iota15
Brilliant_Rock
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What's your opinion on prenuptial agreement ?
- Thread starter Dancing Fire
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iota15
Brilliant_Rock
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SB621
Ideal_Rock
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rosetta
Ideal_Rock
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We didn't have any substantial assets when we married and still don't! Pre nups are hit and miss in the UK anyway, so we never even thought much about it. My husband still asserts that I'm free to take it all anyway as he'll be so upset if I leave him that he won't care. Aww. I like the sentiment even if I'm not convinced that will be the reality! 
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Many people misunderstand the value of a prenup or why people should have one. They usually have very little to do with protecting assets that a person has going into a marriage. Properly structured they provide protection to both parties for things that can occur during a marriage and in divorce.
They are not unromantic at all - studies indicate that people who do proper prenups are more likely to stay married. Also, people with them who do divorce are more likely to have an amicable divorce.
If you live in a community property state - I feel they are absolutely required for all marriages. without any discussion. Few people understand just how invasive and controlling the community property state laws can be. I personally have a friend that when his wife was diagnosed with cancer - she immediately filed for divorce to protect the family assets so the husband and kids would have something left over after her medical treatment (if she survived). Then they had to live apart with absolutely no show of emotional support. It tore him and the kids up that "mom" had left them and was dying alone. A good prenup would have prevented prevented that.
To be considered valid in almost all cases both parties must have independent competent legal representation. The agreements where one party presents to another for signature will in virtually all cases be tossed out of court as invalid during divorce proceedings.
So yes do one; and do it properly. Also, be prepared to spend at least $1000 per party on competent legal representation, and likely twice that in a community property state (and it can easily be many more times than that if there are complications or significant issues to discuss and negotiate).
Also, you must live by the agreement your entire life. If you start to ignore certain provision then those provisions will be ruled invalid. Note that Prenups can be modified after marriage. In fact; anyone can write an equivalent agreement anytime (a postnup). It is just a lot cleaner and can cover a lot more if done prior to marriage.
Perry
They are not unromantic at all - studies indicate that people who do proper prenups are more likely to stay married. Also, people with them who do divorce are more likely to have an amicable divorce.
If you live in a community property state - I feel they are absolutely required for all marriages. without any discussion. Few people understand just how invasive and controlling the community property state laws can be. I personally have a friend that when his wife was diagnosed with cancer - she immediately filed for divorce to protect the family assets so the husband and kids would have something left over after her medical treatment (if she survived). Then they had to live apart with absolutely no show of emotional support. It tore him and the kids up that "mom" had left them and was dying alone. A good prenup would have prevented prevented that.
To be considered valid in almost all cases both parties must have independent competent legal representation. The agreements where one party presents to another for signature will in virtually all cases be tossed out of court as invalid during divorce proceedings.
So yes do one; and do it properly. Also, be prepared to spend at least $1000 per party on competent legal representation, and likely twice that in a community property state (and it can easily be many more times than that if there are complications or significant issues to discuss and negotiate).
Also, you must live by the agreement your entire life. If you start to ignore certain provision then those provisions will be ruled invalid. Note that Prenups can be modified after marriage. In fact; anyone can write an equivalent agreement anytime (a postnup). It is just a lot cleaner and can cover a lot more if done prior to marriage.
Perry
gregchang35
Ideal_Rock
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Short version: I brought it up after a few years cohabiting together...ie a few nights at my place and a few nights at his place, but we definitely sorted it out before we moved in together.
It was important for me so he sought opinion and signed it. I got my lawyer to draft it and he got his lawyer to advise him.
Long version.
It was the "romaticism of love and union and trust vs protecting assets" conversation that we had at length, and many times over. after much discussion he wanted a time limit on the prenup- ie when was it all going to be null and void. I came up with a date that made sure that our future kids (at the time as we were child-less) were going to be protected. Whilst it is nice to have the romanticism of being in love and living together and be a family unit; however, it helps deal with assets when things go to pieces. Fortunately for us, we are still together and will be forever in a day. And fortunately, he has a good head on his shoulders and i would trust him with anything and everything. well, may not bling purchases... ehehhee.
We were at different stages in our lives when it came to our professional lives and associated assets. We were emotionally ready to be in a committed r/ship. Having the pre-nup was a tough one as it brought up distrust in the r/ship.
Our conversation didnt really amount to much as he still could not get around the fact that it brought up trust issues that i had with our r/ship. However, it came down to the fact that it was really important for me to get have one and we got one done.
It was important for me so he sought opinion and signed it. I got my lawyer to draft it and he got his lawyer to advise him.
Long version.
It was the "romaticism of love and union and trust vs protecting assets" conversation that we had at length, and many times over. after much discussion he wanted a time limit on the prenup- ie when was it all going to be null and void. I came up with a date that made sure that our future kids (at the time as we were child-less) were going to be protected. Whilst it is nice to have the romanticism of being in love and living together and be a family unit; however, it helps deal with assets when things go to pieces. Fortunately for us, we are still together and will be forever in a day. And fortunately, he has a good head on his shoulders and i would trust him with anything and everything. well, may not bling purchases... ehehhee.
We were at different stages in our lives when it came to our professional lives and associated assets. We were emotionally ready to be in a committed r/ship. Having the pre-nup was a tough one as it brought up distrust in the r/ship.
Our conversation didnt really amount to much as he still could not get around the fact that it brought up trust issues that i had with our r/ship. However, it came down to the fact that it was really important for me to get have one and we got one done.
MMtwo
Ideal_Rock
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Kelinas
Shiny_Rock
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I believe it.dk168|1404175437|3704125 said:Kelinas|1404168901|3704048 said:
A relative of my ex-hubby allegedly lost the equivalent of her marital home to legal fees, and had to ask her father to help out, because she and her then hubby could not decide on who should get the dog!
DK
For us, that would seriously be the only issue. I've talked to him about splitting custody.
My Houdinidog is my baby. I'd go to court.
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It wasn't necessary for us because we didn't have anything when we started out. We now have a tiny bit but we built it together so the courts would split it up anyhow. I think it'd be very hard to recover from if we split because of the cost of property.
We did split up a few years ago and it was surprisingly amicable. He helped me move and we dated for a bit. When we broke up we just simply did our own things for a while. We started dating again and decided to get back together. I'm not saying it was emotionally easy but as far as who got what and how we dealt with practical considerations it was all very straightforward. Neither of us filed for divorce so it may have been different of either of us took that step, especially without telling the other person. We did separate belongs, money, and accounts though. DH now has a business that I've contributed heavily to at my own cost, such as putting any progression of my own career on hold to assist him. I would hope that if we split up permanently that it'd be acknowledged all that I've done for it. But ultimately I couldn't run his business without him so he should have it. We'd have no way to write that into any type of pre-nup because it all happened post-nup! We'll just have to hope that it doesn't happen and if it does that we're just as amicable as we know we can be.
If the couple have complications or bring assets into the marriage a pre-nup makes sense. That just wasn't our situation so no need!
We did split up a few years ago and it was surprisingly amicable. He helped me move and we dated for a bit. When we broke up we just simply did our own things for a while. We started dating again and decided to get back together. I'm not saying it was emotionally easy but as far as who got what and how we dealt with practical considerations it was all very straightforward. Neither of us filed for divorce so it may have been different of either of us took that step, especially without telling the other person. We did separate belongs, money, and accounts though. DH now has a business that I've contributed heavily to at my own cost, such as putting any progression of my own career on hold to assist him. I would hope that if we split up permanently that it'd be acknowledged all that I've done for it. But ultimately I couldn't run his business without him so he should have it. We'd have no way to write that into any type of pre-nup because it all happened post-nup! We'll just have to hope that it doesn't happen and if it does that we're just as amicable as we know we can be.
If the couple have complications or bring assets into the marriage a pre-nup makes sense. That just wasn't our situation so no need!
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