we had a talk, didnt go so well

[waitinlady]

Not sure if everyone knows my story so if you have any questions please ask. I had decided to wait til next year to talk to SO about timelines but this weekend changed that. He started a conversation about who we would have in our wedding, we had a good conversation and I was happy. Not too long after a couple we''re friends with called to tell us they got engaged. Later we went to SO''s parents and he told them our friends got engaged. They told us ''when are you guys gonna get with the program?'' SO ignored the question. Later, the engaged friends came over and SO said to them ''my parents asked when we''re getting engaged, geez whatever!'' like it was a joke. The friend replied ''well you guys probably will soon too right?'' but SO ignored him too. I was upset that he was taking it so lightly like it was a crazy thing people were asking him. I tried to keep it to myself that I was hurt but he must''ve noticed because he asked to talk. (continued in next post)

 

[waitinlady]

He said ''i get it, you want to get married but whats the problem?'' i said i was confused and wanted to make sure we were on the same page because i know he loves me and wants to get married someday but then he says things like ''i almost proposed for your birthday but i changed my mind because planning a wedding is a lot of work.'' and when people ask about us getting engaged he seems uncomfortable. he said he didnt remember saying he almost proposed so i shouldnt worry about it and i shouldnt worry what other people think about us. i said i want to know where we are in terms of how things will progress and that if we get engaged i want him to do it when hes ready and not because he felt pressure. he said ''i could wait years if i had to, i didnt know we had to live on a timeline! and this is so stupid, i wouldnt have bought a house with you if i didnt plan to marry you someday.'' then he said he had to get away from me for a bit and walked away. what do i do? i feel like in getting really mixed signals.

 

[miss_flo]

It sounds like he''s trying to throw you off the scent of his plans, actually. I know my boyfriend gets annoyed when the topic comes up from other people because he wants it to be a surprise and it won''t be a surprise if I''m "expecting" it after all the outside pressure. This is supposed to be something he owns and can take responsibility for rather than some awkward obligatory gesture, you know? I think the best thing you can do now is clarify that you''re both still on the same page about marriage and then allow him to propose on his terms. Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[LoveRoundBrillants]

Dont worry! I think most guys are this way. My bf is the exactly the same way, when friends ask us "when are you getting engaged" he has the same reaction that you explained, and i felt the EXACT same way. I was hurt that he didn''t care or couldnt even talk about it. He realized that i was hurt, and he explained to me that he was doing things at his own pace...its nobody else''s business and he assured me the proposal was coming, but didn''t want to say anything more. So im sure that he doenst want to talk about it because he doenst want to give away anything. Im sure he feels very pressured, especially since he knows you, his parents, and close friends are asking...when???

 

[gwendolyn]

So, this started out with him talking to you about who''d be in your wedding, and then you got annoyed that other people were getting engaged and shrugging off their prying into your lives, which culminated in him getting so annoyed he walked off? Sorry honey, but I think you reinforced to your boyfriend that what other people think and want for the two of you is more important than what he thinks or how he feels about your future. Although other people can add stress to the waiting game, what they think should pale in comparison to what you and your boyfriend want.

And he was there with you, thinking about wedding stuff and asking you who you wanted in your wedding! That''s HUGE!! But it sounds like that bit''s been smooshed by the pressure put on by you via these other people''s comments. Who cares if he doesn''t make a comment in response to them asking if it''d be soon? Maybe he didn''t answer because it''s none of their business, or because he wants to surprise you, or because he doesn''t want to have everything planned out down to the exact second? As long as he didn''t say, "No way am I EVER getting married, that''s only for suckers!" I don''t know how any of this stuff trumps the voluntary wedding party discussion HE brought up at the start of all this.

I know this probably comes across a bit harsh, and for that I apologize. I''m not trying to be mean; I just think it sounds a bit like you''re taking out some frustration on him that came from other people, who, at the end of the day, don''t have anything to do with your relationship unless you let them.

 

[purrfectpear]

I have a different take on this. It sounds to me like he is "the guy" we''re starting to hear about more frequently on PS LIW. They love to "play" marriage, they love to "talk" marriage, they love to do everything except GET married.

No, I don''t think he''s just trying to throw her off the scent of his plans - I don''t think he HAS any plans.

No, I don''t think he was serious about getting married - and I don''t think she ruined it with pressure.

He wasn''t kidding when he said he could wait forever. He likes things just fine the way they are. He lives with her, they have a house together. From his perspective, why change anything...he''s happy.

These guys are faithful and I believe they love their GFs. They just don''t want to make the final commitment.

 

[bubbly1126]

I agree with purrfectpear...

BUT we can all sit here and speculate what he meant and what he is actually thinking but the only one who really knows his true feelings on the topic is HIM. I know it's really hard and sometimes it feels like you're talking to a wall but you need to find some way to convey to him that you NEED to know where you and your relationship stands. Once you make sure you're on the same page then let go and let him do things on his own terms... but again, not until you get a CLEAR picture as to what is going through his head.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 11/18/2008 9:05:09 AM
Author: purrfectpear
I have a different take on this. It sounds to me like he is ''the guy'' we''re starting to hear about more frequently on PS LIW. They love to ''play'' marriage, they love to ''talk'' marriage, they love to do everything except GET married.

No, I don''t think he''s just trying to throw her off the scent of his plans - I don''t think he HAS any plans.


No, I don''t think he was serious about getting married - and I don''t think she ruined it with pressure.


He wasn''t kidding when he said he could wait forever. He likes things just fine the way they are. He lives with her, they have a house together. From his perspective, why change anything...he''s happy.


These guys are faithful and I believe they love their GFs. They just don''t want to make the final commitment.

He didn''t say he''d wait forever, though. He said he''d wait for years "if he had to." That sounds to me like he wouldn''t choose to wait for years but he would if necessary, not that he''d get married if necessary. Plus, why would he be asking her about wedding party people if he was never thinking of doing it? He brought it up, not her.

Usually we''re on the same page, my dear, but on this topic it seems we disagree.

 

[Bia]

Hey waitinlady. Sorry this whole engagement thing has got you stressed--I know you know that I know what you''re going through...ya know? hehe.

I''m not really sure what your guy is thinking. Some part of me agrees with purrfectpear that he might not be ready to make that commitment, even if he bought a house with you (NOT to say he''ll never be). Another part of me agrees with the other ladies (I''m really hoping for you, and myself, that this is the reason) that he might just be doing things on his own schedule.

Its really hard to know what''s going on in their heads because one minute their telling us how much they love us and the next they get annoyed when we try to talk "engagement." WTF??!!! I haven''t even brought it up with my BF because I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he does have plans...although its not looking too good from my end. It is possible that your guy is planning something but he wants you to chill...even if it means he has to make you wait. My advice is the same you gave me last week: Let it ride, because he might be ready...just waiting for the right time to surprise you.

AND, if he''s not (I''m giving myself the same advice), THEN we have to decide what''s really important to us. For me, I am not willing to hold out much longer. I just can''t justify spending another year (after almost 7) with someone who doesn''t know he wants to marry me...especially when he told me that he did. If that realization awaits me in a few more months, then, I''ll deal with it /www.pricescope.com/idealbb/images/smilies/32.gif[/img]>>

I''m rootin for ya sister. I hope, for both our sakes, that everything falls into place like we hope it will.

((hugs)) Keep your chin up

 

[ckrickett]

I agree with purrfectpear on alot of points, sounds to me like he might not be ready, and that might be ok for him.

If you live together, bought a house and love each other in his eyes that might be a huge commitment (and it is) and he might think "hey, things are pretty good". I''m sure he PLANS on marrying you but it''s something that isn''t that important to him (maybe.. I''m speculating!). Some guys don''t care about marriage, weddings, it''s just not in there blood like us girls. But when they meet that special lady we tend to change there mind. But if you get the milk for free why the hell buy the cow! The important part is once you get engaged and get married yeah a title changes but you will still be with that man for the rest of your life, and if you don''t get married but love each other dearly you will still probably be together for the rest of your life. THAT is what is important, the love and the emotional commitment (not the legal one), because plenty of people get married and then 5-10-15 years later divorce, I would rather wait and be with my guy for 10 years then marry then push something on someone who isn''t ready and possibly cause stress on a relationship.

He loves you wants tp be with you mentioned WEDDING details wth you that''s huge! But understand he is a guy, guy time is longer then girl time in the waiting game and we really shouldn''t push or plead or beg or bother our men to HURRY UP (altho we all WANT TO

). Relax enjoy your time with him, don''t worry so much about it it will happen when it will happen, and when it does he will do it out of love, not out of pressure of some invisible timeline!

I hope I didn''t sound harsh I didn''t mean to be.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

He could be throwing you off the scent of your soon-to-come proposal, or he could be anti-marriage, or he could be somewhere between the two extremes. Really, only he knows where he stands.


I will say that my fiance took me ring shopping once (his idea), and then NOTHING. So a few weeks later, I gently reminded him that rings do take time to order and come in, and I wasn''t pressuring him, but just wanted to make sure that he knew that it can be a long process and we had discussed marrying next summer, yadda yadda yadda.


He called me presumptuous!!! It really hurt my feelings because I felt like he had been the one to initiate all this so how dare he call me presumptuous for assuming that he meant it when he took me ring shopping!!!

He proposed a week or two later and had already bought the ring

so, sometimes boys avoid subjects to throw you off, and sometimes boys avoid subjects because they don''t want to think about it. You can''t assume either way!

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 11/18/2008 9:05:09 AM
Author: purrfectpear
I have a different take on this. It sounds to me like he is ''the guy'' we''re starting to hear about more frequently on PS LIW. They love to ''play'' marriage, they love to ''talk'' marriage, they love to do everything except GET married.

No, I don''t think he''s just trying to throw her off the scent of his plans - I don''t think he HAS any plans.

No, I don''t think he was serious about getting married - and I don''t think she ruined it with pressure.

He wasn''t kidding when he said he could wait forever. He likes things just fine the way they are. He lives with her, they have a house together. From his perspective, why change anything...he''s happy.

These guys are faithful and I believe they love their GFs. They just don''t want to make the final commitment.

I completely agree. And saying stuff like "I almost proposed on your birthday but planning a wedding is too much work" is just cruel. (Not to mention that wedding planning is a lot less work than an actual marriage.)

Also, talking about the future of your relationship isn''t pressure. I get so sick of hearing people say (on PS and in real life) that talking about marriage is pressure, it''s ruining it, etc. When two adults plan to commit to each other for the rest of their lives, both adults have every right to discuss engagement, marriage, kids, etc.

 

[dragonfly411]

I have to agree with purrfect pear. He''s having his cake and eating it too, why worry about getting married RIGHT NOW?

 

[Miscka]

Date: 11/18/2008 10:29:50 AM
Author: thing2of2


Not to mention that wedding planning is a lot less work than an actual marriage.

Excellent, excellent point.

Not sure where I stand on this, but I think Purrfect Pear is on to something. He is giving you mixed signals. I will tell you that when I was with my ex I got mixed signals a lot, and in the end it turned out that he wasn''t ready, or even near ready and had been saying the "good" signals just to satisfy me. Not to say your man is like this, but please try and decide what is acceptable to you and where he fits in to that. How long is too long to wait? You are clearly uncomfortable with the level of communication between you two on the topic, and if I were you I would really start there. You deserve a good, honest, conversation on the topic if you want it. Good luck!

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 11/18/2008 10:29:50 AM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 11/18/2008 9:05:09 AM

Author: purrfectpear

I have a different take on this. It sounds to me like he is ''the guy'' we''re starting to hear about more frequently on PS LIW. They love to ''play'' marriage, they love to ''talk'' marriage, they love to do everything except GET married.

No, I don''t think he''s just trying to throw her off the scent of his plans - I don''t think he HAS any plans.


No, I don''t think he was serious about getting married - and I don''t think she ruined it with pressure.


He wasn''t kidding when he said he could wait forever. He likes things just fine the way they are. He lives with her, they have a house together. From his perspective, why change anything...he''s happy.


These guys are faithful and I believe they love their GFs. They just don''t want to make the final commitment.

I completely agree. And saying stuff like ''I almost proposed on your birthday but planning a wedding is too much work'' is just cruel. (Not to mention that wedding planning is a lot less work than an actual marriage.)


Also, talking about the future of your relationship isn''t pressure. I get so sick of hearing people say (on PS and in real life) that talking about marriage is pressure, it''s ruining it, etc. When two adults plan to commit to each other for the rest of their lives, both adults have every right to discuss engagement, marriage, kids, etc.

I totally agree that couples should be able to talk openly and honestly about these things! However, sometimes it comes across like the conversation goes something like, "*I''m* ready, everyone ELSE wants to know what the hold up is, so when are you going to do it already?!" Maybe that''s just how it comes across in text, but I think sometimes the frustration creeps into the discussion itself and that''s the sort of tone that is communicated. That *is* pressure. Not "I can''t wait for our life together to start officially! Can we sit down and figure out a rough idea of when the next steps will happen?" Pressure can also come from asking the same question over and over again, instead of rephrasing and asking for different information (i.e. if he doesn''t want to give an exact date, ask whether he sees you married a year from now, or two, or five). I am not saying the OP has done or is doing any of these, but we have to remember that there are two sides to every story. And on the internet, we don''t get very much to illuminate both sides, or even much of one side.

As the person who wasn''t ready first, it is not very nice to think of your loved one pushing for an answer when you love them very much but can''t tell them the exact day and time you will be ready to commit. Thankfully my boyfriend understands my reasons and feels the same way about our situation as I do and is happy to wait and plan for our life. Together.

 

[that_someone_special]

I agree with purrfectpear.
It DOES seem like a trend on here lately..

 

[iheartscience]

I totally see the difference, gwen, but it seems like if the OP and her boyfriend have bought a house together and he''s told her he wants to marry her, "almost" proposed to her, etc., trying to talk about when exactly this marriage is going to take place doesn''t qualify as pressure.

It seems like merely talking about your future with your boyfriend has now become equivalent to pressure. I see it over and over again here on the LIW board as well as in magazine articles, advice columns, etc. There is a big difference in trying to talk about your future and harassing your boyfriend to propose to you on a daily basis, and the former is not pressure!

 

[meresal]

Date: 11/18/2008 8:26:18 AM
Author: waitinlady
He said 'i get it, you want to get married but whats the problem?' i said i was confused and wanted to make sure we were on the same page because i know he loves me and wants to get married someday but then he says things like 'i almost proposed for your birthday but i changed my mind because planning a wedding is a lot of work.' and when people ask about us getting engaged he seems uncomfortable. he said he didnt remember saying he almost proposed so i shouldnt worry about it and i shouldnt worry what other people think about us. i said i want to know where we are in terms of how things will progress and that if we get engaged i want him to do it when hes ready and not because he felt pressure. he said 'i could wait years if i had to, i didnt know we had to live on a timeline! and this is so stupid, i wouldnt have bought a house with you if i didnt plan to marry you someday.' then he said he had to get away from me for a bit and walked away. what do i do? i feel like in getting really mixed signals.

I will try to find it, but we had a thread a while back, about how many people felt that their "plans" were delayed due to moving in together. You made the decision, and now have to live with it. (Technically you don't, but since you just moved in, I don't see that changing)

Sorry if it's harsh, but I've been there. Guys brains don't process like ours. I moved across a state, and into an apt with my FI(bf at the time) under the impression it would be less than 6 months. Well, I waited a year and a half. It was most definitely postponed once we moved in.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 11/18/2008 11:09:52 AM
Author: thing2of2
I totally see the difference, gwen, but it seems like if the OP and her boyfriend have bought a house together and he''s told her he wants to marry her, ''almost'' proposed to her, etc., trying to talk about when exactly this marriage is going to take place doesn''t qualify as pressure.


It seems like merely talking about your future with your boyfriend has now become equivalent to pressure. I see it over and over again here on the LIW board as well as in magazine articles, advice columns, etc. There is a big difference in trying to talk about your future and harassing your boyfriend to propose to you on a daily basis, and the former is not pressure!

I agree, honey. I have a friend who''s been dating her boyfriend for almost 8 years and he refuses to talk about ANYthing relating to the future because he shuts off when any topic comes up. They have NEVER, not ONCE, talked about marriage. They are not young; they''re both in their 30''s. I think she should''ve left years and YEARS ago (and I''ve told her so and she knows she should have), but she isn''t strong enough to be alone. I think sometimes people write about their relationships and despair a bit prematurely about whether or not he''s ready simply because they''ve been ready for ages and he isn''t NOW. Well, maybe there are good reasons. I know I have good reasons. Waiting a year or two in my opinion isn''t unreasonable if there are solid reasons and if both parties can talk about it and understand the other''s point of view.

But I think it sometimes sounds to me (perhaps incorrectly) like people are jumping the gun to be mad like the man''s never ever talked about marriage in almost 8 years together like my friend, when in fact it *is* talked about often but the woman isn''t hearing what she wants, so she keeps at it in hopes the answer will change to something more concrete, something sooner, etc. Maybe this is an incorrect impression, but there is a difference between being shut out of a conversation and not hearing what you want to hear. For the latter, there is always another way to say or ask something so that both parties are happy, but with the former, it''s a one-way street and indicative of much bigger relationship problems.

It''s not fair for someone to string his/her partner along, and if that''s what''s happening in anyone''s case, I hope things are done to change that. But no one is ever powerless over their situation either. I feel badly for my friend, but also angry and frustrated at her lack of action to take control back of her life. If it''s ever THAT bad, there''s always the option to leave!

Anyway, that big ol'' novel wasn''t directed at you, waitinlady, or you, thing m''dear. I think there are just times when I feel frustration on behalf of everyone in these posts, both the authors and the subjects of their venting, and just end up in a grumpy sort of mood.

 

[bubbly1126]

Date: 11/18/2008 11:27:26 AM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 11/18/2008 11:09:52 AM

Author: thing2of2

I totally see the difference, gwen, but it seems like if the OP and her boyfriend have bought a house together and he's told her he wants to marry her, 'almost' proposed to her, etc., trying to talk about when exactly this marriage is going to take place doesn't qualify as pressure.



It seems like merely talking about your future with your boyfriend has now become equivalent to pressure. I see it over and over again here on the LIW board as well as in magazine articles, advice columns, etc. There is a big difference in trying to talk about your future and harassing your boyfriend to propose to you on a daily basis, and the former is not pressure!

I agree, honey. I have a friend who's been dating her boyfriend for almost 8 years and he refuses to talk about ANYthing relating to the future because he shuts off when any topic comes up. They have NEVER, not ONCE, talked about marriage. They are not young; they're both in their 30's. I think she should've left years and YEARS ago (and I've told her so and she knows she should have), but she isn't strong enough to be alone. I think sometimes people write about their relationships and despair a bit prematurely about whether or not he's ready simply because they've been ready for ages and he isn't NOW. Well, maybe there are good reasons. I know I have good reasons. Waiting a year or two in my opinion isn't unreasonable if there are solid reasons and if both parties can talk about it and understand the other's point of view.


But I think it sometimes sounds to me (perhaps incorrectly) like people are jumping the gun to be mad like the man's never ever talked about marriage in almost 8 years together like my friend, when in fact it *is* talked about often but the woman isn't hearing what she wants, so she keeps at it in hopes the answer will change to something more concrete, something sooner, etc. Maybe this is an incorrect impression, but there is a difference between being shut out of a conversation and not hearing what you want to hear. For the latter, there is always another way to say or ask something so that both parties are happy, but with the former, it's a one-way street and indicative of much bigger relationship problems.


It's not fair for someone to string his/her partner along, and if that's what's happening in anyone's case, I hope things are done to change that. But no one is ever powerless over their situation either. I feel badly for my friend, but also angry and frustrated at her lack of action to take control back of her life. If it's ever THAT bad, there's always the option to leave!


Anyway, that big ol' novel wasn't directed at you, waitinlady, or you, thing m'dear. I think there are just times when I feel frustration on behalf of everyone in these posts, both the authors and the subjects of their venting, and just end up in a grumpy sort of mood.

I think this is a correct assumption, gwendolyn, for the most part.

However, in some cases, like mine for one, any kind of talk of marriage 6+ or so months ago, my BF would also completely shut down. It seemed as though I couldn't get any kind of info out of him about what he saw down the line for us or what. Over the years we had been together he and i would always talk about 'when we're married, when we have kids, etc' but when it came to a real-sit-down-and-talk-about-when-marriage-is-actually-going-to-happen? Yeah, right. He wouldn't budge at all. All he'd say is someday. This frustrated me to no end b/c if he had (and eventually did: we'll be engaged by the end of April... his timeline, not mine!) just told me where he stood on the engagement/marriage front then I wouldn't have gotten so angry & confused just like waitnlady.

A lot of times the guys just shut down and don't say anything at all b/c they're afraid of how we might take it or that it's not what we want to hear. In that case, you have to make sure that when you do sit down and talk you let them know that this is the time to be open and honest without anyone getting upset or mad.

So like I said, I agree with you b/c a lot of the time it is that we just get frustrated b/c they're not saying what he want to hear but other times, it IS just simply b/c they won't voice their view at all.

Wow, I just totally rambled. Hope that made sense!

ETA: I also think that it all has a lot to do with their personality in general. If he's stubborn (like my boy) then he might not voice anything b/c he doesn't feel like he has to.

 

[gwendolyn]

That made perfect sense, inhisarms17!! I know that both parties can be (and often are) equally at fault and know that my guy sometimes isn't sure or doesn't have a preference and waits for me to lead the way, so he gets afraid that he'll say the wrong thing too. So, yeah, I know what you're saying and agree with you.

I feel like this topic gets me a bit riled up, almost upset, and I am not sure why, unless it's just pent up feelings about my friend's situation. But this thread isn't about me, so nevermind my weirdness!

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 11/18/2008 11:48:32 AM
Author: gwendolyn
I feel like this topic gets me a bit riled up, almost upset, and I am not sure why, unless it''s just pent up feelings about my friend''s situation. But this thread isn''t about me, so nevermind my weirdness!

It always gets me riled up, too. I don''t know why, either! I have to admit that I am almost always on the side of the frustrated lady posting here because I do tend to generalize boy behavior, probably more so because of the LIW board!

I think that because I see so many similar posts here on the LIW board I just get riled up on behalf of all of them...maybe the same is true for you, gwen? That and your friend-what a horrible position to be in!

 

[purrfectpear]

Beats me all to heck why guys talk about marriage when they aren''t ready to get engaged?

I think it''s a combination of them getting carried away with the cuteness of the "idea" of having a wifey, and the fact that they know that marriage talk is music to their GFs ears.

I think they really do love and care for these women, otherwise they''d just be guys playing the field. They''re committed, just not 100%.

The telling thing is that when they are confronted with REAL expectations, like friends saying "you''re next" or "when are you guys getting engaged", they clam up. They put on track shoes and hustle off to a different conversation like they''re being chased by a rabid pack of wolves

One thing I''ve learned over my many years of relationship experiences is this...

It doesn''t matter what comes out of their mouths, it matters what they DO.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 11/18/2008 11:53:06 AM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 11/18/2008 11:48:32 AM

Author: gwendolyn

I feel like this topic gets me a bit riled up, almost upset, and I am not sure why, unless it''s just pent up feelings about my friend''s situation. But this thread isn''t about me, so nevermind my weirdness!

It always gets me riled up, too. I don''t know why, either! I have to admit that I am almost always on the side of the frustrated lady posting here because I do tend to generalize boy behavior, probably more so because of the LIW board!


I think that because I see so many similar posts here on the LIW board I just get riled up on behalf of all of them...maybe the same is true for you, gwen? That and your friend-what a horrible position to be in!

Hehe, sounds like we''re on two sides of the same coin then, since I think I usually come down on the side of the other person because I know how complicated my reasons are for not being ready to be engaged just yet!

 

[SuiteLady]

Date: 11/18/2008 9:05:09 AM
Author: purrfectpear
I have a different take on this. It sounds to me like he is ''the guy'' we''re starting to hear about more frequently on PS LIW. They love to ''play'' marriage, they love to ''talk'' marriage, they love to do everything except GET married.

No, I don''t think he''s just trying to throw her off the scent of his plans - I don''t think he HAS any plans.

No, I don''t think he was serious about getting married - and I don''t think she ruined it with pressure.

He wasn''t kidding when he said he could wait forever. He likes things just fine the way they are. He lives with her, they have a house together. From his perspective, why change anything...he''s happy.

These guys are faithful and I believe they love their GFs. They just don''t want to make the final commitment.

I thought the same things as purrfectpear. I hope that we are incorrect with this, but he didn''t have to be such a jerk about it. I can understand wanting to throw away the scent, but to be a jerk and not say that he would love to make you his wife? Mean!

 

[bubbly1126]

It doesn't matter what comes out of their mouths, it matters what they DO.

^Purrfectpear, these should be the LIW words to live by!!

 

[Bia]

Date: 11/18/2008 12:04:39 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Beats me all to heck why guys talk about marriage when they aren''t ready to get engaged?

I think it''s a combination of them getting carried away with the cuteness of the ''idea'' of having a wifey, and the fact that they know that marriage talk is music to their GFs ears.

I think they really do love and care for these women, otherwise they''d just be guys playing the field. They''re committed, just not 100%.

The telling thing is that when they are confronted with REAL expectations, like friends saying ''you''re next'' or ''when are you guys getting engaged'', they clam up. They put on track shoes and hustle off to a different conversation like they''re being chased by a rabid pack of wolves

One thing I''ve learned over my many years of relationship experiences is this...

It doesn''t matter what comes out of their mouths, it matters what they DO.

AMEN SISTER. From your keyboard to God''s ears...

 

[Allison D.]

Date: 11/18/2008 10:15:40 AM
Author: ckrickett

If you live together, bought a house and love each other in his eyes that might be a huge commitment (and it is) and he might think ''hey, things are pretty good''. I''m sure he PLANS on marrying you but it''s something that isn''t that important to him (maybe.. I''m speculating!). Some guys don''t care about marriage, weddings, it''s just not in there blood like us girls. But when they meet that special lady we tend to change there mind. But if you get the milk for free why the hell buy the cow!

You buy the cow because you realize that the cow wants to feel permanent in its pasture, and if it doesn''t, it just might find another pasture to stand in.

The milk, by the way, is never free.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 11/18/2008 12:04:39 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Beats me all to heck why guys talk about marriage when they aren''t ready to get engaged?

I think it''s a combination of them getting carried away with the cuteness of the ''idea'' of having a wifey, and the fact that they know that marriage talk is music to their GFs ears.

I think they really do love and care for these women, otherwise they''d just be guys playing the field. They''re committed, just not 100%.

The telling thing is that when they are confronted with REAL expectations, like friends saying ''you''re next'' or ''when are you guys getting engaged'', they clam up. They put on track shoes and hustle off to a different conversation like they''re being chased by a rabid pack of wolves

One thing I''ve learned over my many years of relationship experiences is this...

It doesn''t matter what comes out of their mouths, it matters what they DO.

Another AMEN! from me! You are so wise, purrfectpear! So very wise!

 

[gwendolyn]

I realize I'm arguing on my own here, but he *did* do something. Maybe it doesn't seem like a big deal to some, but buying a house with someone *is* quite a big commitment--so big, in fact, that lots of ladies here often suggest waiting for a ring before doing so with their boyfriends. Doesn't that count in his favour at all? Even a little bit?

I get that it's not THE thing she wants, but it is something. Shades of grey, not just black and white.

Now, my friend, who's been dating her boyfriend for almost 8 years and who hasn't had a single conversation with the boy (yes, boy) about their future knows he's been searching for a house for years. But he's said repeatedly it will be *his* house, not *their* house. So, it may not be much to most of you, but my friend would be on cloud nine if her boyfriend would make a commitment like buying a house together. He makes sure he keeps absolutely everything of theirs totally separate.