s in the best position to know and you''d be next. I''m sure whatever is happening, it''ll turn out okay. It''s too hard to guess but I''m sure your boyfriend will let you know some time soon. It seems like you can communicate with him. Don''t worry.

 

[mickeyva]

So, the BF needs to be a little smarter about things! He left the text message preview on his iPhone on, and left the phone lying around the kitchen. I saw a message from his brother replying to something about "popping the question Saturday morning". This might end up being the looongest week ever!!! I shouldn''t get my hopes up just in case that changes or something, but still!!

 

[babycush]

Date: 4/6/2010 7:03:37 AM
Author: mickeyva
So, the BF needs to be a little smarter about things! He left the text message preview on his iPhone on, and left the phone lying around the kitchen. I saw a message from his brother replying to something about ''popping the question Saturday morning''. This might end up being the looongest week ever!!! I shouldn''t get my hopes up just in case that changes or something, but still!!

Why are they so dense sometimes? M ''hid'' my ring in MY sock drawer!! Someone needs to give these men some lessons in being sneaky.

 

[mickeyva]

I also know he talked to my parents because when I was staying there last week in DC, he called them when I was down there to see if he could stop by and talk to them on Friday (I was leaving Friday to come back and he had to be in DC Friday for another reason). But, I think he forgot that the phone had caller ID. So, I didn't answer it and pretended to have no idea.

Babycush - the sock drawer thing is hilarious! Why didn't he hide it in one of his drawers???

 

[legallyspoiled]

I cannot wait for this whole process to be over!!! FF and I went to look for rings last Friday and we found a stone that we both liked. He made me finalize all of the details with WF because he is a teacher so he can''t really hold phone conversations during the day. Well, I posted the specs for the ring yesterday on PS so that I could get some feedback on it. I sent him several text messages during the day yesterday. He was pretty much non-responsive to all of them. I called him when he got off to discuss but he didn''t answer the phone. [At this point, I''m ready to pull my hair out because he knew that I was in discussions with WF and was trying to finalize everything!] I get home late from work, we eat dinner, and then we start getting ready for bed. I bring up the ring and he starts ignoring me! [Ummmmm....seriously dude!?] I calmly say, "can we please talk about the ring now?" He gets grumpy and says, "what is there to talk about?'' [Insert long deep breathe for my sanity here.] I calmly ask him again if he was okay with the color, clarity, and price of the stone....and if he is as pleased with it as I am. He says, "as long as you like it that is all that matters." I say, "but I want you to be happy with it too. I was asking you about the color because you are much more sensitive to it then I am." He semi-yells, "the color was fine! It was white! Why are you second guessing this?!" I say, "I''m not. This is a big purchase and I need to know that we both agree. What should I do about the setting?" He says, "go with what makes you happy." Me, "so are we ready to make the purchase?" Him, "well, I''ve had several unexpected expenses so I had to dip into the ring fund so I won''t have all of the money until I get paid again in two weeks because I have to pay the mortgage." [He has had several unexpected expenses....expensive dental work, unexpected repairs on the beamer, unplanned expenses in our home improvements.]

I''m not frustrated because he had to dip into the ring fund. I am frustrated by his lack of enthusiasm over the whole thing! Geez. Part of me thinks that maybe he was being so non-responsive because he knew he was a little short. I just want the ring paid for so that he can take over!

 

[babycush]

Date: 4/6/2010 10:08:39 AM
Author: mickeyva
I also know he talked to my parents because when I was staying there last week in DC, he called them when I was down there to see if he could stop by and talk to them on Friday (I was leaving Friday to come back and he had to be in DC Friday for another reason). But, I think he forgot that the phone had caller ID. So, I didn''t answer it and pretended to have no idea.


Babycush - the sock drawer thing is hilarious! Why didn''t he hide it in one of his drawers???

Well, he knew that is where I keep my grandmother''s pearls, so I guess he figured it was a safe place for important jewelery...??

 

[KittyGolightly]

Date: 4/6/2010 11:19:49 AM
Author: legallyspoiled

I am frustrated by his lack of enthusiasm over the whole thing! Geez. Part of me thinks that maybe he was being so non-responsive because he knew he was a little short. I just want the ring paid for so that he can take over!

I''m sure that''s what it is - he''s probably upset with himself for disappointing you.

 

[anela]

Date: 3/31/2010 10:49:48 AM
Author: legallyspoiled
My SO told me that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me 3 months after we started dating. 6 months into our relationship he told his family that he wanted to marry me and they all thought that he was crazy. Although we both knew that we had found the one, we also wanted to take the time to get to know each other better. 17 months into our relationship, I moved into his house. A few months later, he said that he wanted us to go shopping for rings before my birthday. (I had a huge group vacation planned with my friends and family in Vegas for my 30th birthday.) We never made it into a store but we looked at some stuff online so he had an idea of what I liked. My birthday came and went without a ring. The winter holidays came and went without a proposal. 20 months into our relationship, he confronted me to say that the only reason that I had not gotten a ring was because he couldn''t find what I wanted within his budget. He asked for my help and I gave it to him. I would email him stuff that I would find. But the more that I read threads on Pricescope, the more I learned and I would have to send ''don''t buy that ring'' emails. For the past 6-7 weeks he has been begging me to just let him cut me a check and I take care of it. But I want him to be involved in the selection of the ring. This weekend we have two appointments. One with Whiteflash and one (pending) with Brian Gavin Diamonds. I really wanted to get married on 10/10/10. It looks like that won''t happen now. I just want a ring already! He thinks that I am obsessed with it. My response is that one of us has to be!

I totally feel you! My bf and I''ll be making two years in June. We met in April and had a long distance relationship until I moved to be with him in July two years ago. I guess you can say that we move pretty quickly. We''ve been talking about buying a home, getting married, having kids, etc etc, for months now but not about getting engaged. We''ve been to a few stores to check out rings and he knows I''m totally obsessed (even though I try to keep it to myself) but no plans. I''m turning 29 this year and I definitely want a long engagement. We''re on a time crunch here!