What to do when you feel your diamond is *gasp* too large??

[K+D=4]

Hello All!

I have posted a few photos of my engagement ring in the SMTR section, and while my ring truly is gorgeous.....I am feeling a little awkward about wearing it. Did your rings have to "grow on your" before you felt completely comfortable wearing them 24-7?? I am not in any wa saying I don''''t love my stone, I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE my fiance to pieces and I am enamored that he went to great lengths to purchase the OEC that he did!

My 3.01 OEC is set in a simple plain non-diamond halo setting to protect it just until we find it a forever home. I am not used to wearing stones of any sort on my hand, I have worn a plain thin pave band to represent our daughter on my right hand for a year but that is it. I am definitely not used to the attention an engagement ring receives, let alone the OEC fi so graciously chose for me. Fi''''s family members have been quite vocal about the size of our stone, but not hurtful in any way.....I just feel a little embarassed about the size for lack of a better word, at times?

J has been browsing Leon''''s site for ideas with me about selecting a forever setting and I have dreamed of having my own ring set in a pretty halo some day, but with the size of our stone and the size of my finger (4.5) I am envisioning this enormous doorknob sticking off my hand. I am pondering the idea of speaking with J about downsizing our stone a bit so I can still set it in a halo setting of my dreams. Is this crazy?? Will the size issue go away after a while??? Any suggestions on how to handle this in a sane, non-diamond crazy way?

 

[Sizzle]

Honey I say this with complete sincerity. Repeat after me, "there is no such thing as too big"... The cure for thinking your diamond is too big is to wear it around more. Crisis solved.

 

[Lurchie]

...You swap with a fellow PSer! I don''t think you''re crazy at all. But Sizzle''s right. Wear it around a lot and if you''re still uncomfortable with the size then downsize, by all means. However, if anyone can do a delicate halo it''s Leon. Is there any way for you to meet with him in person to get a feel for how delicate he can make the halo?

 

[kenny]

Do you feel only people you'd describe as X, Y or Z would wear such a diamond?
Do you feel not worthy of it?
Do you feel it is just not you?
Are you concerned people will think that you think you are better than them, etc. etc. etc.

All this stuff is in your head and not set in stone.
I realize it is not just like flipping a switch but sometimes examining and fleshing out what is behind our outward feelings (perhaps with a trusted friend or a professional) can be illuminating and helpful.

Good luck.

 

[momofthree]

My mother upgraded her diamond for her 10th anniversary to a 3 carat round and was so embarrassed in the beginning that she turned it around when she went out in public. About 7 years later she was so used to it she bought herself a 5 carat emerald cut diamond and wears it proudly. Just wear the ring for awhile, pretty soon it might start looking too small to you too!

 

[cecily]

Honestly, I agree with other posters. A diamond is never too big, especially on PS. I also noted an interesting trend in my friends and family. As you get older, your diamond appears smaller to you. I used to be very self-conscious about my 2.01 when I first got it and after a couple of years (wearing it 24/7), I am starting to see it smaller and am thinking of going over 3 carats (something I would have laughed at a couple of years ago). Diamond shrinkage really sets in after a while. You can also opt for a very delicate and thin halo so it will not make such a big statement on your finger.

 

[that_someone_special]

OK I just looked at pictures of your stone-- it's GORGEOUS.. it has such a beautiful pattern to it that I would never get rid of it.

Also, there is absolutely no reason you cannot halo a 3 carat stone. Some people wouldn't.. but if YOU want a halo, do a halo. This is your ring, with your FI. Not your moms, best friends, guy at the corner store.... they don't matter in this decision. Do what YOU want. Also, trust me, the stone will shrink. You will get used to it and might even consider going bigger

You've only had your stone for a few weeks-- hang on to it for at least a few more months and I'm sure you'll have diamond shrinking syndrome...

Plus, if you want to think about this another way- your fiance will probably lose money on the stone if he trades it in for a smaller one... just something to think about.

 

[kenny]

A diamond is too big only when it dislocates your shoulder.

 

[brown_eyes]

I''m going to go out on a limb and back your feelings up on this one.

I should first say that your stone is GORGEOUS!

For me, there is such a thing as too big. I''m not saying that I cant appreciate beautiful honkers on other peoples hands, it''s just not me. Not sure if that makes sense, but the bottom line is I know how you''re feeling.

If it were me, I would give it a little time and if you still really arent comfortable, downsize some. No shame in that.

 

[Mobinvera]

I agree with brown eyes. I went through a similar situation with a 3 stone ring (2.08 center with .5 on each side). I’m the one who picked it out, and was initially drawn to the bling factor in the jewelry store, but once I got it home and actually started wearing it, I felt that it was just way too much on my small hands (size 3.75). I really tried to love it, but after 3 months I had to finally admit to my bf that I wasn’t comfortable with it and it just felt too showy. It was difficult because he was so proud to have given me my dream ring (especially since I’m the one who selected it), and never heard of a girl wanting fewer diamonds, but in the end he wanted it to be perfect and he knew that I wouldn’t have brought it up if I wasn’t sure. I considered wearing a band only and the e-ring for special occasions, but I really wanted to be able to wear the ring every day and had it made into a simple solitaire which I love so much more. So in summary, definitely give it a chance, but if you still aren’t comfortable with it and you are SURE, then go ahead and change it – you’re not the only one who has done something like that.

 

[yssie]

K+D=4.. you're asking the wrong crowd

you can never have too much diamond!!



A 3ct OEC sounds scrumptious

You have to be comfortable with it though, otherwise it will wear you. I would give it a few months and see if you learn to love it - it would be a pity to downsize and then regret it!! FWIW I wear a size 4, had a three stone w/ 2ct centre, 0.3 sides, and now I'm looking at a 3ct centre with 0.5 sides - yes, it was huge when I first got it, then it became perfectly normal.

 

[Black Jade]

Congratulations on your beautiful ring.

You will get used to the size of it. You might not want to wear it to places where you think it might be dangerous, but otherwise it''s yours, enjoy.

I don''t have a large ring but I have large earrings and when I first got them, about 18 months ago, I was SO self-conscious. And also scared I would lose them, or break them, or SOMETHING. I think I did kind of have an idea that I did not deserve such a costly gift. Being earrings, they weren''t in the way really or anything. Gradually I got used to them and now sleep in them, shower in them, everything. I actually forget I have them on. But then I see them sparkly when I pass by a mirror and then they make me smile.

Do you know, Joan Crawford used to routinely wear a 60-carat ring (I think it was a star sapphire). And Elizabeth Taylor wore the 32-carat Krupp diamond everywhere. and Princess Diana''s engagement ring was what--about eighteen carats? I think that it''s not really that diamonds of 3 or 4 carats are so very large that they are inconvenient in some real way, but that we (and everybody else) knows that they are so EXPENSIVE that it makes the person wearing it self-conscious. I say this, I repeat, as someone who does not have a large diamond ring--my anniversary solitaire, which is my biggest diamond in a ring, is a .65. So I''m not making excuses about something that I own myself! I am unlikely to ever own one, and don''t really have a wish for one (I had a chance to get something larger when I got my earrings and picked those instead) but that''s not a reason why YOU shouldn''t own one. and enjoy it. Just keep telling yourself, you''re not up to Joan Crawford yet. (I actually underestimated the size of her jewels. See link below)

http://www.gemstone-directory.com/History.html

 

[caribqueen]

Just think, there are worse problems to have.

As long as you''re not living in a shack flaunting a huge stone, then there is nothing to be embarrassed about. Sounds like you have to get used to it and stop worrying about what other people think. Maybe you could also try on a ring that would be about your size with a halo to actually see what it will look like.

 

[iluvcarats]

I think that your diamond is really beautiful, but if you feel self conscious, or that you won''t enjoy wearing it, then maybe you should get a smaller diamond. Especially if you have your heart set on a halo. I have fingers a little bit smaller than you, and I have 2.5 rb in a halo. Sometimes I do feel it is a bit much, and I don''t wear it all the time. When I do wear it, I enjoy it, but I find myself wearing an eternity band more. I disagree with the posters who say there can''t be a diamond that is too big. I think stones sometimes overwhelm tiny fingers (JMHO) I am not embarrassed by it. I just feel that sometimes it is not *necessary*

 

[Dreamer_D]

Another PSer recently had this same crisis with her cushion... I can''t recall her name but I will find the thread, it may help you!

 

[NJDeac]

My girlfriend recently told me that she did not want a stone any larger than 1.5 carats because she thought anything bigger was "too big." While I think most prefer bigger diamonds (I was looking at larger rocks for her, too), I don''t think it''s strange at all to not want a stone over a certain size - different strokes for different folks.

 

[Amethyste]

I understand how you feel...
It took me a while to get used to the size of my own diamond. I felt strange wearing such large stone and even to this day, sometime, when I look
at it, I still think it is quite large on my hand. Right now, what I mostly believe is that I do not like the setting and my focus is on the diamond itself.
When it is in its own setting ( the one that I like ) I think the feeling of "presence" might diminish.

Lucky girl to have such gorgeous OEC... Enjoy it!!

 

[gardengloves]

K+D=4,

Congratulations on your beautiful stone. What a wonderful fiance you have!

From my perspective, I''d wear it and get used to it, before you make decision to downsize. I waited many years to upgrade to 3 carats- now there, I am very happy ( an understatement, more like turning cartwheels with joy) with the size. It satisfies, and for me, does not shrink,- it seems to grow.

Setting is so important. Leon Merge may have ideas and options you never considered- discuss it with him - all his designs are so tasteful and beautiful, so perfectly suited to the stone in hand. A 3 carat stone can stand alone for sure, but halos are gorgeous and you have to follow your heart - I am sure Leon could find a way to enhance your stone with the setting, even halo, that will send you over the moon. But, I would hang on to the 3 carat stone and work to find the setting that will highlight it to your hearts content. So for what its worth - that''s just my 2 cents.

 

[wsblue430]

First thing I thought is I need a 3 carat cause i already have DSS

Honestly, be proud and rock that ring. Its insanely gorgeous! maybe its the setting. Once you have it set in a Leon or whatever setting you desire, you may feel different. Super delicate halo, set low and it will look gorgeous!

 

[E B]

Date: 3/30/2010 1:55:11 PM
Author: brown_eyes
I''m going to go out on a limb and back your feelings up on this one.

I should first say that your stone is GORGEOUS!

For me, there is such a thing as too big. I''m not saying that I cant appreciate beautiful honkers on other peoples hands, it''s just not me. Not sure if that makes sense, but the bottom line is I know how you''re feeling.

If it were me, I would give it a little time and if you still really arent comfortable, downsize some. No shame in that.

Agreed on all counts. For me, 3 cts in a halo would be just too much to wear daily, and I''d want to wear it daily, or as often as I could. A halo, even a delicate one, will ''boost'' the size quite a bit.

I''m with brown_eyes on the suggestion to give it a little time. If you still feel it''s too big, downsize! There''s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting your ring to feel comfortable to you.

 

[kittybean]

Date: 3/30/2010 3:26:31 PM
Author: gardengloves

Setting is so important. Leon Merge may have ideas and options you never considered- discuss it with him - all his designs are so tasteful and beautiful, so perfectly suited to the stone in hand. A 3 carat stone can stand alone for sure, but halos are gorgeous and you have to follow your heart - I am sure Leon could find a way to enhance your stone with the setting, even halo, that will send you over the moon. But, I would hang on to the 3 carat stone and work to find the setting that will highlight it to your hearts content. So for what its worth - that''s just my 2 cents.

Great advice--I absolutely agree. Talk to the jeweler who will be setting your stone and see what kind of ideas he or she might have for a setting that would best complement your stone (which is unbelievably stunning, by the way). Something you might not have considered up to this point might end up being perfect for you. Personal example: I really, really wanted a halo setting, and I was a little disappointed when I didn''t get one (my now-husband picked the ring out himself). As soon as I saw my ring in person, though, I loved the five-stone-esque setting he chose, and now I can''t imagine my stone being set any other way. Even though the setting wasn''t what I originally dreamed of, I honestly like it much better the way it is.

What does your FI think? Maybe it would be helpful to get his input on what he views as the right "forever setting."

 

[waterlilly]

HUSH! Don''t you dare think of downsizing!!!

That rock in a plain setting = perfection. I am partial, but your ring looks more like a bezel than a halo (I think of halo''s as having diamonds in them - a ring of diamonds around the center diamond) and a bezeled 3ct is my dream ring!

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Looking at your setting as it is now, it seems like a LM halo wouldn''t be too much larger than it is now? Leon may even have the ability to slim it down even further.

By the way - adore the patterning in that gorgeous stone, and I love the setting your FI designed.

 

[tyty333]

What to do when you feel your diamond is *gasp* too large??


Throw a little party!
Do a little dance...
Get down with the DH that night for being soooo generous!

Did I say that?

Sorry, no help here...I dont think I''ll ever have the issue with
feeling that my diamond is too large (unless DH wins the lotto).

 

[Carey]

Hmmm.. quite the dilemma. I think I have the answer: you send it to ME. I guarantee I''ll take good care of it, and will not *mind* one bit that it''s a 3 ct size. Honey, I have size 6 3/4 size fingers - it''ll look so much smaller on me!

Seriously? Just wear it. Don''t worry. It''ll shrink! Wear it in good health, and feel the love that gave it to you!

 

[RaiKai]

I am going to step out on the limb with Brown Eyes and say, I get it. I do absolutely think your ring is beautiful and I love that bezel setting(even if that is not its forever setting!). And I do agree that you should give it some time and see if you get used to it before deciding to downsize as in a month or two you might be totally comfortable with it.

However, that being said, I do understand your feelings about a large stone. I have larger fingers than you (I am a 5.25) and for me, I would not be comfortable with such a large stone (and again I will say this does not mean it does not look great on you!).

Indeed, anything above a 1.5ct (about a 7.4ish face up size) seems even too much for me personally; and my sweet spot is more in the 1-1.25ctish range. Large rocks just does not work for my own comfort (not a big jewelry wearer), my style preferences (not a showy person) or my lifestyle (very physically active etc) as I do want to wear my ring as much as possible. For me, as I don't wear a lot of jewelery, I prefer something that works for almost everything and everywhere, and I don't find large stones fit that for me personally, if that makes sense?

So, yes, for me there is such a thing as too big for ME as it is just NOT me. I think many on PS do not share this view though

 

[swingirl]

Your temporary setting is exaggerating the stone’s size. If you set it in a delicate setting (Leon Mege would be my pick) the proportions would look better with less metal showing. Depending on your life style a 3ct stone might be too big for everyday wear. But many of us don’t wear our rings 24/7. I have a much smaller stone than yours but I prefer to wear it selectively. I am rough and have thin fingers with large knuckles so my ring spins. My concern is for whacking it with my palm down. But there is no right size, whatever you are comfortable is the right size.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Her name was lightingbug, here is the thread: https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/pictures-of-my-cushion-halo-and-a-question.136387/

FWIW, she decided to rock it.

 

[gardengloves]

thanks Dreamer, that was interesting,

Glad she decided to rock it.

One of her initial concerns was taking public transit with a large stone- where I work - in NYC public transit is where you will see the larger stones. on the train lines, NY'ers take public transit- a lot- its preferable over cabs or cars, much faster due to street congestion.

Guess a part of it, including comforate level, - comes down to demographics, in my office we have a bunch of 1.5-2 carats and a few 2-3 carats, it pretty normal, so 3 carats doesn't stand out too much.

Hope the OP keeps the 3 carat, works with it and enjoys.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I can see your perspective as I''d be embarrassed/uncomfortable wearing a 3 ct stone. It''d be a waste for you to focus on feeling it awkward and not enjoying it.

Maybe talking to your FI is okay. . . generally, I don''t think it''s a good thing to complain about a ring, but that''s because normally what is said is about the ring not being big enough or this and that enough. For you to explain you''re wanting a more understated ring makes sense.