Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

Vent + advice

Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
C

cantata

Rough_Rock
Joined
Oct 15, 2009
Messages
5
Hi, I''m new to this forum
I''ve been in a 2yr 9mth exclusive relationship. He''s 34. Now, he is one of the most eloquent speakers- has no problems expressing himself. This is a critical time in the relationship because he''s finally done with his education (Healthcare profession) and will be relocating in 8-9 mths. At this, point I need to know what our next step is. I would relocate with him in a heartbeat, and I did tell him that I want to be wherever he is but I am opposed to cohabitating before marriage. So far I''ve asked him at the 1 yr, 2 yr, and now approaching the 3yr mark about his timeframe in general for marriage, kids, etc,
My concerns are always met with evasiveness on his part, "I cant think about this now, I need to finish my studies", "I''m focusing on exams", "I need to get thru this year of training", "Things will work themselves out". This guy is someone who will swear until he''s blue about wanting family, kids, etc. He says he loves me and so on. I have been patient for the past 2 years, not wanting to force the issue. I hate to say I''ve always approached the subject as if I''m walking on eggshells. The last thing I need is become a girlfriend who brings up the marriage talk everyday. Actually, it was only this week that I decided that I have had enough of this status quo crap, and I told him directly (non-confrontationally) that at this time in my life I eventually want a husband, kids. Ladies, this is what I get.
Me- I saw the cutest kid today...makes me wanna have kids
Him-...........
Me- hello, hon, r u still there?
Him- yeah
Me- Do u want kids? have u thought about it yet
Him- um.....yeah
Me- I am excited that u''r finally done with your training, now we can look forward to our future together,
Him-...........
Me- hello?
Him- (sleepily) hmmm? maybe, I dunno, what were u saying?
Me- do u even want to get married?
Him- um....in a coupla years I guess
Me- hon, can we have a conversation please
Him- ....maybe....dunno...cant talk
Me- why?
Him- I dunno...

I have asked him if he even sees me in his future at all. I have asked him if I am just a space-holder until something bigger comes along for him. I mean, jeez, I''m not even asking for a ring by next week or something.Each session eventually ends in him saying that I''m insecure about the relationship, and that I''m only thinking of myself, and can we change the subject....It''s mind-boggling. He becomes non communicative. He becomes indifferent. He cannot give me a mature, 34yr old man response. Any sort of response, something to restore my faith, something to let me know that the past 3 yrs of my life havent been spent loving a confused, immature person who is incapable of reciprocating. I''m so sure of what I want, and I want him. Once, I stopped answering his calls for 2wks, and he got upset and said I thought about breaking up with him, and how can he trust me not to just up and break up whenever I please.
I have used every approach imagineable to try to talk to him, but noooooooo, he couldnt care less about my feelings.
Now I am a rational person, and love is one matter, but common sense should still prevail. He cannot decide what he wants- cant make a commitment, and yet hasn''t the spine to walk away. Ladies, is there anything else at this point that I can try?
 
Just my two cents...

From what you''ve written, it sounds like you are not at the same stage of the relationship. You''re ready for something concrete that he still sees as distant and conceptual. I think your guy is a ways off from committing and being ready for marriage and family.

I think you''ve got a couple of choices:

If he''s worth the wait, then you might have a long wait. You could move to the other city and get your own place and do your own thing (which you should definitely be doing anyway
41.gif
). You could keep it long distance.

If you really need an answer you could prompt the issue. And that would be letting him know that you need him to commit to you in some concrete way before the move. He needs to be able to tell you directly that he sees you in his future, that he loves you and wants to be with you, and that he is committed to making things work. He needs to say directly that he can see marrying you in the future.

I think this all depends on your situation, ages, and what you would need to give up to move with him. Maybe you need to make it clear that engagement or *imminent engagement* (one that comes within 6 months of relocating!) is what you''ll need to have in place before you start packing boxes. It''s not unreasonable for you to ask for a commitment on his part for the fact that you uproot and move with him.

This might lead to him moving off without you and I think you need to weigh that carefully before you put this idea out there, but at least everyone knows what decisions they are consciously making and you''ll know where you stand eventually.
 
I think you need to talk to him, and really tell him, I need you to sit down and discuss this with me, so I know what I need to be doing. It''s not fair for him to string you along with no idea of what is going to happen. It sounds to me like he isn''t interested in moving towards that commitment, and honestly, if he isn''t then it is not worth your time. I would NOT relocate with him if he doesn''t show you he is ready to commit further.
 
I''m sorry to say this so bluntly, but I think you already know there is really only one thing you can do: accept that he''s just not in the same place you''re at and move on.

I understand it would be easier if he''d just come out and say that to you directly, but many folks just don''t have what it takes to do that. They are uncomfortable with the confrontation or the potential for drama. I''m sorry to say, though, that he IS telling you very clearly what you need to know. He''s telling you through his refusal to discuss it, through his clear discomfort with the subject matter, and his avoidance by putting it back on you as though you are being unreasonable.

When a person truly wants something, he has no problem saying so. If he''s not saying so, it''s because he doesn''t want it.

It''s no one''s fault; he''s just not ready. Armed with that knowledge, you have to now decide how important those things (marriage, children) are to you. If they are non-negotiable and you need them to be happy, then you''re better off accepting now that it would be smarter to build a relationship with someone who also clearly wants them, too.

Best of luck; it''s never easy to go through this.
 
I''ve been with B for 5 1/2 years (friends longer). It was just in the last year that he started talking with me about marriage. Just in the last few months that HE was the one to bring it up. (he is 53)


Some guys take a LONG time. He may want to be with you in his future. Maybe even marriage. It just may be a hard thing for him to talk about.

Was he married before? Messy divorce?
Long term relationship that ended?
Parents divorced? Good friend with messy divorce?


(I would be very careful what you give up if you move with him. Make sure it is good for you too.)
 
Hmm I agree with others that it sounds like you are certainly on a different page from your bf, or at the very least, different timelines for getting to that page. Just because he's 34 doesn't mean he's ready.

I also agree you need an honest conversation. Just from reading how you described your conversation it sounds a little like leading him into a topic he wasn't ready to talk about (ie..."today i saw a cute kid,...do you want kids??"). It's just kind of like an ambush and most guys will avoid, evade, escape such conversations. Of course it also could mean he's having 2nd thoughts. You need to find out what's going on. How about telling him you'd like to have a serious conversation about things--and ask when would be good for him (so he can't use excuses of being busy, or go quiet since he'll have had time to gather his thoughts beforehand). Try to not be confrontational. When he agrees to a time, I'd open up by saying what it is you'd like to talk about ("where things are going") and then ask him his thoughts first, and then listen. I find sometimes you have to let the guy talk first before you start rambling on about the same thigns b/c then he'll go into shut down mode. My DH was very difficult to communicate with when it came to these sorts of topics when we were dating. Any other topics were not a problem, but if it was about something he was feeling pressure over, he wouldl evade and go quiet. It drove me crazy at times. A lot of people told me to move on, that he would make it clear as day if he wanted what I wanted. In the end we got married and had a baby and he's fully on board of course--so in my case it was a question of timing (I was ready to get married at 2 yrs, him more like 3) as well as him not reacting to pressure positively. But for every case like mine, there's another LIW who is blindsided and told marriage will not happen, or gets strung along for more and more years.

So have that honest conversation, let him talk, and if he is still not answering your questions, THEN ask directly. ("Do you want to get married? Kids? When do you see these things happening when you think forward?") I know you've asked these questions already, but maybe in this context, he'll feel less under attack and actually talk honestly. If it's still not the case, then you need to tell him it seems you guys are on different pages and you need some time to think (and then you really need to do that!). It's not easy, but this is the time since 3 yrs is enough time to know one way or the other and I'm sure you'd rather not be in the same boat 1, 2, 3 years from now. KUP!
 
Date: 10/15/2009 11:45:53 AM
Author: janinegirly
Hmm I agree with others that it sounds like you are certainly on a different page from your bf, or at the very least, different timelines for getting to that page. Just because he''s 34 doesn''t mean he''s ready.

I also agree you need an honest conversation. Just from reading how you described your conversation it sounds a little like leading him into a topic he wasn''t ready to talk about (ie...''today i saw a cute kid,...do you want kids??''). It''s just kind of like an ambush and most guys will avoid, evade, escape such conversations. Of course it also could mean he''s having 2nd thoughts. You need to find out what''s going on. How about telling him you''d like to have a serious conversation about things--and ask when would be good for him (so he can''t use excuses of being busy, or go quiet since he''ll have had time to gather his thoughts beforehand). Try to not be confrontational. When he agrees to a time, I''d open up by saying what it is you''d like to talk about (''where things are going'') and then ask him his thoughts first, and then listen. I find sometimes you have to let the guy talk first before you start rambling on about the same thigns b/c then he''ll go into shut down mode. My DH was very difficult to communicate with when it came to these sorts of topics when we were dating. Any other topics were not a problem, but if it was about something he was feeling pressure over, he wouldl evade and go quiet. It drove me crazy at times. A lot of people told me to move on, that he would make it clear as day if he wanted what I wanted. In the end we got married and had a baby and he''s fully on board of course--so in my case it was a question of timing (I was ready to get married at 2 yrs, him more like 3) as well as him not reacting to pressure positively. But for every case like mine, there''s another LIW who is blindsided and told marriage will not happen, or gets strung along for more and more years.

So have that honest conversation, let him talk, and if he is still not answering your questions, THEN ask directly. (''Do you want to get married? Kids? When do you see these things happening when you think forward?'') I know you''ve asked these questions already, but maybe in this context, he''ll feel less under attack and actually talk honestly. If it''s still not the case, then you need to tell him it seems you guys are on different pages and you need some time to think (and then you really need to do that!). It''s not easy, but this is the time since 3 yrs is enough time to know one way or the other and I''m sure you''d rather not be in the same boat 1, 2, 3 years from now. KUP!
Click to expand...

Well said.

Great advice at getting men to communicate.


I have also found with B that he is much more comfortable opening up about serious stuff if he has something else to look at. Painting, cleaning, driving, etc.
Actually read this in a book and found that it helps.


(B likes to talk while driving. Leaving me feeling stuck like there is no way out of the conversation if I need time to think or relax for a minute.)
 
Date: 10/15/2009 10:22:22 AM
Author:cantata

Me- hon, can we have a conversation please
Him- ....maybe....dunno...cant talk
Me- why?
Him- I dunno...

...Each session eventually ends in him saying that I'm insecure about the relationship, and that I'm only thinking of myself, and can we change the subject....It's mind-boggling. He becomes non communicative. He becomes indifferent.

...I have used every approach imagineable to try to talk to him, but noooooooo, he couldnt care less about my feelings.
Now I am a rational person, and love is one matter, but common sense should still prevail. He cannot decide what he wants- cant make a commitment, and yet hasn't the spine to walk away. Ladies, is there anything else at this point that I can try?
Click to expand...
These extracts of your post seem to sound loud and clear and suspiciously similar to a fire alarm to me.

He can't talk? We always say communication is important, talk, discuss, etc. Well, seems like you've tried on more than one occasion and from your post you seem to be very sensible and level-headed to me. You were obviously not nagging, not bringing it up daily. I'd imagine you deserve a better answer than that "Can't talk, dunno why." Huh?!?
33.gif


Then we come to the well-known tactics "The best defense is a good offence". You're insecure, you're only thinking about yourself? He can't give you the answer you're looking for, or even a relatively articulate one, suitable for an adult, that's why he attacks. To get your mind away from the scary subject.
20.gif


Lastly, the highlighted parts really struck me. Is there anything else you can try? Yes, I'd say there is and I think you know it too. Tell him, plain and simple, that you require to speak with his 34-year old-self, instead of the 5-year old-"dunno"-boy and ask him what you need to know. If he fails to express a coherent thought again, at least you'll know.

For the record, I don't believe in ultimatums and I'm not a fan of girls who push their men into proposing when they're clearly not ready yet (ETA: and I absolutely think you're not one of them!). I'm a fan of respect and healthy communication in a relaionship though, which clearly isn't the case here, IMO.
 
Ditto to what Allison said. He is definitely not in the same place, and I really believe that timing is everything with guys.

He is just finishing his studies and he is probably thinking about the next step - meaning, getting a job, getting settled, etc. I feel like a lot of men aren''t really ready for marriage/kids/etc until they themselves are settled in their professions and/or "bread-winning." I think they have to feel that they are stable and are able to support a family, if need be, before they can think about taking that step.

I''ve been with my BF for 7 years and we just barely decided to set a date this year. In that first year, I knew he was the man I would eventually marry, and he knew as well, but he definitely wasn''t "ready" for another 3-4 years.

Yes, you can sit him down and have a serious "talk" with him, but I''m not so sure if even then you will get what you are looking for. He is clearly NOT ready. If you are in love with him, and he with you, and you enjoy each other''s company and you guys have fun together, what is the hurry??? Just relax and enjoy.

Also, I understand you are probably nervous about the impending relocation, but if it is meant to be, he will make things happen. It sounds like he already knows where you stand about not moving in together, so he knows what he has to do if he wants to be with you. If he doesn''t "do what he needs to do," I would really caution you to not just follow after him and move to where he moves. Sure, you can say it is for your own reasons - find your own job, etc. - but, really it would be for him. And, why would you make that sacrifice if he won''t?

The book, "He''s Just Not That Into You" really helped a friend of mine and she swears by it. Not saying that is going on here, but I think it would help give some perspective into the way guy''s think.
 
Thanks ladies for all your responses.
It''s just so frustrating that everyone agrees communication is key. Believe me, in the last three years I''ve tried everything including asking him when he feels comfortable talking about it.....same response all the time. The expression "puling teeth"? Well, that''s what our attempts at conversation are like. I mean, I accept that a person is not ready for marriage yet, but what''s wrong with saying "look, I love you, I want you in my life, but I wont be ready in the next X # of years". That''s would be all I needed to reassure me. A concrete, direct response. He is complacent to the point of watching his GF of almost 3 years possibly walk away from him. It''s like the relationship means absolutely nothing to him. That''s what hurts.
 
cantata - I think you need to think long and hard about that.
 
Date: 10/15/2009 2:03:52 PM
Author: cantata
Thanks ladies for all your responses.
It''s just so frustrating that everyone agrees communication is key. Believe me, in the last three years I''ve tried everything including asking him when he feels comfortable talking about it.....same response all the time. The expression ''puling teeth''? Well, that''s what our attempts at conversation are like. I mean, I accept that a person is not ready for marriage yet, but what''s wrong with saying ''look, I love you, I want you in my life, but I wont be ready in the next X # of years''. That''s would be all I needed to reassure me. A concrete, direct response. He is complacent to the point of watching his GF of almost 3 years possibly walk away from him. It''s like the relationship means absolutely nothing to him. That''s what hurts.
Click to expand...
Well obviously none of us knows the degree of communication that has already gone on up to this point---I know for me, I was going by how you described your most recent conversation which did not sound like an already extensively discussed topic.

If what you''re now saying is how things are, then you''ve answered your own question! He is being evasive, not giving direct answers to direct questions to the piont where you are considering leaving. That is perfectly fair! I know it''s possible he might be ready in "x" number of years, but he may not, and it may be more like 3-4 years wheras you may be thinking months (for engagement). That is legitimate for both of you--if you want kids, you don''t have 7 years to date a guy in his 30''s,etc. And for him, well maybe he does (different for guys as we all know). It sounds like you are close to the breaking point and not getting straight answers, so maybe it''s a good idea to consider taking a break for both of you to think about what you want and if it''s remotely on the same path/timeline. BUT you have to be willing to stick to it (ie walk away if he is not willing to step up and talk about what he sees for your future as a couple in concrete terms) otherwise you''ll lose credibility and it''ll drag out that much longer.
 
Try the direct approach. Don''t ask how he feels about it. Tell him how YOU feel. See how he reacts.

Pick a time that is good to talk to him (not when he''s trying to work or at the end of a bad day).


Here is an example of what I mean (which I actually had with B a couple of weeks ago) ---

You: I love you very much and want to spend my life with you. I feel like you may not want that.

Him: ??? (hopefully he''ll stop you and say that he loves you and wants to have you in his life)

You: I''m (afraid/nervous/concerned) that we will move to this new place and you''ll change your mind.

Him: ??? (hopefully he''ll reassure you)

You: I want to spend my life with you but I also want to be married. Do you see us getting married at some point in the future? (don''t set a timeline. Leave it vague.)

Him: ??? (hopefully he''ll say he does)



By stating how you feel and giving him a chance to respond, you are keeping the conversation away from blaming or pressuring. Don''t state a timeline (yet). Give him a chance to respond about the future. He might even respond with a timeline he is thinking of.
 
I was in the SAME EXACT situation.

I knew when we first started dating, once my fiance (then BF) finished his PhD he would be moving away. I never said I would move with him. I made it very clear no engagement/marriage/commitment, NO MOVE for me. Why should I?

So 2 years later (He''s 30/I''m 28) we are engaged. BUT we did communicate and talk about it through the dating stage. If he was elusive or dodging the idea I would be out the door. There is no point in wasting 3,5,6 years on someone that does not want the same thing. There are exceptions to this rule, but it''s your choice.

My advice: don''t settle. He should be oogling over the concept of you being his wife...excited to marry you...or be very optimistic of having a family together one day.

Be patient and be 100% sure before making any decisions. You should be your #1 priority. Hopefully 3 years from now you look back and think you made the right decision.
 
HI:

Based on what limited info you have provided, I would agree with Allison''s assessment. If he were on the same page as you--given his excuse before now was he "had" to wait to finished his education--now he has no "reason" to defer. And according to your admission, he has not asked you to relocate with him. Lots of men marry while studying and completing their education--even have families. For what it is worth, it is always my feeling that men who want and are ready to marry, do.

Take care of yourself.

Sharon
 
If I were you, I would walk away from him. At the very least, I would tell him you don''t plan to relocate for him and see how he responds to that.

While I''m sure there are positive things about your boyfriend and about your relationship... from your posts, he sounds incredibly selfish, and it sounds like you are reaching your breaking point. I''d stop worrying about how he feels and what he thinks, and I''d spend some solid time thinking about how YOU feel in this relationship. He doesn''t necessarily have to dictate what your next step is.

I think some of the other ladies who have been in similar situations and had them work out well have given you some solid advice, too, but I''m coming from the other side of coin. Your description of your BF sounds a lot like an ex of mine who destroyed my confidence and broke my heart. That is undoubtedly coloring my opinion on what you''re describing.

I realized through that failed relationship that I need to be in a relationship in which communication comes fairly naturally - regardless of the topic. Walking on eggshells is not something I want to do for the rest of my life.

While not every conversation my BF and I have is easy, the desire to communicate is there. We are both open to hearing each other, and we care about how the other person is feeling. It seems to go a long way in helping us get to where we need to be. When I read your posts, it sounds like the desire for communication is one-sided.

So take my biased thoughts for whatever their worth.

Good luck.
 
OK, since I wish someone told me when I was with a horrible guy...

Walk away. You should be #1. He will be fine. And DO NOT move. That is nuts.
 
Hi

I went through something very similar with my man for a few years. He was very evasive when I brought the topic up, and kept telling me to stop pressuring him because he wasn''t ready. I felt that I wasn''t pressuring him, and that at 27/28, he should have been ready.

I now understand that while I was only bringing it up occasionally, so were his friends, his colleagues, my parents etc.. so he was actually being asked about it quite a lot. And he simply wasn''t ready. He wanted to be in a good job, earning a very good salary, be over 30 etc.. before he got married. Yes, I know lots of other men get married when still students/poor/in their 20s, but that doesn''t mean it was right for him.

We''ve ordered my ring now (yay!), and should be engaged shortly after it arrives. We''ve been together 7 years and have a mortgage together. Has it been hard? yes. Do I worry it''s now ''too late'' for us to get married? yes. Was it upsetting watching friends who were younger and been together less time get married ahead of us? hell yes.

But I don''t regret waiting for a minute.

Just my 2c.
 
Date: 10/15/2009 12:20:05 PM
Author: AdiS
Date: 10/15/2009 10:22:22 AM

Author:cantata


Me- hon, can we have a conversation please

Him- ....maybe....dunno...cant talk

Me- why?

Him- I dunno...


...Each session eventually ends in him saying that I''m insecure about the relationship, and that I''m only thinking of myself, and can we change the subject....It''s mind-boggling. He becomes non communicative. He becomes indifferent.


...I have used every approach imagineable to try to talk to him, but noooooooo, he couldnt care less about my feelings.

Now I am a rational person, and love is one matter, but common sense should still prevail. He cannot decide what he wants- cant make a commitment, and yet hasn''t the spine to walk away. Ladies, is there anything else at this point that I can try?
Click to expand...

These extracts of your post seem to sound loud and clear and suspiciously similar to a fire alarm to me.


He can''t talk? We always say communication is important, talk, discuss, etc. Well, seems like you''ve tried on more than one occasion and from your post you seem to be very sensible and level-headed to me. You were obviously not nagging, not bringing it up daily. I''d imagine you deserve a better answer than that ''Can''t talk, dunno why.'' Huh?!?
33.gif



Then we come to the well-known tactics ''The best defense is a good offence''. You''re insecure, you''re only thinking about yourself? He can''t give you the answer you''re looking for, or even a relatively articulate one, suitable for an adult, that''s why he attacks. To get your mind away from the scary subject.
20.gif



Lastly, the highlighted parts really struck me. Is there anything else you can try? Yes, I''d say there is and I think you know it too. Tell him, plain and simple, that you require to speak with his 34-year old-self, instead of the 5-year old-''dunno''-boy and ask him what you need to know. If he fails to express a coherent thought again, at least you''ll know.



For the record, I don''t believe in ultimatums and I''m not a fan of girls who push their men into proposing when they''re clearly not ready yet (ETA: and I absolutely think you''re not one of them!). I''m a fan of respect and healthy communication in a relaionship though, which clearly isn''t the case here, IMO.
Click to expand...

ia 100%
 
Okay...here is what I got from your posting...(I''m going to be blunt, so please forgive me in advance)

This man, who is very capable for communicating with you, is telling you how he feels and you''re not listening because you''re not hearing what you want to hear. He''s not there yet. You''re there and that''s fine for you...but he''s priorities are different. He wants to finish his schooling, he wants to take care of himself...if you fit into his plan, fine--you''re good to come along for the ride, but don''t you dare try to "enforce your agenda" on him.

Now...just because that''s what he''s saying and what he''s feeling doesn''t mean you have to be okay with that, and that doesn''t mean you need to "go along on his ride". But, you cannot change him...and you cannot force yourself upon on, either. This is where you regain your control.

From where I''m sitting, you have two options...

One: You can cut the line and throw that fish back into the pond. He might now be the one for you simply because the timing is wrong. This sort of thing happens. Painful as it may be, you can pick yourself up and move forward to find the things that will make you happy.

Two: You can wait it out. Hopefully once he gets himself together he can commit to you in the traditional sense. However, understanding all the while that you''re not his priority right not--and that you may not be his prority for a great long while.

I want to offer you a huge hug, because this tough...but this is your life here and sometimes when we''re between a rock and hard place we can get back to the basics of who we are and what we need to be fulfilled. I am hopeful for you.
 
I think he''s being pretty loud and clear with you. He has no intentions of settling down with you at any point in the near future. And if I would venture to guess he doesn''t have any plans of doing it later either. He knows exactly what he is doing by evading your talks. He''s content with the current situation so he doesn''t want to bother breaking up with you but at the same time he has no intentions of moving the relationship forward.

Short story: He''s being lazy and figures he''ll enjoy the benefits until you break up with him.

Sorry to be blunt-but you deserve better than someone who will string you along for years.

I say let him move away and if he comes to his senses and realizes what he missed out on he''ll come back. If not then he missed out and you can be free to find a man who will be so madly in love with you that he cannot wait to marry you.
 
Date: 10/16/2009 11:57:29 PM
Author: neatfreak
I think he''s being pretty loud and clear with you. He has no intentions of settling down with you at any point in the near future. And if I would venture to guess he doesn''t have any plans of doing it later either. He knows exactly what he is doing by evading your talks. He''s content with the current situation so he doesn''t want to bother breaking up with you but at the same time he has no intentions of moving the relationship forward.

Short story: He''s being lazy and figures he''ll enjoy the benefits until you break up with him.

Sorry to be blunt-but you deserve better than someone who will string you along for years.

I say let him move away and if he comes to his senses and realizes what he missed out on he''ll come back. If not then he missed out and you can be free to find a man who will be so madly in love with you that he cannot wait to marry you.
Click to expand...
Big Ditto.
 
cantata- checking in to see how you''re donig...

agree with NF that he is being evasive knowingly and this is not good. Still I also know that some men react very poorly to pressure and some communication styles (ie direct pressure) despite wanting to move forward. Still, don''t know enough of the details to assess which it might be..but based on what we''ve been told here, I can see how others are giving some blunt (tough love) advice.

I hope you''re hanging in there and will check in.
 
update.
so.....finally got him to talk and he said he wasn''t going to be ready for marriage in the next 5 yrs. I said, OK, no prob, but the real question is do you see me in your life in the future at all. I mean are we committed to being together? His response was he not sure he can make a commitment, or he''s not sure, or whatever the hell he said (forgive me, ladies, I''m trying to block the memory of that conversation).
P.S. to anyone who''s never had their heart broken, it literally feels like your guts are being wrenched out....
 
8.gif
yeah that is pretty much how it feels... i''m so sorry you''re having to go through that right now
huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggggssssssssssssss and i''m glad you were able to get him to give you some sort of answer now, although you definitely deserved that answer awhile ago.
healing dust to you, and whenever you feel up to it please stop back in and say how you''re doing.
 
Date: 11/4/2009 11:14:38 PM
Author: cantata
update.
so.....finally got him to talk and he said he wasn''t going to be ready for marriage in the next 5 yrs. I said, OK, no prob, but the real question is do you see me in your life in the future at all. I mean are we committed to being together? His response was he not sure he can make a commitment, or he''s not sure, or whatever the hell he said (forgive me, ladies, I''m trying to block the memory of that conversation).
P.S. to anyone who''s never had their heart broken, it literally feels like your guts are being wrenched out....
Click to expand...
I am so sorry you are going through this *hugs*
 
Hugs Hugs Hugs . . . .
I know it doesn’t help with the pain YOU are experiencing but KNOW you are not alone . . . .
To better days in the future
 
Hugs!
 
Date: 11/4/2009 11:14:38 PM
Author: cantata
update.
so.....finally got him to talk and he said he wasn''t going to be ready for marriage in the next 5 yrs. I said, OK, no prob, but the real question is do you see me in your life in the future at all. I mean are we committed to being together? His response was he not sure he can make a commitment, or he''s not sure, or whatever the hell he said (forgive me, ladies, I''m trying to block the memory of that conversation).
P.S. to anyone who''s never had their heart broken, it literally feels like your guts are being wrenched out....
Click to expand...
oh i am so sorry.
15.gif
big hugs to you.
I know it hurts but it''s better find out now rather thatn in another 3 years. At least now you can move on with your life and find the love that you really deserve.
 
cantata, I''m sorry to hear what you''re going through. Like others have said, it''s better that you found this out now, as opposed to years from now.

Good luck with everything, please keep us updated. There''s always someone here to talk to!
35.gif
 
Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
GET 3 FREE HCA RESULTS JOIN THE FORUM. ASK FOR HELP
Jewelry Blog
PriceScope-Concierge-Ad
Find prime cuts.
Top