Weight Gain

[lovelee]

I’m so aggravated…. I wasn’t going to do this but geez!Isn’t it normal for a couple to both gain a little “happy” weight after being together over 3 years?Anyways,HE has the audacity to tell me that I’ve put on some weight.Like I had no clue my jeans were tighter. How dare he... right? Then he tries to backtrack and make amends by saying that we''ve both put on some weight. Too late buddy.

For the record... I''m wearing all the same clothes, they''re just more snug.

How would ya''ll react? He''s been in the doghouse for four days now and I might just send him on to the pound because he doesn''t really show any remorse... He''s like, "Why are you so upset?" GRRRRR

Am I overreacting? Has your guy ever said anything along these lines?

Ok, thanks for letting me vent.

 

[zilaras]

I think...sometimes men do not think before they speak. i would be angry too. One time my SO made some comment about a girl who shouldn''t be wearing shorts- because she had a lot of cellulite. Then I said something along the lines of most women have cellulite- stating that i have some... and he was like " yeah you do have it". blunt much?

 

[LegacyGirl]

I''ve put on 20lbs in 6 months from stress. I know how you feel- just 10x worse. My clothes do not fit at all. I hit the gym this morning.

 

[absolut_blonde]

Well, what did he say specifically? While I don''t think it''s acceptable for either person in a relationship to put the other down or make disparaging comments about their appearance, I *might* be able to see both sides on this one (again, really depends on what he said). SO and I kind of have a deal about this topic, though, so maybe it''s a bit different for us.

And like someone else mentioned, guys often don''t think before they speak! I remember one time my (super nice, non-jerky) ex was like ''I love your butt! It''s so big!''. WTF? Haha. I know I have a bubble butt, but still!

Sometimes things come out of their mouths in the worst possible way. Not that it makes it ok-- just sayin''. Sometimes I don''t think they intend for things to sound as bad as they do.

 

[Lexie]

Weight is definitely a touchy subject, and one in which guys should tread very lightly

Us gals are very sensitive creatures. What was his tone of voice when he asked that particular question? Was he being very negative and serious, or was it light-hearted? Has he mentioned that more than once? Was he making weight-loss plans for you already?

If it makes you feel any better, my boyfriend and I have both put on some weight while being together. It''s not like we''ve completely "let ourselves go," but when you''re in a relationship for a while, you tend to get lax about certain things. I don''t really have a problem eating healthier, but I don''t have the motivation to go work out by myself, so I think we''re both going to start doing it together.

If I were you, I would talk to him again and tell him how awful that comment made you feel. Hopefully he''ll apologize profusely, and if you have a plan to perhaps lose a little bit of weight, maybe you could ask for his support? And hopefully he''ll have learned his lesson

 

[lovelee]

Date: 4/18/2008 1:13:41 PM
Author: zilaras
I think...sometimes men do not think before they speak. i would be angry too. One time my SO made some comment about a girl who shouldn''t be wearing shorts- because she had a lot of cellulite. Then I said something along the lines of most women have cellulite- stating that i have some... and he was like '' yeah you do have it''. blunt much?

He DIDN''T!!! So I''m not the only one that loves a colossal jerk? We should start a support group.

I''m kidding, I''m sure he''s a sweet guy.

Mine is usually sweet too, which is why I was so shocked.
Good to know I''m not the only girl out there that has an especially dense Y chromosome to deal with.

 

[sklingem]

BAD MOVE on his part. Rules to remember:
- Do not comment on GF''s/Fiancee''s/SO''s/Wife''s weight
- Do not comment on GF''s/Fiancee''s/SO''s/Wife''s hair
- Do not comment on GF''s/Fiancee''s/SO''s/Wife''s shoes
You SO needs to learn how to make constructive criticisms without directly attacking you.
Maybe you should have a talk and tell him how to do it RIGHT.
Examples:
"Honey, how do you feel about going to the gym together or do some other exercise so that we both don''t have to hold our breath when we get our pants on?"
"Honey, while I love your haircut, don''t you think that letting it grow longer/cutting it shorter would show off your lovely facial features even better?"
"Honey, you have been wearing these shoes (which I secretely hate) for a while and I think that other/new ones would better match your wardrobe. Do you feel like looking for new ones?"
You should also tell your SO that his comments really upset you.
Cheers!

 

[lovelee]

Date: 4/18/2008 1:27:45 PM
Author: Lexie
Weight is definitely a touchy subject, and one in which guys should tread very lightly

Us gals are very sensitive creatures. What was his tone of voice when he asked that particular question? Was he being very negative and serious, or was it light-hearted? Has he mentioned that more than once? Was he making weight-loss plans for you already?

If it makes you feel any better, my boyfriend and I have both put on some weight while being together. It''s not like we''ve completely ''let ourselves go,'' but when you''re in a relationship for a while, you tend to get lax about certain things. I don''t really have a problem eating healthier, but I don''t have the motivation to go work out by myself, so I think we''re both going to start doing it together.

If I were you, I would talk to him again and tell him how awful that comment made you feel. Hopefully he''ll apologize profusely, and if you have a plan to perhaps lose a little bit of weight, maybe you could ask for his support? And hopefully he''ll have learned his lesson

It seems like we''re in the same situation. I think his intentions were for us to both get back in shape but BOOOY his approach was IDIOTIC to put it delicately.

He was frustrated that he was always the one taking charge of the workouts, eating healthy etc. (ex: I always have ice cream at Jason''s Deli, and he never does)
He was being pretty negative and we got in a pretty big fight... he did say some things that basically told me that he was worried/scared that I was going to blow up after getting married.

But, I guess I was being a little defensive too (only natural) and I didn''t say that I wasn''t going to blow up after getting married...

 

[lovelee]

Date: 4/18/2008 1:29:20 PM
Author: rob09
BAD MOVE on his part. Rules to remember:
- Do not comment on GF''s/Fiancee''s/SO''s/Wife''s weight
- Do not comment on GF''s/Fiancee''s/SO''s/Wife''s hair
- Do not comment on GF''s/Fiancee''s/SO''s/Wife''s shoes
You SO needs to learn how to make constructive criticisms without directly attacking you.
Maybe you should have a talk and tell him how to do it RIGHT.
Examples:
''Honey, how do you feel about going to the gym together or do some other exercise so that we both don''t have to hold our breath when we get our pants on?''
''Honey, while I love your haircut, don''t you think that letting it grow longer/cutting it shorter would show off your lovely facial features even better?''
''Honey, you have been wearing these shoes (which I secretely hate) for a while and I think that other/new ones would better match your wardrobe. Do you feel like looking for new ones?''
You should also tell your SO that his comments really upset you.
Cheers!

HAHA I LOVE it! Rules to live by... I''ll make sure I post them to the fridge.

 

[CNOS128]

Yeah, I don''t like it when BF comments about my weight. Actually, he doesn''t comment about my weight, but after almost 2 years of dating, when I say things like, "Ugh, I''m so fat!" he''s stopped protesting and started suggesting that we hit the gym. Which is fine, because I know he loves my body (cuz he tells me so all the time) and I wouldn''t mind getting into better shape or getting him into better shape, either.

Ya know, for our health.

I don''t, however, care if he comments negatively about my shoes or hair. He generally possesses a good deal of tact and I also value his opinions -- plus, if he doesn''t like something I''m wearing I feel secure enough to wear it anyway, knowing I like it. And I would feel patronized if he tried to tell me he hated my shoes by "disguising" his comment as a helpful suggestion.

Most guys pick up on the fact that weight is a sensitive issue for some women after awhile, but if they don''t it sometimes helps to hit them over the head with it. It can''t hurt to put it out there, like a "I know I''ve gained 7 pounds this year, and I''d like to get back into shape - but your comments aren''t helping me do that" kinda thing. Also -- if I were to tell BF that he''d gained weight (which I''d never do) -- he totally wouldn''t be offended, so sometimes it''s hard to see how another person would be.

 

[HisLadyLove]

I have definately put on some (alot more than I can stomach) weight in the past few months as well! I definately know how you feel!!! My SO other doesn''t throw it around in my face but I do feel disgusted with myself for letting it get to this point! He tells me I''m beautiful the way I am, but if I feel so horrible about myself than do something about it!! It is hard for me because I LOVE GOOD FOOD!!! Its very hard b/c I''ve always gone up and down in weight but when it goes up, I''m down

I get upset mostly b/c my SO always like petite women (we were very close friends before dating so I know this) and although he loves me for me no matter what, I just get scared he will look at me one day and not like what he sees! (been there before in another LTR) I''m only 5''1 so as you can imagine if I put on 5 pounds you can definately notice!

So in other words, it isn''t SO making me feel bad about my extra weight (20 pounds)... I''m in a battle with myself! Sorry for the rambling but I just wanted you to know you sooooo are not alone about the "happy weight"!!!!

 

[musey]

Date: 4/18/2008 1:13:41 PM
Author: zilaras
I think...sometimes men do not think before they speak.

Very, very true. Early in our relationship, FI and I were grocery shopping and I picked up a box of those snackwell's devil's food cookies... FI glanced over and said "Are you sure you want to buy that?"

Not two seconds later, even before the 'look of death,' he was apologizing profusely.

He'll never live it down. Poor guy, his parents had trained him to say stuff like that to discourage them from eating badly, so when I picked up the sweets it just popped out.

He sure knows better now, though!


Anyway, if you're still wearing the same jeans it couldn't be more than what... 3, 5 pounds? How does he even notice that??

 

[gwendolyn]

I''ve gained some weight this year too, being stuck in my dorm room studying most of the time and having little say over what I eat since the school feeds me. I hate it, I''ve been trying to walk everywhere and bought a mini exercise bike, but it hasn''t done much. I say things now and then to J about it, and he just tells me to shut up and stop beating myself up over it. I should mention, though, that he''s always been reeeeeally good about this particular thing, which means a LOT to me since past boyfriends have told me they were didn''t think they could keep dating me because they weren''t sure they could find me physically attractive due to my size (I''m a plus-size chick, in case that much wasn''t clear). So, yeah, this is one area where J excels to the Nth degree, which is just what I need since I''m hard enough on myself for the two of us!

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Date: 4/18/2008 1:48:34 PM
Author: TheBigT
Yeah, I don''t like it when BF comments about my weight. Actually, he doesn''t comment about my weight, but after almost 2 years of dating, when I say things like, ''Ugh, I''m so fat!'' he''s stopped protesting and started suggesting that we hit the gym. Which is fine, because I know he loves my body (cuz he tells me so all the time) and I wouldn''t mind getting into better shape or getting him into better shape, either.

Ya know, for our health.

I don''t, however, care if he comments negatively about my shoes or hair. He generally possesses a good deal of tact and I also value his opinions -- plus, if he doesn''t like something I''m wearing I feel secure enough to wear it anyway, knowing I like it. And I would feel patronized if he tried to tell me he hated my shoes by ''disguising'' his comment as a helpful suggestion.

Most guys pick up on the fact that weight is a sensitive issue for some women after awhile, but if they don''t it sometimes helps to hit them over the head with it. It can''t hurt to put it out there, like a ''I know I''ve gained 7 pounds this year, and I''d like to get back into shape - but your comments aren''t helping me do that'' kinda thing. Also -- if I were to tell BF that he''d gained weight (which I''d never do) -- he totally wouldn''t be offended, so sometimes it''s hard to see how another person would be.

He was totally out of line, but this post tells me you share some of the blame. He wants to be healthier and look good for you and you don''t want to put in the same effort. If I were in his shoes, I would be fairly upset about it too.

There is no law that you have to let yourself go. I was larger at one point in my relationship, but yesterday I ran a 7:30 minute mile in large part because I want to look good for my FI, even after 4 1/2 years and he does the same for me. My parents had their 24th aniversery on Tuesday, and they both look amazing. Neither of them has gained any weight in part because it would be unfair to the one was really trying.

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 4/18/2008 2:12:55 PM
Author: brazen_irish_hussy

He was totally out of line, but this post tells me you share some of the blame. He wants to be healthier and look good for you and you don''t want to put in the same effort. If I were in his shoes, I would be fairly upset about it too.


There is no law that you have to let yourself go. I was larger at one point in my relationship, but yesterday I ran a 7:30 minute mile in large part because I want to look good for my FI, even after 4 1/2 years and he does the same for me. My parents had their 24th aniversery on Tuesday, and they both look amazing. Neither of them has gained any weight in part because it would be unfair to the one was really trying.

Er... was this response meant for me? Because I don''t think my BF was ever out of line or that I was to blame for anything... and I haven''t let myself go....

 

[absolut_blonde]

There is no law that you have to let yourself go. I was larger at one point in my relationship, but yesterday I ran a 7:30 minute mile in large part because I want to look good for my FI, even after 4 1/2 years and he does the same for me. My parents had their 24th aniversery on Tuesday, and they both look amazing. Neither of them has gained any weight in part because it would be unfair to the one was really trying.

This is what I was trying to get at, but I was afraid I''d be flamed! SO and I basically made a pact that we won''t let ourselves go -- even down the road when we do move in together, marry, etc. I''m not pointing fingers or saying this is the case for anyone here because weight can be influenced by a number of other factors (children, hormones, medications). But I do know people IRL where that definitely happened. Sometimes people get comfortable and get, well.... a bit lazy. Some people care, others don''t. SO''s ex gained 40lbs after they moved in together (and I hear she was petite to begin with) which I know bothered him. Attraction is important in relationship and there are health considerations as well. Of course, we still love each other regardless.

Again though, every relationship is different -- some people might get angry or offended by such a discussion (and that''s ok) but for us it works.

 

[choro72]

Oh lovelee, sounds like your BF's words slipped right out of his mouth before he thought about it. Boys...

I have sort of the opposite problem...I gained 20+++lbs in 2 months last year. That's right, TWO!. BF loves curves, so that wasn't an issue. I've now lost all the weight, and BF never fails to mention how sexy I look now, and it's undeniable that he's been more "touchy". Now this is putting pressure on me to not gain another ounce...He always says that as long as he is able to put his arms around my shoulder there isn't a problem, but what's a girl to think when he is obviously more attracted to the "thinner" me??

BTW, it took me 9 (NINE!!) months to lose those darn weight. It was hard! Why does it take 2 months to gain weight, and 9 months to lose it!!??? Grr.

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 4/18/2008 2:28:44 PM
Author: choro72
Oh lovelee, sounds like your BF's words slipped right out of his mouth before he thought about it. Boys...

I have sort of the opposite problem...I gained 20+++lbs in 2 months last year. That's right, TWO!. BF loves curves, so that wasn't an issue. I've now lost all the weight, and BF never fails to mention how sexy I look now, and it's undeniable that he's been more 'touchy'. Now this is putting pressure on me to not gain another ounce...He always says that as long as he is able to put his arms around my shoulder there isn't a problem, but what's a girl to think when he is obviously more attracted to the 'thinner' me??

BTW, it took me 9 (NINE!!) months to lose those darn weight. It was hard! Why does it take 2 months to gain weight, and 9 months to lose it!!??? Grr.

LOL seriously!!! Man!!! I stopped dancing after college (no time or money, and we're talking 8 hours a week of serious cardio and strength training!

) and gained probably 20lbs over 6 months or something. But he did too. Not 20 though, another annoying man thing!

So we bought a bowflex. And now I use it more than him.

I don't know about the whole 'letting yourself go' thing. I mean it's one thing to do it for yourself, but to keep your SO attracted to you?! Please. If he won't love me as much at 300lbs as he does at 150, well then I don't wanna be with him. But that's just me!

 

[that_someone_special]

In the last year and a half, my BF and I have gained 30lbs-- EACH since we started dating. It was so weird!!! Since we gained it together, we''re working on losing it together, it''s just that we''re such bad influences on each other. I''ve quit drinking and am getting my veggies in, where as he is doing more walks. Hopefully we can merge that together. Now, if he EVER mentioned my flab like that... rawr...

he''d be more than in the dog house!

 

[Smurfysmiles]

.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 4/18/2008 3:16:46 PM
Author: sunnyd
Date: 4/18/2008 2:28:44 PM


LOL seriously!!! Man!!! I stopped dancing after college (no time or money, and we''re talking 8 hours a week of serious cardio and strength training!

) and gained probably 20lbs over 6 months or something. But he did too. Not 20 though, another annoying man thing!

So we bought a bowflex. And now I use it more than him.


I don''t know about the whole ''letting yourself go'' thing. I mean it''s one thing to do it for yourself, but to keep your SO attracted to you?! Please. If he won''t love me as much at 300lbs as he does at 150, well then I don''t wanna be with him. But that''s just me!

I completely agree. To be perfectly honest, when I think of people who put in their prenups that if one of them gets unfit and doesn''t work to do anything about it, that is terms for divorce...seriously, is that what it''s come down to? things like that make me realize why some people don''t want to get married in the first place.

secondly, i totally understand about the dancing thing because i used to have 3 classes a week for 2-3 hours each and then i quit and totally gained weight. my bf has been super supportive, in the 3 years we''ve dated he has never once told me to lose weight, he knows that i know that i need to do it on my own which i gradually am doing. call me selfish but i would never lose weight for my SO just to please him, thats what my personality is for, i only would lose weight to keep myself healthy so we can grow old together. and by that i mean i would not lose weight just so he would find me sexually appealing because i certainly know that he does.

sorry about the rant.

 

[noelwr]

of course there are more tactful ways of discussing this subject, but I think it hurts so much because we know it's true (yes, I have gained weight) and that we don't like the way it's changed our bodies (yes, I actually preferred my body before I had gained the weight). so basically, they are just confirming something we're already angry at ourselves about and making us confront it.

my fiance actually has the opposite problem. he is already 35, but he has such a high metabolism it is very difficult to gain weight so he is over the moon if someone tells him he has gained weight. I am unfortunately not so lucky and am gaining the usual 2lbs per year. yes, I do prefer the way I used to look when I was 24 and yes, it is my own fault for gaining the weight, not eating healthier and not exercising. and yes, he keeps pointing out that if I don't exercise I can't expect to get anything thinner and he is right, but so hard to hear from someone who doesn't need any exercise!

 

[honey22]

Ok, I will share this just to make you feel better, probably going to embarass the hell out of me though...

When my partner and I first met 12 years ago, I was A LOT smaller than I have been during our relationship. When I met him I was starving myself, doing lots of silly diet things and basically had a early stage eating disorder. I found my man, fell in love, got a car (stopped running to catch the bus everyday) and over the next several years put on 57kg - yep that's around 125 pounds. I have only myself to blame for the most of it (I was taking medication for about 5 years and I only found out when I stopped taking it that women doing the clinical trials for it, gained on average 30kg!! Information I could have used, like, yesterday!!!).

Anyway, I have since lost 55 pounds and well on my way to getting my weight back on track. I won't be back at the weight I started as I was too thin, but I would love to lose another 40-50 pounds. I can finally say I am starting to feel really good about myself again, it's been so long since I have felt positive about my body. I know I still have a long way to go, but for the first time in ages I can shop at normal clothes stores and look like I fit in.

My dear partner has NEVER said anything negative about my weight. NEVER EVER. Even when we have had massive barneys when we were younger and screaming all sorts of insults at each other in the heat of the moment, he never went near that topic as he knows how humiliated and ashamed I am of my weight gain. I can't tell you what a support he has been when there have been times I have felt at my lowest point in my life, and it just wasn't worth living, he was there to support me and make me feel better and more positive about myself. He has always loved me no matter what, always told me I was sexy and beautiful when inside I was so angry at myself and hating my body. I have had friends be truly amazed that he felt like this, I think many people find it hard to believe that a bigger woman can be attractive too.

The point I am trying to make I guess is that he should be there to support you. You should calmly try and explain to him that you are well aware of your minor weight gain and that you are feeling a bit sensitive about it, and could he please be a bit more understanding. I am sure that if he knows you are feeling this way, he would feel really bad, and wouldn't want you to be upset.

I do think it's commen for couples to put on some weight when they settle into a relationship. I guess we all just have to work a bit harder. But if you are comfortable with the way you look now, then that's all that matters. You should be loved for the person you are, not the 'shell' your soul is living in. Try not to let it get to you, I am sure after he realises you feel like this, he won't be making any blase comments about your weight anymore.

ETA - it's funny, as soon as I pressed submit on this post I felt so ashamed that I wanted to take it all back. But, I think it's important for woman to feel like they can have support about their weight if they need it. I guess I feel really passionate about that, as I have been there done that kind of thing.

 

[diamondfan]

There are two sides to things in my view.

I want to think my partner loves me no matter what, and accepts me for me, and that no matter how I looked it would not matter, he would want me to be healthy and not just thin. But if I ask myself honestly, if my husband gained a ton of weight, I would not be thrilled, mostly for his health more than anything. I would want him, if he could, to try to lose weight. If it was totally out of his control, that is fine, and I love him unconditionally. But if it is something he can address I would want to gently help him to do so. I also would want to feel that my relationship is open and honest and if I gained and my hubby was unhappy about it, that he could broach it nicely (when I was not near anything sharp) and I could hear it, not love it, but accept it. I would hate him to keep feelings that are important to him away from me. Now, I am not saying make shamu jokes or be cruel but if he feels I should be healthier and be more in tune to my body, I would respect hearing it from him.

I have been a size 0 (high school) up to a 12 post baby when I was still losing the weight. I was a 2 4 years ago, and just too thin. I did not think then but I was. Then, hit with fibro and migraines and chronic fatigue, exercise took a back seat and comfort eating began. I gained weight. I am losing it now, I am an 8 but really am less concerned with size since in some clothes I need larger sizes and in some I need smaller due to cut, so I am really more concerned with overall shape, tone, and HOW I FEEL. I just would not want someone sizing me up no pun intended, and making remarks...it is not the kindest or most helpful way to go about motivating someone.

 

[choro72]

diamondfan, I completely agree with you. SO has asked me several times if I would be attracted to him if he ballooned up to be a whale. I always answered that I wouldn''t have a problem with how he looked, but I will have a problem with the lifestyle that caused that dramatic change. Of course if it''s a medical problem then that''s another story.

 

[diamondfan]

No one wants to be superficial, you love someone for many things, not just their appearance, but being attracted to someone is important in a romantic relationship. I know I feel bad at a higher weight, and would want him to care enough to get to the bottom of it all in a kind manner.

This is a tough issue, comedians always make jokes about a man being nuts to tell a wife she looks big, even if she asks DIRECTLY. (Does my butt look big in these pants?!)

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 4/20/2008 1:28:19 AM
Author: honey22
ETA - it''s funny, as soon as I pressed submit on this post I felt so ashamed that I wanted to take it all back. But, I think it''s important for woman to feel like they can have support about their weight if they need it. I guess I feel really passionate about that, as I have been there done that kind of thing.

I for one am glad you didn''t take it all back. I have some idea of what you''ve been through, having weight issues myself, and know that even now at 30, I still have a very hard time talking about it. From what little I know of you, honey, you''re an awesome woman, and your boyfriend is an amazing guy. I think you two deserve all the happiness, love strength and support you get from each other.

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 4/20/2008 3:23:32 PM
Author: choro72
diamondfan, I completely agree with you. SO has asked me several times if I would be attracted to him if he ballooned up to be a whale. I always answered that I wouldn''t have a problem with how he looked, but I will have a problem with the lifestyle that caused that dramatic change. Of course if it''s a medical problem then that''s another story.

Choro, I asked my BF after we''d been dating for a few months if he''d date someone who was considerably overweight - and he gave me that exact same answer!! He said he''d be worried about the lifestyle that made the person overweight and also about what they were capable of doing. We''re both pretty active and I think it really would concern him if we couldn''t run around and go for long hikes and such...

 

[honey22]

Date: 4/20/2008 4:02:55 PM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 4/20/2008 1:28:19 AM

Author: honey22

ETA - it''s funny, as soon as I pressed submit on this post I felt so ashamed that I wanted to take it all back. But, I think it''s important for woman to feel like they can have support about their weight if they need it. I guess I feel really passionate about that, as I have been there done that kind of thing.

I for one am glad you didn''t take it all back. I have some idea of what you''ve been through, having weight issues myself, and know that even now at 30, I still have a very hard time talking about it. From what little I know of you, honey, you''re an awesome woman, and your boyfriend is an amazing guy. I think you two deserve all the happiness, love strength and support you get from each other.

Gwendolyn - you are such a sweetheart. Thankyou so much for your kind words, you have really touched me, I am feeling a little teary here at work this morning.

I think we are quite alike from the little I know about you too, I always read your posts and seem to understand where you are coming from and can relate to what you are saying. You too seem like a strong confident woman, so don''t let the weight issue drag you down! I know some days are really hard, but if you keep at it, it will get better. Staying positive is the best thing, and you are so incredibly lucky to have such a sweet supportive partner. I honestly couldn''t have got this far on my weight loss journey without P - he has been such a support, even when I have been a brat and feeling down and sorry on myself, he has never given up on me and always encouraged me.

I really can''t wait until you and your partner are together again!! You too sound like you have a great relationship. I know you never really a relationship from the outside, but you you two sound like you are in this for the long haul - and I can just imagine you two growing old together!

I also like to keep in mind that I am not fat - I am just vertically challenged!!!

Totally as a side note - it''s his 30th birthday tomorow so I can''t wait to suprise him with his presents and spoil him rotten! He is such a deserving man! I have organised all the presents he wanted (which is very unusual he asks for anything, and even then the things he asked for are not expensive - ie. cheap watch to wear surfing, a fire poker, wood box, etc). I also got him a coffee maker cause he loves good coffee in the morning. We are throwing him a big party on Sat night for 40 of our close friends at home. We are having it catered so P and I can just swan around the party mingling with our friends - which means I don''t have to be in the kitchen all night, I can just drink bubbly and enjoy spending time with my baby and his friends. He so deserves this night, I can''t wait to show him a good time! Who knows? Maybe he might like a fiance for his birthday

 

[Haven]

I think that a part of being a good partner is looking out for you and helping you take care of yourself when you''re not doing the best job, for example if you''re gaining weight. Perhaps your BF didn''t say it in the most tactful way, but I''m guessing his intentions were good.

As for putting him in the doghouse for several days--does this mean that you''ve been mad at him for all this time? Are you treating him differently because of his comment about your weight gain? This sounds like an overreaction to me, and if I were him I''d think you were being a bit immature about the situation. But that''s just me, and I''m just trying to give you an honest response. I would have probably let him know in an adult way that I didn''t appreciate his comment by saying "Honey, I appreciate that you''re probably just trying to help me, but that comment hurt my feelings." Simple as that.