we broke up

[Blair138]

Good for you for standing up for what you want. It may suck now-but get a puppy and move and do things for YOU.

I love little puppies that you can cuddle with. I have a Scottie. Long-haired chihuahua are also super cute and so are pugs...oh man the list could go on...

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Just wanted to send some hugs out your way.

Please do stick around! You''re always welcome.

 

[Independent Gal]

Another vote for a new puppy! And a new city! And a new life!

 

[icet]

Good luck! i think you did the right thing, i''m a md and it''s a very selfish field in terms of relationships and if he can''t commit now and is stressed out now, the stress of actually being in med school/res will just put more strain and anxiety on the both of you, Stay strong

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 5/19/2008 6:49:54 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Another vote for a new puppy! And a new city! And a new life!

Ditto-it sounds to me like you definitely made the right call. I''m impressed with your strength-many people wouldn''t be able to make the decision that you did. Best wishes to you-you deserve a man who can''t wait to marry you!

 

[Deelight]

sending you big hugs and loads of support

It maybe hard but it would have been harder to stay and to be continually disappointed in the future. You deserve better and I am sure he is out there waiting for you

GL and stay strong

 

[pjean]

Oh, no. That''s a horrible decision to have to make, and I''m so sorry.

Date: 5/19/2008 9:26:40 AM
Author: ahappygirl
I strongly recommend chocolate, a good cup of tea, and positive friends!

Seconded.

 

[Miscka]

Thanks so much everyone. I REALLY REALLY appreciate all the kind words. I am doing my best to stay busy and not think too much about it. I did break down last night and I called him. I just wanted to say hi, hear about his day. I am not ready to go cold turkey!! I was hoping I would be ok with not talking to him, at least for awhile but not yet. It was fine, we didn''t fight or anything. Just a pleasant conversation. My parents are being really awesome. I think my mom thinks we belong together but she is trying to not be pushy. She usually is against my serious relationships, so its funny.

And I am in full-on puppy mode! I am preparing, reading up on training, etc. I can''t get him for a month

since I am about to move but I am super excited! I think this is exactly what I needed. I have wanted a dog FOREVER but my ex wanted to wait. This is my decision, and I am happy about it. Anyway, I promise to post pics very soon! Thanks again, ladies!

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Awwww, Miscka - I''m so sorry to hear this, but I''m glad you''ve made the right decision FOR YOU!

Everytime we have an LIW who breaks it off with their b/f over the marriage issue, I''m reminded of a few stories we''ve heard here. Blueroses (I wish she would come back) waited TEN YEARS for her b/f to be ready, and eventually, she did what you also have chosen to do. She was finally coping well, but she waited on that glimmer of hope, for TEN YEARS. That woman is a saint.

Then, there have been others over the years who have had BF''s experience an enlightenment after a break-up. I just hope you continue down your path, make yourself happy, and make decisions based on yourself right now.

 

[princesss]

Oh, honey, I''m so sorry to hear that you''re hurting. Brava for taking control of your life, though, no matter how hard it is.

 

[wishful]

I highly recommend a book called His Need Her Needs by Willard Harley. Even if you are single or in a non-married relationship, it really pinpoints the many differences between men and women and how to prioritize each others needs. There is so much valuable information in this book about how to have a successful relationship even if that relationship is yet to come.
Good luck!!!!

Hang in there.

 

[Miscka]

wishful, I will look in to that book. But my reading list is full-up with the 3 puppy books I ordered from amazon yesterday!

I posted some puppy pics in the hangout if anyone wants to see!

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 5/19/2008 1:23:02 PM
Author: Miscka

Date: 5/19/2008 11:58:04 AM

Author: HollyS

How long is ''continually''? ''He is continually putting me off.'' How long?



What have you sacrificed at this point? What have you given up? How old are you, and how long has this relationship been? Are you too old to wait?



You love him. He loves you. He''s going to very stressed attempting to get into med school, and then during school, and certainly during his internship, etc., etc. Having the additional stress of a wedding/marriage/children would not be the best thing for him during these years. Are you thinking about him at all in this engagement/wedding/marriage fantasy?



And while it appears that I''m defending him, I am not. I don''t know him. I don''t know whether he is just jerking you around. But you do. Are you being completely honest about him? Are you being completely honest about yourself? If, aside from his not being ready now and not being able to give you an answer now, everything else was wonderful about this relationship, why are you not willing to wait? If you thought he was your true love last week, can you really be ready to move on?





I''m just concerned that so many LIWs get themselves so . . . prepared . . . for a proposal (that isn''t right around the corner) and then throw the whole relationship away when the guys say not now. They don''t really lead you down the garden path ladies; you lead them. They nod and smile and say what you want to hear, because it is what you want to hear. But when they are honest about how they feel, then suddenly they''re jerks. No, they''re not. They''re the same guy you loved yesterday.



Give it some thought. After you calm down; after you grieve for what you don''t have now; think seriously about your next steps. Don''t close doors that can''t be reopened unless you''re truly ready.

First of all, I NEVER called him a jerk, nor would I. I do feel like changing his mind about the subject was unfair. I understand now that he was saying these things to appease me, but shame on him for not saying that the whole time. Besides, if he is a jerk than so am I. I have a right to be honest about how I feel as well.


And not that I feel the need to defend my decision to you, but I do feel like staying with him would mean sacrificing. I never planned to stay in my city after I finished undergrad, but I am still here because he is here. I didn''t have any compelling reason to move, other than I felt like it. I am also going to go back to school, and need to decide where. Why should I choose these things based on him and his school decisions if he isn''t ''sure'' about me?


I would be sacrificing the chance to be with someone who can''t wait to start a life with me, and to me that is a big thing. I don''t want to drag anyone down the aisle. Before he came along, I didn''t even think I would ever want to be married. I do not see where my age plays in to that, is there an age where its ok to settle? If so, I guess I am too young.


As far as school, you are right. He has a lot of stress coming his way. Heck, the admissions process alone has been killer. But I stood by him, and helped him in any way I could. I would be willing to do all of that again during school, but not without a commitment because that is an ENORMOUS amount of stress for all parties involved.




Anyway-thanks to everyone who is being supportive. It means more than I can say.

Miscka - the above is a very well-written post, and I think you have laid your thinking out very clearly about all of this. It is not at all unreasonable, especially because things like this sort of *can''t* be too unreasonable by definition - its how you feel, and you can''t change that.

I think you have a made a very difficult but very mature decision and I commend you for it. I am sure that someone will come along who can''t wait to get married to you.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 5/21/2008 11:37:11 AM
Author: Miscka
wishful, I will look in to that book. But my reading list is full-up with the 3 puppy books I ordered from amazon yesterday!

I posted some puppy pics in the hangout if anyone wants to see!

I saw the puppy pics - he is super cute

here is a great link with lots of free information about dog training techniques and how to handle common problems and issues. I''ve used the cat one for my kitties more times than I can tell you, and regularly get great feedback from my friends who I''ve shared the dog one with.

 

[Miscka]

Thanks, AmberGretchen!!! I have been looking all over the internet for training info, but it is so hard since so much of it is conflicting!

 

[anchor31]

Miska, my good thoughts are with you. It must be difficult, but you''re right that sometimes love just isn''t enough. Kudos for doing what''s right for you. Good luck with your new life!

 

[AllieLuv83]

Miska I am so sorry for what has happened...hang in there girlfriend!

 

[LegacyGirl]

Good luck girlie. I think you did the right thing.