What would you think?

[aphisiglovessae]

Date: 3/16/2006 2:18:59 AM
Author: ellewoods
Why is it weird that the friend bought the dress at the same store, for the same price? Even if you live in a major metropolis (i.e. New York City, San Francisco, Los Angeles) there are not that many wedding gown stores which carry boutique type dresses. I would think she doesn't have 10 plus stores to choose from. And if they are in the suburbs or more remote areas, then the friend really doesn't have that many choices, probably 2 to 3? Definitely not thousands and thousands.

I only had 3 stores to choose from and each had about 100 dresses. Even with THAT much, I still would think that her friend could've chosen something else. I can't really explain why I think it's weird, other than it goes against what I believe friends should do. Just the thought alone gives me a weird feeling.

I DO think it is weird and uncomfortable that she called Justine and hinted/asked about borrowing Justine's wedding dress....the friend should have been at least cognizant of the fact that Justine may not (most likely would not!) want to sell/loan her the exact wedding dress. That behavior struck me as strange. Its like asking to borrow your friend's lingerie or bikini -- but much more intimate. And I would like my friend to at least mention to me she may want to buy the same dress (or that she is buying the same dress)....but I do not think the friend needs to get permission to do so.

I don't think she needs to ask permission either. I just think that she should've taken into consideration how Justine might feel if she bought the same dress. Of course, it all personal preference really. Some of us may not like it at all and some may think its alright. Different strokes for different folks.

But 2 years later.....the bride had her day, now the friend has hers. This sounds like a situation with very young brides and a strange cattiness occuring. If your friend decides to have a child soon after getting married, and gets pregnant before Justine, is the new faux paus going to be that the friend 'dared' have a child before Justine, who was married 2 years ago? That's ridiculous.

Just so I know, are you calling US young and catty? I'm certainty not that old, but I'm not that young either.

If I were in this situation, I'm not sure if I would be upset to a degree that one would consider it catty or anything. However, inside my heart, I would be a little hurt. I wouldn't let it destroy our friendship though. Material things should never destroy a relationship. It's just not THAT important to me. It's the principle that's behind it that would affect me, and the fact that my friend didn't respect me enough to choose something other than what I worked so hard to find and that I love really makes me think how much they really respect me and my feelings in other aspects.

Having a baby and buying the same wedding dress is a little different to me. I wouldn't even put them in the same category.

In terms of spending months and months looking for the perfect dress or perfect details of your wedding....I would be a lot more sympathetic if the dress was originally designed....either by a designer or the bride, I'd be angry if I designed my own wedding dress and a friend copied it. But for a friend to choose a David's bridal dress (or some other mass maker of dresses)....there's nothing original the bride did to get that dress....she just looked at dresses and tried some on. Just because the bride was married before one (or some) of her friends were engaged or ready to marry.....doesn't mean they should be totally precluded from choosing the same type of stock dress from major bridal dress manufacturers.

Just because the dress wasn't originally designed or anything, doesn't make it any less special to a bride, IMO. She spent a lot of time looking for her dream dress. Sure hundreds of other brides around the world probably have the same dress, but that's a little different than someone who as close a friend to deserve the title of MOH in your wedding.

Just because the friend is getting married after Justine doesn't mean that the friend (and all of Justine's other friends) should have to eliminate that dress of their list, just because Justine wore it. Really, I bet the grooms couldn't even tell.

And no one is comparing your wedding pictures to hers. If they're even looking at wedding pictures from your wedding, its to look for photos of them, them with their dates, them with you, etc.

I wasn't talking about other people thinking of her friend when looking at Justine's wedding photos. I was talking about Justine herself. After this situation, is she going to be thinking about what her friend did while looking at memories of one of the best days of her life, or won't she? Only she will know, but it's something for her to think about when determining if she should be upset or not.

It sounds like a case of Bridezilla WAY after the wedding, and it'd be best to just move on.

I agree that it's something that shouldn't be dwelled upon. However, some people may be haunted by the situation later on (such as when they are looking through their wedding album). It's all dependent upon the person. If it were me personally, I wouldn't dwell on it, but it wouldn't be something I could forget about the next day.

So, Justine, are you still upset? I'd really like to know YOUR personal take on this and how you feel. You've heard all our personal feelings on this, but I don't think I've heard a whole lot from you about it.

 

[cushioncut]

Ellewoods, think about it... would you buy the EXACT same bride''s dress that your best friend (who you were the maid of honor for) had? Would you buy the exact same bride''s dress that your sister had?

Maybe you would.

However... MOST people just wouldn''t. Most people would recognize that there''s a boundry there. Most people would allow their friend to have their wedding dress, and they''d find a dress of their own.

 

[tanyak]

Hmmm, this is a toughie. On the one hand, I completely understand how it is weird to have your best friend buy the same dress as you. I truly get that. But as others have pointed out, while that Maggie is very pretty, it''s not all that unique anymore. And let''s think about it from the new bride-to-be''s prospective. What if THIS dress is the one she feels the most gorgeous in, the one she invisions herself wearing on her special day? Is she supposed to put that aside and settle for less because her friend just happened to get married first? Maybe she did try on other dresses but kept coming back to this one. I could completely understand if you guys were getting married within a few months of each other, or the dress was a couture design that expressed a very unique style. Then I would say she was copying you. But with the time that has passed and the styling of the dress, I highly doubt anyone at the wedding will even notice.