Wedding vs eloping....

[Bia]

Date: 7/8/2008 10:34:03 PM
Author: Izzy03
Date: 7/8/2008 8:50:14 PM
Author: Bia
I would LOVE a destination wedding. The only problem is BF's family is very large (all very close), and they live relatively in the same vicinity. Plus their family friends circle is expansive. My family is scattered in Mass and Florida, so it wouldn't be a big deal. We have discussed it. My family wants to pay for it and his wants to contribute as well, but judging by my BF's sister's wedding last year, anything really nice here in NY is going to cost in the $50K and upwards range...to me, that is just absurd to spend for one day! I would much rather put that $50K into our house fund, since at some point we will want to sell the apartment and move into a house.


Since BF is Puerto Rican and his family frequently travels there (usually once every year or every other), we are toying with the idea of having a wedding in PR. From what I hear you can have a gorgeous wedding there for 1/2 of what you'll spend in the States. I figure if I send out save-the-dates way ahead of time, it will give people plenty of notice and they can decide if joining us is feasible.


I'd love to hear what others have to say about them, if it was worth it or what not.
I am also Puerto Rican so that is where I would like to have the wedding, but I have a LOT of family there so my mom insists they would be offended if I did not invite them when they live just up the road. Hmmmm, eloping still sounds nice

Hmmm...that was weird. It didn't properly quote you.

My response:

Its tricky. They're family and yet sometimes you barely know them, or there is drama associated with them. Family drama is my problem on my side, so the idea of a DW where many of the invitees will likely not make it, sounds good to me

 

[Tessie]

"So we are probably going to get married in a simple ceremony on our honeymoon! Just the two of us.
I've already been looking into things (and I'm not even engaged yet! ahh...yeah...)"

"I just want to keep it simple and basically also keep it fair..by inviting NO ONE! That way no feelings are hurt.
If my parents want to throw us a "reception" later on we'd be happy to do that and see the extended family.
And we might throw a fun ( but casual) party for our local friends when we return just so everyone can take part in our celebration."

This is exactly what I want also, just the two of us + a photographer. Huge weddings don't sound fun for the bride (wouldn't for me anyways), I think the guests get the most benefit of the party.

 

[cbs102]

My fiance and i are doing this as well. we are getting married in jamaica. I actaully wanted to elope but my mom almost had a heart attack! so we basically have said- whoever would like to go on a vacation please by all means come to our wedding as well. i know with the economy the way it is that it will be hard for people to attend.. and i totally understand. personally, i just cannot think of a better way to start our lives together.. in a beautiful setting with the least amount of stress as possible!!

 

[surfgirl]

We eloped last summer. Kept it a secret from the family (except my sibling) and only told our friends we were engaged. It was fun having this really special secret and honestly, eloping was the most romantic thing! The only people who really need to hear wedding vows are the two people making those vows. Neither of us could imagine saying such personal things in front of a lot of people, family/friends or not. We're too private for that. Anyway, to those eloping, just remember that you can have all the wedding elements without all the fuss...dress, flowers, beautiful ceremony site, photos, special wedding dinner and wedding cake...We planned a mini wedding for two and we've never regretted it one minute...In fact, any time we see a wedding show on TV we both look at each other and say "are you glad we didn't do it that way?!?"

ETA: Judging from the responses we got all along the way from strangers - at the airport check in, on the flights, rentals cars, hotels, etc. - a lot of people WISH they'd eloped instead of opting for all the hoopla! Everyone we met along the way (I had a huge wedding dress bag so it was sort of obvious) asked us where/when we were getting married and then they'd ask "so are your guests meeting you up there...?" and when we said it was just the two of us and we were eloping, they got all misty eyed and wistful. It was rather sweet and funny, and I realized most of them felt like that's what they really had wanted to do, but couldn't. I say, as long as your family will understand your wishes, go for it!

 

[fieryred33143]

You know surfgirl, everyone tells me the same about weddings.

My mom had a big wedding. I think she had 12 bridesmaids so a bridal party of 24. And they had an insane number of guests. None of it was what she wanted. My dad was one of 7 and her MOH had to be my aunt because all of her family was in another country (my mom was first to come to the states at 19). Anyway, my aunt pretty much took over the planning and it blew up into a beautiful but unnecessary huge wedding.

Anyway, when I talk to her now about having one versus not, she always tells me not to. It''s really weird hearing a mother tell her one and only daughter (and her first born) not to have a wedding but she''s very firm. She always tells me, "take the money go on a kick a$$ honeymoon and if you want a party, I''ll make a lasagna and invite people over to the house. We''ll get balloons, it''ll be fun"

LOL

 

[Bia]

I wish people were telling me this. Instead I am feeling pressure to have a big wedding. Everyone in my circle has had one, or is planning one. A couple we know, who are close friends, had a ridiculously expensive wedding (upwards of 250K)--it was gorgeous, really stunning, but I don't think I could justify spending that much on one day. I mean, they could have used that money as a wonderful downpayment...instead they pay rent on a nice apartment.

I don't think I could elope because I need my close family with me but more and more the idea of a destination wedding (small and intimate) is appealing to me. Surfgirl, your wedding sounds like it was romantic, fun and very thought out--just lovely. Your family wasn't upset that they weren't included? I can't see our circle of fam/friends being very understanding if were to run off and get married alone.

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 7/16/2008 3:10:16 PM
Author: Bia
Surfgirl, your wedding sounds like it was romantic, fun and very thought out--just lovely. Your family wasn''t upset that they weren''t included?

To be honest, I was nervous to make the calls the next morning, but as hubby and I were eating wedding cake with our hands, I decided I''d better tell them. Both my parents were thrilled for us, actually. We''d been together a very long time though so for my family it was sort of like "it''s about time", but on the other hand, they considered him family anyway. We had considered inviting 4 couples to be with us that are our closest friends but with my crazy work/travel schedule, and the cost/time to get to our wedding location, we decided up to do a real elopement with just the two of us since that would be easiest and if we needed to postpone due to work, we wouldn''t be inconveniencing our friends who''d already bought tickets, etc. In the end it was really just perfect. I cant say enough good things about eloping. But we also kept it a secret from our families so we wouldn''t get any pre-wedding guilt or have people question our plans. I think that helped a lot. Because in the end, it''s a huge surprise to people and they''re just happy for you. There''s nothing to discuss because it''s a done deal.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 7/16/2008 2:46:46 PM
Author: fieryred33143
You know surfgirl, everyone tells me the same about weddings.


My mom had a big wedding. I think she had 12 bridesmaids so a bridal party of 24. And they had an insane number of guests. None of it was what she wanted. My dad was one of 7 and her MOH had to be my aunt because all of her family was in another country (my mom was first to come to the states at 19). Anyway, my aunt pretty much took over the planning and it blew up into a beautiful but unnecessary huge wedding.


Anyway, when I talk to her now about having one versus not, she always tells me not to. It's really weird hearing a mother tell her one and only daughter (and her first born) not to have a wedding but she's very firm. She always tells me, 'take the money go on a kick a$$ honeymoon and if you want a party, I'll make a lasagna and invite people over to the house. We'll get balloons, it'll be fun'


LOL

Not to Threadjack, and late at that, but Fiery, I would pay money to have your mom. I love my mom, but she is really making the concept of an elopement sound like I'm Rosemary's Baby!

Surfgirl, your wedding sounds like it was perfect. *crosses fingers for my own*

 

[francesfarmer]

surfgirl did you have a casual celebration with your family/friends afterward? Your wedding sounds like my ideal wedding! I''m glad you enjoyed it. I like that it was a surprise, it sounds very romantic.

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 7/17/2008 11:47:13 AM
Author: francesfarmer
surfgirl did you have a casual celebration with your family/friends afterward? Your wedding sounds like my ideal wedding! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I like that it was a surprise, it sounds very romantic.

Actually, we were considering that but had nothing planned when we eloped. However, as soon as we got home and I spoke with my aunt, she mentioned that when my mother called her with the news, my mother was babbling on and on and said something like, "I'm not sure what or where we're doing something but I'm sure we'll be having a reception/party soon..." and right then and there I thought "no freaking way." It immediately felt like all the crap we wanted to avoid by eloping, would rear it's head if we started planning a shindig. My sibling offered to throw us a wedding party anywhere we wanted and we thought about it but in the end, we decided that we already had the most perfect, romantic, gorgeous wedding and we didn't want to ruin it with planning a party that would essentially bring up all the hoopla that we purposely wanted to avoid, hence eloping. For us, it was the right thing. I can understand those who want a party but for us a party would have been contradictory to why we eloped in the first place.

 

[TravelingGal]

It never crossed my mind to elope. I, for one, am so glad I had my wedding.

The key for me was to just enjoy it and not stress about "wedding stuff". The only time I remotely came to stressing was when my man bought a guestbook that looked more appropriate for a funeral home...and even that turned out fine and funny. I really think I just had a low key wedding...a party to celebrate with all my friends.

Our wedding was 50 people...we had to be choosy on who we invited. Got married on the beach locally without chairs or decoration. My husband and I had been through a lot to be together, so I was very happy to be able to share that happiness with my close friends and family. I will always treasure the looks of absolute joy on our parents'' faces.

If you do elope, I vote to go to route of surfgirl. I kind of agree that it defeats the purpose to elope and then come back to trying to arrange a post-elopement party. As far as elopement goes, I think surfgirl did it "properly" and beautifully.