What do you do when you are hit on???

[LitigatorChick]

I don''t know if it is spring time in Calgary and the men are a little randy up here after being pent up all winter, but I am getting hit on in random locations on a daily basis. The other day, I was walking downtown, and a random guy strikes up a conversation with me and my GF, I ignore it since I figure he knows her, and then he asks me out for lunch! Then I go to starbucks WITH MY KID and a young guy gives me this goofy look and says "looking hot". What the hell? I am a married woman with a 2 year old!

Anyway, how does a gal tastefully handle this? I simply said to the "lunch invite" guy - no thank you, and nothing to starbucks guy. I want to be respectful and kind, but I kind of find this strange.

 

[neatfreak]

To the starbucks type guy, I usually just take it as a compliment and say "Thanks, my husband thinks so too!" That usually shuts them up fast. Except to the guys who LIKE hitting on married women...then there isn't anything else to say anyway!

 

[nytemist]

If it''s a nice guy- If they come to me and start up a conversation, I will just go along with casual conversation until they say something along the lines of ''are you single'', ''can we go to dinner''. I let them down very easy and say ''sorry, no I can''t; I''m married''. One story- I was at the bar at Cheesecake and a guy sat down next to me, noticing that I was into watching the football game on tv. He says ''so you''re into football?'' Yep sure am. We started talking (since I can talk football with the best of them) then about tattoos, other sports, general stuff. Later he says ''wow, you''re aren''t a typical girly girl... what''s my luck that you are single?'' (he was sitting on my right side, so he didn''t notice the rings) I said no I''m not, I''m already married. His poor face fell, like he was not allowed to talk to me anymore. I said that doesn''t mean we still can''t talk. And we did until DH got there. To which the guys says ''you''re such a lucky one to get the one-of-the-guys kind of girl.''

Since guys are so used to being shot down harshly, I try to be nice so they aren''t a jerk to the next woman they want to talk to.

If it''s a rude/creepy guy- I ignore them or speak in a way that conveys the message that I have no interest in talking to them. If they''re persistent, I can get rude. I''m prepared for that since I''m sort of used to men saying some mean things to me in public.

Though I must say one time in the bookstore a guy found it interesting that I was in the occult section (since I''m Wiccan) and we chatted for a bit. Before leaving he says "Well, too bad that I''m too old for you, we could have fascinating dinner conversation, but I''m 29. Have a good day.'' I started to really laugh since I was about 33-34 at the time.

 

[miraclesrule]

Hey, you''re a hottie with a toddler (who was probably wearing some hot shoes too). What man couldn''t resist that? Trust me, it would be worse if nobody ever hit on you.

Besides, you can always tell them you know a few single people and pass along their number.

 

[LitigatorChick]

I agree that I don''t want to be rude, unless they are being offensive to me. I just want to have a nice way of saying, thanks for being interested in me, but I''m taken.

 

[butterfly 17]

Date: 5/28/2008 10:05:03 AM
Author: LitigatorChick
I agree that I don''t want to be rude, unless they are being offensive to me. I just want to have a nice way of saying, thanks for being interested in me, but I''m taken.

I think that about sums it up. Why not say just what you wrote?

 

[LitigatorChick]

I guess I am just shy and shocked when these things happen. I usually end up with this deer in the head lights look.

 

[Delster]

You know I think as women we don''t accept compliments enough. We say ''oh, don''t be silly'' or ''oh, this old thing?!?'' or whatever. I find it quite hard to actually just say ''thank you'' back to a compliment without qualifying it in some way. But I try hard to - after all, it''s unexpected salve for the self-esteem! Don''t be embarrassed, it is possible to enjoy the flattery of it without encouraging them or being inappropriate.

If they are polite I would just say something like "You''re very sweet, but I''m married. But thank you for the compliment!" If they''re not polite, then it''s open season

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Date: 5/28/2008 10:51:00 AM
Author: Delster

You know I think as women we don''t accept compliments enough. We say ''oh, don''t be silly'' or ''oh, this old thing?!?'' or whatever. I find it quite hard to actually just say ''thank you'' back to a compliment without qualifying it in some way. But I try hard to - after all, it''s unexpected salve for the self-esteem! Don''t be embarrassed, it is possible to enjoy the flattery of it without encouraging them or being inappropriate.

If they are polite I would just say something like ''You''re very sweet, but I''m married. But thank you for the compliment!'' If they''re not polite, then it''s open season

Agreed!

 

[Dancing Fire]

answer to your topic Q....i don''t know, still waiting for it to happen.

 

[butterfly 17]

Date: 5/28/2008 12:06:27 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
answer to your topic Q....i don''t know, still waiting for it to happen.

Hey DF, is that a disco fireball in your pocket? OR are you just happy to see me????

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 5/28/2008 12:11:08 PM
Author: butterfly 17

Date: 5/28/2008 12:06:27 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
answer to your topic Q....i don''t know, still waiting for it to happen.

Hey DF, is that a disco fireball in your pocket? OR are you just happy to see me????

hey B17

what disco fireball?

 

[Efe]

DF that is hilarious.

I usually just say "Oh my, and I''m old enough to be your mother." That usually stops them cold and it is often the truth.

 

[Miranda]

Date: 5/28/2008 9:54:54 AM
Author: neatfreak
To the starbucks type guy, I usually just take it as a compliment and say ''Thanks, my husband thinks so too!'' That usually shuts them up fast. Except to the guys who LIKE hitting on married women...then there isn''t anything else to say anyway!

I usually say that, too. Or, "Thanks, my three kids think so too!"

It does catch me off guard as well. Most guys are respectful and I''m not so sure they are hitting on me as much as being friendly. That can manifest itself different ways. I try to take the compliment. It puts a little spring in my step...And gives me a little chuckle.

 

[divergrrl]

my husband''s perspective on this goes like this: if i''m not wearing my wedding ring (aka, going to the gym to lift weights, left in in u/s cleaner) then he doesn''t think its rude when someone hits on me. But if they clock my left finger (my ring is pretty big on it...11mm of sparkle) and hit on me, then they are dirtbags.

I get hit on a decent amount, i''ve learned not to be so friendly (i''m very outgoing, and combine that with naturally friendly & nice...well...i found men got the wrong idea...) and when i do get hit on, i respond accordingly to the type of advance. if its innocent, then i say no thanks, married! with a nice smile. it gets chillier from there depending on the approach.

cute story though...we had our first REALLY hot day last week (99 farenheit), and dh & i had to run to fed ex to pick up some wine that had been shipped to us..
dh went inside and i was on the cell phone in the car....well my kids...itchy and scratchy, were making so much dang noise in the car that i got out to stand next to the car just to hear.

at that time, the two 19 year old guys working the fed ex counter looked out the window & one of them was commenting on the girl in the green dress and wow! he then looks at my dh and says ''god i love summer, check her out''...to which my dh (who is a very big guy) looks at him & says..''that''s my WIFE''.

ROTFLMAO....

i guess the poor kid almost died...my 43 yo husband scared him! i was thinking..not bad for a 37 yo momma of two. but i''ve noticed i get a lot of young guys hitting on me these days. it must be the whole cougar-demi moore-ashton kutcher thing.

it kind of makes me mad if some of them think that we are unhappily married with kids and therefore a ''safe'' bet to get busy with--no committment etc...truly no respect for the insitution of marriage. that''s why i''m not very nice when i get hit on wearing my wedding ring.

 

[somethingshiny]

I just say "thank you" when a man compliments me and "no thank you" to any further invitation. No man has ever screamed or had a fit, so I assume they find it acceptable.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Happens to me all the time. I usually just laugh. Except when a man at a party recently asked "if I was with him" (pointing to my DH) to which I answered curtly, "yes, for over 2 decades"

.....

ETA: Actually I am glad this subject was brought up--because recently I had an expereince that wasn't very funny; a male person/friend of a colleague made me very uncomfortable by staring very intently and for a long time. Not the casual "look and look away". Followed me about the room and looked me up and down when I arose. Made a point of getting my attention. What on earth was/is the point of staring in such a fashion? Yuk.

cheers--Sharon

 

[HollyS]

Take it as a compliment and move on. Someday you''ll wonder how come you don''t get that kind of response from anyone (even if it is inappropriate).

"Thank you." That''s the only response you need for comments like "lookin'' hot".

 

[Rhea]

It''s never happened to me so I''m not sure what I''d do. I tend to think of this type of situation only happening in the movies, but I guess not!

 

[Haven]

Date: 5/28/2008 1:30:41 PM
Author: somethingshiny
I just say ''thank you'' when a man compliments me and ''no thank you'' to any further invitation.

This is exactly what I do. I never give an excuse or reason as to why I''m not interested.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 5/28/2008 1:46:43 PM
Author: canuk-gal
HI:

Happens to me all the time. I usually just laugh. Except when a man at a party recently asked ''if I was with him'' (pointing to my DH) to which I answered curtly, ''yes, for over 2 decades''

.....

ETA: Actually I am glad this subject was brought up--because recently I had an expereince that wasn''t very funny; a male person/friend of a colleague made me very uncomfortable by staring very intently and for a long time. Not the casual ''look and look away''. Followed me about the room and looked me up and down when I arose. Made a point of getting my attention. What on earth was/is the point of staring in such a fashion? Yuk.

cheers--Sharon

Sharon
i don''t think he''s "MIND CLEAN"

 

[canuk-gal]

Date: 5/28/2008 2:43:40 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 5/28/2008 1:46:43 PM
Author: canuk-gal
HI:

Happens to me all the time. I usually just laugh. Except when a man at a party recently asked ''if I was with him'' (pointing to my DH) to which I answered curtly, ''yes, for over 2 decades''

.....

ETA: Actually I am glad this subject was brought up--because recently I had an expereince that wasn''t very funny; a male person/friend of a colleague made me very uncomfortable by staring very intently and for a long time. Not the casual ''look and look away''. Followed me about the room and looked me up and down when I arose. Made a point of getting my attention. What on earth was/is the point of staring in such a fashion? Yuk.

cheers--Sharon

Sharon
i don''t think he''s ''MIND CLEAN''

HI:

You are a riot DF!!!!

cheers--Sharon

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 5/28/2008 1:26:44 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady

Date: 5/28/2008 9:54:54 AM
Author: neatfreak
To the starbucks type guy, I usually just take it as a compliment and say ''Thanks, my husband thinks so too!'' That usually shuts them up fast. Except to the guys who LIKE hitting on married women...then there isn''t anything else to say anyway!

This is just what I say!!

hey SDL
what are my chances of getting hit on by one of those RICH ladies down in La Jolla this weekend?

 

[AmberGretchen]

Such an interesting thread - thanks for starting it Litigator.

I am usually VERY standoffish with strange men and/or in public. I''m not a super-friendly our outgoing person to begin with, and every time I even catch a guy beginning to look, I tend to flash my wedding set, and if that doesn''t work, I either ignore them or glare at them. I realize this isn''t the warmest behavior, but honestly, it makes me super uncomfortable. Of course, some are more harmless than others. One of my DH''s co-workers almost drooled on me the other night at a mutual friend''s birthday party, and it took a lot of my self-control to resist smacking him...

 

[SarFarSuperstar]

It''s a double word score for us married ladies out there!! I have been hit on MORE since I got married than I ever did when I was in college- probably doesn''t hurt that I have way more confidence than I did then, and I''m still pretty young (23). I was at a club with my girlfriends (one of my bi-yearly outings- not a "shake what my mama gave me" kinda girl) and this guy comes up, tells me he''s a sailor and starts dancing in my general direction. That''s all well and good, but he seemed a little bummed when I wouldn''t let him grab me. When we left, I said a quick goodbye and he looks at me with a sad face and says "I wish I had met you at another time!" Um. Seriously? Dramatic, much? I''ve only been in your line of vision for the last 30 minutes.

So yeah, I''m with AG on the being uncomfortable with getting hit on- never happened growing up and I''m not looking for it now. It doesn''t happen to often now, though, because according to my husband I wear a "don''t f*** with me" face when I am walking the mean streets of Boston. However, this did not stop a panhandler from following me down the street to ask me out to lunch...yeah, I don''t get it either.

 

[Dancing Fire]

seriously....i don''t see anything wrong with getting hit on.

 

[iheartscience]

I don''t get hit on much because I look mean and intimidating (my fiance and a couple of good guy friends have told me this) and I''m not particularly friendly to strangers, but I react differently depending on the situation. I just completely ignore rude/obnoxious/silly comments that are said/shouted AT me.

If someone actually asks me out, I usually say "No thanks" or just "No." I don''t say "I can''t-I''m engaged" or give any type of reason. I feel like I don''t need a reason to say no, and I think women are usually too nice to creeps that hit on them. So to me, if I say "No thanks-I''m engaged" it''s like saying "I would if only I wasn''t engaged already." I''m probably weird, but that''s the way I look at it.

P.S. One of the funniest comments I''ve gotten was when I was walking across the street to a take out place and some guy on a motorcycle said "Mmhmm-dressed to kill tonight!" I was like "I''m glad you like my outfit...and are you a gay man?" It was hilarious.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Well I would probably laugh hysterically and look behind me to make sure he was talking to me. Once upon a time I used to get hit on but like thing2of2 I think I gave off those negative vibes to strange men. Strangers who are women on the other hand tell me all their secrets. Kind of strange...

Take it as a compliment. I am sure 90% of them don''t mean to offend you.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 5/28/2008 7:46:00 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
Well I would probably laugh hysterically and look behind me to make sure he was talking to me. Once upon a time I used to get hit on but like thing2of2 I think I gave off those negative vibes to strange men. Strangers who are women on the other hand tell me all their secrets. Kind of strange...


Take it as a compliment. I am sure 90% of them don''t mean to offend you.

Ah, another mean one-I''m not alone! And Tacori, women I don''t know at all will tell me their secrets, too! Hilarious! What is that about?!! Seriously, I''ve heard a few life stories back when I was working retail and was only ringing these women up-it''s not like I helped them with clothes for 2 hours. Ca-razy!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 5/28/2008 7:55:11 PM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 5/28/2008 7:46:00 PM

Author: Tacori E-ring

Well I would probably laugh hysterically and look behind me to make sure he was talking to me. Once upon a time I used to get hit on but like thing2of2 I think I gave off those negative vibes to strange men. Strangers who are women on the other hand tell me all their secrets. Kind of strange...



Take it as a compliment. I am sure 90% of them don''t mean to offend you.

Ah, another mean one-I''m not alone! And Tacori, women I don''t know at all will tell me their secrets, too! Hilarious! What is that about?!! Seriously, I''ve heard a few life stories back when I was working retail and was only ringing these women up-it''s not like I helped them with clothes for 2 hours. Ca-razy!

My SIL makes fun of me b/c she cannot believe how much women open up to me. It isn''t like I am trying. Maybe b/c I look like the girl next door

*if* we ever have a NC GTG I wonder how we would get along.

I don''t get hit on anymore but then again I don''t really leave my house much (except maybe babies R us or Target and not sure how many single guys hang out there).