What would do for a bridal shower if your friends and family were spread all over the country?

[peonygirl]

I definitely don''t think that people could fly to my wedding location for both the wedding and shower. The only city in which we have more than 5 or 10 family members/friends is the city in which we currently live, but all of the people I would invite are all grad students so I would feel bad implying that they should get me more gifts. Perhaps I should have a no-gifts shower?

 

[FireGoddess]

Would you totally freak out if the shower was a few days before your wedding? That''s what I did so my friends and family could attend the shower and wedding in the same trip. Since the BMs handle the shower details all I had to do was show up, and it was really nice for friends and family to meet before the wedding...made it feel like a big wedding weekend and people interacted more at the reception since they had already met.

Two of the weddings I''ve been MOH or BM in also had showers the weekend of the wedding, for the same reason.

If not, you can suggest that gifts aren''t necessary. I think some of the grad students in my lab just went in together on the gift, so they didn''t have to spend as much.

 

[E B]

I might be completely wrong, but I was under the impression you weren't supposed to throw your own shower? Should this be something I should be doing for myself?

 

[peonygirl]

EBree, I wasn''t planning to throw it, but I was just curious about when/where it would be period. I guess I was mentioning who "I" would invite because I assume I would have to tell the person hosting who was on my wedding guest list so they wouldn''t end up inviting a bunch of people to the shower who weren''t invited to the wedding.

 

[E B]

Date: 3/15/2006 7:19:12 PM
Author: peonygirl
EBree, I wasn''t planning to throw it, but I was just curious about when/where it would be period. I guess I was mentioning who ''I'' would invite because I assume I would have to tell the person hosting who was on my wedding guest list so they wouldn''t end up inviting a bunch of people to the shower who weren''t invited to the wedding.

Oh, okay. I was just confused. I''m new to a whole bunch of wedding traditions, so I was just making sure.

 

[monarch64]

I had a Sunday wedding, and also had a lot of out-of-town guests. My SIL''s gave me a shower for our local guests, and my aunt gave me a shower the day before our wedding for out-of-town guests. It worked out really well, but my saving grace was having my wedding on a Sunday.

Don''t worry about the grad student gift thing...put lots of small, fun stuff on your registry so guests "on a budget" (or broke, lol) can either purchase something less expensive or go in together on a more expensive item. How the heck do you have a no-gift shower? Isn''t that an oxymoron?? LOL!

 

[E B]

Date: 3/15/2006 7:39:48 PM
Author: monarch64

Don''t worry about the grad student gift thing...put lots of small, fun stuff on your registry so guests ''on a budget'' (or broke, lol) can either purchase something less expensive or go in together on a more expensive item. How the heck do you have a no-gift shower? Isn''t that an oxymoron?? LOL!

That''s a great idea. Cooking utensils and napkins and other fun stuff for the kitchen (or, you know, other rooms

).

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Honestly, we didn''t have one with friends and family. Both our workplaces did throw us one, though.

 

[FireGoddess]

Yes, your MOH/bridal party should ask you when you want the shower (ahead of time or close to the wedding), and to give them a guest list. Unless of course, they're planning to throw a surprise shower which, personally I think nowadays is not very practical. (Brides tend to have a full plate and need to know what they're doing, when!)

And no Ebree, you should not be throwing your own shower!!!!

We had 2 showers - one thrown by coworkers (we all went out to dinner and they gave us a group gift) and the shower the weekend of the wedding for friends and family. One other thing - if the shower is going to be the weekend of the wedding, have the wedding party send out invites a week or two after you send your wedding invitations, so out-of-towners can take that into consideration when making travel plans!

 

[selflove]

If most of the people in the same place are grad students, you could do something a little more lively, like have a lingerie theme or a "honeymoon" theme. Probably no one will feel inclined to buy the gifts from the registry, which would probably be more expensive than say, buying you a little nightie or buying you "gifts" for the honeymoon. JUst a thought....my mom/MOH are throwing me a family shower back home and I''m flying back there for it.

 

[Caribou]

Although all my family and future in laws are in MI, except my dad, they are spread out. So I''m having my family shower and then his mom is doing his family shower, so basically I''m getting 2 showers.

If I were you, I would still send out invites to the shower but make sure that they know you realize how pricey it is to fly to both a shower and wedding so you understand if they can''t come to the shower. This way, they feel important to you and they can either send you the gift in time for the shower or bring it to the wedding.

Firegoddess also had a good suggestion of having the shower a couple days before the wedding. Or (sorry if this was already suggested) have your rehersal dinner double as a mini shower.

 

[peonygirl]

The idea of having the shower right before the wedding is an interesting one, but would that mean people would have to bring a shower and a wedding gift? I would feel kinda bad about them giving me two potentially expensive things that close in time. Or maybe I''m just scared of looking greedy. The other thing I''m concerned about it transporting all of those gifts from San Diego to Chicago, especially since I would be going on my honeymoon right after the wedding. I had hoped that people would send all of the boxed gifts to my current residence so I wouldn''t have to worry about shipping a ton of stuff.

It''s a very interesting idea though! I guess alternatively I could invite people from all of the country to my Chicago shower so even if they couldn''t come they''d feel included.

 

[selflove]

If I were you, I wouldn''t even worry about it until someone offers to throw you a shower. Whoever throws it might dictate where it will be held.

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 3/16/2006 1:13:16 PM
Author: peonygirl
The idea of having the shower right before the wedding is an interesting one, but would that mean people would have to bring a shower and a wedding gift?

Yes, if they were going to give you a shower gift in the first place.

I would feel kinda bad about them giving me two potentially expensive things that close in time. Or maybe I''m just scared of looking greedy.

Why would it matter if they gave the gifts to you 2 months apart or a month apart as opposed to within a weekend? Most of my wedding attendees had my gifts shipped to me ahead of time off the registry anyway. You aren''t throwing the shower - someone else should. Since all you''re doing would be to show up, looking greedy never comes into the equation. You shouldn''t even feel that way. If anyone were to think that - they don''t have to come to, or bring a gift to the shower. We are talking about friends, right?!?!?! I''ve never felt that way bringing 2 different gifts to a wedding weekend...but it was never about the gifts anyway, it was about my friend getting married!!

The other thing I''m concerned about it transporting all of those gifts from San Diego to Chicago, especially since I would be going on my honeymoon right after the wedding. I had hoped that people would send all of the boxed gifts to my current residence so I wouldn''t have to worry about shipping a ton of stuff.

Can''t help you there. That''s supposed to happen....but until I was getting married I had no idea it was bad manners to bring the gift to the reception! Hadn''t been to many weddings before mine!

 

[peonygirl]

FireGoddess, thanks for your perspective! I know you're right, I just wanted to make sure I would be doing everything okay etiquette-wise.