What to wear to a black tie wedding?

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

Hi all! I am not very comfortable with western dress codes and have recently received an invite to a black tie wedding. It will be in the summer next year so I have plenty of time to find clothing! The wedding starts around 4pm though so it’s like evening going into night.

What exactly does black tie entail? I have three long western gowns that I think can work but they are all significantly different in formality. They are all dark colours and very slim fitting. Can I wear dark/black colours for the early evening going into night wedding?

What is considered “too much”? One of the gowns has an illusion back and a train (the gown is in a dark wine colour). The other two are black. I thought black is off limits at a wedding, but I don’t want to wear the gown with a train if that would be inappropriate. One of the black seems a bit too casual/plain to me (it’s got full sleeves and is plain black, v neck and a small slit) but perhaps guests shouldn’t be too fancy? I have worn that black one to a birthday party before though.

I am also open to buying something if none of these work but would strongly prefer to wear something from my own closet. Is there a silhouette to stay away from? I know the bride likes the whole idea of being a “princess” and is likely to wear a ball gown so I thought it best to steer clear of that silhouette, but i don’t know if that is actually the preferred silhouette for everyone or my instincts to stay away were correct.

Thanks for the help!!

 

[Tartansparkles]

For a wedding I'd be looking at outfits from Ted Baker, Whistles and LK Bennett. If you look on the John Lewis.com website you might get some ideas (they carry some of the brands.above). Kate Middleton sometimes wears LK Bennett, if that helps give you some idea of the style.

 

[Lookinagain]

I don't think it would be an issue wearing a black dress to an evening black tie wedding. I would and I think others would be wearing black as well. I would not wear a dress with a train. You only mention the "plain" black one. What is the other black one like?
Not sure what country you are in, or what state in the U.S. and that may change the answer as well. I googled it and found these pages:

https://www.theknot.com/content/what-to-wear-black-tie

What to Wear to a Black-Tie Wedding as a Guest

If you were invited to a wedding with a black-tie dress code, you might be stuck on what to wear. Here, we've listed everything you need to know about black tie attire for a wedding. Plus, details on how to perfectly nail this theme for every event.

www.brides.com

 

[Kim N]

I don't think it would be an issue wearing a black dress to an evening black tie wedding. I would and I think others would be wearing black as well. I would not wear a dress with a train. You only mention the "plain" black one. What is the other black one like?
Not sure what country you are in, or what state in the U.S. and that may change the answer as well. I googled it and found these pages:

https://www.theknot.com/content/what-to-wear-black-tie

What to Wear to a Black-Tie Wedding as a Guest

If you were invited to a wedding with a black-tie dress code, you might be stuck on what to wear. Here, we've listed everything you need to know about black tie attire for a wedding. Plus, details on how to perfectly nail this theme for every event.

www.brides.com

I agree, I believe black would be fine, and I wouldn't wear a dress with a train.

 

[Piper70]

Following because we are invited to a black tie optional wedding in Virginia this November. I’m tempted to wear the dress I wore last year to my son’s wedding. Definitely not a traditional MOG dress and I would love to wear it again. Mostly because I hate to shop.

 

[Piper70]

Not trying to thread Jack but this is dress I’m talking about. I don’t think black or train is inappropriate as long as it doesn’t look “bridal” in any way but just my opinion.

 

[Lookinagain]

I think that would be fine to wear.

 

[FL_runner]

I think that would be fine to wear.

I agree, I think that would be lovely.

 

[seaurchin]

I don't have much experience with black tie weddings but things in general can vary regionally etc. from whatever you'd find in online articles. So, if possible, I'd try to consult some of those in the wedding or going to it. Or at least try to go with "middle of the road" on the advice sources you can find, avoiding anything that you worry would be "too" this or that.

Imo simpler lines are better, no train or excessive poofiness lol.

As far as color, I'd try to find out and avoid whatever the bridesmaids' dress color is.

And if one of your dresses is not black, personally, I'd pick that just because black is also associated with cocktail parties and funerals. I'd also avoid red just because imo it's the most attention-grabbing. And of course avoid white or white-ish since that's the bride's color.

I fret over this kind of thing myself because I don't go to enough formal-ish stuff to have a good idea of it and I hate feeling "incorrect."

More importantly, what JEWELRY will you be wearing?

 

[Piper70]

The wedding location is definitely important. Certain locations in the US would be more formal than others.

 

[Bron357]

Do you have a beaded shawl or shrug? That would go well over a black dress.
Black is fine for PM weddings, white or cream a big no no.
Even a cocktail length dress is fine for black tie event, it just needs to be “fancy” as opposed to looking “office / casual/ BBQ” wear.
Trousers and a silk blouse is also ok for Black tie, again “fancy clothes” being the key.
The guest should look elegant and well dressedl

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

Thank you all for your replies!

So it looks like black tie is less formal than I thought. The train dress is one that I end up wearing for large western-formal events in india (so it’s actually gotten plenty of use!) but this wedding is in Europe and I know people are not as over the top there.

My plan was to be understated with jewelry - perhaps just wear my halo studs, or a pair of long diamond earrings that I also have. Nothing in my neck, wrists etc especially since I will also have to travel with my bling and I’d like to keep it to a minimum for safety reasons.

For my dresses, I will try and find a pic on the internet of what I already have, to give you an idea (of the more formal black one and of the train one). I think if black is acceptable, I will go for the more formal black, because the “casual black” just seems too casual to me to wear for a wedding.

Here is a pic (from Instagram) of a woman wearing a gown similar to my wine one, though hers is in emerald green. Going by your pictorial references etc I feel like this is then “too much”, isn’t it?



As for the black, that is simply floor length without a train, and has a lace top and is then plain. I found a dress with a bunch of googling that seems sort of similar so I put a pic here. This one is in red and has some sequins, mine is black and has lace (no bling).



As for my casual black - I thought just to be thorough I should put that in as well. It’s a bit like this one, but there’s less billowing around the legs, and it doesn’t have the tie at the waist.



I think it’ll possibly be too warm to need a shawl or shrug since it’s in summer. But I would carry a matching one to be safe. I have a shawl in black and one in wine so finding a matching shawl isn’t a concern.

I also know I could “get away” with a cocktail dress, but I am quite eager to wear a gown if I have the opportunity to! If I wear a cocktail dress I have one in an apple-y green which is heavily beaded, so I would go with that. Despite the lighter colour it’s an evening dress.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Thank you all for your replies!

So it looks like black tie is less formal than I thought. The train dress is one that I end up wearing for large western-formal events in india (so it’s actually gotten plenty of use!) but this wedding is in Europe and I know people are not as over the top there.

My plan was to be understated with jewelry - perhaps just wear my halo studs, or a pair of long diamond earrings that I also have. Nothing in my neck, wrists etc especially since I will also have to travel with my bling and I’d like to keep it to a minimum for safety reasons.

For my dresses, I will try and find a pic on the internet of what I already have, to give you an idea (of the more formal black one and of the train one). I think if black is acceptable, I will go for the more formal black, because the “casual black” just seems too casual to me to wear for a wedding.

Here is a pic (from Instagram) of a woman wearing a gown similar to my wine one, though hers is in emerald green. Going by your pictorial references etc I feel like this is then “too much”, isn’t it?



As for the black, that is simply floor length without a train, and has a lace top and is then plain. I found a dress with a bunch of googling that seems sort of similar so I put a pic here. This one is in red and has some sequins, mine is black and has lace (no bling).



As for my casual black - I thought just to be thorough I should put that in as well. It’s a bit like this one, but there’s less billowing around the legs, and it doesn’t have the tie at the waist.



I think it’ll possibly be too warm to need a shawl or shrug since it’s in summer. But I would carry a matching one to be safe. I have a shawl in black and one in wine so finding a matching shawl isn’t a concern.

I also know I could “get away” with a cocktail dress, but I am quite eager to wear a gown if I have the opportunity to! If I wear a cocktail dress I have one in an apple-y green which is heavily beaded, so I would go with that. Despite the lighter colour it’s an evening dress.

i would wear 'lots' of your nice jewlery

white tie is tiara and black tie you leave the tiara at home

but i think black tie out in the real world is very formal and calls for necklace, earings, braclete,

i love the sound of the beaded cocktail dress

but serously what would i know

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

i would wear 'lots' of your nice jewlery

white tie is tiara and black tie you leave the tiara at home

but i think black tie out in the real world is very formal and calls for necklace, earings, braclete,

i love the sound of the beaded cocktail dress

but serously what would i know

I’ll perhaps check the level of bling against other attendees! I didn’t want to be too over the top with bling!

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

I’ll perhaps check the level of bling against other attendees! I didn’t want to be too over the top with bling!

but please note
if we ever go to the same event i exspect maximum Indian level bling purley for my own enjoyment

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

but please note
if we ever go to the same event i exspect maximum Indian level bling purley for my own enjoyment

If it’s an Indian event I totally will be, I promise!

 

[Lookinagain]

If your wine colored one is like the green one pictured, I'd say that is too much. I think either of your black dresses would work. The more simple one can also look elegant with the right jewelry. I think it depends on your "style".

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

If your wine colored one is like the green one pictured, I'd say that is too much. I think either of your black dresses would work. The more simple one can also look elegant with the right jewelry. I think it depends on your "style".

Thank you so much! That’s what I was concerned, that the wine would be “too much”. It’s quite similar to the green - the green is a bit more heavily beaded but the vibe is the same.

I’m surprised the more casual one will work! I thought it was for sure too informal. I think I’ll probably break out the more formal gown because I’d like to minimise jewelry, as I feel like Europeans don’t wear as much jewelry as people in other parts of the world. I borrowed a string of pearls from my mom for the last wedding I went to and wore it with my studs, and it was heavier than what the bride wore. Besides, I’d like an opportunity to wear it

 

[dk168]

Late to the party...

Black tie means cocktail attire for the ladies.

By this I mean short cocktails dresses or top + short skirt; long dresses or top + long skirt.

Personally, I prefer to have one each of short and long skirts, and as many different tops as possible, so as to mix and match as much as possible.

Statement ballgowns or similar long dresses are great, however, they have limited use as I do not wish to be seen wearing the same dress all the time if I only have one of them!

Skirt + top combination is more versatile IMHO.

As for me personally, I am planning to have a ladies dinner suit made, all black with trousers as well as a long skirt, so that I could mix and match. I may have more than one jackets made in bright bold colours such as purple and magenta.

The plan is for a number of silk shirts in different bold colours to be made so that I could mix and match.

I may add more glitzy beaded tops to be worn with the long skirt alone; most likely to be open floaty single thin jackets to be worn over a plain cami top underneath, if you know what I mean.

DK

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

Late to the party...

Black tie means cocktail attire for the ladies.

By this I mean short cocktails dresses or top + short skirt; long dresses or top + long skirt.

Personally, I prefer to have one each of short and long skirts, and as many different tops as possible, so as to mix and match as much as possible.

Statement ballgowns or similar long dresses are great, however, they have limited use as I do not wish to be seen wearing the same dress all the time if I only have one of them!

Skirt + top combination is more versatile IMHO.

As for me personally, I am planning to have a ladies dinner suit made, all black with trousers as well as a long skirt, so that I could mix and match. I may have more than one jackets made in bright bold colours such as purple and magenta.

The plan is for a number of silk shirts in different bold colours to be made so that I could mix and match.

I may add more glitzy beaded tops to be worn with the long skirt alone; most likely to be open floaty single thin jackets to be worn over a plain cami top underneath, if you know what I mean.

DK

I rarely wear long skirts with tops because they lean into the lehenga silhouette for me so I feel like I have enough of them. But I hear you on not wanting to collect too many gowns! I feel like the 3 long dresses I have are enough for me.

I’ve recently gotten into suits made from brocades and silks as a style, btw, if that’s something you want to explore for yourself! A bit of a tangent but anyway. I feel like they look über chic and haute couture-y.

 

[MillieLou]

In England, the first dress would be way over the top, the second a bit OTT but fine, and the third one would fit in well.

Some people do have strong feelings about black at weddings, just to bear in mind. Many don't care but it's one of those things that splits opinions.

I'm not familiar with other European countries but suspect they would follow a similar aesthetic.

Wear as much jewellery as you like though. You're right that Europeans wear less on a daily basis but for a formal wedding, you can definitely break out the crown jewels!

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

In England, the first dress would be way over the top, the second a bit OTT but fine, and the third one would fit in well.

Some people do have strong feelings about black at weddings, just to bear in mind. Many don't care but it's one of those things that splits opinions.

I'm not familiar with other European countries but suspect they would follow a similar aesthetic.

Wear as much jewellery as you like though. You're right that Europeans wear less on a daily basis but for a formal wedding, you can definitely break out the crown jewels!

I’m just wary of having to travel with my jewelry! I’d like to keep it to a minimum. I think the “a bit OTT but fine” dress with minimal jewelry may be the way to go. I was kind of leaning towards this dress but thought id check here if the first dress would work or not since then id be steering clear of black.

I have a year to go - maybe I should ask the bride about black? She should hopefully not be too stressed right now, right?

 

[MillieLou]

I’m just wary of having to travel with my jewelry! I’d like to keep it to a minimum. I think the “a bit OTT but fine” dress with minimal jewelry may be the way to go. I was kind of leaning towards this dress but thought id check here if the first dress would work or not since then id be steering clear of black.

I have a year to go - maybe I should ask the bride about black? She should hopefully not be too stressed right now, right?

Totally ask the bride. I'm sure she won't care in the slightest, it's usually more of an older generation thing - she could give you a heads up as to whether the aunties will frown and mutter, and then you can decide if you care or not

I would also ask her about the dress code, it does vary very much. Though whatever you wear I honestly think it will be fine - at every UK wedding I go to there is a huge range of styles and formality which tends to reflect the wearer's preference more than the event IYSWIM. The "bit OTT" dress will be absolutely fine.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

Totally ask the bride. I'm sure she won't care in the slightest, it's usually more of an older generation thing - she could give you a heads up as to whether the aunties will frown and mutter, and then you can decide if you care or not

I would also ask her about the dress code, it does vary very much. Though whatever you wear I honestly think it will be fine - at every UK wedding I go to there is a huge range of styles and formality which tends to reflect the wearer's preference more than the event IYSWIM. The "bit OTT" dress will be absolutely fine.

thanks so much for the Euro perspective!

I think if the "bit OTT" dress will work, then I will go ahead with that one, because I already have it, have the perfect shoes and bag for it, and it fits great. If she really hates on black, I'll have to go buy a new dress, so hopefully black will work!

 

[Austina]

I really like the black dress, it’s elegant without being ‘look at me’.

I have to say that the last wedding I went to, (in England) I was probably the most dressed up person there It was an afternoon wedding, so I wore a cocktail length dress, which had a matching scarf/shawl. I had black and gold shoes and a little black clutch.

 

[qubitasaurus]

I think you won't be able to dance at all in the wine coloured dress without lifting up your skirt. I could also see it getting caught under other people's chairs at dinner as often wedding venues lay out seating areas relatively compactly.

If it was the wedding of a close family member I would have worn the short dress, or bought something new. I guess this is in part dirven by the fact that you take a lot of photos as family of the bride or groom and the photos outlast the event by decades (what looked fun back then does not necessarily still resonate a decade later and you see those photos every holiday on your parents kitchen countertops and lounge room walls).

If it was a more distantly related person or friend I would have Whatsapped them about the two black dresses asking which was their favourite and if they minded me wearing black.

 

[Lookinagain]

I'm in the Northeast U.S. large city and I don't think anyone would blink at someone wearing a black dress to an evening black tie wedding. So I think, since the wedding you are going to in Europe, maybe say which country (I don't think you did) and whether it's in a city like Paris or Madrid, or outside of a city center. Then I'd listen to the people who have experience with black tie events in those countries, if they pipe up. Or ask the bride. I think what is appropriate can be all over the place depending on location.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

I think you won't be able to dance at all in the wine coloured dress without lifting up your skirt. I could also see it getting caught under other people's chairs at dinner as often wedding venues lay out seating areas relatively compactly.

If it was the wedding of a close family member I would have worn the short dress, or bought something new. I guess this is in part dirven by the fact that you take a lot of photos as family of the bride or groom and the photos outlast the event by decades (what looked fun back then does not necessarily still resonate a decade later and you see those photos every holiday on your parents kitchen countertops and lounge room walls).

If it was a more distantly related person or friend I would have Whatsapped them about the two black dresses asking which was their favourite and if they minded me wearing black.

The wine coloured gown is surprisingly comfortable actually! I have gotten down and to the ground to Bollywood music in it while wearing stilettos but I would not want it getting caught under chairs etc and it sounds like it would be much too much for a western wedding anyway.

The bride is a good enough friend of mine that I don’t mind travelling but not such a good friend that I expect to get more than a couple of pics in, so I think I will probably just ask her if she minds black and perhaps if I can run my outfit by her.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

I'm in the Northeast U.S. large city and I don't think anyone would blink at someone wearing a black dress to an evening black tie wedding. So I think, since the wedding you are going to in Europe, maybe say which country (I don't think you did) and whether it's in a city like Paris or Madrid, or outside of a city center. Then I'd listen to the people who have experience with black tie events in those countries, if they pipe up. Or ask the bride. I think what is appropriate can be all over the place depending on location.

The wedding is in the Austrian Tirol and is rather big by European standards I believe - around 150?

I think I will just ask the bride next time I speak with her!

 

[qubitasaurus]

The wine coloured gown is surprisingly comfortable actually! I have gotten down and to the ground to Bollywood music in it while wearing stilettos but I would not want it getting caught under chairs etc and it sounds like it would be much too much for a western wedding anyway.

The bride is a good enough friend of mine that I don’t mind travelling but not such a good friend that I expect to get more than a couple of pics in, so I think I will probably just ask her if she minds black and perhaps if I can run my outfit by her.

In that case I think it's reasonable to ask her what she prefers and then just go with that. I'd look at the weather and whether the venu is outside, or inside and airconed. Europe can be scorching hot in the summer.

I still think the reality of wearing the maroon dress will have draw backs -- you have to haul it to europe, keep others from stepping on it, wonder if you're over dressed (usually I'm pretty insensitive to other people's opinions on my clothes, but a ball gown esq dress with a train isn't normal black tie wedding attire and people will be likely to notice and remark on it), accept that it could have stuff spilt on it or be ripped by someone else standing on the train or accidentally catching it in their chair legs (and maybe that isnt even their fault as weddings can be pretty tightly packed).