What would you do in this situation?

[steph72276]

I joined Facebook a few months ago to keep in touch with friends and family. So many people from my high school "friended" me and I feel bad rejecting someone, so I accepted people I recognized that I went to high school or college with. So this one guy asked to be my friend. My best friend dated him for 2 years, 1 year in high school and 1 year in college, then broke things off with him. She is not the type to stay friends with exes at all, so she didn''t speak to him after the break up. He then basically stalked her...he drove past her house all the time, came to her church and sat a few rows away from her, etc. until her father told him to stay away from her. Then he proceeded to get married, have a child and is now divorced. All this happened years ago...she broke up with him in 1999. Fast forward to a few days ago....I got a friend request from him. I haven''t heard much about him except through the grapevine that he got married/divorced several years ago. I hesitated on whether or not to accept the request, but felt bad so I did. On his page as the profile picture is a picture of my friend and him from 10 years ago! His arm is around her and by putting the picture up, he is portraying that they are a couple still.....she is now happily married to someone! I have been debating about what I should do....do I write him and tell him the picture is inappropriate since she is now married to someone else? Or do I leave it alone and have people think by this picture that they are still together? And do I tell my friend about it? I hate that I am worrying over something so stupid, but I wouldn''t want my ex to put up pictures of him and I from 10 years ago. I am beginning to think I shouldn''t have a facebook at all, too much trouble! Any suggestions on what to do? Thanks!

 

[Skippy123]

I would go with your gut. I would not friend him; that is a bit strange for him to put a picture of her up. I would not talk to him either, you may open up a can of worms.

 

[kcoursolle]

I would report him to facebook. I would also contact your friend as she may want to know that her privacy is being violated and some guy is pretending to be her bf. Next, I would stop friending people you don't want to be friends with! No worries, they don't know that they have been rejected, they don't get a notice or anything, they just don't ever end up being your friend.

Facebook can be a friendly place, but only if you are careful and construct your network with people you trust and want to be in it.

ETA: I second skips advice of not contacting him. I would report him to facebook and block him, but I wouldn't talk to him.

 

[niccia]

I don''t know if I would say anything to him, but I would definitely tell your friend about it and then she can ask him to remove the photo if it bothers her. Creepy.

 

[steph72276]

Thanks, Skippy. I am honestly just a bit worried for her safety. To still have those kinds of feelings for someone after 10 years is odd. I think I will tell her about it though, so she can be aware and then not be friends with him.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Does he have any old pictures up, aside from the one you're concerned about?

He sounds like a weirdo...I'd block him for sure. And send him a note asking him if he is living in the past....

 

[steph72276]

Date: 3/3/2009 4:06:52 PM
Author: kcoursolle
I would report him to facebook. I would also contact your friend as she may want to know that her privacy is being violated and some guy is pretending to be her bf. Next, I would stop friending people you don''t want to be friends with! No worries, they don''t know that they have been rejected, they don''t get a notice or anything, they just don''t ever end up being your friend.


Facebook can be a friendly place, but only if you are careful and construct your network with people you trust and want to be in it.


ETA: I second skips advice of not contacting him. I would report him to facebook and block him, but I wouldn''t talk to him.

Thank you, I didn''t know you could report someone....do you know what happens when they have been reported?

 

[steph72276]

Date: 3/3/2009 4:08:13 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Does he have any old pictures up, aside from the one you''re concerned about?


He sounds like a weirdo...I''d block him for sure. And send him a note asking him if he is living in the past....

No, he only has a few current pictures up and the one of him and my friend is his profile picture that you see right away like he is trying to pass it off as recent or something. It is very creepy.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 3/3/2009 4:07:08 PM
Author: niccia
I don''t know if I would say anything to him, but I would definitely tell your friend about it and then she can ask him to remove the photo if it bothers her. Creepy.

I would not put her in contact with him. He could be trying to get to her through you. After all, you can''t see someone''s friends list unless you''re friends with them. I would not acknowledge his request and report him to Facebook. I would tell your friend that he''s sniffing around, but under no circumstances should she contact him directly. he sounds like a creep.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 3/3/2009 4:10:46 PM
Author: steph72276

Date: 3/3/2009 4:08:13 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Does he have any old pictures up, aside from the one you''re concerned about?


He sounds like a weirdo...I''d block him for sure. And send him a note asking him if he is living in the past....

No, he only has a few current pictures up and the one of him and my friend is his profile picture that you see right away like he is trying to pass it off as recent or something. It is very creepy.

Creeepy..

Okay, I would write him a letter and ask him if he knows that it is now 2009 and that their relationship ended about 10 years ago...and I''d that you bluntly suggest he pull the picture so that he doesn''t look like such a loser....because no one *thinks* they are still an item...and everyone thinks pretty nuts right now.

However, I wouldn''t mention anything about your friends current life at all...if he really does have "issues" it could only get worse if he starts gathering information on her. He needs to know she is an off limit topic.

 

[phoenixgirl]

Here''s what I would do:

Remove him from your friend list by clicking on the X on the right of his box when you look at your friend list.

Then, you can block him by going to Settings: Privacy: Block List (on the lower part of the page). Type his name into the list. So you won''t show up on his friend list anymore, and you won''t show up if he searches for you. Even if you have a mutual friend, you won''t appear on that friend''s list when he looks at it.

I would NOT confront him. I fear it would be dangerous. Anyone who is really friends with him will notice that he looks 10 years younger in the picture. Anyone who''s not doesn''t matter.

Obviously he chose to make that picture his profile and then friend request you on purpose. What purpose, I don''t know. With a stalker type person, the purpose probably makes sense to him but not anyone else! He is somehow hoping to connect to your friend through you. Cut him off now.

I hate being rude too, but this is just silly. And really, who cares? Who cares if you''re "rude" to your friend''s ex-stalker? You don''t need him in your life any more than she does.

I don''t turn down the requests of people I know, usually, but I do have elaborate privacy settings. I just got a friend request from a student I had 5 years ago whom I could barely remember. I didn''t want her to feel bad, but I also didn''t want her to see all my private stuff (especially since I saw that she is friends with one of my current students), so I made it so she can''t see my info, photos, status updates, etc. She can just see my wall and profile pic. You don''t have to accept friend requests from everyone, and if you do, you don''t have to have people you barely know seeing your private life.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I said not to acknowledge him because A) I don''t want him accessing your friends list and B) I don''t want him to get angry with you for not "helping" him. I''m not concerned with you being rude, who knows what he''s capable of. It''s better to err on the side of caution.

 

[steph72276]

Yeah, that was my first thought that he did that on purpose so that I would go and tell her about it, therefore we would be talking about him. I am going to go there right now and "unfriend" him and block him and also take a look at the privacy settings. Thanks.

 

[Skippy123]

Here is a helpful website http://www.allfacebook.com/2009/02/facebook-privacy/

 

[tlh]

people are strange... and sometimes just want a high # of friends to make them look cool. a friend of mine befriended a roomie of mine, she NEVER met. He was cool with it, because he thought she''d be an easy lay... so just goes to show...don''t try to be friends with people YOU AREN''T FRIENDS WITh. I think it is silly.

Reject him.

 

[steph72276]

Date: 3/3/2009 4:33:22 PM
Author: Skippy123
Here is a helpful website http://www.allfacebook.com/2009/02/facebook-privacy/

Thank you, Skippy! That was very helpful.

 

[niccia]

Just to clarify, I didn''t mean that you should put your friend in contact with him. I meant that I wouldn''t get involved myself (ie mention the photo to him) . I would definitely tell your gf, however, and let her handle the situation in whichever way she feels best. I would also de-friend and block him in the meantime.

 

[Scorpioanne]

Date: 3/3/2009 4:18:09 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor

Date: 3/3/2009 4:10:46 PM
Author: steph72276

Date: 3/3/2009 4:08:13 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Does he have any old pictures up, aside from the one you''re concerned about?


He sounds like a weirdo...I''d block him for sure. And send him a note asking him if he is living in the past....

No, he only has a few current pictures up and the one of him and my friend is his profile picture that you see right away like he is trying to pass it off as recent or something. It is very creepy.

Creeepy..

Okay, I would write him a letter and ask him if he knows that it is now 2009 and that their relationship ended about 10 years ago...and I''d that you bluntly suggest he pull the picture so that he doesn''t look like such a loser....because no one *thinks* they are still an item...and everyone thinks pretty nuts right now.

However, I wouldn''t mention anything about your friends current life at all...if he really does have ''issues'' it could only get worse if he starts gathering information on her. He needs to know she is an off limit topic.

Stalkers are information junkies, I suspect he wants to make friends with you hoping you will give him information aobut your girlfirend. Stalkers are dangerous, do not mess with him at all!

 

[Feralpenchant]

Facebook can be very stressful, but unlike myspace, is a lot more secure. It''s important to edit all of your security features how you see fit.

In this situation.. I think he seems a little obsessed, and people like that are not worth trying to reason with. If people think they are together, then that''s what they think. If someone were to go to her about it, she could easily set things straight. However, I think you should tell her, just so that she''s aware and can either handle it herself or be prepared to explain things if someone asks about it.

I wouldn''t involve myself with him. He is clearly out of touch haha.

 

[lovegem]

If I were you, I would tell your friend about the picture and warn her to be more careful. Because I would be concerned about her safety. This guy got a problem. I wouldn''t even be bother talking to the guy. Just delete him from your list.

 

[allycat0303]

Oh my gosh I find that really, really scary. I would not like to have my picture up there with some ex from 10 years ago. I would remove him, but I would also tell my friend. Mainly because you never know what this crazy guy is doing. For all we know, he might still be stalking her but more discrete. I would definitely want to know so that I could find ways to protect myself.

 

[sba771]

I would do what everyone suggested- BUT also take a screenshot of his FB page with the creepy picture and save it somewhere. You never know, especially if he is stalking your friend, this helps as proof.

 

[steph72276]

Thanks guys. I did tell her about it and she was glad I did. According to his page (which I have since removed), he has moved back to our hometown and she moved only about 30 minutes away, so I wanted her to know what he was doing. I just feel sick about the situation because I think he has real issues and am really concerned for her safety. But at least now she knows and her husband knows so they can be extra careful. Thanks again for you help guys!

 

[luvthemstrawberries]

If your friend has facebook, I would also make sure that she is sure her privacy settings are really high. If she hasn''t modified them any, or has really slack ones, he could get on there and see her info without even being her friend. Make sure she''s aware of her settings and what people can see who are or are not her "friends" on there.

 

[steph72276]

Date: 3/4/2009 8:03:49 AM
Author: luvthemstrawberries
If your friend has facebook, I would also make sure that she is sure her privacy settings are really high. If she hasn''t modified them any, or has really slack ones, he could get on there and see her info without even being her friend. Make sure she''s aware of her settings and what people can see who are or are not her ''friends'' on there.

Thanks, girl. She actually doesn''t have a myspace or facebook....she''s very private which is why this bothered me even more that he would have her picture up, she doesn''t even have any pictures up of herself!