Codependent Gal
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Feb 6, 2008
- Messages
- 45
I''m not sure exactly why I am posting this in here, I guess I hope that maybe expressing my frustration to others who may be in a similar situation will help me in some way. Well here it goes, this mind end up being kind of long.
I had been with my boyfriend for two years when his job sent him out of the country on a field assignment that was supposed to last for six months. We planned that I would go with him, and he went down by himself for a month to give him a chance to get situated and then I joined him. I assumed that a proposal was soon to come. About two month after I had gotten there I began to doubt that the proposal I had anticipated was going to happen any time soon. I brought the subject up and he said that he thought that we would be getting married in a year or two. I was feeling pretty good after this conversation as I thought that we were on the same page. We went back to our hometown in September to visit and I went to a jewelry store to get a feel of what kind of rings looked good on my hand and to figure out my ring size. I emailed him a picture of a ring that I liked and he replied with "Thanks."
His assignment was supposed to be finished in November, but then it was extended to the end of December, and then in the middle of December they told him that he would have to stay until the end of January. As Christmas drew closer I was sure that he was going to do it. He didn''t. Then came New Years Eve. I thought that he would certainly do it on that day. I pictured him getting down on his knee and saying something about how he wanted to start the new year being engaged to me. Then, on New Years Eve afternoon he asked me what I wanted to do that night. I couldn''t believe that he hadn''t planned anything. My birthday came in mid January. Nothing. His assignment was once again extended to April. I left because I had something that I had to do at home in February.
We were definitely on shaky terms when I left in January. I had been having several break downs about the marriage subject and I could hardly handle the disappointment that came after each holiday passed with no ring. He said that he just didn''t feel ready. I broke up with him. I was pathetic and upset and cried for days. Then he came into town around Valentine''s Day. I knew that I shouldn''t have seen him, but I did. We got along better than we ever had and we were just so happy together. Then we had another talk about marriage. I asked him if he had some kind of plan or if there was a ring being made for me. I told him that I would only stay with him if he had already been actively looking for a ring. He said that he had looked a little bit. I then asked him what the shape of diamond that I liked was called. He didn''t even know, so he obviously had not even looked. I told him that I could no longer continue to wait for something that was obviously not going to happen.
The next day he was like a changed man. He said that our conversation the night before had caused him to have a revelation that I was the one for him and that now he knew what he wanted and that he was ready to be engaged. He sent me a text message saying what the type of diamond I liked was. We made plans that I would go back and join him in a month. He said that he felt that he needed a month to himself to try to work on some of the issues he has (with his family and childhood, etc.). I researched self help books and found some that I thought that might help him. His assignment was extended again to the beginning of May. He asked me if I wanted white gold or platinum, he asked me what size diamond I wanted. I was ecstatic and I told all of my friends and family that we were getting engaged. I told every single person I knew that I was going to be getting married. I was certain that we would be getting engaged as soon as I got down there.
We didn''t. I covertly checked his search history and I saw that he had been looking at rings and he even had a folder of pages saved about rings. I was relieved. I checked his email, but I didn''t find anything about rings. He knows that I snoop, so I figured that he must have been using his work email so that I would be surprised. Then, about a week after I got there I saw that he had emailed one of his friends from college and asked him where he got his wife''s ring because he was "gearing up to finally propose" to me. I was livid. I assumed he already had a ring, or at least that one was being made and was on its way. I went crazy.
He assured me that he was going to do it and that I shouldn''t worry. I broke down pretty much every Sunday after another weekend had passed with no proposal. He kept saying that he was going to do it. He said that the site that he wanted to order the ring from would not ship down there. He said that he went to a jewelry store but that he didn''t like any of the rings and that he just didn''t trust the jewelry stores down there. His job was extended yet again for another month. Last Monday he came home from work early and took me to a jewelry store and I tried on rings. His friend emailed him and asked if there were any updates on the "possible proposal", and he responded that due to his "cold feet" and the difficulty he was having getting a ring down there that he was "dragging it out even more". I told him that he had to do it before I left because I couldn''t handle facing all of the people that I told that we were getting engaged with no ring.
He took me to Tortola for four days and I was hoping that it was going to happen while we were there, but at this point it was becoming pretty clear that he had lied to me. As we sat on the ferry that was taking us back to St. Thomas I knew that it was over. We talked about it again that night and he said that he still wasn''t "ready" and that he thought that he was going to be able to do it, but it just "didn''t feel right" when he was looking at rings and that he "doesn''t feel grown up enough to be married" yet. Same old story that I had been hearing for months. I don''t understand why he would promise me that he was going to do it and just not do it. I can''t believe that I was stupid enough to run around telling everyone that I was getting engaged and now I am going to have to tell all of these people what happened. I feel so stupid. I don''t know why he kept insisting that he was going to do it when he knew that he had no ring and that he wasn''t going to do it.
He was crying more than I was about it, and he kept talking about how hard it is going to be for him to be without me. I asked him to please just leave me alone so that I can get on with my life. On Wednesday I left to come back home. On the way to the airport I told him that I could just not get on the plane if he could just do what he had promised. I was a pathetic begging mess. As I left him to go through customs he started crying and yelling my name. I went into customs and this woman came in and said that my boyfriend needed me, so I went back out but he was already gone. I called him because I thought that maybe I had left something in the car. He was bawling and said that he was so sorry and that he was going to make it up to me.
I had asked him to please leave me alone so that I can get on with my life. I told him that I had no interest in ever speaking to him again. Then he sent me two text messages in the middle of the night telling me to let him know if I had made it home safely. I didn''t respond. I never want to speak to him again. I feel strangely calm about the whole thing and I haven''t even really cried about it. I think that I did most of the crying that I am going to do about the whole thing before I left. I am just relieved that the situation has resolved itself even though it didn''t work out the way that I wanted. My biggest fear is that he is going to come back and try to get back together or that he is going to come back and finally propose and that I won''t be strong enough to say no. I think that he thinks that he is going to be so miserable without me that it will make him ready to marry me but it is way too late for that.
Well thank you to all of the people who actually took the time to read the novel I have just written. I feel better after typing out the events that have unfolded during the past few months. I know that I deserve to be with a person who is able to love me as much as I love them and I know that I deserve to be with someone who is able and willing to make a commitment to me. We all do. Thanks again for reading!
I had been with my boyfriend for two years when his job sent him out of the country on a field assignment that was supposed to last for six months. We planned that I would go with him, and he went down by himself for a month to give him a chance to get situated and then I joined him. I assumed that a proposal was soon to come. About two month after I had gotten there I began to doubt that the proposal I had anticipated was going to happen any time soon. I brought the subject up and he said that he thought that we would be getting married in a year or two. I was feeling pretty good after this conversation as I thought that we were on the same page. We went back to our hometown in September to visit and I went to a jewelry store to get a feel of what kind of rings looked good on my hand and to figure out my ring size. I emailed him a picture of a ring that I liked and he replied with "Thanks."
His assignment was supposed to be finished in November, but then it was extended to the end of December, and then in the middle of December they told him that he would have to stay until the end of January. As Christmas drew closer I was sure that he was going to do it. He didn''t. Then came New Years Eve. I thought that he would certainly do it on that day. I pictured him getting down on his knee and saying something about how he wanted to start the new year being engaged to me. Then, on New Years Eve afternoon he asked me what I wanted to do that night. I couldn''t believe that he hadn''t planned anything. My birthday came in mid January. Nothing. His assignment was once again extended to April. I left because I had something that I had to do at home in February.
We were definitely on shaky terms when I left in January. I had been having several break downs about the marriage subject and I could hardly handle the disappointment that came after each holiday passed with no ring. He said that he just didn''t feel ready. I broke up with him. I was pathetic and upset and cried for days. Then he came into town around Valentine''s Day. I knew that I shouldn''t have seen him, but I did. We got along better than we ever had and we were just so happy together. Then we had another talk about marriage. I asked him if he had some kind of plan or if there was a ring being made for me. I told him that I would only stay with him if he had already been actively looking for a ring. He said that he had looked a little bit. I then asked him what the shape of diamond that I liked was called. He didn''t even know, so he obviously had not even looked. I told him that I could no longer continue to wait for something that was obviously not going to happen.
The next day he was like a changed man. He said that our conversation the night before had caused him to have a revelation that I was the one for him and that now he knew what he wanted and that he was ready to be engaged. He sent me a text message saying what the type of diamond I liked was. We made plans that I would go back and join him in a month. He said that he felt that he needed a month to himself to try to work on some of the issues he has (with his family and childhood, etc.). I researched self help books and found some that I thought that might help him. His assignment was extended again to the beginning of May. He asked me if I wanted white gold or platinum, he asked me what size diamond I wanted. I was ecstatic and I told all of my friends and family that we were getting engaged. I told every single person I knew that I was going to be getting married. I was certain that we would be getting engaged as soon as I got down there.
We didn''t. I covertly checked his search history and I saw that he had been looking at rings and he even had a folder of pages saved about rings. I was relieved. I checked his email, but I didn''t find anything about rings. He knows that I snoop, so I figured that he must have been using his work email so that I would be surprised. Then, about a week after I got there I saw that he had emailed one of his friends from college and asked him where he got his wife''s ring because he was "gearing up to finally propose" to me. I was livid. I assumed he already had a ring, or at least that one was being made and was on its way. I went crazy.
He assured me that he was going to do it and that I shouldn''t worry. I broke down pretty much every Sunday after another weekend had passed with no proposal. He kept saying that he was going to do it. He said that the site that he wanted to order the ring from would not ship down there. He said that he went to a jewelry store but that he didn''t like any of the rings and that he just didn''t trust the jewelry stores down there. His job was extended yet again for another month. Last Monday he came home from work early and took me to a jewelry store and I tried on rings. His friend emailed him and asked if there were any updates on the "possible proposal", and he responded that due to his "cold feet" and the difficulty he was having getting a ring down there that he was "dragging it out even more". I told him that he had to do it before I left because I couldn''t handle facing all of the people that I told that we were getting engaged with no ring.
He took me to Tortola for four days and I was hoping that it was going to happen while we were there, but at this point it was becoming pretty clear that he had lied to me. As we sat on the ferry that was taking us back to St. Thomas I knew that it was over. We talked about it again that night and he said that he still wasn''t "ready" and that he thought that he was going to be able to do it, but it just "didn''t feel right" when he was looking at rings and that he "doesn''t feel grown up enough to be married" yet. Same old story that I had been hearing for months. I don''t understand why he would promise me that he was going to do it and just not do it. I can''t believe that I was stupid enough to run around telling everyone that I was getting engaged and now I am going to have to tell all of these people what happened. I feel so stupid. I don''t know why he kept insisting that he was going to do it when he knew that he had no ring and that he wasn''t going to do it.
He was crying more than I was about it, and he kept talking about how hard it is going to be for him to be without me. I asked him to please just leave me alone so that I can get on with my life. On Wednesday I left to come back home. On the way to the airport I told him that I could just not get on the plane if he could just do what he had promised. I was a pathetic begging mess. As I left him to go through customs he started crying and yelling my name. I went into customs and this woman came in and said that my boyfriend needed me, so I went back out but he was already gone. I called him because I thought that maybe I had left something in the car. He was bawling and said that he was so sorry and that he was going to make it up to me.
I had asked him to please leave me alone so that I can get on with my life. I told him that I had no interest in ever speaking to him again. Then he sent me two text messages in the middle of the night telling me to let him know if I had made it home safely. I didn''t respond. I never want to speak to him again. I feel strangely calm about the whole thing and I haven''t even really cried about it. I think that I did most of the crying that I am going to do about the whole thing before I left. I am just relieved that the situation has resolved itself even though it didn''t work out the way that I wanted. My biggest fear is that he is going to come back and try to get back together or that he is going to come back and finally propose and that I won''t be strong enough to say no. I think that he thinks that he is going to be so miserable without me that it will make him ready to marry me but it is way too late for that.
Well thank you to all of the people who actually took the time to read the novel I have just written. I feel better after typing out the events that have unfolded during the past few months. I know that I deserve to be with a person who is able to love me as much as I love them and I know that I deserve to be with someone who is able and willing to make a commitment to me. We all do. Thanks again for reading!
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