What would you do? (nothing major : )

[Bia]

If your sibling was getting married in a month and a half but you''re waiting for your own impending engagement--which could happen in the next month or two?

Background:

Last night I was driving home from a weekend trip to Boston (visiting fam). BF kept me on the phone for a bit because I was getting a little sleepy. We talked and I noticed he was being sort of extra lovey-dovey--not uncommon because I hadn''t seen him all weekend. BUT, then he starts talking about how he can''t wait to get married and start a family. He says that he is really excited about getting engaged and starting our lives together...and seeing my face when I see my ring for the first time (eek!

I don''t think he''s reached the finish line yet in terms of the purchase, but he''s definitely approaching). So I play it cool and tell him I am excited too, meanwhile, inside I am screaming with delight--you know how that goes lol. The reason I say all this is because these types of convos and his actions as of late are leading me to believe the proposal might happen sooner than later this year.

When we hung up, I started thinking about my bro''s weddng in September (BF and I are both in the wedding party)...and it got me to thinking: >> Would you ensure that your engagement happened AFTER your sibling''s wedding? I was thinking it might happen late summer or Fall but I honestly didn''t factor in the whole wedding thing--it never occured to me b/c my family and his are ALL anxiously awaiting our engagement. I don''t think it would even occur to my BF to wait, he might totally overlook it. I don''t want to ask him to do anything else concerning the proposal because I already decided, the less we talk about it, the better (esp. since I don''t know what he''s planning), but do you all think it would be wise to suggest that he hold off until after September? I know if it happened before the wedding I would be too excited to keep it from my brother and parents...keeping it a secret would be next to impossible. I love my bro (and his fiance) and the last thing I want is to steal any thunder.

So what would you do???

 

[decodelighted]

Don''t sweat it. WHEN your BF proposes is not something you''re expected to control. If he doesn''t "know any better" he just doesn''t. Honestly I think your family would be thrilled for you and as long as you weren''t going around announcing it at the wedding & just responding if people notice the ring or have heard through the grapevine then it would all be fine.

 

[fieryred33143]

Honestly, whatever date he has planned, that should be the date regardless of whether its before or after.

If it’s a month before, then that’s enough time to for everyone to get over the excitement of the new engagement without taking away from the bride and groom. If it happens the same week, I (and this is personally speaking) would announce to my immediate family and then ask if they would not say anything to anyone until after the wedding so that during the reception people aren’t running to you with “Congrats ooo let me see” comments and take the focus away from the bride/groom.

Hopefully he won’t do it during the reception.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 7/21/2008 12:57:57 PM
Author: fieryred33143
Hopefully he wont do it during the reception.

Or during the part in the ceremony where they ask if anyone has any objections. "I don''t object but I do have a question for Bia ..." (kneels)

 

[Bia]

Date: 7/21/2008 12:57:57 PM
Author: fieryred33143

Hopefully he wont do it during the reception.

Can you imagine?! I''d keel over for sure...

style="WIDTH: 99.13%; HEIGHT: 91px">Date: 7/21/2008 1:05:20 PM
Author: decodelighted

Or during the part in the ceremony where they ask if anyone has any objections. ''I don''t object but I do have a question for Bia ...'' (kneels)

<-----Deco, this would be me and the ball would be BF''s head! You all think I''m joking...

I''d have the BEST Worst-proposal-story-ever on PS--never to be topped...

 

[lala2332]

I would just let him know that you would prefer for the question to be asked after your brother''s wedding. I doubt that it will mess up any big surprise. Also, its not fair to you and your SO OR your brother and his FI for the other to be overshadowing either''s "moment," even if everyone is laid-back about everything.

My friend got engaged and her soon to be sister-in-law got engaged a few months later and my friedn felt like everything was competative and it really soured the two''s relationship which had been close before.

I know your case is different, but why chance it, when it''s only a month difference.

 

[KCCutie]

I''m in a very similar situation expect it''s SO sister who is getting married in October not mine. At first SO really wanted to wait until after her wedding to get engaged so he wasn''t stealing her lime light, but I think he had a talk with her about the whole thing and she told him he didn''t have to wait and that she would be excited for us no matter when it happened. Now he''s planning to propose before we move into our house together which could be as early as Aug 30, but it could drag out for a while (it''s a short sale)so there''s a chance it could be right before her wedding.

Talk to your brother and tell him that you and your SO have been talking about getting engaged and you have no idea when it will happen b/c you want to be surprised. Tell him there''s a possibility it could happen before his wedding and see what he says. Having just popped the question himself recently I''m sure he''ll understand that.

 

[loveydovey]

I think that''s so nice of your to be considerate of your brother and this special moment in his life. I think you should just let it happen when it happens (meaning your proposal). Because regardless of when that happens, you and your boyfriend will be able to control who you tell and when. And if you just tell your immediate family first, then I''m sure they''ll be too happy about the good news to think you had any ''motives'' behind it

 

[sba771]

I wouldn''t worry too much about it. Your FFI sounds nice and obviously your family likes him as he is in the wedding and everyone seems to expect it is coming. I was also worried in case my FI was going to propose before his bro''s wedding, which is this Saturday, and I didn''t want to offend anyone. It turns out he had an engagement planned and he kept to his plan and we are engaged and everyone is so gracious, in fact they are now including me in family photos. It was a little strange at my future SIL''s shower, when people asked to see my ring and I just smiled, thanked them and said I would rather the day be about the bride. I think as long as you are gracious when it is a wedding related activity, it shouldn''t matter. Oh, my my nasty girl side kept thinking- they were engaged for close to two years before their wedding- it was my turn!

 

[Blair138]

I would say that if your FF does end up proposing right before the wedding, tell your immediate families and save the big announcement until after the wedding. I had friends who did this, although I saw the ring, they didn''t ''announce'' it until after the wedding. You could even wear your ring turned around or not wear it at the wedding. Either way, DON''T STRESS. You want to enjoy your proposal!!!

 

[Bia]

Wow, thanks ladies!

Lala2332: I was thinking the same--that maybe it would be smart to just suggest to BF that he hold off. The reason I am opting to just stay quiet is because BF and I agreed to stop discussing the engagement thing too much--to let him take care of the details apart from showing him rings I like--I tend to like to control things and I have realized its just not fair to him. Also, I was suffering crazy with LIW-itis a few months ago, which caused more than one argument. So I have since kept quiet, while with the knowledge that he is excited about doing this on his own.

KCCutie: Yea, I think my bro would have a similar reaction...like, "Don''t be stupid!" We are very close and he and BF are getting pretty tight, so I think he''d just be happy. My concern is more for his fiance. She is so sweet but stresses easily. Between all my out-of-town family (many who she hasn''t met) and all her family, this wedding is a stress-machine! I want her day to be full of happiness. I know that my engagement won''t ruin anything, because she''d be thrilled but I just want their day to be just that, their day. Since my fam is coming from Miami mostly, many of them will be excited to make a big deal since I don''t see them often.

Loveydovey: You''re right. They wouldn''t see a "motive"...they aren''t like that. It''s more my thing than anything. If I know my brother, he''d get up in front of everyone tell them I JUST HAD to had to steal his thunder, and then he''d toast to us, but not before embarrassing us really good--he''s a big time practical joker and he loves to bug me LOL.

sba771: I would behave similarly, IF we happen to be engaged beforehand. His family especially treats me like I am already part of them--his sister refers to me (with her newborn) as "Tia" which means "Aunt," so yes, "expecting" is sort of an understatement! LOL My family, too, is expecting it, so I doubt it would be a big deal anyway! Its funny because so many of us LIW are so excited that when it happens the last thing we will want to be is discreet! But for them, I def would.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

I really would not worry about it.

When I had a moment of "what if this happens" regarding my wedding planning a friend of mine said, "it''s almost impossible to steal the spotlight from a bride on her wedding day". I think that this is a very true statement.

When your engagement happens, it happens. Don''t worry about what the rest of the world thinks of it!!

 

[Bia]

Date: 7/21/2008 2:43:28 PM
Author: Blair138
I would say that if your FF does end up proposing right before the wedding, tell your immediate families and save the big announcement until after the wedding. I had friends who did this, although I saw the ring, they didn''t ''announce'' it until after the wedding. You could even wear your ring turned around or not wear it at the wedding. Either way, DON''T STRESS. You want to enjoy your proposal!!!

You''re 100% correct. And I will enjoy it. Thanks!

Date: 7/21/2008 3:01:25 PM
Author: Keepingthefaith21
I really would not worry about it.

When I had a moment of ''what if this happens'' regarding my wedding planning a friend of mine said, ''it''s almost impossible to steal the spotlight from a bride on her wedding day''. I think that this is a very true statement.

When your engagement happens, it happens. Don''t worry about what the rest of the world thinks of it!!

Leave it to me to overthink everything! I swear, this wedding/engagement business is really exhausting at times. You''re right, it''s not a big deal and I highly doubt anyone will think poorly of us IF the proposal happens before the wedding--if they do, oh well oh well!

 

[Dreamgirl]

lol Bia you are too cute!

I wouldn''t say anything to him about holding off. If he has a possible planned date already and proposes before your brothers'' wedding, why worry about it? If it happens, I would just tell the family you are engaged. Don''t worry about it taking away any attention from your brother and his wedding. It would be fine. And Im sure your family would be uber excited that your brother is getting married and now you would be engaged too!!! The whole family would be very excited.

 

[Deelight]

I wouldn''t worry to much (but it is really sweet that you are) , I think it would just be more joy for both of your families to share .

If he proposes the day before the wedding maybe wait until after the wedding to announce it but otherwise I think you should be sweet , very exciting I say :

 

[LaraOnline]

eh, it''s a family wedding. If you were my sister, you could PUBLICLY announce your engagement at my wedding, and I''d love it. Spread the love! So, don''t worry about when you''re going to become engaged, just enjoy the moment!

 

[purrfectpear]

Brides get a day, not a month or year. Hopefully your bro''s FI knows that and is mature. As long as your BF doesn''t propose AT the wedding, it should all be good.

This whole "stealing thunder" sense of entitlement in some brides is rather unseemly (not that Bia is like that at all). I remember when we were overjoyed when someone else received a proposal.

 

[BriBee]

I agree with a lot of the stuff that has already been posted, and overall I think you shouldn't worry about it and just wait to see how it all plays out. I think it's great how thoughtful you are of your brother and his FI. Also, and this might be different for your family, but if it were me I would be more worried if it were my sister getting married, since weddings do seem to be a lot about the bride and her being the center of attention etc... Although the groom is definitely a HUGE part, there's a reason that they say it's all about the bride you know? That being said, it's been my experience that guys tend not to stress about things like "stealing thunder" the way girls do, that's why I think I wouldn't worry too much, but again I think it's great that you're considering the feelings of your brother and FSIL.

 

[Bia]

All the great advice is so appreciated...

Dream--my TiffanyTwin: Thanks mami. You''re right. Let it happen when it does, and it will be fine. My brain is constantly churning out worries, I hate that!

Deelight: I started to worry because it never occured to me before. Their wedding has been the topic-of-the year and now the end is drawing near, it is the only thing anyone is talking about. My brother''s only 23 so the fact that he''s getting married is still strange to me...I see him like my baby even though he''s not that much younger than me! Its hard to see him as a man about to be married. I just want him to be happy...and he will be, either way.

LaraOnline: My brother would probably feel THE EXACT same way. That, and he''d probably make a spectacle just to embarrass me!

PurrfectPear: She''s not like that, thank God! I seemed to have lucked out in the FSIL department--from what I hear it can really go either way and its not pretty! As for BF, I don''t THINK he''d pull something that dumb, but then again, one never knows

(lol) I was thinking about that yesterday...each time I''d shudder at the thought!

BriBree: I agree. It isn''t really an issue but I always overthink things, drives BF crazy!!! Either way, bro&fiance know that it is probably going to happen--they might even know more than I do (the horror!) and if that''s the case, I might be really in for it because my brother is nothing if not a jokester--a real PITA...but I love him anyway so what can you do?!

Thank you again everyone for the kind and smart words...I''m going to let it be. As long as he does it before New Years Eve, we''re good. Watch him wait until Dec. 31st!!! That''s what I get...

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 7/22/2008 10:59:39 AM
Author: Bia
Dream--my TiffanyTwin: Thanks mami. You''re right. Let it happen when it does, and it will be fine. My brain is constantly churning out worries, I hate that!

Ditto to that girl! Because Im the same way with worrying too much about such silly things. I wished I could stop. Im trying, I just don''t honestly know how!! lol