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*Vent*

Your plan sounds great, Trillionaire. Dont worry about not having it immediately, people will be just as thrilled to come to an anniversary party, and you will be able to celebrate with a few close friends/family members the weekend after your actual wedding, win-win situation. Yay! Im so glad things have worked out for you and that you will still be able to have the elopement you dreamt of. I can completely understand the reasoning behind it, not wanting to say vows infront of people, its very personal for some of us. Best of luck on your wedding day, is it wierd that Im super excited and cant wait to see the "Im Mrs. Trillionaire now" thread?
 
I am another parent who would be devastated if any of my children didn't want me at their wedding. I know you feel differently but its such an important occasion for everyone in the family.

Obviously I don't know you and you are entitled to have whatever wedding you decide. But isn't there any part of you that might be able to let your mother see you get married?
 
Maisie- With all due respect, not everyone believes a wedding to be a "family occasion". There are quite alot of people who believe it is about joining the COUPLE together. If Trillionaire wants to elope, its her right to do so as 1. she is the person getting married. 2. her parents had a chance to have THEIR wedding any way they saw fit, it is now Trill's turn. 3. Trill and her FI are paying for it. It is certainly understandable that parents want to see their kids get married, but if its at the risk of making your child uncomfortable why would you want to push it? Also, Trill has stated her personal reasons for eloping (not that she needs to) and they are perfectly valid.
 
I'm just coming back to this thread.

My comment about being hurt is valid to me. Does that mean that I won't value my child as the independent person she will be? Absolutely not. I was simply stating that I can understand how your parents are feeling. I don't agree with their emotional blackmail as I stated before but again I would be hurt if I were not able to see my daughter getting married. I think its important to proceed with whatever makes you happy and I would imagine that they won't stay hurt forever.
 
fiery said:
I'm just coming back to this thread.

My comment about being hurt is valid to me. Does that mean that I won't value my child as the independent person she will be? Absolutely not. I was simply stating that I can understand how your parents are feeling. I don't agree with their emotional blackmail as I stated before but again I would be hurt if I were not able to see my daughter getting married. I think its important to proceed with whatever makes you happy and I would imagine that they won't stay hurt forever.
Click to expand...

Fiery, you are absolutely right, I probably didn't say it as well as I could have, being emotional an all. I meant my comment more along the lines of 'accepting the person that you child is' is probably the best gift that you can give to them. I am so incredibly thankful for the love and support that I am getting from those around me who are simply happy for us, despite wishing we would have a normal wedding. (I can't really explain this, but we have like, a fan base because we started dating in undergrad, knew all the same people, and were in the same orgs) There are a lot of people cheering us on, and while I am not a mother, I am a child, and it is incredibly hurtful to have to battle with your parents about something that is supposed to be happy. I hate that they are trying to hurt us because they are hurt and it is so ugly and uncharacteristic of my family. I understand how they feel, and I am sorry that I can't change that.
 
I'm sorry you're having such heartache over your wedding plans. I completely understand wanting what you want and having things the way you and your FI planned them. I wanted exactly the same for my own wedding - my choices.

Having said that, if my daughter wanted to exclude me from her wedding ceremony, I would have to accept that as her wish and deal with it. I would be hurt though. Hurt, humiliated, crushed, devastated. I would grieve over that decision. Trill, I've always enjoyed your posts, always liked you - this is not meant as snark, attack, nastiness or anything other than my honest reaction. I never usually even look at this board, far less post on it. All I can think though is that I really, really hope I'm never in your mother's position. I think it would break my heart.

Jen
 
trillionaire said:
fiery said:
I'm just coming back to this thread.

My comment about being hurt is valid to me. Does that mean that I won't value my child as the independent person she will be? Absolutely not. I was simply stating that I can understand how your parents are feeling. I don't agree with their emotional blackmail as I stated before but again I would be hurt if I were not able to see my daughter getting married. I think its important to proceed with whatever makes you happy and I would imagine that they won't stay hurt forever.
Click to expand...

Fiery, you are absolutely right, I probably didn't say it as well as I could have, being emotional an all. I meant my comment more along the lines of 'accepting the person that you child is' is probably the best gift that you can give to them. I am so incredibly thankful for the love and support that I am getting from those around me who are simply happy for us, despite wishing we would have a normal wedding. (I can't really explain this, but we have like, a fan base because we started dating in undergrad, knew all the same people, and were in the same orgs) There are a lot of people cheering us on, and while I am not a mother, I am a child, and it is incredibly hurtful to have to battle with your parents about something that is supposed to be happy. I hate that they are trying to hurt us because they are hurt and it is so ugly and uncharacteristic of my family. I understand how they feel, and I am sorry that I can't change that.
Click to expand...

Trill I think your parent's behavior is the main issue here. There are plenty of things that we, as children, do that make our parents disappointed or hurt. I'm know that there have been decisions I've made in my life that my mother has felt very hurt by but she still stands by every decision I've made.

Hopefully in time your parents will let go of their feelings and focus on what is more important which is your happiness.
 
Jennifer W said:
I'm sorry you're having such heartache over your wedding plans. I completely understand wanting what you want and having things the way you and your FI planned them. I wanted exactly the same for my own wedding - my choices.

Having said that, if my daughter wanted to exclude me from her wedding ceremony, I would have to accept that as her wish and deal with it. I would be hurt though. Hurt, humiliated, crushed, devastated. I would grieve over that decision. Trill, I've always enjoyed your posts, always liked you - this is not meant as snark, attack, nastiness or anything other than my honest reaction. I never usually even look at this board, far less post on it. All I can think though is that I really, really hope I'm never in your mother's position. I think it would break my heart.

Jen
Click to expand...

Respectfully, I do understand. Thank you for your kind words about my posts, and for reading along in this one. ::)
 
I probably shouldn't have posted. It doesn't add much, I don't suppose. Sorry.
I hope you have a wonderful wedding day that has exactly what makes you and your FI happy.

Jen
 
Trill, it's beautiful!
 
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