we are crazy!

[ilovethiswebsite]

Well ladies,

I have been reading through posts for a long time now and I just have one thing to say... WE ARE ALL CRAZY.

I keep reading how we want to coerce our bf into marriage, pick out our own engagement rings, bug our bf about when/where/how, and are disappointed about proposals or the ring or our current LIW status....

I think we all need to gain some perspective...

PS: This post is not meant to be offensive - since I totally consider myself to be one of the gang- just as crazy as the best of us!

Although I am glad to read about how I am not the only one who is going slightly senile as a LIW, it makes me wonder if we are worrying about things that are out of our control, and unhealthy for our sanity.

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 5/17/2008 12:58:52 PM
Author:ilovethiswebsite
Well ladies,


I have been reading through posts for a long time now and I just have one thing to say... WE ARE ALL CRAZY.


I keep reading how we want to coerce our bf into marriage, pick out our own engagement rings, bug our bf about when/where/how, and are disappointed about proposals or the ring or our current LIW status....


I think we all need to gain some perspective...


PS: This post is not meant to be offensive - since I totally consider myself to be one of the gang- just as crazy as the best of us!


Although I am glad to read about how I am not the only one who is going slightly senile as a LIW, it makes me wonder if we are worrying about things that are out of our control, and unhealthy for our sanity.

Maybe this is why I took myself off the list, but . . . I *don''t* feel any of the ways you describe above. I may be crazy

but not in that manner. And I think a lot of LIW are merely passing the time, *not* coercing or bugging or disappointed. They - we - are not ALL crazy, and some do have perspective.
I don''t find your post offensive, but I think it merely describes in an overgeneralized way a small portion of the LIW population. Certainly, the more vocal ladies seem to be those who struggle the most, but I think -- or HOPE, anyway, that resentful feelings are not the norm.

 

[Kayakqueen83]

I do have to agree with TheBigT....

I will say that I am not the most vocal on this board but I have been here for awhile. (number 12 on the list...yikes!) And I do have to say, I''ve never wanted to "coerce" anyone into marrying me. Yikes! Nor am I disappointed in my relationship status. Now... if I''m still in the same place 2 years from now, maybe that will be different! haha

That being said, I do think the sentiment behind your post is correct. I think that it is always a good idea to take a step back every once and awhile and remember what is important. Why we are LIW... because we are happy with ourselves and the person we are with.

 

[Blair138]

Date: 5/17/2008 12:58:52 PM
Author:ilovethiswebsite

I keep reading how we want to coerce our bf into marriage, pick out our own engagement rings, bug our bf about when/where/how, and are disappointed about proposals or the ring or our current LIW status....

I don''t find your post offensive, but I must reply because I don''t feel like this is an accurate description, much like the above posters. I know MOST ladies want to pick out their own engagement rings because they want to wear something they like. I picked the style out and BF has free reign on everything else. I don''t know what the ring with look like EXACTLY, but I like knowing that it is something I will LOVE when I do get it.

Also, I would never coerce my BF into marriage, if he didn''t want to marry me-he wouldn''t and I would never force him to. I believe most ladies are in the same boat, they wouldn''t want to marry someone who didn''t want to marry them.

But like I said, I know your post wasn''t meant to be offensive, I may have been crazy or acted crazy in the recent past with BF about engagement but that was before we had a conversation about everything. Since then, I am less crazy, but in ways other than the ones you posted about

 

[Rhea]

I''ve seen very little talk of coercing and begging on this board. When there is someone usually comes along and tries to put things in perspective.

 

[FrekeChild]

I do not mean this in any regard except for the words themselves. There is no emotion behind these words, no defensive or offensive tones.

Speak for yourself.

 

[ladypirate]

Date: 5/17/2008 7:44:51 PM
Author: FrekeChild
I do not mean this in any regard except for the words themselves. There is no emotion behind these words, no defensive or offensive tones.


Speak for yourself.

Amen, Freke.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Date: 5/17/2008 4:46:56 PM
Author: TheBigT

Date: 5/17/2008 12:58:52 PM

Certainly, the more vocal ladies seem to be those who struggle the most, but I think -- or HOPE, anyway, that resentful feelings are not the norm.

I stand corrected - definitely referring to some of the more vocal and *struggling* ladies. I by no means meant everyone is this way - but it does somewhat appear to be the case based on some of the posts I have read...

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 5/18/2008 12:09:51 AM
Author: ilovethiswebsite

Date: 5/17/2008 4:46:56 PM

Author: TheBigT

Date: 5/17/2008 12:58:52 PM


Certainly, the more vocal ladies seem to be those who struggle the most, but I think -- or HOPE, anyway, that resentful feelings are not the norm.

I stand corrected - definitely referring to some of the more vocal and *struggling* ladies. I by no means meant everyone is this way - but it does somewhat appear to be the case based on some of the posts I have read...

I disagree with both of you. I feel (perhaps incorrectly?) like I am one of the most vocal LIW here, yet...my man is ready to get married. Has told me on multiple occasions that he'd be more than happy to get married TODAY (as in, the day he said it) if I was ready. But I'm not. So...I think you are seeing what you want to see.

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 5/18/2008 4:55:26 AM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 5/18/2008 12:09:51 AM

Author: ilovethiswebsite

Date: 5/17/2008 4:46:56 PM


Author: TheBigT

Date: 5/17/2008 12:58:52 PM



Certainly, the more vocal ladies seem to be those who struggle the most, but I think -- or HOPE, anyway, that resentful feelings are not the norm.

I stand corrected - definitely referring to some of the more vocal and *struggling* ladies. I by no means meant everyone is this way - but it does somewhat appear to be the case based on some of the posts I have read...

I disagree with both of you. I feel (perhaps incorrectly?) like I am one of the most vocal LIW here, yet...my man is ready to get married. Has told me on multiple occasions that he''d be more than happy to get married TODAY (as in, the day he said it) if I was ready. But I''m not. So...I think you are seeing what you want to see.

Well, I did say "seem" to be -- as in, when some people sit back and read new posts in particular, it''s the long and rambling ones that mention ''venting'' that often leave the greatest impression. While I do think you contribute frequently, I don''t think of you as being "vocal" in every sense of the word.
Be that as it may, I underscore the fact that the word I used was "seem," which implies an opinion. And to some extent, I think everyone sees what she wants to see.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 5/18/2008 7:12:57 AM
Author: TheBigT
Well, I did say ''seem'' to be -- as in, when some people sit back and read new posts in particular, it''s the long and rambling ones that mention ''venting'' that often leave the greatest impression. While I do think you contribute frequently, I don''t think of you as being ''vocal'' in every sense of the word.

Be that as it may, I underscore the fact that the word I used was ''seem,'' which implies an opinion. And to some extent, I think everyone sees what she wants to see.

Aye, I noticed that you used the word ''seem,'' which is appreciated. I''m not sure what you mean about me ''contributing frequently'' but ''not being vocal in every sense of the word.'' In contributing frequently, aren''t I being vocal? Or are you using the word ''vocal'' to mean something more specific than it seems?

I don''t like generalizations. I feel they are normally not all that useful, since everyone''s situation is always more complex than how it appears from our posts. People also tend to use this forum as an outlet, so maybe there''s a higher concentration of negativity or stress present here than what is actually in our lives. So how we may ''seem'' here may not be how we are, which I think is worth remembering, since I try to give people the benefit of the doubt (even though sometimes maybe that''s not the most helpful approach).

Basically, I don''t like the idea of someone cookie-cuttering me to fit into a nice, neat definition, making me and my situation like everyone else''s, because it''s not like everyone else''s.

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 5/18/2008 8:17:36 AM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 5/18/2008 7:12:57 AM

Author: TheBigT

Well, I did say ''seem'' to be -- as in, when some people sit back and read new posts in particular, it''s the long and rambling ones that mention ''venting'' that often leave the greatest impression. While I do think you contribute frequently, I don''t think of you as being ''vocal'' in every sense of the word.


Be that as it may, I underscore the fact that the word I used was ''seem,'' which implies an opinion. And to some extent, I think everyone sees what she wants to see.

Aye, I noticed that you used the word ''seem,'' which is appreciated. I''m not sure what you mean about me ''contributing frequently'' but ''not being vocal in every sense of the word.'' In contributing frequently, aren''t I being vocal? Or are you using the word ''vocal'' to mean something more specific than it seems?


I don''t like generalizations. I feel they are normally not all that useful, since everyone''s situation is always more complex than how it appears from our posts. People also tend to use this forum as an outlet, so maybe there''s a higher concentration of negativity or stress present here than what is actually in our lives. So how we may ''seem'' here may not be how we are, which I think is worth remembering, since I try to give people the benefit of the doubt (even though sometimes maybe that''s not the most helpful approach).


Basically, I don''t like the idea of someone cookie-cuttering me to fit into a nice, neat definition, making me and my situation like everyone else''s, because it''s not like everyone else''s.

Which was essentially my larger point - that the original poster placed us all in the category of being ''crazy'' LIW. But the one phrase you chose to pull out of my entire post didn''t speak to my overall point, which is why it seemed odd to me that you would focus on that. Furthermore, it wasn''t at all a generalization, it was a reflection of an opinion that didn''t at all delineate specific groups of people. If you choose to identify as one of the "more vocal" women, that''s your decision; I in no way indicated that you were one of those people as I intended the phrase. I didn''t even suggest which group, if it was a specific group, I was referring to. I think you are finding generalizations where you would like to see them, but not where I placed them. Had I said something to the effect of "The women who post the most on this board are the ones who struggle the most," this would be a generalization that might include you (I don''t keep track of numbers of posts); but what I said, especially take in context, didn''t seek to define you or anyone else and their situations. I simply fail to see where I "cookie-cuttered" anything.

 

[gwendolyn]

Whoa, hang on--*I* didn't pull that line out of your post, ilovethiswebsite did. I was replying to both of you initially because you seemed to be in agreement about it involving the 'more vocal ladies' who (you said 'seem', ilovethiswebsite did not) 'struggle the most.' The connection isn't that hard to see, I don't think. And 'vocal' would imply to me anyone who posts regularly. Not really sure how else that's meant to be interpreted.

Look, TheBigT, I don't totally get where you think I have singled you out. My response was to ilovethiswebsite, who quoted you--I didn't erase your part of it because that's what ilovethiswebsite was responding to. I don't have an issue with you if what you said wasn't generalizing. I think the OP *did* do some generalizing, and I have issues with that. Issues which I know are in my best interest to get over, since generalizing is a fact of life. I know that, but I still don't like it.

So, apologies if you feel like I am singling you out or giving you a hard time specifically. That was not my intention.

 

[that_someone_special]

The only thing I have to say about this, is that a lot of the time I'm sure people come on here to vent and talk about problems with the BF/ whatever and the situation. When you get complete strangers talking with other complete strangers, it's hard to know when it's just a mild freak out, and when they are being serious.

Sure, I've had times when I want to tie down the BF and say things like, "GIMMIE THE RING YOU PROMISED!!" But then after a while, I come back to reality and I'm perfectly fine. As far as I go, I have written when I was REALLY excited or upset about something. There is something comforting about writing to other LIW and not just talking with my friends who think I'm wedding crazy. Obviously my friend who has been dating her guy for less than a month is going to think I'm loopy.

I don't know. I think you may have taken some of the posts a little too seriously. I just take them as a woman having a moment of weakness and needing other like-females to empathize with her situation.

I see this forum as a place to support and try to understand what other LIW's are going through, not compare them to myself or what might be "normal".

 

[Deelight]

Date: 5/18/2008 8:17:36 AM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 5/18/2008 7:12:57 AM

Author: TheBigT

Well, I did say 'seem' to be -- as in, when some people sit back and read new posts in particular, it's the long and rambling ones that mention 'venting' that often leave the greatest impression. While I do think you contribute frequently, I don't think of you as being 'vocal' in every sense of the word.


Be that as it may, I underscore the fact that the word I used was 'seem,' which implies an opinion. And to some extent, I think everyone sees what she wants to see.

Aye, I noticed that you used the word 'seem,' which is appreciated. I'm not sure what you mean about me 'contributing frequently' but 'not being vocal in every sense of the word.' In contributing frequently, aren't I being vocal? Or are you using the word 'vocal' to mean something more specific than it seems?


I don't like generalizations. I feel they are normally not all that useful, since everyone's situation is always more complex than how it appears from our posts. People also tend to use this forum as an outlet, so maybe there's a higher concentration of negativity or stress present here than what is actually in our lives. So how we may 'seem' here may not be how we are, which I think is worth remembering, since I try to give people the benefit of the doubt (even though sometimes maybe that's not the most helpful approach).


Basically, I don't like the idea of someone cookie-cuttering me to fit into a nice, neat definition, making me and my situation like everyone else's, because it's not like everyone else's.

Big ditto to that and what Freke said.

I don't think I am crazy nor do I think for one moment that I have ever thought of coercing my BF into marriage or that picking my own diamond with his help was a bad thing nor am I upset with being a LIW. I actually popped myself on the list for mere curiosity to see how high the number would get before he popped the question kinda like meh what the heck.

Nothing wrong with a little venting once in a while kinda what this section of PS is all about

ETA: that_someone_special is that your cat in a hoodie? seriously so cute love the pic

 

[that_someone_special]

[/b]

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 5/18/2008 10:58:41 AM
Author: that_someone_special
Side note (sorry): LOL yes. My friend had the hoodie (which has a cupcake on the back) and had given it to me. It''s a bit big on HIM (lol yes, him) but it was SO adorable I had to take a picture. I''ve actually been able to get him to trot on a leash now (he loves the outdoors but can''t stay out).. so I pop this on him and he looks SO adorable. I saw everyone had animal pics up so I thought I''d show off one of my handsome boys! </un-side-note>

Hehehe, TOO CUTE! I want to snuggle him.

 

[Deelight]

OMG that is just to adorable , I have a thing about animals in dress up .

I have never tried popping a leash on either of my kitties but I would think the little one would handle it better then the fat cat pictured in my avatar but I think it would be cool taking your cat for a walk .

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Oh lordy.

Well 1st of all - what I meant to say - as I attempted to correct myself last night - is that not ALL of the ladies on here write posts that seem crazy. But, regardless, some post do seem to give off that impression. What I meant to say is that some of the more struggling AND vocal ladies sometimes write these types of posts - not that all the vocal ladies are the *struggling* ones, and not all the silent ladies are not stuggling. As you can see - I post almost daily - and I don''t see myself as *struggling* in all respects that I mentioned, BUT re-reading what I wrote last night I can totally see how it may have been interpreted that way.. DAMN internet.

Anyway... regardless if you agree with my general post or not - I know many people who have been browsing this website for fun and are sometimes SHOCKED at what some of the women are saying or focusing on in their relationship. Yes this is a forum to vent, and obviously I love to read about it otherwise I wouldn''t be here posting or reading. That being said - I would like to include excerpts from some posts I have read over the months just to make my point:


https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/extremely-upset-i-hate-my-proposal-and-my-engagement-ring.74521/

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/hate-my-ring.40514/

In addition to these posts, there have been may related to putting your foot down and not living with your boyfriend before marriage, not having sex before marriage (all in order to speed up the proposal process), hating their engagement proposal, hating their ring, hating the diamond size, hundreds and hundreds of posts related to upgrading rings they dislike (which some either agree or disagree with), setting up timelines and strictly enforcing them (such as moving out if the bf can’t follow them), unhappy about how much their fiancé spent on the ring etc… There are many others but I did not want to post exact threads incase anyone else got offended again.

You can agree or disagree with any of the above but in the end there are people out there that think some of these topics are ridiculous.

FINALLY - the original post was meant to be sarcastic - maybe a little exaggerated - just to make a few people smile and say "hahaha yeah we are kinda crazy.. nufin wrong with that." I guess internet posting doesn''t always translate intention - or tone. Oh wells - my apologies to anyone offended!!! I still think SOME people are focusing on the wrong aspects of their engagement though. Just my opinion – take it or leave it.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Date: 5/18/2008 4:55:26 AM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 5/18/2008 12:09:51 AM

I stand corrected - definitely referring to some of the more vocal and *struggling* ladies. I by no means meant everyone is this way - but it does somewhat appear to be the case based on some of the posts I have read...

I disagree with both of you. I feel (perhaps incorrectly?) like I am one of the most vocal LIW here, yet...my man is ready to get married. Has told me on multiple occasions that he''d be more than happy to get married TODAY (as in, the day he said it) if I was ready. But I''m not. So...I think you are seeing what you want to see. [/quote]


Gwendolyn - as you can see above - I wrote vocal AND struggling ladies. I did not say, by any means, all ladies who are vocal are struggling.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Date: 5/18/2008 4:55:26 AM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 5/18/2008 12:09:51 AM

But I''m not. So...I think you are seeing what you want to see.

Perhaps we are all seing what we want to see out of my original post???

 

[Sha]

Date: 5/17/2008 12:58:52 PM
Author:ilovethiswebsite
Well ladies,

I have been reading through posts for a long time now and I just have one thing to say... WE ARE ALL CRAZY.

I keep reading how we want to coerce our bf into marriage, pick out our own engagement rings, bug our bf about when/where/how, and are disappointed about proposals or the ring or our current LIW status....

I think we all need to gain some perspective...

PS: This post is not meant to be offensive - since I totally consider myself to be one of the gang- just as crazy as the best of us!

Although I am glad to read about how I am not the only one who is going slightly senile as a LIW, it makes me wonder if we are worrying about things that are out of our control, and unhealthy for our sanity.

I understand where you're coming from. I think the fact that you said, "WE are all crazy' in ithe original post showed that you weren't trying to single out anybody necessarily... you were just talking about the general 'tone' of the boards. I can see how many would get that impression reading some of the posts, and I fully admit to being a crazy LIW in my day! (raises hand).

I think this thread was meant to be a light-hearted jabbing, and not to put anybody down really.

 

[diamondfan]

I am not an LIW but do from time to time read threads here.

Maybe some posters use more loaded terms like "vent" and really come here to excise some anger, but in real life might not feel quite that strongly. Maybe because in their off PS world they cannot express this, it comes out more vehemently here. I do not know, just making an educated guess.

From what I can tell from most posts, the women have a good sense that it IS coming, and aside from minor frustrations with the process, are really okay with the timeline and the ring options. Of course there might be some women who ARE completely frustrated and really freaking out about the whole situation, not sure, but I think that is not so much the norm. Maybe some girls would coerce and would stomp their feet and tantrum, but again, I think most of the gals here know that their man does want to get married and while they might like more insight as to WHEN the proposal will occur, they feel pretty good about things. I think most rational people would truly not want someone to propose who felt forced into it! Not a great way to start an engagement in mho.

You can be vocal and not be struggling.
You can be struggling and not be vocal.

Hopefully for anyone who is struggling, this place does help somewhat. Wish it had been around when I WAS an LIW.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Date: 5/18/2008 12:19:56 PM
Author: Sha

Date: 5/17/2008 12:58:52 PM

Author:ilovethiswebsite

Well ladies,


I have been reading through posts for a long time now and I just have one thing to say... WE ARE ALL CRAZY.


I keep reading how we want to coerce our bf into marriage, pick out our own engagement rings, bug our bf about when/where/how, and are disappointed about proposals or the ring or our current LIW status....


I think we all need to gain some perspective...


PS: This post is not meant to be offensive - since I totally consider myself to be one of the gang- just as crazy as the best of us!


Although I am glad to read about how I am not the only one who is going slightly senile as a LIW, it makes me wonder if we are worrying about things that are out of our control, and unhealthy for our sanity.

I understand where you''re coming from. I think the fact that you said, ''WE are all crazy'' in ithe original post showed that you weren''t trying to single out anybody necessarily... you were just talking about the general ''tone'' of the boards. I can see how many would get that impression reading some of the posts, and I fully admit to being a crazy LIW in my day! (raises hand).


I think this thread was meant to be a light-hearted jabbing, and not be taken judgementally really.

Thanks Sha Glad you saw my point of view. And like I mentioned in the OP - I am totally "crazy" in some respects as well. Being a LIW can be tough sometimes...

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Good g-d... Now that I just wrote all that I sincerely hope I don''t end up hating my proposal or my engagement ring. HAHAHAHA.

 

[absolut_blonde]

Eh, I think you''re reading a bit much into/misinterpreting a lot of things on here.

Most people on here aren''t trying to ''coerce'' a SO into marriage. They''re either trying to figure out whether they are on the same page or waiting til they are, generally. Occasionally you get the situation where one of the members in a long-term couple is getting a bit antsy because the other person is dragging their heels for no apparent reason but even then, there''s no coercion going on as far as I can see. Nobody wants to marry someone who doesn''t want to marry them.

And same for not having sex before marriage or not cohabiting before marriage. In my opinion, those stances are typically not selected to ''speed up the engagement'' like you said. They are personal decisions based on a number of factors such as religion, values, how you were raised, etc. I may not share those values but I respect someone''s right to them. If someone doesn''t feel comfortable sharing their home and their life with someone before a formal commitment is made then I think that is their right and not unreasonable.

Not cohabiting before marriage is sometimes also an attempt not to get in over one''s head, so to speak. If you both aren''t on the same page, it can and generally does overcomplicate a breakup. Again, not unreasonable.

I don''t intend for this to come off as defensive or anything, mind you. I don''t really feel like any of the above applies to me anyway but I just think it was an oversimplification of the board itself. Everyone (well, almost) on here has their freakouts and hard times. And yes, you see the occasional post where the person comes off as bratty and/or ungrateful but I''d say those are the exceptions and not the rule. In general this is just a place to vent and support one another.

I think LIW syndrome is probably a lot more common than even we realize. It''s just not really that acceptable to talk about. A lot of people play off the proposal like it was a huge shock but I''m sure many women have been in the boat of waiting and waiting and wondering.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Date: 5/18/2008 12:48:48 PM
Author: absolut_blonde
Eh, I think you''re reading a bit much into/misinterpreting a lot of things on here.

Most people on here aren''t trying to ''coerce'' a SO into marriage. They''re either trying to figure out whether they are on the same page or waiting til they are, generally. Occasionally you get the situation where one of the members in a long-term couple is getting a bit antsy because the other person is dragging their heels for no apparent reason but even then, there''s no coercion going on as far as I can see. Nobody wants to marry someone who doesn''t want to marry them.

And same for not having sex before marriage or not cohabiting before marriage. In my opinion, those stances are typically not selected to ''speed up the engagement'' like you said. They are personal decisions based on a number of factors such as religion, values, how you were raised, etc. I may not share those values but I respect someone''s right to them. If someone doesn''t feel comfortable sharing their home and their life with someone before a formal commitment is made then I think that is their right and not unreasonable.

Not cohabiting before marriage is sometimes also an attempt not to get in over one''s head, so to speak. If you both aren''t on the same page, it can and generally does overcomplicate a breakup. Again, not unreasonable.

I don''t intend for this to come off as defensive or anything, mind you. I don''t really feel like any of the above applies to me anyway but I just think it was an oversimplification of the board itself. Everyone (well, almost) on here has their freakouts and hard times. And yes, you see the occasional post where the person comes off as bratty and/or ungrateful but I''d say those are the exceptions and not the rule. In general this is just a place to vent and support one another.

I think LIW syndrome is probably a lot more common than even we realize. It''s just not really that acceptable to talk about. A lot of people play off the proposal like it was a huge shock but I''m sure many women have been in the boat of waiting and waiting and wondering.

I was not implying not having sex before marriage is ALWAYS used as a bargaining tool - for sure religion and beliefs play a role - I was simply referring to those who DO try and use it as a bargaining tool. but I recently read a post by someone who implied waiting is the best way to get a guy to propose...

see link here....

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/you-are-worth-it.79320/

PS: I am not the only one misinterpreting things on this post.

 

[absolut_blonde]

Date: 5/18/2008 1:01:24 PM
Author: ilovethiswebsite

Date: 5/18/2008 12:48:48 PM
Author: absolut_blonde
Eh, I think you''re reading a bit much into/misinterpreting a lot of things on here.

Most people on here aren''t trying to ''coerce'' a SO into marriage. They''re either trying to figure out whether they are on the same page or waiting til they are, generally. Occasionally you get the situation where one of the members in a long-term couple is getting a bit antsy because the other person is dragging their heels for no apparent reason but even then, there''s no coercion going on as far as I can see. Nobody wants to marry someone who doesn''t want to marry them.

And same for not having sex before marriage or not cohabiting before marriage. In my opinion, those stances are typically not selected to ''speed up the engagement'' like you said. They are personal decisions based on a number of factors such as religion, values, how you were raised, etc. I may not share those values but I respect someone''s right to them. If someone doesn''t feel comfortable sharing their home and their life with someone before a formal commitment is made then I think that is their right and not unreasonable.

Not cohabiting before marriage is sometimes also an attempt not to get in over one''s head, so to speak. If you both aren''t on the same page, it can and generally does overcomplicate a breakup. Again, not unreasonable.

I don''t intend for this to come off as defensive or anything, mind you. I don''t really feel like any of the above applies to me anyway but I just think it was an oversimplification of the board itself. Everyone (well, almost) on here has their freakouts and hard times. And yes, you see the occasional post where the person comes off as bratty and/or ungrateful but I''d say those are the exceptions and not the rule. In general this is just a place to vent and support one another.

I think LIW syndrome is probably a lot more common than even we realize. It''s just not really that acceptable to talk about. A lot of people play off the proposal like it was a huge shock but I''m sure many women have been in the boat of waiting and waiting and wondering.

I was not implying not having sex before marriage is ALWAYS used as a bargaining tool - for sure religion and beliefs play a role - I was simply referring to those who DO try and use it as a bargaining tool. but I recently read a post by someone who implied waiting is the best way to get a guy to propose...

see link here....

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/you-are-worth-it.79320/

PS: I am not the only one misinterpreting things on this post.

That poster wasn''t even an actual LIW. And, she got jumped all over to the point where she actually came back, apologized and tried to clarify! (If I recall correctly). I just think you''re focusing a bit much on the extreme outliers. Like I said, they do exist -- they often stand out in our minds because of the way they come off -- but they''re usually tempered by very reasonable responses.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Date: 5/18/2008 1:13:35 PM
Author: absolut_blonde

Date: 5/18/2008 1:01:24 PM
Author: ilovethiswebsite

Date: 5/18/2008 12:48:48 PM
Author: absolut_blonde
Eh, I think you''re reading a bit much into/misinterpreting a lot of things on here.

Most people on here aren''t trying to ''coerce'' a SO into marriage. They''re either trying to figure out whether they are on the same page or waiting til they are, generally. Occasionally you get the situation where one of the members in a long-term couple is getting a bit antsy because the other person is dragging their heels for no apparent reason but even then, there''s no coercion going on as far as I can see. Nobody wants to marry someone who doesn''t want to marry them.

And same for not having sex before marriage or not cohabiting before marriage. In my opinion, those stances are typically not selected to ''speed up the engagement'' like you said. They are personal decisions based on a number of factors such as religion, values, how you were raised, etc. I may not share those values but I respect someone''s right to them. If someone doesn''t feel comfortable sharing their home and their life with someone before a formal commitment is made then I think that is their right and not unreasonable.

Not cohabiting before marriage is sometimes also an attempt not to get in over one''s head, so to speak. If you both aren''t on the same page, it can and generally does overcomplicate a breakup. Again, not unreasonable.

I don''t intend for this to come off as defensive or anything, mind you. I don''t really feel like any of the above applies to me anyway but I just think it was an oversimplification of the board itself. Everyone (well, almost) on here has their freakouts and hard times. And yes, you see the occasional post where the person comes off as bratty and/or ungrateful but I''d say those are the exceptions and not the rule. In general this is just a place to vent and support one another.

I think LIW syndrome is probably a lot more common than even we realize. It''s just not really that acceptable to talk about. A lot of people play off the proposal like it was a huge shock but I''m sure many women have been in the boat of waiting and waiting and wondering.

I was not implying not having sex before marriage is ALWAYS used as a bargaining tool - for sure religion and beliefs play a role - I was simply referring to those who DO try and use it as a bargaining tool. but I recently read a post by someone who implied waiting is the best way to get a guy to propose...

see link here....

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/you-are-worth-it.79320/

PS: I am not the only one misinterpreting things on this post.

That poster wasn''t even an actual LIW. And, she got jumped all over to the point where she actually came back, apologized and tried to clarify! (If I recall correctly). I just think you''re focusing a bit much on the extreme outliers. Like I said, they do exist -- they often stand out in our minds because of the way they come off -- but they''re usually tempered by very reasonable responses.

Yes you might be right about this. Those posts def. stand out in my mind. Anyway as I already addressed a few reponses ago the original post was by no means meant to be a generalization even though it came accross that way. It was more sarcastic and exaggerated for a good light hearted laugh. Apparently I was the only one laughing though

 

[FrekeChild]

"That poster wasn''t even an actual LIW. And, she got jumped all over to the point where she actually came back, apologized and tried to clarify! (If I recall correctly). I just think you''re focusing a bit much on the extreme outliers. Like I said, they do exist -- they often stand out in our minds because of the way they come off -- but they''re usually tempered by very reasonable responses."

absolut_blonde- you are completely correct.

Her response-and you''ll note, her last post

What have we learned today ilovethiswebsite? Don''t overgeneralize. In fact, don''t generalize at all unless it''s in the context of "diamonds are pretty" or "tsavorites are green". Shoes and cupcakes don''t even fit into generalizations-trust me on this one-I''ve tried.