What is it like not working?

[divergrrl]

Date: 12/19/2006 5:35:00 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 12/19/2006 5:28:44 PM
Author: Mara
thats a good point TG...it''s funny because when we were engaged my mom was all over me about not quiitting my job and making sure i kept working even if i didn''t have to. she was a single mom and she was really into women being able to take care of themselves. i reassured her that even if i took a few years off i would still be able to get back into it, and i honestly don''t see myself taking like 10 years off or something then trying to re-enter...i''d probably want to do something entirely different at that point if i did that. anyway i have been working since i was 15 and most of the time i like it. i like the schedule...i just don''t like being overly stressed out or working too many hours because i flat out am not THAT into my job and i don''t need to climb the career ladder to be really high-powered one day. i just like getting a nice salary, doing my job and being kind of middle of the road. because i have a life and family outside of that whole thing and they are what is important to me.

in any case the time i was not working after we got married, when i was looking around and trying to figure out what i wanted to do next...and when i had the sales gig that was flex time...both times i was not ''dependent'' on Greg for anything. when our team got dissolved i got a 4 month package. so we went off, got married, were traveling for 3 weeks, came back and i had 2.5 more months of ''severance'' to cover me. so everything was still paid dthe same as before etc. then when i was working the sales gig i brought enough in cover what i typically paid so again nothing changed. because i have been working and independent for so long i think it will be hard for me to ever not work entirely and be dependent entirely financially on my husband. we are still trying to figure out how to best ''merge'' our finances so that we both feel like it''s okay (we are both pretty independent mentally about that kind of stuff) but it''s a tough thing to figure out i think when you are both a little older and used to doing your own thing. it would be hard for me to be entirely dependent and feel like i wasn''t bringing much to the ''table''. maybe if we had a child.

Well having met you Mara, you can tell your mom she did a great job raising you.

I still remember when I was 25, my boss (who was 10 years older) and I were talking about what we would do if we won the lotto. She said she would quit. I said I would work for a few more years and I really meant it. I didn''t feel like two years out in the job world really made me very marketable and wanted to be promoted a couple times at least before I left the workforce. Even though my entire self worth isn''t tied to my career, certainly a chunk of it is.

But as I get older, that chunk definitely gets smaller! If I won today, I''d quit. Like Mara, I''ve come to a position where I am happy being ''middle of the road.'' TGuy says I should push to get promoted and get even bigger bucks, but I like flying under the radar. I have a great job title, no one reporting to me, great salary, I work from home, and have a life.

Life balance is a sweet, sweet thing.

Traveling Gal : My DH and I call this the "definition of bliss". Flying under the radar, making decent $$, and being left alone? That''s my DH''s work world and he LOOOOOOVES it. I love it too, having him happy if I''m home is important to me. His happiness is a big part of our happiness & I''d never want him to lose what he has.

Jeannine

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/19/2006 5:44:11 PM
Author: divergrrl

Traveling Gal : My DH and I call this the ''definition of bliss''. Flying under the radar, making decent $$, and being left alone? That''s my DH''s work world and he LOOOOOOVES it. I love it too, having him happy if I''m home is important to me. His happiness is a big part of our happiness & I''d never want him to lose what he has.

Jeannine

Defintion of bliss...love it! So true. I put in my dues to get here...working 17 hour days (the security guard used to have to kick me out at 1 AM) when I was in my 20''s. I was gung-ho career oriented and seriously worked my a** off. But I was single and having the time of my life crafting that part of my personality.

I''ve put in my dues, and have enough to make me happy...and I''m happy that I know what enough is.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 12/19/2006 5:15:25 PM
Author: TravelingGal
My stint of not working was a bit different. I saved up, also by contract got 9 months paid even though it was my choice to quit, so I was financially in a great place.

I went to Europe for 4 months and just relaxed for 5 months at home. I was never bored. I exercised, watched food channel, and learned how to cook. I think it was more of a sabbatical I enjoyed as I knew it would come to an end. I also felt proud of myself because it was time off on my own terms and I wasn''t reliant on anyone.

Date: 12/19/2006 8:40:00 AM
Author: jazmine
My situation is pretty unique. About 4 years ago when I was 23, my live in boyfriend who was 22 decided that he did not like me gone all day ( I worked about 25-30 hours per week and went to school full time) so he said I could quit my job if I wanted to. He owns his own business and works at home. I was working at a golf course and it was a crappy job to get me through college so I was thrilled to quit. I guess you could say I was a kept woman and I loved it. I finished school work-free about 2 years later, which is a dream as anyone knows who tries to balance college and a job. I had a feeling then I wouldn''t be going out into the workforce but I wanted the education anyway because you just never knows what the future holds. So, I haven''t worked in 4 years and have no plans to start. I would rather do the things I like to do (go to the gym each day, keep the house clean, care for my dogs) than have to work and answer to someone. I know most people do those things in addition to working a job but I love my freedom. I never thought in a million years I would get to live such a relaxed and carefree life. The thing is, when I first quit, I wondered what I would do with myself all day, but somehow the days manage to fill themselves. We don''t want to have any kids so I really do get to live what I consider the most perfect, laid back life. I know not working might drive some people insane after awhile but I really do love it. I am so thankful my husband is able to provide a lifestyle we are both happy with on a single income.

I actually have a question for jazmine and others who don''t have to work while young. First of all, I will say I''m jealous.

Even though it''s great that you finished school, doesn''t it ever concern you that you are dependent on your mate for financial health? What if something happens, and you have no substantial job experience? I ask this question because a couple women whom I now hang out with are ''kept'' women, and didn''t finish school (college). Not the happiest of marriages and we wonder how she would survive if something were to happen to their marriage, or worse, him. It would scare me to death to be that dependent on someone.

I''m not sure if I fall into the category of people you''re questioning because I am a full time student, but I do not work. I earned my B.A. in English and never found a "real" use for it, other than having earned a degree, so now, for that reason among many others, I am back in school.

If something ever happened to my husband (death) I am set for life. He runs his own business there are enough assests that I could live comfortably without ever working again.

Divorce isn''t an option, but I''ll answer hypothetically. I am earning my M.A. in Education and teaching credential so that I will have a career, or at least the means to start one if necessary. I was never a career woman to begin with, I worked to pay the bills, so my lifestyle would return to what it was pre-him, and I was quite happy then, as I am now, so that wouldn''t really make a difference.

It is a bit scary at times, and quite strange because while what I had pre-him was basically nothing, it was mine and I was responsible for all of it. But we made the decision to live this way together, because it suites us, and I know I can count on him to hold up his end of the bargain.

 

[jaz464]

Date: 12/19/2006 5:15:25 PM
Author: TravelingGal
My stint of not working was a bit different. I saved up, also by contract got 9 months paid even though it was my choice to quit, so I was financially in a great place.

I went to Europe for 4 months and just relaxed for 5 months at home. I was never bored. I exercised, watched food channel, and learned how to cook. I think it was more of a sabbatical I enjoyed as I knew it would come to an end. I also felt proud of myself because it was time off on my own terms and I wasn''t reliant on anyone.

Date: 12/19/2006 8:40:00 AM
Author: jazmine
My situation is pretty unique. About 4 years ago when I was 23, my live in boyfriend who was 22 decided that he did not like me gone all day ( I worked about 25-30 hours per week and went to school full time) so he said I could quit my job if I wanted to. He owns his own business and works at home. I was working at a golf course and it was a crappy job to get me through college so I was thrilled to quit. I guess you could say I was a kept woman and I loved it. I finished school work-free about 2 years later, which is a dream as anyone knows who tries to balance college and a job. I had a feeling then I wouldn''t be going out into the workforce but I wanted the education anyway because you just never knows what the future holds. So, I haven''t worked in 4 years and have no plans to start. I would rather do the things I like to do (go to the gym each day, keep the house clean, care for my dogs) than have to work and answer to someone. I know most people do those things in addition to working a job but I love my freedom. I never thought in a million years I would get to live such a relaxed and carefree life. The thing is, when I first quit, I wondered what I would do with myself all day, but somehow the days manage to fill themselves. We don''t want to have any kids so I really do get to live what I consider the most perfect, laid back life. I know not working might drive some people insane after awhile but I really do love it. I am so thankful my husband is able to provide a lifestyle we are both happy with on a single income.

I actually have a question for jazmine and others who don''t have to work while young. First of all, I will say I''m jealous.

Even though it''s great that you finished school, doesn''t it ever concern you that you are dependent on your mate for financial health? What if something happens, and you have no substantial job experience? I ask this question because a couple women whom I now hang out with are ''kept'' women, and didn''t finish school (college). Not the happiest of marriages and we wonder how she would survive if something were to happen to their marriage, or worse, him. It would scare me to death to be that dependent on someone.

Your question has definitely come into my mind more than once. And that is one of the main reasons I earned my B.A in Economics. Many people asked me while I was still in school why I was going if I didn''t plan to use the degree but I saw it as a safety net. Of course, if I don''t work for 20 years and then suddenly need to start, I am not sure how handy the degree will come in. Were something to happen to my husband I would be well cared for with the assets from his business. I am not afraid to work if I had to and I could do so.

 

[clammer]

I think that not actually providing anything to our relationship financially is what I hate about not working. I''ve thought about getting my MBA online, but if I go back to my previous employer (they will give me my job back if we go back in the next year) they will pay for school, but when we go back I am thinking about going to work for my dad''s company. Since I lived off my student loans for undergrad I don''t really want to incur anymore debt for school at this time. I found free online courses (not for credit) at MIT and also the Learning Center. I''m thinking about taking some of the classes that I''m interested in that I didn''t take in college.

TravelingGal, I am worried about taking care of myself if anything were to happen. I have the degree, but I went back to school after working for a while so I don''t have enough experience in that field to get a great job to start out with. I have no doubt that I could get where I wanted, but it would suck to have to start at the bottom again.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 12/19/2006 6:58:18 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady
I did it for the better part of the 16 and a half years I was married to my ex. I loved being a stay at home Mom. I loved being able to participate in my kids school functions, and spending time with friends who also stayed at home. I loved being able to be involved more in my church and community.. I didn''t regret spending that time with the kids. What I DO regret is that now that I have no retirement and have only really worked these past five years. Its left me very afraid, regardless of what my new husband has for retirement. The retirement is my only regret. So.. my suggestion to those Moms or ladies who stay home, start a savings for YOURSELF, in your name only... not that anything may happen.. but, its still an investment in yourself.

If I could not work now, I''d do it in a heartbeat. Call me Miss. Community Service, I''d be all over it all over again. lol

I second that notion. My husband is a financial wiz so he handles the money but has taken all of the money I had vested in 401(k)s with past employers and kept it in a seperate account with just my name on it. He handles the investments and keeps me up to date on what he''s doing and why with the account so it''s like having my financial planner live with me.

 

[Skippy123]

Hi,
The company I worked for shut down, so I took my time finding a job and taking classes. My husband said enjoy your time off (he is such a sweetie).

So for two years I went to school very part time and volunteered and planned block parties with the neighbors! It was fun. I met friends for lunch and went to the gym. I went to pampered chef parties. I did taxes for free for the low income during tax season for two years! I would sometimes meet my husband for lunch. I would dream up remodeling projects and drive my husband crazy because I had so much energy and he was tired. ha!!!

Now I went back to work and I work 50-60 hrs a week as an auditor traveling all over the US and working hard. I don''t dream up remodeling projects (except recently we remodeled our kitchen), and when I get home i am very tired.

I love working, but a balance is good. I want somewhere in the middle now.

 

[Stone Hunter]

All of your responses are very well thought out. I feel like I''ve learned some things just reading this thread.

I am a SAHM and found it very isolating at first. None of my friends were at home, they all worked. My co-workers were at work and busy. The neighbors were 10 years older than me and their kids even older. Next neighborhood I was again unhappy that so many Moms worked, even the ones close to my age or with kids my kids age.

Cause I wanted to spend time with them!!

Now I have a few friends my age who stay home and live in my neighborhood. Sometimes it''s fun. Other times I can see how much better they are at the cleaning decluttering and cooking than I am. I get frustrated because I put so much time into the housework and it doesn''t really show. I do enjoy volunteering but I''m usually working by myself. I guess I need to find a way to have adult contact to remove the isolation that isn''t just going shopping or out to lunch. Cause that''s goofing off and I can''t goof off every day and have a neat house and food on the table. But I need the interaction with adults.

Maybe another volunteer job that provides contact with adults?

If my husband was retired and we could travel that would be GREAT. Of course a cook and maid would make it perfect.

 

[Skippy123]

Stone hunter, You should Volunteer and I found it very rewarding. I bet you have some talent that people would love if you chose to volunteer and you get the adult interaction, or a class at your local community college.

 

[Stone Hunter]

Date: 12/19/2006 10:13:14 PM
Author: Skippy123
Stone hunter, You should Volunteer and I found it very rewarding. I bet you have some talent that people would love if you chose to volunteer and you get the adult interaction, or a class at your local community college.

I do volunteer at an elementary school but I''m in a workroom or with kids. No adult chit-chat. That''s life in an elementary school setting.

I need a different type of volunteer job that puts me in chit-chat contact with other adults. I''ll think about the class though, my husband suggested that.

 

[Skippy123]

I think the class is a great idea. You meet people with similar interests. That is how I made some of my closest friends. I have a friend who has his own bookkeeping company and then I made friend with a lady who stays home and her husband is an attorney which she just keeps getting degrees for fun. Find a class you are interested in and do it. It may be intimdating but you have nothing to lose except learn something fun and exciting and maybe making a friend or two

What about the gym? I make lots of friends there too! Just a thought.

Also, I audited a United Way and they love to have lots of volenteers. I bet you could help and meet lots of people that way too!

 

[gailrmv]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I really have enjoyed each person's perspectives. Next year for the first time we'll be in a position where we actually could live pretty well on just his salary. My husband's job is such that he works a lot of hours, but he often works nights and weekends and will have random days off during the week. I'm in a field that doesn't pay very well until you get to a high level (many years away), and where long hours are the norm. I like it, but don't love it. We have been talking about how fun it would be if I had more flexibility so that we could actually hang out when he was off during the week. He said it would make him really happy if I had more time for my hobbies and interests, because that would make ME happy. The few times I have been off work were just for a few weeks and was due to moving or changing jobs, so it was always a little stressful but I never got bored or missed work during those times!

I don't want to stop working for a bunch of reasons, but I admit the thought has crossed my mind more than once. I'd love to work part time, but those jobs seem pretty rare in my field. So all these issues are on my mind. I appreciate everyone's thoughts!

 

[Clarygrace]

It''s great to see folks from soo many different lives, choices and circumstances...that''s what makes PS great!
I''ve always worked, and truly enjoy my profession and am quite successful, travel a lot and have a busy social life, although it comes at a price...I never had children. I don''t regret it but do think sometimes "what if..."

Now my life has changed and I will soon have two wonderful stepchildren who I adore, and our situation is such that we can both continue our careers and still enjoy the kids. FI is a partner in an engineering firm and can work from home most of the time, so we can share the child rearing.

I do hope to quit work in the next 10 years and retire to a wonderful place (hopefully on the other side of the Atlantic in Europe) dedicate time to further enrich our lives through travel, taking interesting cooking, cultural courses and have fun spending time with family and friends.

Clarygrace

 

[Heishman]

Funny this thread should come up at such a time. I recently found out I was prego with my 3rd and now i definetly have to stay at home. I have a 3 year old in school and a 6 month old at home. Now that we will have 3, I have no choice but to quite my job and stay at home. My daughters current care taker is to old to watch over yet another baby. I am freaking out because i will totally have to rely on my husband for any $$$ that I need. We currently are living very comfortably with both of our incomes. I can definetly say bye bye to an upgrade

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 12/21/2006 10:50:47 AM
Author: Lucyh
Funny this thread should come up at such a time. I recently found out I was prego with my 3rd and now i definetly have to stay at home. I have a 3 year old in school and a 6 month old at home. Now that we will have 3, I have no choice but to quite my job and stay at home. My daughters current care taker is to old to watch over yet another baby. I am freaking out because i will totally have to rely on my husband for any $$$ that I need. We currently are living very comfortably with both of our incomes. I can definetly say bye bye to an upgrade

The baby is a family upgrade!

 

[Heishman]

Yes, I know the baby is a blessing, but it was not planned for and is really a shock to both of us. When I was driving into work today I kept thinking life is going to be so different being a stay at home mom.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 12/21/2006 11:06:28 AM
Author: Lucyh
Yes, I know the baby is a blessing, but it was not planned for and is really a shock to both of us. When I was driving into work today I kept thinking life is going to be so different being a stay at home mom.

I didn''t intend to make light of the situation, my apologies if it came accross that way. Life will be very different, I hope it turns out to be an adventure for you and the rest of your family.

Hijack over.

 

[Stone Hunter]

Lucy,

It will be OK. Just be prepared to feel isolated. Maybe make some lunch dates or plans with others prior to your delivery date
for after your delivery date. Since you'll have 3 little ones you won't have much free time but be sure to take some alone time.

And don't forget to check in here at PS!

 

[bee*]

I was out of work this year for the month of July. I finished up in my old job in a pharaceutical company as I hated it with a passion. All I ever wanted to do was veterinary and I worked full time in a veterinary clinic for a year.After applying twice to do veterinary in college and not getting it I decided that I had better put my science degree to use and get some science experience just in case I never got into veterinary. Well I lasted nine months and I had to quit, the money was only ok. I was so worried about doing it as I have a car loan and I HATE being reliant on anyone for money. I found out on my first day off after leaving my previous job that I got accepted into veterinary so I spent my month off looking for a part time job that would suit me during college and I started working in a bank four weeks later. Im still there now working nights and doing college during the day. I think if I didnt find out that I was going back to college I would have been a lot more panicky during my time off. Ive always worked throughout my science degree and I went straight into a job the day after I finished my degree and worked ever since. It was very strange just being at home and to be honest, much as I say I would love to spend more time like that I felt like I wasnt contributing to anything. So for me personally I would hate to stay at home all the time. I like having something to do. I would love to have enough money at the moment so I wouldnt have to work throughout college for the next four and a half years but I dont so not much I can do about it! When I graduate as a vet, I will hopefully go straight into work again and I really cant see myself retiring. If I have children I really cant see myself being a SAHM. I think that I would be bored and the thing that I would hate more than anything is having to really on my husband for money. It scares me as Ive always been so independent.

 

[diamondfan]

Gail, when I was first married I worked in a law firm, thought I wanted to go to law school and needed letters etc so it seemed like a good spot. I had started there when I got engaged so I had flexibility if I needed to do things for the wedding and it was hectic but okay. When we got married I applied to grad school in pyschology instead and my course load was 3 or 4 classes per semester, they started at 3:45 pm and with traffic and stuff I would need to leave by 2:30 pm. at the latest. I had a lot of papers and reading and really wanted to put my best effort forward so my dh and I decided it was best to quit working and focus on school. Plus I did not really have a good time block, having to leave somewhere by 2:30 did not give me a lot of options. He was making a nice living but it still meant giving up my income, not that I made a ton 17 years ago, but I used it for some of my stuff, makeup, hair coloring, etc...so it was nice to have it. But I was a lot happier, esp. as school got so much tougher and more demanding, since working all day and having a class from 3:45-6:45 and then 7-10 and then having loads of work...it just would have been insane. I worked hard and had a 3.95 GPA which was great, I really worked for it, and then during school I got pregnant so since that time I have not worked. Had another child, finished my program, moved to Philadelphia, had another child...

 

[Maria D]

>>If I have children I really cant see myself being a SAHM. I think that I would be bored and the thing that I would hate more than anything is having to really on my husband for money. It scares me as Ive always been so independent.
>>I am freaking out because i will totally have to rely on my husband for any $$$ that I need.
I was a SAHM without any income for many years. I never looked at it as 'relying on my husband for money.' I looked at it as a mutual decision that we made. Someone has got to take care of the kids that a couple brings into the world. It's not optional, someone's gotta do it! If a couple decides (as we did) that they'd prefer that their child's caretaker also be a parent, then a logical choice is that one parent works while the other stays home. The parent who stays home shouldn't look at themselves as being a dependent. She (or he) is not. S/he's contributing something utterly necessary to the survival of the family; as necessary as the $$ that the other spouse contributes.

Look at it this way, if you are living in a house with your spouse that neither of you could afford on your own but can with double incomes, do you feel like you are relying on your spouse's income *in a negative way*? Probably not; most likely you feel that this is what you can accomplish together. Same thing with a child having a SAHM parent; it's something that gets accomplished together because one spouse is able to earn enough to allow it to happen (if it's even desired) and the other is willing to stay home. Don't get me wrong, I totally believe that people should have the skills and means to support themselves and their children independently; you never know what's going to happen in life. But that doesn't mean that you always have to be independent. Isn't the whole point of marriage to have a partnership?

 

[divergrrl]

SanDiego Lady: Our CPA had me start a Roth IRA. I had a 401k while I was working, and it makes me nervous that I no longer contribute to my social security, or have a retirement plan. So....if everything goes as plan & hubby and I have a long, happy life together, we can use my IRA for our retirement, Jake''s education, whatever. But I know a few Stay at Homers who do the same. It''s not a bad deal, its in MY name, and I at least have SOMETHING I can count on.

But you brought up an excellent point and I agree wholeheartedly.

Jeannine

 

[divergrrl]

Date: 12/19/2006 10:09:39 PM
Author: Stone Hunter
All of your responses are very well thought out. I feel like I''ve learned some things just reading this thread.

I am a SAHM and found it very isolating at first. None of my friends were at home, they all worked. My co-workers were at work and busy. The neighbors were 10 years older than me and their kids even older. Next neighborhood I was again unhappy that so many Moms worked, even the ones close to my age or with kids my kids age.

Cause I wanted to spend time with them!!

Now I have a few friends my age who stay home and live in my neighborhood. Sometimes it''s fun. Other times I can see how much better they are at the cleaning decluttering and cooking than I am. I get frustrated because I put so much time into the housework and it doesn''t really show. I do enjoy volunteering but I''m usually working by myself. I guess I need to find a way to have adult contact to remove the isolation that isn''t just going shopping or out to lunch. Cause that''s goofing off and I can''t goof off every day and have a neat house and food on the table. But I need the interaction with adults.

Maybe another volunteer job that provides contact with adults?

If my husband was retired and we could travel that would be GREAT. Of course a cook and maid would make it perfect.

www.flylady.net

She will change your life re: these things. Its amazing, unreal, and takes a bit to get used to. I don''t want to hijack this thread, but just take a look. Start another thread if you are interested. My house cleans itself now and is never dirty.

Jeannine

 

[Stone Hunter]

Date: 12/22/2006 6:20:21 PM
Author: divergrrl

Date: 12/19/2006 10:09:39 PM
Author: Stone Hunter
All of your responses are very well thought out. I feel like I've learned some things just reading this thread.

I am a SAHM and found it very isolating at first. None of my friends were at home, they all worked. My co-workers were at work and busy. The neighbors were 10 years older than me and their kids even older. Next neighborhood I was again unhappy that so many Moms worked, even the ones close to my age or with kids my kids age.

Cause I wanted to spend time with them!!

Now I have a few friends my age who stay home and live in my neighborhood. Sometimes it's fun. Other times I can see how much better they are at the cleaning decluttering and cooking than I am. I get frustrated because I put so much time into the housework and it doesn't really show. I do enjoy volunteering but I'm usually working by myself. I guess I need to find a way to have adult contact to remove the isolation that isn't just going shopping or out to lunch. Cause that's goofing off and I can't goof off every day and have a neat house and food on the table. But I need the interaction with adults.

Maybe another volunteer job that provides contact with adults?

If my husband was retired and we could travel that would be GREAT. Of course a cook and maid would make it perfect.

www.flylady.net

She will change your life re: these things. Its amazing, unreal, and takes a bit to get used to. I don't want to hijack this thread, but just take a look. Start another thread if you are interested. My house cleans itself now and is never dirty.

Jeannine

Oh I've tried that. I guess it helped some. I did even have one woman say " I bet you do flylady, you seem like the type." BUT my friends are naturally super good at homemaking! My house really doesn't clean itself and when I watch them clean up after an event it looks like their house does clean itself. Maybe too much comparing on my part. LOL

I also do the IRA thing!

 

[bee*]

Hi Maria, I agree with what you say. Its just me personally, I dont think that I could stay at home.Maybe in years to come when (if?!) I ever have children I might feel differently. Even though I know that marriage is a partnership and that I would be contributing hugely if I was minding our children, I think that I would still feel reliant on him. Not reliant in a bad way if you know what I mean, but at the moment if I want something, I can just go out and buy it, within reason! I would just hate to have to ask all the time, and I guess thats just where I feel that I might lose my independence.

 

[justjulia]

I work part time but would like to be home full time. However, now that my aging mother lives with us, it is probably better that we have some time apart. Ya know?

 

[diamondfan]

Sometimes it is nice having a place to go out and be, if that makes sense...takes us out of our routine a bit...

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 12/23/2006 7:36:23 AM
Author: bee*
Hi Maria, I agree with what you say. Its just me personally, I dont think that I could stay at home.Maybe in years to come when (if?!) I ever have children I might feel differently. Even though I know that marriage is a partnership and that I would be contributing hugely if I was minding our children, I think that I would still feel reliant on him. Not reliant in a bad way if you know what I mean, but at the moment if I want something, I can just go out and buy it, within reason! I would just hate to have to ask all the time, and I guess thats just where I feel that I might lose my independence.

I felt much like you descibe in the early years.... we were married for 3 years before we had kids and especially at first, but really until we had kids, I felt like I was taking advantage of him or something... well at first it was tempered with the fact that with him in bootcamp and A school and me a waitress I made way more than he and had a *whole* couple thousand entering the marriage that he didn''t lol woooo I was *rich*!! haha But after we had kids something changed in me.... kind of an oh HELL no do I have to ask you how I can spend OUR money! Every once in a while if I''m buying something I seriously don''t need I''ll think he had to work an hour or whatever for this but usually I buy it anyway haha I wash his underware. We''re even (just kidding lol)

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 12/19/2006 5:50:42 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I''ve put in my dues, and have enough to make me happy...and I''m happy that I know what enough is.

this is one of the wisest things I''ve read in a long time

 

[Eva17]

Let me start out by saying this thread is great.

Definately don''t miss the workforce. I LOVE not having to do the corporate AK nonsense. I have worked since I was 14, and now work for our own corporation. I am a SAHM and I also get to do my job from home. My husband and I built this together, and we woked out a balance that works for us. Being invloved and being there for the kids has been a blessing. I also feel that doing my part from home is better for me. Not sure I would enjoy being in the same space as DH all day too. LOLOL. ( I always say the first time you give me that tone in the office, it won''t be pretty.....)

The best part for me, is that I get to do things in MY own time. If I don''t get to it in the am, there is always the pm. When the kids were little, there were many nights that I was up late while all were sleeping. But they are big now and that doesn''t happen anymore.

SD Lady, you are so right! Ladies, you must plan for retirement. Whatever you can put into something, will be better than nothing some day.... Single and in your 20''s is an even better time to start thinking about it. You can never be too young!!

With my kids, a $1,000.00 retirement fund that they can contribute to according to how much they make, is a gift we give to them. I feel it is sooooo important to start thinking about it. Because before you know it, you are in your 40''s and saying, "damn, where has the time gone!"

Would I get out there if I had to, absolutely. But I thank God everyday for being a SAHM with the ability to work from home!!


(when we first got married, at tax time, when it was time to pay the IRA''s, if we $3K to put away or $1K, i always insisted we split it between his and mine equally. Not his this year mine next, etc... DH always got a kick out of how I made sure half always got put in my name. He would laugh and ask, what are u worried about? My answer was always, "my future"....)


I am sorry this is getting so long, but one more bit of advice. Ladies please pay attention and know what is going on in your life financially. It always saddens me when I have a friend who finds herself in a situation, say divorce, death, financial trouble, etc... and she says, I never paid attention to the details. He took care of everything. And there have been times when the information is worse than they ever knew. I have three friends that found themselves in this situation. I know we all don''t find this stuff interesting, but at least stay adviced. Look at statements, policies, have plans for what you could sustain in a what if situation.

Okay enough said about that....