Wedding date blues

[Mara]

Date: 9/28/2005 4:02:13 PM
Author: lilyinct

by the way, is a circus wedding really a circus wedding? Acrobats and elephants and midgets?

WOW.... well if that''s the case then i say GO FOR IT.

I love circuses.

Will you wear a white tutu and walk the tightwire?

 

[lucia401]

I agree with curlygirl and I think it''s better for you to get married in 2006, otherwise where will be stress adding adding up. Would you consider hiring a wedding planner to help you plan the wedding since you are so busy with school? That way you can concentrate at school and won''t need to worry about the planning.

How about having a big wedding which your family desires first, then renew your vows on your anniversay in a cute little country church with your cousin present?

 

[allycat0303]

Decodedelight, you really are too funny, and I really, really hope I didn't drive you to cookie monster behavior. They weren't thrilled by "white boy

" I spent 5 years of hell before they decided that they loved him. I just don't have 5 years to convince them about a small wedding.

Actually, it was when my Grandma (Who is usually SO reasonable) joined the push that I realized this wedding meant a lot to them. She was so devestated when I talked about small wedding. So it's not an option. It's just a question of

How hard is it to plan this thing? Can I get it done in 1-2 full days?

And Lilyinct, Mara it's not going to be an actual circus!!!! I'd jump off the top of the BIG TOP before appearing in a white tutu.

You girls are too funny. But 250+ people, with all the Viet and Canadian trappings (Catholic, Buddhist and Mormon elements and how do you mix that???) , tea ceremony, engagement party, bride gifts/negotiations, about 3 different dresses, and of course, the relatives of each side getting offended, cause no Viet wedding is complete without a family feud.

So not a real circus, but compared to my dream 20 person country wedding, it seems like a circus to me.

I'm starting to lean toward 2007. Maybe I can do it and the US board exams??? I guess it depends on how hard it is to plan.....and how hard the board exams are

Jelly, Thanks, HUGS! You're too nice!

 

[sasa]

How about the ceremony with just the two of you with some close friend and family and have a big reception after....and you can do it separately....maybe have the ceremony and the reception few months later?

This is what we planning to do with our wedding....I want to have a small intimate wedding...but don''t want to shame my mom (I''m chinese, she want all her friends, relatives, co-worker to know I''m marry so no one will ask her is she pregnant? did she get marry?? Questions like that) so we''ll have a reception with all the friends, family etc.....

 

[abradabra]

Planning is not that hard if you are willing to:

a) Let other people make decisions for you, and

2) However cliche it is, not sweat the small stuff.

This is what I did to make my life easier: I picked a reception site I trusted and got their recommendations for vendors. I got a DJ, florist, photographer and gave them a general idea of what I liked, but told them I trusted their judgement and was surprised with everything the day of the wedding. It was a leap of faith. It could have turned out horribly. It didn''t, but I probably wouldn''t have cared either way. I figured someone else would always have a nicer wedding and I didn''t want to be a stress case.

If you are willing to not care about the details and just book the venues and big vendors (photographer, music, etc.)--planning won''t be time consuming or difficult. I had all my major vendors with 72 hours of my engagement because I just sat down and made some quick decisions. But, a lot of brides don''t like that and want to be involved in all the details. If you fall into the latter category, you''ll be very stressed out. It fundamentally comes down to your personality type and how you approach your wedding...

 

[FireGoddess]

Two words: NEXT YEAR. Enough blabla and psychobabble - I won't expound other than to say sorry about your cousin, but s/he just can't come. And that's that. If you have to rule out the following 3 years because of your work or whatever, then next year is it, and your cousin can't come. And that's that. If you are as close as you say, s/he will understand.

 

[Blue824]

Late response, just echoing what some other people said...

my ideas were.... 1. small ceremony with the 20 people and a big party! 2. the seperate ceremonies like ebree said or...3. a girl i work with eloped, most of her family doesnt know, her parents now know, but didnt when it happened. they wanted her to have a huge wedding, mostly for cultural reasons as well, after she finished school, and they had been dating forever and engaged for over a year and just wanted to be married already! they''ll still have a ceremony and then the huge party her parents wanted next summer. Might be an option for you?

If you''re happy with 2009, there''s nothing wrong with that, it does give you the time to concentrate on your schooling, but just seems so far away!

 

[AmberGretchen]

Hi Ally - I''m also chiming in late here and I''m sorry you''re having to cope with all this family stress and I can completely see where you are coming from. I won''t repeat others, but from a purely practical perspective, what about a wedding planner? If you have a wedding that size I think it makes total sense and you should save a fair amount of $$ with their ability to negotiate with vendors, etc... That way you really do only have to put in a couple of days worth fo planning, especially if you can, as others said, not sweat the small stuff - just give the wedding planner some basic color/theme input and let them take it from there.

Just a thought, but whenever you are planning, it might be something to consider...

 

[allycat0303]

Hey everyone,

Well my boyfriend and I stayed up late talking (unusual for us) because I''m usually go to bed really early. We went through all of it together, and both of us came to the conclusion that it really wasn''t feasible for us until 2008 or 2009. There really is too much going on (some stuff which I haven''t even mentioned in the posts) for any time before.

Well I feel better about the situation in the sense that we were able to reconnect on the situation, school has been taking much more of my life then I thought.

And although both of us aren''t 100% thrilled with the situation, we both felt better that we had a chance to talk it over. Our whole lives together has been about being patient, about waiting for the right time, so we''re used to it. He''s really amazing about all this. He just said he understands me, and that when he asked me to marry him, he knew what he was taking on. I guess after ten years, he knows my goals, thoughts, and feelings really well (maybe better then I thought). He''s surprisingly more tolerant and understanding of everything then I am.

So it''s going to be 2008, or 2009, when the time comes, I AM going to do as AmberGretchen suggested and get a wedding planner. Hopefully she (or he) will be able to coordinate everything and it will be reletively easy.

Somehow, knowing that he''s with me in all of this makes me feel better. I think we''re really lucky to have each other.

Thanks everyone for all your advice. It''s sitting a little better with me this morning

 

[fountainfairfax]

Allycat-

Whether you wait 1 year or 20 you''re still marrying the man of your dreams! I say devote yourself to a very secure future in medicine, honor your parents as best as possible while still being true to yourselves and IT WILL WORK OUT!!! We are basically almost to 2006 now, many people have 2 year engagements, so if you have a 3 or 4 yr engagement, so be it. Time does fly by, enjoy being engaged, enjoy that amazing Leon and enjoy each other...once the tough school stuff is out of the way you should celebrate with a wedding and a month-long honeymoon!

 

[gingerBcookie]

Hey sweetie! I''m super late chiming in, and it seems like you got things worked out in the best way for you so

YAY

for that! I just wanted to add my support in. I 5000% understand what you are going through and the familial ties we carry. My life has been built around my family''s needs and its very very hard to break the habit. I''m also torn between being American and being Vietnamese, and unfortunately, there are many areas where the two can be mutually exclusive. Not everyone can understand the dual existence that we live. Sounds like your man does and I am so happy for you that you found him. Can''t tell you how many of my girlfiends have had broken relationships when their guy can''t cope with the fact that we live two very different lives.

As for the circus wedding -- we are having what is considered a tiny wedding -- limited to 200 (only because FI and I chose a venue that limited us to this

), which with the size of our familes the guest makeup is ~120 CLOSE/immediate family, 30 family friends and 20 of our friends

. Just the thought of bringing up elopement with my parents makes me break out in a cold sweat. It just isn''t done. Much kudos to you for having the balls to discuss this with your parents!

.

As far as planning a wedding while in med school. Challenging, but not impossible. A good wedding planner and the ability to delegate and trust will make ALL the difference. Good luck with everything and keep us updated!