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What is a "Dollar Dance?"

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Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_money_dance

The concept of "Money Dance" is that the male guests pay for the privilege of dancing with the bride, and by extension, female guests pay for the privilege of dancing with the groom. The custom originated in Poland in the early 1900s in immigrant neighborhoods and is still celebrated at many ethnic and blue-collar weddings today. The money is to be used for the bride and groom''s honeymoon or to give them a little extra cash with which to set up housekeeping.

I know it is big in New Mexico and most weddings I have been to have them.

 
While I know they''re tradition I can''t help but feel like Dollar Dances are a tacky way of asking for more money. At the weddings I''ve been to where a DD has taken place all of the guests, male and female were expected to take part. I can''t tell you how akward it was to have to dance closely with a man who I didn''t even know (I attended as the guest of my then bf who was a hs friend of the B/G). I played along because i knew the couple needed the money but I felt really strange doing it... I don''t plan to have a DD at my wedding, no way. But, that''s just personal preference.

HH
 
I think it is when people give the couple envelopes while they are dancing...
 
Huh!! Yeah, I'm not sure if it would be my cup'o'tea. ...Kinda creepy dancing with a stranger who slips me money in an envelope!! (JK!)

Around here though, we have "Socials" prior to the wedding which is a sort of fundraiser for the couple-to-be. They rent out a community centre/hall and set up a big party/dance witha silent action (think bbq's, fooseball tables, gift baskets, etc) and charge $10-12 for a ticket to attend, and then charge again for tickets for the draw. The couple and their family also cater the event (think buffet) with a cash bar. I've known couples to make a few grand (usually around 1-3 thousand CAD) from the social. It also makes for a crazy "social season" around here, as everyone has their socials at the same time! I've won some great prizes that would cost me way more than my social tickets (I've won a helicopter ride around my city, a romantic weekend in a theme suite hotel, for example). The last social I went to was over 950 people, but some I've seen as low as 200.

...I haven't heard of anyone else having socials...it seems to only happen in my province (Manitoba) and no where else in North America. I wonder why????!!! It's expected of us to have a social before the wedding.

We also rarely accept gifts at weddings either, just cards with money/giftcards aka "Presentation" put into the "Presentation Box" or "Basket" when guests first arrive...

ETA: Hmmm...you know, we have a large Polish community here and I wonder if the Dollar Dance has just evolved into our Socials??!!
 
Is this similar to a money tree at a reception?
We actually got a wedding invitation today, and I know there is going to be a money tree at the reception. I can imagine what it is, but I have not ever seen one.

Danielle
 
Date: 4/23/2007 2:06:34 PM
Author: mainemomof2
Is this similar to a money tree at a reception?
We actually got a wedding invitation today, and I know there is going to be a money tree at the reception. I can imagine what it is, but I have not ever seen one.

Danielle

I think dollar dances and a money tree is essentially the same thing -- one more chance to ask guests for money. I don''t understand why people choose to have these at their weddings, personally. I''ve been to a few weddings that had dollar dances and it seemed, well...tacky. No offense to anyone here who has had them but that''s just my opinion.
 
We call your "socials" Jack and Jill parties. They''re essentially showers for both the B and G and they''re gifted with money and sometimes inappropriate gifts (think novelties and lingerie). I''ve never been to one.
 
Dollar dances or money dances tend to be a polish thing or a southern thing (out here on the east coast, at least). At the weddings I''ve been to, you pay a dollar, do a shot (often of peach schnapps) and dance with the bride or groom. I danced with the bride at one wedding, which was nice to get a chance to talk to her, and at another all the grooms male friends lined up to dance with him. It tends to be more of a goofy fun thing, not an awkward dancing with stranger thing, in my experience. That said, it gets really boring to watch, and I have no intention of doing it at my wedding.
 
they must differ depending on what part of the country you live. where i live, it''s usually more than a dollar and you don''t do a full dance with the bride or groom, only a short dance - usually not a full song - until someone "cuts" in and pins their money on and asks to dance with the bride or groom. then your time is up. i didn''t allow pinning the money on me, rather i held an heirloom purse to put the money in. also, no drinking/shots involved. and i don''t think i''ve been to a wedding where a money dance wasn''t done.
 
Date: 4/23/2007 4:05:14 PM
Author: jcrow
they must differ depending on what part of the country you live. where i live, it''s usually more than a dollar and you don''t do a full dance with the bride or groom, only a short dance - usually not a full song - until someone ''cuts'' in and pins their money on and asks to dance with the bride or groom. then your time is up. i didn''t allow pinning the money on me, rather i held an heirloom purse to put the money in. also, no drinking/shots involved. and i don''t think i''ve been to a wedding where a money dance wasn''t done.

I think in general it is kind of nice because you get the chance to dance with the bride or groom and wish them luck and they get a little spending money for their honeymoon. It is sort of expected where I am from and it is nice to chit chat and wish the bride/groom your best wishes. I get a little sad if they don''t have them.
 
Date: 4/23/2007 2:42:02 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
We call your 'socials' Jack and Jill parties. They're essentially showers for both the B and G and they're gifted with money and sometimes inappropriate gifts (think novelties and lingerie). I've never been to one.
Actually we have these too but we call them Stag's and Stagette's. We all go out and get rowdy sans the members of the opposite sex. Usually it consists of dressing the Bride to Be in lingerie OVER her clothes with many phallic shapped decorations (if you catch my drift) while we are out at the clubs/pubs/bars and dancing the night away...Also ingesting many phallic shaped food items as well (cakes and chocolates). Sometimes they're held in Las Vegas or Mexico..Is this what you mean by Jack and Jill's? I'm starting to think we really go overboard on weddings out here! There's still the engagement parties, and at least a couple of wedding showers too. Maybe we just really like to throw parties!
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I've heard of money trees but I have never seen them at a wedding.

And what would you guys think about making donations in people's names to a charity instead of wedding favours? Would that seem cheap? When everyone was getting those Lance Armstrong bracelets, I was at a wedding and the couple had put a packaged pink wristbands (for breast cancer) on each plate for a wedding favour. I am a nurse and my BF is an engineer so I was thinking of donating to Engineers Without Borders and Doctors (this includes nurses) Without Borders...they give you a printout to put at your table explaining the donation/wedding favour. Also, you can go through the I Do Foundation : http://www.idofoundation.org/welcome/favors/

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Date: 4/23/2007 4:00:52 PM
Author: laine
Dollar dances or money dances tend to be a polish thing or a southern thing (out here on the east coast, at least). At the weddings I''ve been to, you pay a dollar, do a shot (often of peach schnapps) and dance with the bride or groom. I danced with the bride at one wedding, which was nice to get a chance to talk to her, and at another all the grooms male friends lined up to dance with him. It tends to be more of a goofy fun thing, not an awkward dancing with stranger thing, in my experience. That said, it gets really boring to watch, and I have no intention of doing it at my wedding.
You know, I''ve been thinking. Since we don''t really do this Dollar Dance thing out here, it might actually be a fun and unique thing to do at the wedding since I do only plan on having close friends and family (no strangers). But I think I would have a container for them to throw the dollar in, make them do a shot, and a quick dance with the bride or groom. It could actually be fun...hmmm...I would donate the money to charity though.

What other rituals do you guys always see at weddings? There is the usually clanking of the glasses and kissing ritual. Sometimes people say a poem or tell a joke instead. One thing I really liked was that at my sister''s wedding, she and my now BIL and parents went around to all the tables to toast each table inbetween dinner courses (the meal was 10 courses long). I also want to have the reception before the ceremony, with dinner to follow, which is very different up here.
 
You know I personally think it''s really tacky to have a money dance too so I didn''t do it at my own wedding. However, I think it''s acceptable if it''s a part of your culture/tradition and the majority of your guests are Ok with it too. But at the same time, who wants to dance with the groom''s sweaty uncle Harry that you hardly know. Plus, some pin the bills on your dress...
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Gosh, its interesting to see how many people feel that the money dance is tacky. I guess its hard to understand if this dance is new to you, but as someone who is from an ethnic background where the dance is a tradition, I find it a little insensitive. I know that no one meant any offense, but it can be hurtful when people find your cultural traditions "tacky". Its fine if its not your thing, but there''s no need to put it down. (I realize that no one said anything really mean, I just had to express my thoughts on this topic
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) I just wanted to emphasize that for those who know and love this tradition, its a really sweet and fun thing and not seen as a tacky way to ask for more money.
 
Date: 4/23/2007 9:53:20 PM
Author: goldenstar
Gosh, its interesting to see how many people feel that the money dance is tacky. I guess its hard to understand if this dance is new to you, but as someone who is from an ethnic background where the dance is a tradition, I find it a little insensitive. I know that no one meant any offense, but it can be hurtful when people find your cultural traditions ''tacky''. Its fine if its not your thing, but there''s no need to put it down. (I realize that no one said anything really mean, I just had to express my thoughts on this topic
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) I just wanted to emphasize that for those who know and love this tradition, its a really sweet and fun thing and not seen as a tacky way to ask for more money.
Yup, I think it''s one of those traditions where if you are accustomed to it it seems fine, but if you are not it seems sort of strange...either way I guess it isn''t exactly tactful to describe it as tacky. DH and I chose not to do anything really traditional as far as dances besides father/daughter and our first dance, we didn''t even do garter tossing. Our theory was that we''d rather spend time mingling with our guests like the social extroverts we both are and we didn''t really need any of those things...maybe our guests missed some of those things but we did provide them with an open bar from cocktails throughout dinner and after, and we never heard any complaints! Having been to many other weddings and participating in the dollar dance and whatever other traditional dances or activities, though, has never been a problem and I''ve honestly never come away thinking negative thoughts about how things were done. You have to remember that people''s weddings are usually tailored to their individual needs and what you might find boorish or whatever might be something that they''ve dreamed of their whole life.
 
I can''t believe some of you girls.
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I don''t think the dollar dance is tacky at all. My brother had a dollar dance at his wedding...(btw, he''s very white collar) and they weren''t trying to line their pockets--the proceeds were given to charity. It was hilarious, fun, and a GREAT way to get people on the dance floor. Not too mention that it gave the bride and groom an extra chance to see all the guests besides just walking table to table.

"Just another way to get money out of their guests".....psssshhhh.
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I''m sorry guys! I didn''t mean to offend anyone by describing it as "tacky".
 
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I didn''t mean to offend either but it''s my preference NOT to have a money tree, dollar dance (and yes, this is part of my background/traditions as well), notice on my invitation of where my registry is, etc. That''s my choice as a bride. Coming from a background where it''s tradition I can honestly say that people I know of similar backgrounds (which embrace this practice) are shying away from the events for the same reason. I can see the benefit of doing a dollar dance for charity however I don''t agree with charging people for a few minutes of face time with me. These people are my family an dearest friends and I have plenty of money on my own. I''m not 17 and getting married fresh out of hs with no job and nothing on my back.

It''s just personal preference.
 
If your family/cultural backgound ususally does a dollar dance/money tree then by all means do it. If not, I would not recommend it. Some people who are unfamiliar may find it inappropriate or even tacky. My family does it, my husbands family was horrified we would even think of it.

Uncommon things I have seen at weddings include "passing the shoe"; same basic concept to collect money but instead of dancing the brides shoes are removed and money is stuffed into them by the guests. I have only seen this done twice and both were at traditional polish weddings. One couple recieved around $5000 dollars, so maybe people did this instead of gifts. I do know that the couple was shocked with how much they recieved, but it was a large wedding with around 500 guests.

The passing of the shoe was preceded by a Wedding march where all the guests assemble outside the reception and follow the couple into the reception. It reminded me of a konga line danced to polka music.

The strangest of all is a tradition I have only see in a small rural county in Missouri. A pig trough is built especially for a wedding where there are older unmarried siblings of the bride and groom. The trough is brought onto the dance floor and the older unmarried siblings are made to parade themselves and dance around the pig trough. Eventually the siblings are joined by the rest of the guests on the dance floor. While is may seem cruel and inappropriate it has always been done in jest and good fun and the unmarried siblings usually ham it up and have a very good time.
 
I apologize for choosing a disrespectful word when describing how I felt about dollar dances. There wasn''t any need to describe it the way I did and I wholeheartedly apologize for offending anyone who chose to have a dollar dance at her wedding.
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I think it would be inappropriate to deny face time to any guest who did not participate in the money dance (because they did not pay the fee?), but I have NEVER been to a wedding where this was the case. Its not the point of the dance. Everyone can dance with the couple of course. Its a misrepresentation to imply otherwise.

Since times are changing, many old wedding traditions are losing popularity-- the money dance as well as the bouquet and garter toss for example. But I think that you don't have to read too much into the meaning of these traditions to enjoy the fun and sentimentality. If it might be misunderstood or not well recieved, then by all means forgo the tradition. But if everyone thinks it all in good fun then its a nice thing to enjoy (if you choose).
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Depending on the group it could be made fun. And I would love to know that money was going to a worthy cause (oh, a honeymoon in Hawaii is not a worthy cause?!) But all kidding aside, I have never been to a wedding with one and therefore would not have one, but think it is all about what the norm is for a bride and groom, culturally and traditionally...
 
Most weddings we have been to do not have the dollar dance. I remember one is great detail. The wedding was in Vegas. DH and I never participate in them but the BM actually had the nerve to try to guilt us into it which I thought was SO rude. I guess the way I see it is we flew out there, paid for a hotel, wedding attire, AND a nice gift there was no way we were giving them anymore money! I understand they are traditional for some cultures but most the weddings I have seen it at is a way to get more money.
 
I think it would be a little over the top to insist that your guests participate in the dollar dance. In my opinion THAT would be the tacky part.
I know in my brother''s case no one was forced to do it, but a lot of people did anyway. It could also depend on the number of people attending the wedding and how well everyone knows eachother. I know I would feel weird dancing with some of ff''s uncles or family friends.

Anyway, even if the money IS going to the bride and groom...who cares? It''s a dollar...and as long as participation is optional I don''t see the problem with it.

If I do it at my wedding (which I''m sort of paranoid to do now that I know that a lot of people consider it tacky) I too would give the money to charity. My brother had stomach cancer, but is now in remission--he gave the money to a charity that specialized in that, and everyone knew the meaning behind it so it was nice...you know?

Anyway, I also wanted to mention that before my brother''s wedding I hadn''t seen him in 10 years. His wedding was kind of our mini "reunion". I felt so uncomfortable just sitting there, and he knew I was there...and it was awkward and scary yet exciting....and we couldn''t really talk cause he was in the middle of getting MARRIED. When the dollar dance came I had a couple minutes with him just to say hello. The people behind me knew that we hadn''t seen eachother for a long time so they let us have a whole song to get over the nervous jitters. It was really sweet. So...I only have only good memories when it comes to the dollar dance but I can see it being tacky if people approach it as a demand rather than for fun.


I actually think its more tacky to have an engagement party and then a wedding shower...and then a bachelor party...and then a wedding...and expect gifts at EACH one. Or people who register for crazy expensive gifts because they think they should be able to redecorate their whole house. Do you really need the $300 coffee maker? No, you don''t.

I''m not even engaged yet but you can bet when I do I''m going to be coming here to find out what is tacky and what isn''t. My biggest tacky concern....do I send invites to people that I''m sure won''t come only because it''s the right thing to do? Won''t I come off like I''m fishing for gifts then? That''s my biggest fear.
 
I''ve never been to a wedding with a money dance. While it''s not something that I would do, I have no objections if it''s part of the bride/groom''s cultural background. If it''s not, though, I think it can come off as money-grabby. (One argument I''ve seen against the money dance, open bars, etc., is that your guests should not have to spend money at your wedding. If you invited them into your home you wouldn''t charge them for drinks or charge them to dance with you, so you "should" do the same thing since you''re hosting them.)


Luckystar -- We registered for a couple "crazy expensive" gifts (and a bunch of reasonably priced things), not because we expect expensive gifts or want our whole house redecorated or feel like we need expensive items, but because they''d be really nice to have and we figured that maybe a group would get together and give us one. We have a group going in together for the $400 espresso maker. It is just a wish list, and not a "you must buy me one of these" list.

If you would like for those people to attend but think they can''t, go ahead and send invitations anyway. I personally think that it sends the message that we''re thinking of them and care about them. FI''s aunt can''t travel for medical reasons, and lives with his grandparents who are coming to the wedding. I''d hate for her to feel unincluded (especially since she''d see their invitation when it came in the mail), because she''s certainly in our thoughts. Also, some people will surprise you. We invited four people who we thought couldn''t come because of inflexible jobs or their son commissioning the same weekend, and they''ve coming afterall. (Yay!)
 
Hunh... I''ve never heard of these versions....lol...


Maybe it''s got a different cultural background, but for here....when the bride & groom get up to dance their first dance, guests will go up and put money into the bride/groom''s mouth (or somewhere else, neck, shoulder, bodice) and the other will have to retrieve the dollar with their mouth and then drop it into a basket that someone in the bridal party is carrying nearby....


No dancing with unknown relatives!
 
The only wedding I attended when I was old enough to care about what was going on had a money dance. People would pin bills on the bride''s dress (
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) or put coins in a basket. I''m not sure if I want to have one, but if I do I certainly won''t have people pin anything to my dress! My mom told me that when her and dad got married, his family tried to take her shoe to "pass the shoe" to the guests and ask for money... She had never heard of this and she was horrified!
 
It is customary in Russian weddings to pay a fee to dance with the bride, also the same in German weddings, my aunt informed me.
I guess this is where the dollar dance originated from.
 
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