What to do???

[Italiahaircolor]

I got married 6 months ago, and it was a beautiful day. Unfortunately, I had a very big issue with one of my bridesmaids. It started several weeks before my wedding, when she got engaged and suddenly went missing in action.

Mandy and I had been friends since we attended beauty school together, which was about 5 years ago. During the interoom, we built a really strong friendship that I appreciated, I loved her like a sister. When my now-husband asked me to marry him, I invited her to be part of my wedding party. I knew she was strapped for cash, so I told her upfront that I would happily buy her dress and that all she would need to be accountable for were her shoes, beauty, jewelry, and alterations.

Unfortunately, during the same time I was planning my wedding, Mandy found herself caught up in a messy relationship. This man, I really believe, went out of his way to hurt her and belittle her. As her friend, I was very open with her about what I saw, and what I thought about how he treated her. I would have expected her to do the same for me, and in the past, she had pointed out foundation flaws in men I dated both casually and seriously. Mandy and I had a very candid relationship, I really thought that was a huge part in why we were as close as we were. Turns out, she didn''t care...and on the day of my bridal shower, he bought her an engagement ring....

DUM DUM DUM...

I was genuinely happy for her when she got engaged. Although I was clearly not Tony''s biggest fan, I wanted my friend to be happy and it appeared she was. I arranged for a small engagement party for Mandy, which last minute she backed out of. I gave her a lovely Waterford ring holder as an engagement gift. And offered as much help as I could. She wanted to jump right into planning her wedding, but I was about a month away from getting married myself and asked her to please let me finish my wedding before throwing myself into hers. I didn''t feel this was unreasonable, and I was very nice about it. I felt my prior actions made it clear that I was happy for her, and willing to invest time and money...but at that exact moment...I couldn''t spread myself too thin.

Suddenly, she went MIA. She wouldn''t return phone calls, and if she did, it was days later. She never offered to help me with any last minute details, althought she had 3 days off of work per week, and frankly, I could have used the help. Her actions severly fractured our friendship, period. I was very angry...and the closer my wedding day got, the more hot headed I became at the meer mention of her name. I felt like after all the years of friendship, all the money I invested in having her as part of my wedding, all the inside jokes, and laughs, and tears we shared....she was suddenly to selfish to care about me and my event, because she was getting married eventually. When we did speak, she would never ask how I was doing, only tell me everything going on with her...I was so beyond frusterated.

I really did attempt to put on a "happy face" and move on. I hosted a Bridesmaid Dinner, and gifted the girls each a piece of Tiffany jewelery. I gave Mandy a lovely keychain...since I knew she was in the process of home shopping...and thought that it was appropriate for her, considering all the other money I had recently sunk into our friendship--including the dress which was around 800.00, the alteration (she didn''t have the money), her engagement party she blew off, her engagement gift... She tossed the keychain back into the bag, and never even thanked me...but openly compaired her gift with the other gifts I gave. I''ll be honest, I spent a wee bit more on the other girls, but at the point I was shopping for these presents, I was fed up with Mandy.

I''ll spare you the details and list out the things she did the day before/day of my wedding...

*She disappeared the day before the wedding to go to the mall while we were all moving things to the hotel
*Her fiance blew off the "pre-paid" rehearsal dinner to sign on their home.
*She complained about how much her hair cost
*She complained about having cramps, and laid down in her bridesmaid dress
*She NEVER smiled in a single picture
*She blew off the after party
*Her mother never showed up at the reception...to the tune of $150,00 per plate
*She refused to contribute to my personal shower..

Nevertheless...Mandy is now getting married. We have not spoken since my wedding in July. But, I have been considering sending her a custom made Handkerchief embroidered with a yellow rose, and the saying "may this dry only you''re happy tears".

So, thats why I''m posting...I want to know what your opinions are on this...

Yes, she hurt me...but I think that it would be a nice way of remembering our friendship.

If you were me, what would you do? Send the hankie...or forget about, and blow her off?

Thanks in advance!

 

[uga1]

I''m sure the other girls here are much better at advice than I do, but it appears to me that she did not offer her friendship to you when you needed it most (ie. one of the most important and special days of your life). You guys have not spoken since last July and apparently she has made no effort to continue your friendship. I would not invest anything more into this, unless she was the one contacting you with an apology on being a flaky friend.

 

[lucy.lucy.80]

Personally I would blow her off. She really showed a lack of respect throughout your wedding process and I am sure it really hurt you. It sounds like for several months she repeatedly disregarded your feelings and wedding.

 

[Patiently_Waiting]

If it were me, I would just write the friendship off. She consistently flaked out on you when you needed her most and hasn''t attempted to contact you since last July. I think at this point, you are better off without her toxicity in your life.

 

[Gypsy]

Sounds like she''s human to me, and indulged in a some self absorption at a moment when you too were self absorbed. It happens. I don''t understand how her comment about cramps and her lying down is an offense against your freindship... or many of the other things you mentioned for that matter, but I understand that these things build up and once the frustration builds up things that would normally would be shrugged off are instead amplified.

I wouldn''t burn my bridges. I would send her a lovely gift that reflects the friendship you used to have before this period of time. If your friendship is strong enough, you''ll both be chuckling about this in a few years.

 

[gtn]

IHC, it sounds like you still want to keep Mandy in your life. If that is the case, send her the handkerchief, it''s a lovely gesture. I would not expect her to return your kindness though. Some people are not as kind and caring as you obviously are. If she does not respond, then you can move on knowing that you have no regrets.

 

[Sabine]

I agree with Gypsy that although she was acting selfishly, the things she did were not all necessary wrong or even preventable by her (her FI left the rehersal, but was that the only time they could sign on the house? that could be a big deal...and could she help the fact that her mom didn''t show?) It sounds like it was a sour patch for both of you, and if you still have interest in being friends with her, the hankie could be a lovely gesture. Although PLEASE make sure you fix the typo...you want to say "dry your happy dears" not you''re!

 

[Octavia]

Like Gypsy and Sabine, I think that some of the things you're complaining about aren't necessarily her fault, or that horrendous. My mother does a lot of real estate closings, and unfortunately if you're scheduled for one at a certain time, you pretty much have to be there or you're SOL. They're a lot more difficult to put together than many people think. Also, as a girl who has dealt with terrible cramps before, sometimes if you have to lay down, you have to lay down.

On the other hand, as a bridesmaid and good friend, she should have at least put on a smile and not blown off things she knew were important to you. I can see why you'd be hurt by this. I think you may have been expecting more of her than she realized (whether she should have realized this or not) and she was more self-absorbed than you needed her to be at that point in time.

At this point, you really have to decide whether you can forgive and forget (or at least, put in the past) the hurt you felt. If she means a lot to you, it doesn't seem that the damage is irreparable. We've all flaked out on friends, or been flaked out on, at some point. If the friendship is worthwhile, it goes on and each person finds a way to deal with it. But there are also people I thought were my friends and then realized that, when it really came down to it, they weren't worth the time and effort of maintaining the relationship. If you think she's worth it and she thinks you're worth it, there's definitely hope. But maybe you should talk to her about how you feel and see what she has to say for herself before you make a decision. Good luck either way.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I can totally see where all of you kind ladies are coming from...

I guess my mental block at this point is simply that I feel she intentionally did things to take the attention away from me...Like purchasing a house the night before my wedding....Or, as I''m trying to get everyone ready for pictures, deciding she isn''t feeling well enough to particpate and decided to lay down for "awhile".

I really do my personal best to be a good friend...which is why, even after all of these months, I''m considering sending a gift...

I decided to post this, because you all probably understand no matter how much money you spend on your wedding, you triple that in sweat equity...all the planning, prep, stress...and I really feel like this girl did her best to upset the day for me...and yet, I want to forgive her...I just don''t know if I should do!!

 

[Independent Gal]

I don't know. If you've bought a house yourself, you probably know that the timing really isn't much up to you. If you find a place you love, you need to move. Fast. At least until recently.

Nobody else's life should be put on hold because of one's wedding. Certainly not in terms of something as important as buying a house.

A good mantra for all of us is "Nobody cares half as much about your wedding as you do." Nor should they.

I would not send a gift - or not only a gift. I would send a letter. In the letter I would say something like "Your friendship is so important to me. I'm so sorry if I offended you before my wedding. [Because, to be honest, if she WAS being passive aggresive, it was probably in response to her perception that you were being less than supportive of HER at such an exciting time]. I hope we can put all of that aside and resume where we left off."

Take the high road. Take responsibility (even if you don't feel responsible). It might lead to a good conversation where you can straighten out what I'm sure were misunderstandings that got out of hand.

It sounds like a friendship worth saving.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I would send the hankie. However, I would not get my hopes up. I have had two friends who have married males who belittled them like you describe. Although I tried, neither kept in touch and they became more introspective which sometimes seemed like selfishness. I am not saying don''t try, just know that in my experience things change under hose circumstances.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 1/31/2008 8:36:22 PM
Author: Independent Gal
I don''t know. If you''ve bought a house yourself, you probably know that the timing really isn''t much up to you. If you find a place you love, you need to move. Fast. At least until recently.

Nobody else''s life should be put on hold because of one''s wedding. Certainly not in terms of something as important as buying a house.

A good mantra for all of us is ''Nobody cares half as much about your wedding as you do.'' Nor should they.

I would not send a gift - or not only a gift. I would send a letter. In the letter I would say something like ''Your friendship is so important to me. I''m so sorry if I offended you before my wedding. [Because, to be honest, if she WAS being passive aggresive, it was probably in response to her perception that you were being less than supportive of HER at such an exciting time]. I hope we can put all of that aside and resume where we left off.''

Take the high road. Take responsibility (even if you don''t feel responsible). It might lead to a good conversation where you can straighten out what I''m sure were misunderstandings that got out of hand.

It sounds like a friendship worth saving.

Great advice! I agree with all of the above (I have no idea why this is typed in italics! I must have hit a wrong key or something. Oh well.).

 

[diamondfan]

I think you have your answer. She is not being a nice or good friend, and really tried to stick it to you on and around your wedding. I think I would backing off for now, and let her get married. No gifts, no communication, and see where that comes out in the end.

 

[VRBeauty]

WARNING: PREACHING AHEAD

Friends who you can love like a sister are few and far between. I would honor that frienship with a heartfelt note and a gift, whether or not there might be a reconcilliation in the future. The truth is I would be doing for myself as much as I'd be doing it for my friend - maybe more for myself than for my friend, in fact. The anger you have towards your friend is probably hurting you a lot more than it's hurting her. And then, as I sent the note, I'd hope that I would be able to forgive my friend and get over my hurt and resentment.

BTW From what you've said about your friend's fiance, she may be in for a rough time. If he was trying to hurt and belittle her as he was trying to "woo" her, the chances are pretty good that he will continue this pattern of behavior after they're married. He may even be manipulating her into behavior that will cut her off from her friends, since support from "outsiders" would undermine the control he gets by putting her down. As Brazen said, don't get your hopes up where the friendship is concerned. But send the note and gift anyway, for your own sake.

 

[CrownJewel]

Ditto on the gift and note. When is her wedding?

 

[Haven]

I agree that you should go ahead and send the gift along with a sincere letter. It truly does sound like you''re not ready to sever your relationship with this woman, and if that''s the case, don''t.

And I''m sure you don''t want to hear this, but it doesn''t really sound like she did anything extraordinarily awful the day before and the day of your wedding. I understand how little things can become big things if you''re already upset, but several of the things you mentioned sound a bit harmelss to me (you can''t always dictate when you sign for a home, I don''t understand being angry at her for lying down to ease her cramps, etc.) It doesn''t really sound like she was all that awful to you, perhaps your anger made her actions seem exaggerated?

Also, I normally don''t correct errors, HOWEVER--please change the embroidery to "May this dry only your happy tears" instead of "you''re". This sounds like a lovely gift, I''d hate to see a small error ruin the sentiment. (Actually--perhaps "May this dry only happy tears" sounds even better to me, as I think this version is closer to the original sentiment, anyway. Sorry, I know you weren''t asking for embroidery advice.)

Anyway, best of luck to you with this dilemma. I want to share that my best friend and I had a bit of a row several years back and we didn''t speak for nearly a year. I finally wrote a letter to her and she called me and we met up for dinner and talked for hours, and reconciled. A year later I was her MOH, and we''re back to being best friends. Was it worth putting myself out there? Absolutely.

 

[partyjewels]

I think you''ve gotten lots of good advice from all the gals here already, and I agree with the posts saying you should send the gift/note if you have any hopes of reconciling, but not to expect an immediate response if one at all. Because even if she still decides to let the bridge burn, you''ll know that you tried. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

 

[ByGoneEraBride]

I am so terribly sorry about all that you''ve gone through. The thing is, I''m sure there are things that were said or felt or done that you haven''t told us. I''m sure that most rational people wouldn''t do what she did.

I have to say, as ''endearing'' as it is to have a friend who is going through engagement/wedding stuff at the same time as you ...is, well...sometimes it can be a really really bad thing.

Its a selfish time for us and our future hubby''s, and it shoudl be. I don''t mean that to sound...wrong. But its about you and him. She wanted that time to be all abotu her and him. She had a right, but not at the expense of ruining your time.

I think that you want to be friends, but you want an apology. I sense you feel like some sort of injustice happened - at least I think so. It did. She owes you an apology.

Just remember, people do WAY crazy things during their wedding time. It''s amazing what happens, and I''m not just talking "bridezilla." It can be more subtle than that. She wanted more attention than she was getting, and she got it - in the wrong way.

Kind of like children, when they aren''t getting attention - any will do. Its the ones that do it to be mean that are particularly hurtful.

Had she apologized for her future husband not being able to be there, sharing with you why, in a sincere way, etc...you would have understood. You seem rational to me. Despite not posting here much, I''ve lurked for...well, too long.

Long story short, I''ve been in a situation similar, I''m not longer in that person''s wedding and my fiancee is no longer the best man. Its sad...but if you feel that things can go on between you two, figure out what your conditions are to get through your hurt.

And make sure she knows them - if the friendship is worth it for her, then she''ll come around.

But do what you need to do to feel good about it, as much as you can, from your end.
Good luck.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

First of all, let me clear something up that Independant Girl pointed out...that in some way shape or form, this falling out was my doing....

Never, not once, did I do anything that anyone could/would consider being "less" that supportive. Truth be told, I probably did too much for her. Like, when she was having a "rough" period...and I blew off my clients to rush her to the hospital, sat by her side as she had a series of tests, and then paid the bill so she wouldn''t have to worry. OR when she owed the IRS money, I gave up my commission and put her into a job for Revlon where she could make the money to pay her fine. OR when he now fiance dumped her and kicked her out, I drove in a snow storm to pick her up, took her back to my home, where I opened my door to her and offered her a place to stay for as long as she needed. I practically broke my back bending over for her when she needed someone. And, as far as Tony having to sign on the house...the Chicago market is slow as sin right now, the house had been on the market for over 6 months, and he only put in an offer that night for the full asking price...they didn''t even move in until November....so please, tell me, what was the rush?? And yes, to answer your question...my husband and I currently own 2 homes...and before him, I owned a place of mine own, so I am familiar with the stress...and I would have never missed anyone''s rehearsal dinner to put in an offer on a house that had been sitting empty for 6 months.

I am very, very, very low maintenance friend...I don''t require anything from anyone...hence me picking up the cost of bridemaid dresses for all my attends at about 800.00 per dress. Everything I ever did for that girl was out of the goodness of heart. Not only do I have nothing to apologize for, I couldn''t even "fake" it. The reason I have considered sending the handkerchief, is because I want her to know that--no matter what--her wedding day will is special for me too. I want her happiness, and fulfillment...I want her to have good love...and I am willing to celebrate that wiether or not I am at her wedding. This is apparently a sentiment she did not reflect upon Mark and I. Also, I feel that this is one gift she probably will not receive, and something every bride should have.

Also, allow me to clear up a misconception... I do not, under any circumstance, want to rekindle our friendship. I have been on fence about the hankie simply because it is a gesture of kindness, not an attempt to rebuild the burnt bridge. I could never forgive her. I know that sounds petty, but I spent a year of my life planning my wedding. I worked so hard on each little detail. And I never thought a friend of mine would intentionally or otherwise cast a negative shadow on the day...but she did. I dont know exactly what her story was or is...but until you plan a wedding, you dont get it...and she has planned a wedding (a broken engagement from a year before) and was planning another wedding, so she "got" it and whatever she did was intentional.

Oh...yeah...I have it saved correctly...just wasnt thinking when I typed it before...I hate it when my mind works faster than my fingers...forgive me! Oh, and I am sending the handkerchief...I think it''s important to set an example for her...that no matter what, you do right by your friends...even when it''s hard for you.

 

[Haven]

I think you misunderstood Indy''s post--I certainly don''t think she or anyone here was trying to say that this falling out was your fault. It sounds like Indy was just trying to shed some light as to what your friend may have perceived at the time. Standing up in other people''s weddings is often stressful

Regardless, I''m glad you made a decision that suits your situation, and I think it''s kind of you to send the hankerchief even though you have all of these negative feelings toward this person. From the tone of your last post, it sounds like she must have done some other horrible things to mar your wedding day beside what you''ve already shared, and I''m so sorry to hear that.

Here''s to graciousness and well-being toward those who have hurt you.

 

[Gwyn]

First off, just a quick question. I thought orinonally it might have been a misprint but you wrote it twice. $800.00 for one bridesmaids dress? i live in los angeles and our prices are not that high, especially for very, very, very low maintenance brides. Kudos to you for offering to pay for that! I was annoyed at my sisters which was only a lil over $200!

Anway, though i think that the whole house thing could be excused i do not see why it took him all night to sign for it. Keep in mind i have never bought a house so i dont know what details go into it but a dinner has got to be a few hours and usually at night right...doesnt seem like it would conflict on a house signing. maybe if it were far away.

To me, the other things she did is a little inexcusable. She agreed to be a bridesmaid. this means she should have sucked it up during picture time, been at the after party and put in for your shower. THose are things that people who agree to be BMs know are coming and should be prepared to do. IN regards to the gift, i can see how maybe she might have felt slighted but clearly you already put more money into her coming to the wedding then the other girls so what right does she have to complain? A gift is just that, a gift! Shut your mouth and smile that you got one at all.

I think that she was probably just hurt that, after spending so much time on your wedding, your reaction to hers was that you just couldnt do it right then. I am not saying there was anything wrong with what you said. I think everyone here knows that taking on another project so soon to their wedding date would be horrific. But your friend probably didnt understand that. In no way do i think that excuses her behavior just my two cents.

I got engaged a few months before my sisters wedding and all of my family told me they couldnt even think about my wedding til hers was done. I know they were just trying to make sense of it all but it still hurt. you were nice enough to through her an engagement party though, if she had issues she should have acted maturely and come to you rather then try and ruin your wedding.

Anyway, glad you decided to be the bigger person and send the hanky. i hope she appreciates it!

 

[D2B]

Hi
Sorry have to be quick, but just FWIW, I am not sure about the wording on the hankie, now this may be cultural (are hankies a big thing in the US?), but if someone sent me that wording, especsially with the history, I would think that is very passive / aggressive, why mention tears on a wedding hankie?? I would think that they are trying to subtly tell me that there will be tears out of this wedding IYKWIM. I guess, why mention tears and crying and associated sadness - I dont get it and as a bride I would be a little confused. BUT, if there is a US culutral thing I am not getting ignore all that ( I am in the UK).

Anyway, gotta run

D2B

 

[bee*]

If you don''t want to rekindle the friendship then I wouldn''t send the hankie or a note. I agree with some of the girls in that I don''t think that she did anything too awful (ie lying down in the dress if she had cramps, her bf left to sign for a house). I don''t know-I just think that bridesmaids have a very different role in Ireland in that we pay for everything for them (dress,shoes, hair, makeup, give them presents etc) and their job is to turn up on the day. I would never say to one of my bridesmaids after getting engaged that I would prefer it if she didn''t throw herself into wedding planning for her wedding until mine was over. Maybe she was PO''d about that? I know I would be if I had just gotten engaged. The first few weeks are the most exciting time for planning. Anyway if you don''t want to be friends again, don''t send a pressie.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 2/1/2008 12:22:33 AM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Also, allow me to clear up a misconception... I do not, under any circumstance, want to rekindle our friendship. I have been on fence about the hankie simply because it is a gesture of kindness, not an attempt to rebuild the burnt bridge. I could never forgive her. I know that sounds petty, but I spent a year of my life planning my wedding. I worked so hard on each little detail. And I never thought a friend of mine would intentionally or otherwise cast a negative shadow on the day...but she did. I dont know exactly what her story was or is...but until you plan a wedding, you dont get it...and she has planned a wedding (a broken engagement from a year before) and was planning another wedding, so she ''got'' it and whatever she did was intentional.

Maybe I don''t ''get'' this because I haven''t planned a wedding myself, but you "could never forgive her" because she bought a house and had cramps? I realize the timing wasn''t ideal, but...that seems pretty extreme. And saying "intentionally or otherwise cast a negative shadow" on your wedding day...so even if she wasn''t purposefully trying to ruin your wedding, you still would never forgive her?

Sorry, but it sounds to me like you were putting the responsibility of having a ''perfect wedding'' on everyone else, instead of being able to say, "Right, I know it''s not going to be perfect, so I''ll just take it as it comes and make the best of what happens." Fourteen friends of mine got married last year, and we all (bride, groom and friends) had a good laugh about the things that didn''t turn out right.

If you''re letting this friendship go (in which case you shouldn''t send anything), I think you should let the anger and blame go along with it. Just my two cents.

 

[Independent Gal]

Haven was right about what I meant. Sometimes people misunderstand each other, and the misunderstanding escalates. If she perceived, however wrongly that you were pissed with her and being snarky, she may have reacted to her PERCEPTION. Then it spirals- she starts acting slightly off, you sense that and get more angry, she senses your anger and responds to it more, etc. Even if the whole thing starts over a misunderstanding. That''s why talking it out, and building a bridge by ''offering'' to take responsibility first - even if you don''t feel responsible - can help to unravel these kinds of knots.

You don''t know what the circumstances were around the house, and frankly, if my friend was more concerned about me wrinkling my dress than about my comfort when I was in pain, I would be outraged. I would also be beyond outraged at being asked to spend $800 on a dress if I were one of the other bridesmaids.

OK, I''m being grumpy. Haven''t had my coffee yet. So sorry if this has an edge.

But if you don''t want to rekindle the friendship, don''t send the hanky. Personally, I would find it seriously weird to get a hanky with text like that on it from someone who ''would never forgive me''. A hanky is a bit of an odd gift to begin with unless it has some significance for the two of you (which is what I had assumed?). I would also wonder if there was something in the text that was passive aggresive. Why make a ''gesture of kindness'' to someone you don''t want to be friends with anymore? Just let it go.

 

[Courtneylub]

It would be an admirable thing to send her the gift. Most people wouldn''t.

On the other hand, a selfish friend like that is very exhausting. The fact that she didn''t smile in one picture is really ridiculous and that alone would push me over the edge. A friendship goes both ways and you went above and beyond by trying to throw her an engagement party, etc.

I personally wouldn''t put any more effort into the friendship, especially after she made things extremely hard on you during a crucial event like your wedding!

 

[partyjewels]

After reading your update, I know you said you''re going to send the hankie, but I wouldn''t bother if you don''t want to try and patch things up. What would the point be? You said to set an example of no matter what you do right by your FRIENDS. If she''s no longer your friend and you can NEVER forgive her, then why bother? It seems passive aggressive somehow to me. Like you want her to remember how she acted and feel badly about it, without actually giving her a chance to apologize or make amends since you no longer care to be her friend.

We don''t know the whole story from your posts of course, but I say forget about it, to me, sending the hankie is a bit like beating a dead horse (or whatever that saying is).

 

[Independent Gal]

Beating a dead horse with a hanky? I suppose...

 

[partyjewels]

LMAO. IndyGal you crack me up

 

[diamondfan]

That is kind of why I said not to. Of course she could not help having cramps. I have terrible ones and it stinks. BUT on your friends day, could you maybe take a midol and at least make an effort? Her lying down was more about being snarky and passive aggressive to you. The house thing, I do not know details, but I am certain, having bought many homes, you can have someone else sign (non durable power of attorney), you can explain you have a WEDDING to go to and can the closing be moved up or to another day, or you can sign and rush back to the wedding. My mom has a saying, "People do what they want to do". Meaning, if she was not being stinky, she would have put up with the cramps, or pulled you aside and told you she was not feeling great but that she was there for you and would do her best...and the house thing could have been dealt with as well. Do you see where I am going? It seemed very attention diverting to me. If I were there, and could manage, I would not let the cramps be something that affects the bride. I would just do my level best, try to suck it up and be present, and maybe lie down when I could catch a moment. And not smiling in photos is a bit on the immature side to me. She is telegraphing her attitude through that. Bottom line, why even bother to take the high road, if you do not wish to be friends? Doubt she is the type to have a realization of what is wrong and right in a friendship so I would just let the whole thing go. Some friendships can make it for the long haul, some cannot.