Upset with my “best friend” and her reaction to my engagement

[wishful]

well I''d say she''s very jealous about your proposal, ring etc. and she''s trying to keep her''s up on a pedestal for as long as she can.

I''d say she''s not that great of a friend.

I''m sorry you''re going through this...that totally sucks. You FI''s proposal to you was fantastic and you should be able to start planning your wedding when ever you damned well please.

 

[jcarlylew]

Firey,
Man im bummed

Sorry your friend was not excited! some people just do not like the spot light taken away from them, regardless of timing or events. The best advice i can offer is to go ahead and continue to plan yours, and invite her along when you see fit. She'll probably keep on saying the same thing "you cant plan yours until mine is done" but honestly, i would just ignore the comment.
Good luck with the planning, and the friend!

ETA: I just thought, maybe she is expecting/thinking you to ask her to plan your wedding as she is "requiring" you to do?

 

[decodelighted]

Congrats on your engagement! Your story is VERY SWEET!

Re: this ...

Date: 8/4/2008 5:15:12 PM
Author:fieryred33143
I have seriously done a lot for this girl and would think she would at least make an effort to pretend.

Listen to yourself. The best you expected from this girl was to PRETEND to be happy for you? PRETEND to put you first for a moment?? PRETEND to give you the spotlight?? Is *that* what you want? Someone who can only PRETEND to be a good friend?

Because, honestly, she''s not even *that*.

Time to have a serious friendship talk about how you feel around her. Say what you want from her & what you need from her and if she balks or isn''t up to it - you have your answer. Right now you''re the one doing the pretending, I''m afraid. Pretending that this girl is a friend at all, much less your "best friend". But you''re not alone. This happens SO OFTEN. Everyone I know has been through similar situations several times in their lives. So don''t feel badly about it. Just get clear, get real & get active about asking for what you want!

 

[fieryred33143]

All of you have some great points. I’ve been putting off the conversation with her and I let things slide because she’s highly sensitive, although she has no qualms about giving me a piece of her mind. I think its more of me growing a pair honestly. And the selfish all about me attitude is the way she is with everyone. She is a great person when she wants to be and does have a big heart but as I mentioned earlier, I think in the process of me not growing a pair I sort of created a situation where I’m her trash lady. That’s partly my fault.

Just as Gwendolyn mentioned, she is someone that I won’t ever be able to let go of completely but I will need to distance myself a bit.

 

[Bia]

She seems harmless. Unfortunately there are always "those" who are never as happy for us as they may claim to be...so you accept it and roll with it.

If she''s a good friend, for the most part, and worth keeping her around, try to not let those things bother you. You''re going to have some amazing moments in your near future, so all you can hope for is that she''ll share in that with you. If she doesn''t step up, oh well...it shouldn''t take away from your happiness.

I don''t see how it could anyway, it is so obvious you are absolutely GLOWING! Congrats again!!!

 

[misscuppycake]

Ugh, I hate when people behave like that because they''ll pretend they have reasons for acting that way, but it''s all due to jealousy and selfishness in the end - no matter how you slice it. I''m sorry she was so rude to you. That''s no best friend at all. I hope you have other friends who will be far more supportive and enthusiastic. You deserve to get excited about this with someone.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

Dang... I''d be upset too! I''m so sorry to hear she''s trouble... but ... I''d just let her plan her own "wonderful" wedding.

You''ve got yours to be excited about now! (or, you can keep planning hers, then outdo everything she did- ha!)

 

[Beth]

"do not talk about your plans with her or she might "borrow" them. " - Diamondfan

I had the same thought as Diamondfan when I read your story.

 

[chocolatefudge]

Really sorry your ''friend'' reacted like that. I really don''t get how people can be so thoughtless, especially after all the help you ahve given her with her wedding.
Is she happy? Just wondered whether she is jealous of your engagement if she isn''t as happy as you? Especially with putting the wedding back, is there another reason for this?
Hope you manage to speak to her and get to the route of the problem. Although, there may be no problem, some people are just like that!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Well, that must have been very disappointing for you...and I''m very sorry.

It sounds to me (as an outsider looking in) that your friend fell short of your expectations, but this can either be the end of a close friendship or a really great launch pad that will help your friendship grow to new levels of closeness and disclosure.

I think that you should sit your best friend down and talk to her. Some people don''t have a gag reflex when it comes to thinking before they speak, and she may have momentarly lost hers in all the excitement. Obviously, you two are best friends...and you wouldn''t have possibly gotten as close as you have if she truthfully was self centered.

Here is a short story:

Last year I got married. It was a positively thrilling time for me, and I loved having my closest friends share in the experience with me. During the planning process, I included my girls in every way I could, and would like to think, look back, that I was a fair bride. During May, two days after my bridal shower, my friend M got the inkling she was about to get engaged. She, of course, was elated. Her boyfriend had apparently purchased the ring, and now it was simply a waiting game. I was over the moon for her...she was a wonderful friend, and becoming a wife--and a mother (in time)--was her big dream for as long as I knew her. So, we started talking about her big event...and she gushed that, the day after she got engaged, we''d have to rush out and get bridesmaid dresses

. Now, with that said, I was honored to be considered a close enough friend to be a BM, I simply did not have the time or extra cash to shop for a dress that I wouldn''t need for another year or so. I wanted to help her, I was willing to give her anything I could ... extra wedding supplies, books, time, advance, or just a supportive ear ... but with my own wedding getting closer by the minute, I was strapped and just couldn''t "give" the best, like I could come July 22 (the day after my wedding).
Like I said, I was a good bride (in my mind). I furnished their dresses, provided a lovely suite for them before and after the wedding, and of course covered all their expenses (lunch, cigs, drinks) when we went out with "bridal on the brain".
Once M got engaged, it was less than four weeks before my wedding. She, of course, was elated...and wanted to start planning. I was happy to discuss her romantic purposal, and bounce ideas around, but I couldn''t commit to dedicating any time because I was pressed with last minute ''stuff.

So, here is the moral of the story....

I am sure, as your best friend, she is very happy for you. But, for whatever reason, she may be having an issue. So, my point is...talk to her. Open yourself up and share your feelings...you may be surprised what you learn.

 

[Isabelle]

It sounds like she maybe has a lot of doubts and insecurities. I think you ought to just let her know what you are doing in terms of your wedding plans as you make decisions; once they are made. She might be too wrapped up in her own engagement to be of much help to you, unfortunately. But this shouldn''t diminish your friendship with her, so long as you can tolerate that she is too wrapped up in her own stuff to be supportive of you the way you are of her. Some people are just not as strong or secure as others. You will feel better if you just understand her limitations and look to other friends and family for real support right now. Once her wedding is over, she will probably be there for you again.