Vent - baby at a bachelorette?

[Guilty Pleasure]

I honestly don''t get where this hostility twoard the sister is coming from in some of the posts. Maybe we are coming from different experiences, and y''all have awful sisters or friends who are self-centered, bad parents. Maybe we have different views of a New Orleans weekend. I just don''t see the harm or inappropriateness in my sister and baby niece meeting up with my friends and I for gumbo in the quarter or walking around Jackson Square with a stroller. I don''t see how that puts anyone else out or ruins the weekend. While I can''t believe that someone would go to the trouble, I would be happy that they cared that much about me. An entire weekend trip is not the standard bachelorette party, so unless you''re the type of people who party for 72 hours straight, it''s not really "a baby at a bachelorette party."

I am also operating under the assumption that this person would not try to dominate the trip with her baby since none of my friends would, so it really just depends on the person...

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 1/7/2009 10:33:07 AM
Author: Guilty Pleasure
I honestly don't get where this hostility twoard the sister is coming from in some of the posts. Maybe we are coming from different experiences, and y'all have awful sisters or friends who are self-centered, bad parents. Maybe we have different views of a New Orleans weekend. I just don't see the harm or inappropriateness in my sister and baby niece meeting up with my friends and I for gumbo in the quarter or walking around Jackson Square with a stroller. I don't see how that puts anyone else out or ruins the weekend. While I can't believe that someone would go to the trouble, I would be happy that they cared that much about me. An entire weekend trip is not the standard bachelorette party, so unless you're the type of people who party for 72 hours straight, it's not really 'a baby at a bachelorette party.'


I am also operating under the assumption that this person would not try to dominate the trip with her baby since none of my friends would, so it really just depends on the person...

My **guess** here is that this is a bachelorette party that will be a raucous weekend on Bourbon St., not a nice little jaunt to New Orleans for shopping and eating...which I think is where I draw the line for appropriateness.

If it was the former, fine bring the niece no problems there. But if it's the latter, it is inappropriate for her to bring her. She either should find someone to care for the baby or shouldn't come.

As a new mom who is breastfeeding, it is technically possible to pump enough milk to feed the baby while mom is away but it isn't easy and pumps aren't cheap if she doesn't already have one. She probably would have to start pumping and freezing a week or two in advance to get enough stored and it would add a significant amount of time to her day that she probably doesn't have right now. Just throwing that out there for people who think it might be easy for a new mom to leave the baby for the weekend.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Extremely uncool...

 

[Mediterranean]

I don''t see this being a problem, really, it''s just that your sister''s participation in your bachelorette requires more planning and more financial outlay on her part, than is required of the single unencumbered gals.

That''s not bad or wrong or unfair, that''s just the way it is. She''ll definitely have to pay for her own room, because it''s unfair and uncomfortable to ask someone to stay in a room with an infant and pay the same price as the girls who are getting an uninterrupted night''s sleep with other adults in their rooms, and no crying infants waking them.

She will also have to see about some child care. In a big tourist area, like NO, the hotel concierge is bound to be able to refer some excellent caregivers. If your hotel does not have a reference, walk into one of the upscale chains, such as the Four Seasons or the Ritz Carlton, and ask their concierge for a child care reference. The Ritz and the 4S may not offer the cheapest alternatives, but I''m sure your sister wants the best for her infant child, and if she can''t budget for it and can''t budget for her husband to come along, then maybe she can''t participate, and this is one of those sacrifices that mothers make in order to secure the best outcome for their child? I don''t know. I don''t have kids, so I just don''t know, but it seems feasible with a little more effort and financial outlay on her part.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

My girlfriends and I went to NOLA three years in a row, including one bachelorette party. We did beignets and gumbo, shopping and sightseeing, D-Day museum during the day and piano bar, hand grenades and hurricanes, and dancing all night on bars at night. I wouldn't go to the trouble of coming if I had a nursing baby, but I wouldn't consider my friend a bad parent if she chose to come. I think a baby is a lot easier than a child though. You can say whatever you want in front of them, and they sleep in their carrier. If they cry, then you take them away and walk them or go back to the hotel. Bringing a kid would be very weird though, as people would need to change their behavior for a child being present, and there is no need to bring a child like there is a nursing baby.


I am fine with agreeing to disagree because really, I wouldn't go if I was the sister anyway. It would be a big hassle and cost a lot. I jsut don't think it makes her a bad parent or an inconsiderate sister. She probably thinks she is doing everything she can to go the distance for her sister.

ETA - I agree with Med. about not staying with other guests and looking into childcare if she wants to go out. I honestly hadn't considered her leaving the baby in the hotel at night unless Dad comes along.

 

[Winks_Elf]

Date: 1/6/2009 7:02:32 PM
Author: swingirl
When you are nursing, no, you can''t express enough milk for a day and be without your baby. Your baby AND your breasts will be very unhappy. Even though it is not the ideal situation I don''t think you should let it spoil your fun. She will need to take care of things with the baby but she is your sister and wants to be there. Personally, I''d be more annoyed at having to sleep with strangers 3 to a bed!!

Ok, I have to chime in here. As a mother of four children who all were breastfed, this is simply not true. There are how many months between now and then? There is no reason your sister cannot express enough milk to last the baby a whole weekend, and take the pump with her to express and dump milk while she''s at the bachelorette weekend. Breastmilk can last for 24-48 hours in the fridge, and up to 6 months in the freezer. The special bags are sold in places like Babies R Us, and can be found on line too. They have no chemicals in the plastic, and have a zip closure to ensure there is no leaking or spillage.

By the time the baby is 7 months old, she may even be taking formula too. My sons nursed for 19 months and 28 months respectively, but I simply could not keep up with my daughters, and by the time they were 4-5 months old they were getting both breastmilk and formula. By the time they were 7 months old, I had to stop nursing because they just were not thriving on my milk. I was too stressed out to produce enough milk (had two-year-olds in the house with both of my infant daughters). I do however, agree that sharing a bed with strangers is just not a comfortable situation. Perhaps it would be a better idea to keep it local to your area.

The bachelorette party is supposed to be fun, not a cause of stress before the big day.

 

[cara]

While it may be possible to pump enough milk ahead for the baby, I think that misses the point. If the baby is still getting most of its nutrition from breastmilk, and the parents have chosen not to supplement with formula or give the kid breastmilk in a bottle, that is a parenting choice they have made and its not really appropriate for peanuts on the internet to second guess it. Its not even really appropriate for the mother's sister to second guess it, though the OP would be in a much better position to evaluate what is going on than any of us.

If the baby is in daycare, regularly getting formula or pumped breastmilk, then maybe my opinion would be a little different. Even so, I have known nursing mothers who did not spend 24 hours away from their little one in the first year (even if they did pump/bottle feed to occasionally get a shorter break) so it doesn't seem that unusual to me to consider mother+nursing baby a package deal.

But in any case, it sounds to me like the mother is making a significant effort to attend the bachelorette party (4 hr. plane flights + hotel stay with a 7 mo old!!) If that effort will not be appreciated, or will 'ruin' the experience of others, or is really more than she should attempt, the OP should speak to her sister about her plan and gently express her opinion. And fully expect that her sister not be able to make it, in that case. Sometimes parenting interferes with weekend bachelorette parties on Bourbon St.

ETA: Yes, I think mom will have to get her own room for her and baby, and bring her husband along if she wants to attend all the events. But some babies ARE easy to bring out in a carrier, and will sleep through a lot!

 

[bee*]

Personally I would not want a baby on my hen night, whether it be my niece or any other child. I think that idea of bringing along dad or someone to watch the baby is a good one but otherwise I think that your sister should either decide to go without baby or stay at home. I understand how she wants to do both, but to me, I would be annoyed.

 

[lovesparklies]

Sorry, no real updates yet.

As far as our plans, as I said we''re not party animals but it is still a bachelorette afterall! We''re going to a nice dinner Friday and staying at my friend''s house that night, then lunch and shopping on Magazine St Saturday afternoon and transferring to the hotel in the French Quarter, doing some browsing/sightseeing in the area and then going to a late-ish nice dinner and going out afterwards. I mean we have a hotel room with a balcony on Bourbon St so I think there will be at least a little debauchery going on.

On Sunday we''ll probably just have time to get beignets before heading to the airport.

Most of that is totally baby friendly...for most babies. My nephew who''s now 3 totally loved his carseat and you could put him on the floor at a restaurant and no one would even know he''s there. My niece, however, hates her carseat with a passion and has to be held at all times or you risk a total and constant meltdown. Even being held while sitting is not okay -- you have to be standing up or walking around. I thought it was just my sister and parents being overly pampering before I went home for Christmas and I saw it (and heard it) firsthand. So that could be interesting...

I haven''t run the "issue" across any other bridesmaids yet since I don''t know for sure what''s happening. I will, of couse, let you all know when I have more info. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts! I used some of it for talking points for my mom.

 

[somethingshiny]

I just wanted to say one more thing. If this is that big of a deal to you, YOU should take care of it, not your mom. Your mom is not going to win any Grandma points by making suggestions.

And, if your sis "chooses" not to come, you could offer a suggestion to do something together a little closer to home. I''m sure she just wants to help you celebrate, she''s not trying to cause you this much upset.