we are crazy!

[ilovethiswebsite]

Date: 5/18/2008 1:39:32 PM
Author: FrekeChild
''That poster wasn''t even an actual LIW. And, she got jumped all over to the point where she actually came back, apologized and tried to clarify! (If I recall correctly). I just think you''re focusing a bit much on the extreme outliers. Like I said, they do exist -- they often stand out in our minds because of the way they come off -- but they''re usually tempered by very reasonable responses.''

absolut_blonde- you are completely correct.

Her response-and you''ll note, her last post

What have we learned today ilovethiswebsite? Don''t overgeneralize. In fact, don''t generalize at all unless it''s in the context of ''diamonds are pretty'' or ''tsavorites are green''. Shoes and cupcakes don''t even fit into generalizations-trust me on this one-I''ve tried.

Meh- it was my opinion and I stand by it. Some posts are ridiculous and come across as being shallow - whether or not they are true depictions of a person''s morals or everyday attitude is besides the point. And it was NOT and generalization, although the OP came across that way to some... I have re-stated my intentions numerous times... Some people are deciding to focus on a negative interpretation of my OP just to be oppositional and opinionated...

 

[chocolatefudge]

I have very quickly had to scan this thread expecting to see one of my threads as a ''crazy'' example!! Phew! I''m not there!

Ilovethiswebsite, I don''t really have a problem with your ''crazy'' comments but I do think it unadvisable to add links of threads and then describe the poster a ''shallow.''
Looking back at those threads I do have some sympathy for the ladies who have been unhappy with their proposal or engagement rings and until I have been in their situation don''t feel that I can judge their reactions.

It is highly plausible that in real life they have acted completely happy with things but come to the safety of this website to vent.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Date: 5/18/2008 2:24:23 PM
Author: chocolatefudge
I have very quickly had to scan this thread expecting to see one of my threads as a ''crazy'' example!! Phew! I''m not there!

Ilovethiswebsite, I don''t really have a problem with your ''crazy'' comments but I do think it unadvisable to add links of threads and then describe the poster a ''shallow.''
Looking back at those threads I do have some sympathy for the ladies who have been unhappy with their proposal or engagement rings and until I have been in their situation don''t feel that I can judge their reactions.

It is highly plausible that in real life they have acted completely happy with things but come to the safety of this website to vent.

Yes this is true- but besides the point. My original comment was referring to worrying about things we can''t control - which might create anxiety which is unhealthy for some individuals. Whether or not they "act" happy in real life doesn''t change that they aren''t happy inside (or come across so momentarily while writing that post).

And the threads I posted weren''t necessarily the one''s I thought were shallow. There were many others I decided not to copy/paste as to not offend anyone else. And whether or not I find them shallow is my personal opinion.

 

[chocolatefudge]

Consider myself told!

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Date: 5/18/2008 2:50:16 PM
Author: chocolatefudge
Consider myself told!

hahah don''t be redic!

 

[Circe]

This is just my own idle musing, and not meant to offend anyone ... but, since seeing Gwendolyn''s thread about the name of the forum, I''ve been thinking about this a lot. (I''ve also been reading way too much pseudo-criticism concerning the modern wedding, from I Do But I Don''t to One Perfect Day.) In many ways, I think that the existence of forums concerning this issue is a sign of the weird betwixt-and-between position that women are occupying these days. On the one hand, there''s the desire for traditional happiness, which tends to posit women in a role of passive triumph - to make any effort towards one desires, from hinting towards a ring towards outright proposing is too active, aggressive, masculine, undesirable. (Just reiterating - not my stereotypes! At all.) On the other hand, there''s the more modern conception of relationships as partnerships, where both parties should ideally have an equal say in how things go down. But the one seems to deny (or at least complicate) the possibility of the other ... so, a modern woman pursuing marriage is kind of caught between a rock and a hard place, going back to some of the contradictory positions that the OP referenced. I don''t think that makes anyone involved crazy ... but it does create a variety of strategies for coping with the situation, depending on individual outlooks, situations, partner''s feelings, etc. Some are more successful than others, and some are still being figured out ... but the forum as a women''s space in which to negotiate those strategies strikes me as being a very positive thing.

 

[Babyblue033]

I guess I''m in the minority, but I read the OP''s post with a smile on my face because I thought it was more of a "tongue in cheek" sort of comment regarding how some of us, or many of us, can think/act in totally illogical (or crazy

) ways when it comes to the subject of our relationship. Come on, I can''t be the only one who''s acted completely off the rocker even though I''m normally a very level headed and logical person

I''m new to the forum as well and I''ll be completely honest, the tone of LIW forum can seem a bit "dramatic" (for lack of better words) to people who are not used to it. While I feel much sympathy towards many ladies who are struggling with this whole process, the talk of being resentful because he''s not proposing, hating the proposal or the engagement ring their BF put much thought and love into, whether or not you should live with a man because it''ll hasten/delay him from proposing, setting up deadlines, etc are heartbreaking to read.

That being said, I think some of that is a result of this unique group where so many LIW can talk about issues that we may not normally be able to talk about to other people. Where else can we meet hundreds of other women who are going through this huge milestone together? We have a group of wonderful women who can lend sympathetic ears, give advise, and sometimes even show us tough love by providing much needed perspective

I do wish we can be just a little light hearted about this whole thing though, and maybe even laugh ourselves a little more. I''ll be the first to say that I''ve been "crazy", that while I didn''t coerced my BF into wanting to marry me (actually he had to do that to me

), I did pick out my own ring

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Date: 5/18/2008 4:48:41 PM
Author: Babyblue033
I guess I''m in the minority, but I read the OP''s post with a smile on my face because I thought it was more of a ''tongue in cheek'' sort of comment regarding how some of us, or many of us, can think/act in totally illogical (or crazy

) ways when it comes to the subject of our relationship. Come on, I can''t be the only one who''s acted completely off the rocker even though I''m normally a very level headed and logical person

I''m new to the forum as well and I''ll be completely honest, the tone of LIW forum can seem a bit ''dramatic'' (for lack of better words) to people who are not used to it. While I feel much sympathy towards many ladies who are struggling with this whole process, the talk of being resentful because he''s not proposing, hating the proposal or the engagement ring their BF put much thought and love into, whether or not you should live with a man because it''ll hasten/delay him from proposing, setting up deadlines, etc are heartbreaking to read.

That being said, I think some of that is a result of this unique group where so many LIW can talk about issues that we may not normally be able to talk about to other people. Where else can we meet hundreds of other women who are going through this huge milestone together? We have a group of wonderful women who can lend sympathetic ears, give advise, and sometimes even show us tough love by providing much needed perspective

I do wish we can be just a little light hearted about this whole thing though, and maybe even laugh ourselves a little more. I''ll be the first to say that I''ve been ''crazy'', that while I didn''t coerced my BF into wanting to marry me (actually he had to do that to me

), I did pick out my own ring

Halleluiah - someone interpreted the OP the way it was meant to be interpreted!!!!! Praise the lord. Have mercy now.

 

[chocolatefudge]

Ladies, I can see exactly how the thread was meant, and as I said in my earlier thread, I really didn''t have a problem with being described as ''crazy,'' I''m not easily offended and did understand that it was meant in a jokey way. When I replied it was primarily to point out that I didn''t think it advisable to go back and link threads from other poeple, trust me, I''ve seen things like this done before and it only causes turmoil.

I can see why the term ''crazy'' was used and did smile.

However, when you have been waiting for a proposal for a really long time things can get frustrating, and not liking your ring would be upsetting. I''m really sorry, can''t remember name of new poster (sorry!!!) but may I ask how long you have been waiting?

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Date: 5/18/2008 6:05:02 PM
Author: chocolatefudge
Ladies, I can see exactly how the thread was meant, and as I said in my earlier thread, I really didn''t have a problem with being described as ''crazy,'' I''m not easily offended and did understand that it was meant in a jokey way. When I replied it was primarily to point out that I didn''t think it advisable to go back and link threads from other poeple, trust me, I''ve seen things like this done before and it only causes turmoil.

I can see why the term ''crazy'' was used and did smile.

However, when you have been waiting for a proposal for a really long time things can get frustrating, and not liking your ring would be upsetting. I''m really sorry, can''t remember name of new poster (sorry!!!) but may I ask how long you have been waiting?

Allo Mrs. Chocolatefudge.... your nickname is making my mouth water. I personally don''t think your reply was all that defensive... I agree copy/pasting threads is not the best idea but I did what I had to make my point after people got all jumpy.
I am not sure if you are asking me or Babyblue03 how long we have been waiting but I totally agree that waiting for a proposal a long time can be super frustrating! I have even admitted several times to slightly going crazy myself!!! I am not really sure how long I have been waiting since I am not sure when to start counting? If I assume it means when I was ready and just waiting for a ring? I would say less than 1 year, and the only reason we have been waiting was for financial reasons. Now that it''s coming around the corner time is passing by especially slowly…. and I can feel the insanity coming on... Of course it''s frustrating for some - myself included - hence why I was trying to laugh about it all.

 

[Bia]

It seems this thread is somewhat over, but it had me thinking about a few things.

I think, in general, most of the LIW do not focus our "LIW Anxiety" anywhere else but with eachother, and our SO (from time-to-time, whether intentional or not). I certainly don't go around talking about engagement rings with my collegues or schoolmates all the time...Isn't this partly why the LIW forum is here? I felt it was a place to vent about my feelings when it comes to my impending engagement. I call myself neurotic all the time in here, but in the real world, I am actually quite calm. The reason I have so much to say recently about relationships is because mine is about to open a new chapter and I am so excited and nervous and thrilled. So, yes, maybe we do talk crazy, but it is all in good fun...the way girls do. There have been a few posts that I have strongly disagreed with over the last couple of months, but that's the beauty of the forum...I think anyway. I also agree that ilovethiswebsite didn't intend to call any of us really crazy...but maybe she was saying that we (she included herself in the scenario) are a little crazed when dealing...and that some girls are a little more crazed than others...maybe a little more anxious?

That being said, I too, do not like being grouped into a LIW generalization...because many of us are in completely different situations. Some of the ladies know the engagement IS approaching and are slightly freaked out about it (myself); whereas others, I think I have said this before, are LIW who are in fantastic relationships, where an engagement is desired but not yet expected for a long while (they might be in new relationships or very young couples, etc.). So we can't really simplify the LIW population in that manner. However, we can support eachother by giving different opinions (advice, options, etc) because many of us have lived through similar experiences...or hope to...or hope not to. I hope that makes sense.

I really do hope that we continue to be e-friends...not get so catty. This place is a place I look forward to visiting each day. I love reading what my fellow LIW, or the soon-to-be brides (and all the others) are going through. I love congratulating when good things happen and trying to comfort when the bad things happen. To me, other than the obvious, that is what this forum is for.

 

[claireabelle]

hahaha! I think the original poster has made her point. All the responses here are so edgy and....well, crazy!!

I just think it''s funny. we all get a bit crazy sometimes. We''re human, right?