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hawaii_justine

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Heres a question that I would love to get feedback on. A very close friend of mine (she was my maid of honor in my 04 wedding) bought the exact same dress as mine. Is it a little wierd? Is it wrong to be upset?
 
That is a bit strange to me, especially if you share the same set of friends. Did she get a really good deal on it? Did she realize that the dress she picked was the one you wore?
 
We have a lot of the same friends that attended mine and will also attend hers. Yes, she knows that she bought the same dress as me because a month ago she called and asked if she could have mine, saying that she didnt understand why people wanted to keep their dresses since you''ll never wear them again. I told her that her that I wanted to keep my dress because it took such a long time to find one, one that was me and the vision that I had for my wedding. She bought the dress from the same place she went with me to get mine and paid the same price. I guess I wouldnt feel upset if the dress was a little more common but my dress was unique looking.
 
It is strange, but if anything, she''s the one who is going to get funny looks from those people who know what YOU wore. I''d be flattered, but a little weirded out too, if someone "copied" such a personal thing of mine. It seems very "sixth grade." Have your other friends said anything about it?
 
Very strange to me then...I wouldn''t want to wear the same dress as my friend. I was thinking maybe she did it on accident and couldn''t change the order or something like that. Are the two of you on good terms still?

Do you have any photos of your gown? It''s hard to believe that she couldn''t find a gown that was just slightly different different than yours. What are your friends saying? Do you live in a small town or something where selection is limited?
 
Sounds a little strange to me. It's like another girl wearing the same dress as you at the prom or a formal party or something, IMO. My matron of honor got married in May of last year and got her dress from David's Bridal. When I told her that there were some dresses me and my mother were interested in at David's, she jokingly said "I hope mine isn't one of them cuz that would just be weird if we wore the same dress." She may have tried to joke about it, but I wouldn't be surprised if she got downright peeved if I picked her dress. We have the same set of friends so it definitely would be awkward. Fortunately, I NEVER buy the same things as my friends so I purposely told my mom that we couldn't pick that certain dress because my friend got married in it already. I can just picture our friends at my wedding saying "Haven't we seen that dress before?? Didn't Regina wear that in her wedding last year??" instead of "Wow, look how beautiful Jennifer looks in her wedding gown!" Yuck.
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ETA: One question comes to mind: Out of ALL the dresses in the world, why did she specifically pick yours?? Couldn't she have found something a LITTLE different at least, in the hundreds... crap, THOUSANDS of dresses that exist???
 
Whoa... yes that''s very strange and I would be more than a little annoyed. But as everyone has said, it reflects badly/weirdly on her, not you. Must be an incredible dress though! Do you have any pics?
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I would definitely feel very weirded out, simply bc she didn''t ask me first- it sounds like she asked if she could borrow yours but didn''t say she would buy the same dress - I would have at least wanted her to ask me if I minded she got the same one...

But you never know, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery ....
 
That is a little bit weird...did she ask you if that was okay with you first?

IMO, I dont think it''s wrong to be upset because a wedding day is YOUR special day and you make it unique by the food, the place, people and of course what you wear!! There are so many other wedding styles out there, I would not see why she couldnt get one that was close to the style you bought but not the very same dress.
 
Maybe I''m in the minority here, but I don''t think it''s a huge deal. I really don''t think that people remember specifics about a bride''s dress (especially 2+ years later)... just that she looked beautiful on her big day & she wore a white dress. Besides, yoru friend will likely wear a different veil & shoes, & her hair will be different, right? It''s not like she''s your identical twin. Your wedding was in ''04.. when is hers? Anyway, I''d take it as a compliment that she liked your dress so much. Think of yourself as a trend-setter, while she only follows the trends.
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Ok, I am going to go against the flow here. Yes I think it is weird that she knowingly bought the exact same dress as you. But I don''t think it will be that big of a deal seeing as most people really do not pay that close of attention to the dress (I think I just heard a collective gasp across PS!).

What I mean is that before I became a bride to be, I could have gone to several weddings in one summer wherein two brides wore the exact same dress and I probably would not have known it. I probably would have thought...hmm I think that dress looks similar to the one so and so wore. I am a little more likely now to notice details, but unless it is a very distinct dress, I still may not know it is the exact same dress I have seen previously. Anyhow, I highly doubt people will know, considering your wedding was 2 years ago.

Just remember this is a big day for your friend and while you feel she may have stolen part of your identity (believe me, I know much time and thought is put into finding the perfect dress that suits YOU), don''t be catty to her and make her feel bad. Be the bigger person. If someone says to you, hey isn''t that the same dress you wore, just say...yeah, it is, I guess the style I picked really is timeless! Or something like that.

I am sorry she did that.
 
I don''t know if it''s weird. I mean, think of all the other brides in this world have the same dress as yours. I mean, maybe she just loved the dress on you, tried it on and loved it on her. If anything I''d be flattered.
 
I agree with JKohio and ky6. I highly doubt that people will remember what your dress looked like and realize that it''s the same dress. As I write this, I''m trying to remember what my good friend''s (who got married just this past August) dress looked like, and I can only recall vague details.
I do think that it''s a little wierd that she chose the same dress as you, but I think this is probably an issue that you should just let go.
 
Sounds like a scene out of Single White Female! I agree that it''s weird but I woudln''t be angry or upset by it. She''s the one who''s going to look like a weirdo, and who cares if she has the same dress two years later? It''s not like you will have her wedding portrait on your wall next to your own portrait and forever be reminded that you wore the same dress to two different events two years apart. In the grand scheme of live, this is such a small thing.

I''d be more upset that she asked to wear your gown. It almost seems calculated that she bought the same one--like "Oh, Justine won''t let me borrow her dress, well I''ll show her!" But still, not something to get upset about, weird as it may be.
 
Thank you all for all of your comments. I have attached a picture of the dress so hopefully it works. I hav not said anything to her about being bummed that she got the same dress as me because she is my really good friend and at this point it doesnt matter what I say she has the dress and she is going to wear it. I guess I was upset/bummed/ weired out was because she was with me during the whole process of trying to find my dream dress, knowing all the reasons why I spent so much time trying to find this one, and knowing that I really wanted something special and unique just for me. I appreciate all the great points being pointed out that noone will probably even know its the same dress, just me and thats why I''m a little upset. Thank you for all the feedback, it makes me feel a little saner.

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It''s a little odd but since your wedding was 2 years ago, I wouldn''t make a big deal of it. It''s a compliment, in a way...since imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Don''t sweat it - no one will even realize, and if they do...you wore it first, right?

My best friend got engaged 4 months after I did, and after she already knew my wedding date was in September, she ended up deciding to get married in July....2 months before my wedding. I thought it was rude at the time, but I''ve gotten over it. Our mutual friends couldn''t afford to make the trip twice and ended up coming to mine since I had set the date first, which I thought was fair. I would have been more upset if it actually affected my wedding (ie. friends coming) but since it didn''t, it was fine. I guess that''s my point here - your wedding is over and done with, so even though it''s odd, it''s no water off your back.
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That is a VERY beautiful dress! I personally think that she could''ve gotten another dress that was similar, but not the exact same thing, for a decent price. My matron of honor''s dress was VERY close to your dress and hers came from Davids bridal. I would post a picture, but I can''t find a decent one and I don''t have any of her wedding pics. Trust me though, it is very similar and just as beautiful in my opinion.

Just the fact that your friend got the exact same dress for the exact same price is odd to me. I''m not sure if I would be upset if I were you, but I would understand if you were.
 
OMG- I almost bought that dress!

It is different, and absolutely beautiful, and amazingly soft inside. I definitely had a ''the dress'' moment when I put that on, but it cost more than I wanted to spend, and I found a sort of similar dress at another shop that I looked better in for less. I also kind of freaked when I saw my ''back cleavage'' in this picture. ewwww
I would take it as a compliment that she wants to wear it. If you too are such good friends for her to be in your wedding, is it so strange that she might have similar taste? She doesn''t seem to care that much about the dress, so she may have thought, ''Well I liked hers a lot, I should just go get that one''.
Anyway, I''m with a lot of the other gals here and say that probably none of the guests will notice, unless you say something about it. Yes, it is kind of weird of her to do this, but if she has different colors, flowers, and hair style no one will probably give it a second thought but you.
 
Hi Justine,

That dress is GORGEOUS! Do you mind if I ask who makes it? (and approx. what the price range was, if that''s not too nosy?)

I can see why someone would want to wear the same dress (I love it!) - BUT I do not think that it is ok for someone who was your MOH to buy the same dress, knowing that you picked it and your friends could notice. More importantly, I would think SHE wouldn''t want to wear the same dress!
 
I don''t think it is strange at all...maybe that is why you are friends in the first place...you both have the same taste! When I first met a now close friend of mine, we discovered we both had our homes decorated in the same style and colors, including the very same centerpiece on our dining room table! We have so much in common..that is why our friendship works! Take it as a compliment, and as a sign that THAT is why you are friends in the first place!
 
Date: 3/11/2006 12:08:02 PM
Author: madeleine
Hi Justine,


That dress is GORGEOUS! Do you mind if I ask who makes it? (and approx. what the price range was, if that''s not too nosy?)


It''s a Maggie, though I didn''t see it on her website because it''s not quite so current. The place I tried it on at was going to charge $800 for it (it was so stunning even on the hanger I didn''t like at the price before I tried it on, and I''d swore I wouldn''t pay over $700 on the dress because I was going to have to have a rush charge on top of that) and I just wasn''t in a haggling mood. That''s a pretty good price for a Maggie I think, but I''m not expert on designers. I tried it on in Santa Ana, CA at
http://www.aniteonthetowndresses.com/
 
That''s a beautiful dress Justine. Although after seeing it I don''t know how much ppl will notice that it''s the same, although it might have been unique when you got it 2 years ago, lace dresses like that are quite popular right now.

Maybe it will make you feel better if I share a story about my friend M. M lent her wedding dress to her cousin and at the wedding, M''s *own mom* said to M, wow, your cousin''s dress is very nice! And M says, MOM!! That''s MY wedding dress!!

So, I don''t think you have to worry that much...
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2 friends of mine (who are friends with each other) are getting married this summer 1 week apart...about 30% of their guests will be the same people . Due to my PS obsession with diamonds and dresses and such, I of course made them both show me pictures of their dresses after they chose them. Well, believe it or not, they both picked the EXACT SAME DRESS from David''s Bridal. When I found out, I had to tell them right away. Fortunately David''s Bridal is pretty agreeable and allowed the friend who bought the dress last to exchange it for something of equal or higher value. Whew...

The situation is a little different than yours in that each friend had no idea what the other friend chose, but their weddings are 1 week apart. Your friend knew what you chose (which is of course gorgeous) but your weddings are 2 years apart. I think in your case it is somewhat flattering, and I really doubt people will realize it is the same dress. The story of M''s mom I think is a good example.
 
Okay don’t take this the wrong way but when you were talking about how unique your dress was I was imagining something more along the line of couture, or a dress that you had made for you to your specifications.
To be honest I have seen a ton dresses that look similar to yours, it is a simple design with a cute pattern, and details.
If you had not wanted her to buy the same dress then saying something when she asked to borrow yours would have been the moment.
But to be honest I would be surprised if anyone noticed they are the same dress, sorry but it sounds a bit like you are trying to make her day about you… if I were your friend I might be put off.
 
I agree with Matatora. I doubt that anyone will remember what your dress looked like 2 years ago. We, as brides, like to think we are so unique and special, but in reality most people just remember a strapless white-ish dress. I think the dress is gorgeous, but it is a Maggie which means it''s most likely very popular. I would take it as a compliment and move on.
 
I totally understand how you feel. I have someone in my life who has done this to me many times, including with my engagement ring. It isn't about the specific item being "unique" period. It's that it was uniquely YOURS -- because it's a thing you put so much time, and thought, and heart into finding -- and then she just comes along, and with absolutely no thought or heart, she takes it. In doing, she takes a thing that was so uniquely yours, and she makes it feel less yours, or worse, in your case, like it's not yours anymore.

If she is going to keep the dress, first you have to realize that her having it does not make it any less yours - no matter how much she has it...

I think what your friend did is disrespectful and rude. In this case, buying the exact (out of thousands upon thousands) bride's dress as your best friend who you were the maid of honor for is a sign of a serious identity disorder. I don't think any right minded person would do such a thing. Would any of you guys on this forum do it? When she asked you if she could borrow your dress, did you express a displeasure with her wearing the same dress? I imagine you must have, even if you didn't say it outright. Anyway, to me, the message between the lines here is -- "I can have what you have too." IMO, that doesn't make her a very nice friend. I just don't think buying the same brides dress as someone is a kind thing to do. I think it's passive aggressive, and cruel. If I were you - I'd be direct and honest with her, and ask her why she couldn't find her own dress, and tell her you'd rather she did.

CC
 
I don''t see what the big deal is. You got married 2 years ago -- no one remembers the details of your dress except for you. Since you got married first, and it was 2 years ago, why be upset that your friend bought the same dress? I would be extremely surprised if anyone noticed or said anything to you about it at all. If anything, she''ll be the one that looks silly if one of your friends notices.

Also, unless she''s your twin sister, I''m sure she will look a lot different in it than you did....especially taking into account different hairstyles, veil, etc. Not to mention body type differences.

I had the same reaction as Matatora -- when you described it as very unique I pictured something that was a very distinctive couture gown (i.e. an instantly recognizabe Vera Wang or something), something in a gold color, something that didn''t look like a wedding dress you see nowadays. But while it is very pretty I have seen many dresses like that. Strapless, white, full skirt, a-line, corset back, lace details....The last 3 weddings I attended had brides with dresses with all of those features. They seem to be very popular the last couple years.

The way I see it, your special wedding day was all about you, but its over. Now it''s your friend''s turn. Just because she happened to think that same dress was perfect for her, doesn''t mean she has an identity disorder. Why should she be precluded from any specific dresses? It''s not a faux paus unless 2 women show up at the same event, wearing the same dress (with one knowing).

Now if you were both engaged and planning a wedding at the same time, and you had chosen your dress and shown her, and then afterwards she chose the same dress and got married before you (hence "upstaging" you), then I''d think she was acting poorly.
 
The really weird thing to me is the fact that she got the EXACT same dress from the EXACT same shop for the EXACT same price. I just don't understand why that exact same dress would be so perfect for her out of the thousands and thousands of dresses in existance, that she had to get it even though her friend got married in it. Like CC, I feel that there is some kind of identity thing associated with it. It just really feels creepy to me, like it's something more than just that she feels the dress is perfect for her too. There's more than one dress out there that I feel is perfect for me. I would've had three others to choose from if for some reason I shouldn't/couldn't get the dress I have. My personal beliefs is that I shouldn't copy things as important and major as that (just like I believe people should NEVER date their friends' exes). I too believe that it's rude and I feel that she didn't take her friend's feelings into consideration when she did this. If I really wanted a dress that a friend of mine wore in her wedding, I would think to myself "Would she have a problem with me wearing the same dress?" In ALL cases, the answer in my mind would be a resounding "YES" no matter how laid-back and understanding my friend may be. I mean, come on, a lot fo girls spend MONTHS trying to find their dream wedding dress, picking something that one of your friends wore is taking the easy way out and it makes me think that they didn't take yours or their wedding very seriously. Good friends share things normally, but there are just some things that I believe they shouldn't. I'm just glad I'm not in this situation right now.

ETA: Yeah, your wedding may be over, but when you remember your dress and look at the pictures of it, do you want to be thinking about you or her?
 
I think a wedding dress is something sacred to a woman. For her maid of honor to go out an buy the same one, no matter how much time has passed, reflects a troubled psyche.
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It tells me that somewhere in her mind she is jealous, and wishing for what you have, and the copied wedding dress is a symbol of this. It''s her way of telling the world she has found it too... I think it makes you feel uncomfortable because it makes you feel like she''s taken something from you - but when you stop and think about it, she hasn''t. Everything in your world is still exactly as it was. Same pictures of you in the dress... Same wedding. Same husband. And really all she''s gotten is a piece of fabric with some lace and an illusion. Oh, and lots of people psychoanalyzing her on pricescope
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Take care.
 
Why is it weird that the friend bought the dress at the same store, for the same price? Even if you live in a major metropolis (i.e. New York City, San Francisco, Los Angeles) there are not that many wedding gown stores which carry boutique type dresses. I would think she doesn''t have 10 plus stores to choose from. And if they are in the suburbs or more remote areas, then the friend really doesn''t have that many choices, probably 2 to 3? Definitely not thousands and thousands.

I DO think it is weird and uncomfortable that she called Justine and hinted/asked about borrowing Justine''s wedding dress....the friend should have been at least cognizant of the fact that Justine may not (most likely would not!) want to sell/loan her the exact wedding dress. That behavior struck me as strange. Its like asking to borrow your friend''s lingerie or bikini -- but much more intimate. And I would like my friend to at least mention to me she may want to buy the same dress (or that she is buying the same dress)....but I do not think the friend needs to get permission to do so.

But 2 years later.....the bride had her day, now the friend has hers. This sounds like a situation with very young brides and a strange cattiness occuring. If your friend decides to have a child soon after getting married, and gets pregnant before Justine, is the new faux paus going to be that the friend "dared" have a child before Justine, who was married 2 years ago? That''s ridiculous.

In terms of spending months and months looking for the perfect dress or perfect details of your wedding....I would be a lot more sympathetic if the dress was originally designed....either by a designer or the bride, I''d be angry if I designed my own wedding dress and a friend copied it. But for a friend to choose a David''s bridal dress (or some other mass maker of dresses)....there''s nothing original the bride did to get that dress....she just looked at dresses and tried some on. Just because the bride was married before one (or some) of her friends were engaged or ready to marry.....doesn''t mean they should be totally precluded from choosing the same type of stock dress from major bridal dress manufacturers.

Just because the friend is getting married after Justine doesn''t mean that the friend (and all of Justine''s other friends) should have to eliminate that dress of their list, just because Justine wore it. Really, I bet the grooms couldn''t even tell.

And no one is comparing your wedding pictures to hers. If they''re even looking at wedding pictures from your wedding, its to look for photos of them, them with their dates, them with you, etc.

It sounds like a case of Bridezilla WAY after the wedding, and it''d be best to just move on.
 
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