When did you join "The List"?

[audball]

I'm curious...for the ladies who are currently on, are have been in the past, when did you join "the list"?

Was it at the first discussed marriage?
When you ordered a ring?
When the ring had arrived?
When it was so many months/weeks/days before your discussed timeline?
When you felt it?
Other?

Just curious....

 

[tammy77]

It was after we moved in together and engagement talk was in the awkward stages...Beyond carefree daydream talking and before he was comfortable proposing because of unemployment issues and money in general. I think I was on the list for about hmm 5-6 months? It was really nice to have a place to "get my crazy out".

 

[audball]

It was after we moved in together and engagement talk was in the awkward stages...Beyond carefree daydream talking and before he was comfortable proposing because of unemployment issues and money in general. I think I was on the list for about hmm 5-6 months? It was really nice to have a place to "get my crazy out".

Haha. That's what I think I need!

We've had all the serious talks. Everything has been laid out on the table. We are officially moving in together in July. The diamond has been bought and is being recut by BGD now and in a few weeks will be on it's way to Pearlmans to go to the designer for setting. Finished ring will be in hand by end of June to mid July.

It's a matter of when and not if at this point and with a strong chance of being before the end of the year. Maybe it's time to think about joining....

 

[atp223]

I never officially joined the list, mostly because we were looking a pricescope together and I didn't know what he would think if he stumbled across that haha. But I FELT like I was on the list (eg I knew it was a "when" not "if" situation) sometime between when he moved in, the commencement of ring shopping, and when we bought the ring (a period from like May - August last year). You are way past that, girl! My FI held onto it for a few months bc he wanted to make sure (1) he was ready and (2) I was thoroughly surprised.

I think after you've been in one or more really serious relationships, and possibly some casual dating scenarios, AND as a natural side effect of getting older, you can tell pretty quickly if something has the potential to work out long term. I had a whole list of things (mentally not written down) that I knew I either wanted for sure or definitely didn't want by the time I started dating my FI (right around when I turned 25, after 2 serious long term rel. and a couple more casual dating situations). So it took us maybe 6-8 months to start discussing marriage, and we decided at that point that when our leases were up the following year we would move in together (so close to the 2 yr mark), and even tentatively discussed marriage timeline (which we are sticking to - spring 2013).

That might be more info than you wanted, but the point is just that I think this is a perfect time for you to join the list . And you'll probably be off it before you know it - I know we don't know each other but I saw your other threads about your ex and about your FF and I'm really happy for you! Haha I hope that's not too weird.

 

[audball]

I never officially joined the list, mostly because we were looking a pricescope together and I didn't know what he would think if he stumbled across that haha. But I FELT like I was on the list (eg I knew it was a "when" not "if" situation) sometime between when he moved in, the commencement of ring shopping, and when we bought the ring (a period from like May - August last year). You are way past that, girl! My FI held onto it for a few months bc he wanted to make sure (1) he was ready and (2) I was thoroughly surprised.

I think after you've been in one or more really serious relationships, and possibly some casual dating scenarios, AND as a natural side effect of getting older, you can tell pretty quickly if something has the potential to work out long term. I had a whole list of things (mentally not written down) that I knew I either wanted for sure or definitely didn't want by the time I started dating my FI (right around when I turned 25, after 2 serious long term rel. and a couple more casual dating situations). So it took us maybe 6-8 months to start discussing marriage, and we decided at that point that when our leases were up the following year we would move in together (so close to the 2 yr mark), and even tentatively discussed marriage timeline (which we are sticking to - spring 2013).

That might be more info than you wanted, but the point is just that I think this is a perfect time for you to join the list . And you'll probably be off it before you know it - I know we don't know each other but I saw your other threads about your ex and about your FF and I'm really happy for you! Haha I hope that's not too weird.

Hi atp! Thanks for sharing your story, it's never too much! I definitely think you're right about being older and having been in and then out of a few long term, serious relationships. I know what I want. He knows what he wants. We've found it in each other. We were discussing marriage around 5 months in and bought the diamond just before 7 months. It won't be complete until close to our one year anniversary when we will be officially moving in together. We've discussed getting engaged around Christmas and maybe married next summer right before our 2 year anniversary. We are already unofficially living together. He still has his place, but he never stays there. We'd have been unofficially living together for over a year by Christmas and officially for about 6 months.

I don't really care what other people think because nobody knows what's going on in your own relationship except for you, but I do have concerns that some people will rain our happiness parade when we get engaged and then subsequently somewhat quickly married thereafter because it was "too soon after exBF" or "we've ONLY been together for a year and half" and yadda yadda ya...I don't care, but it won't make any (potential) digs less hurtful during what should be a happy time because people don't know how to keep their opinions to themselves. Ya know?

Andrew knows all about Pricescope. He knows about LIW and he knows I've been a poster here for years. He's told me I can rejoin whenever I feel ready. So I'm testing the waters. The stone is at BGD being recut as we speak. I'm soooo excited to see the final product and I'm so grateful that he wanted me involved and choosing and making decisions about something that I will wear. He's wonderful.

ETA: and it's not weird AT ALL
There are so many posters on here that I feel like I know and get so invested in their stories that I'm crazy happy for them when things like this happen and I've never even met them. Many posters I don't even know their real names. Crazy, huh?

 

[decodelighted]

I never joined the list. When I arrived at PS it was researching diamonds after we'd already started engagement discussions. And by the time I actually *joined* PS, we'd purchased the stone. It was still several months before the ring was done or we were formally engaged but there just wasn't that "will he or won't he" angst that seems to be the hallmark of the LIW list.

So - I'd say, if you have bought the diamond -- why even join the list? Sometimes it's just creating drama where none exists.

 

[audball]

I never joined the list. When I arrived at PS it was researching diamonds after we'd already started engagement discussions. And by the time I actually *joined* PS, we'd purchased the stone. It was still several months before the ring was done or we were formally engaged but there just wasn't that "will he or won't he" angst that seems to be the hallmark of the LIW list.

So - I'd say, if you have bought the diamond -- why even join the list? Sometimes it's just creating drama where none exists.

Good point. I guess I'm not, and likely won't, feel any of the typical anxiousness of most LIWs not knowing. I do know, we've talked about it and we're on the same page. I guess it would just be for fun? There will still be a wait as the process started nearly a year before we've talked about it happening and we will have it completed and in hand nearly 6 months before making it official. Hmmm...

 

[tammy77]

I think that not everyone that is a LIW has to be anxious and in an "if, not when" stage. There's plenty of LIW thoughts and discussions that the "matter of when" ladies have and it IS fun (more fun, imo) to be on the list knowing that it's just a matter of time.

I think that you of all people should be totally comfortable joining if/when YOU want to. You've been through so much and have been a real presence on the LIW board, so why not join the LIW list? It's only a problem if joining the list magically makes you feel negatively about waiting, which I think you're far too practical to succumb to!

 

[wakingdreams53]

Totally not on the list anymore, but saw that audball made this thread.
Girl, you are truly an inspiration. After your whole thread of what you went through, the whole reshaping of your life and now that you've found a person who is truly deserving of you... I'm so genuinely happy for you!!!

What I love about PS is that you can fall into people's stories without even knowing who they are *hugs*

 

[audball]

I think that not everyone that is a LIW has to be anxious and in an "if, not when" stage. There's plenty of LIW thoughts and discussions that the "matter of when" ladies have and it IS fun (more fun, imo) to be on the list knowing that it's just a matter of time.

I think that you of all people should be totally comfortable joining if/when YOU want to. You've been through so much and have been a real presence on the LIW board, so why not join the LIW list? It's only a problem if joining the list magically makes you feel negatively about waiting, which I think you're far too practical to succumb to!

Thanks tammy! I feel like it could be fun being on the list knowing it's just a matter of time. And maybe I'll get a chance to play my hand at listkeeper when our Mayflowers gets out of here

I definitely don't have any negative feelings about the process. Andrew and I have had very open communication about our individual wants and needs regarding the whole process and we've lined them up. I really do know that it is just a matter of time.

 

[audball]

Totally not on the list anymore, but saw that audball made this thread.
Girl, you are truly an inspiration. After your whole thread of what you went through, the whole reshaping of your life and now that you've found a person who is truly deserving of you... I'm so genuinely happy for you!!!

What I love about PS is that you can fall into people's stories without even knowing who they are *hugs*

Hi wakingdreams! Thank you for your kind words! Thank you so much, we are very happy. You really can fall into people's stories without every even knowing them personally and yet, I feel like I "know" so many of you. Hope you're doing well!

 

[MayFlowers]

I joined a little too early now that I look back at it. BF and I had just started to seriously discuss marriage and we had even gone to look at rings once. This was when I found PS and the LIW section, which I lurked all the time. We had originally planned to get engaged about 6 months after I decided to join the list. But, I think we both kind of jumped the gun and didn't really realize just how young we really were. Looking back, I'm SOOO glad that we did NOT get engaged back then. We would have been in a world of trouble since I wasn't able to find a job like I had expected to do.

I've been on the list for 2 years and I expect to be here another year. Hopefully, I will get a full time job this fall (fingers crossed!) and that will move things along.

 

[maebelle]

I joined the list July 8, 2010 because I need a place to vent that *wasn't* to friends. I had a visceral fear of being considered frivilous if I talked too much about it in RL. I even mentioned that I'd probably be here for about "a year and a half". Well it's a year and three quarters and I should have my ring in about a month (we may have to modulate when I officially get the ring, since we have a bunch of friends weddings and we don't want to take any attention from them) so I guess my instincts were pretty spot on.

It may have been fairly early, but I needed this fairly anonymous place filled with people to talk about things to.

Audball, if you join the list or not we're still all going to be SO EXCITED when you get your ring!

 

[mmi]

I'm curious...for the ladies who are currently on, are have been in the past, when did you join "the list"?

Was it at the first discussed marriage?
When you ordered a ring?
When the ring had arrived?
When it was so many months/weeks/days before your discussed timeline?
When you felt it?
Other?

Just curious....

Hey audball. I've been on The List since 2008 (under a different s/n). Looking back I, uh, jumped the gun a little. We've been discussing marriage pretty much since our relationship began, so I thought "Hey, you never know." But we were young. The second time I joined The List was with this screenname and it was when SO got his first "real" job out of school. Last month we bought a diamond from GOG but have not had the time to think about insuring/setting it yet! Our timelines regarding that are a little ambiguous right now.. I would like May and he's wanting something more like October. But after 7+ years I guess a few extra months doesn't matter...

mmi

 

[LJL]

After I had lurked FAR too long. Started lurking in Nov/Dec of 2010... joined in Oct 2011 (I think?) and got added around then. SO and I have been living together the whole time - basically since we started dating, even if we did have separate "homes" we were always together. It has been clear from the start that we are both in this for the long haul (we moved together to go to the same grad school) and that its all just a matter of time. Timeline has changed slightly due to money/school, etc but I don't imagine I will end up spending longer than a year on the list (actual projection: 8-10 months)..
...but it IS crazy that I've moved up (I think) like 45 spots since I joined. I guess a lot of people drop off or whatever in the first few months after they join.. but not me - I'm creepin up that list!

 

[Amys Bling]

never made it to the list...

 

[audball]

Thanks for sharing your stories ladies.

 

[njng_dash]

I joined after he picked up the ring. I was expecting him to propose within a week or two, but that didn't happen...so I decided to see what other ladies were going through. I first came across PS in late January after we had discussed getting married and made appointments to look at diamonds.

 

[peonia]

i just joined a few days ago... i stumbled across this site when browsing through pretty rings online.

i joined the list because it became a definite "when" not "if", and i know vaguely when it will happen (5-6 months time!). we've also decided on the main elements of the ring together, and he'll design it with the jeweller and i won't know what it looks like for real until the proposal!

it also seemed like a good forum to join because none of my friends are at this stage in their relationships yet so i don't want to bore them with ring talk and whatnot

 

[leeona]

I joined the list when I couldnt wait anymore without support There werent any concrete sings in our relationship, but my best friend had been proposed to (do you say that in english?) at new years eve and so I must admit, I might got a little envy and needed some backing from ladies who are also waiting ..

So thanks a lot for sharing and supporting

 

[audball]

I'm loving the liveliness around here lately! Thank you all very much for sharing your stories. Having been on the list previously for far too long, I'm still undecided about when to get back on it. Maybe when we officially have the ring in hand this summer and/or at our first year anniversary, whichever is sooner.

I joined (with my now ExBF) in October of 2008 at #121 under listkeeper sunnyd. I left in May of 2011 at #7 under MayFlowers. I went through a handful of other list keepers while waiting for something that was never going to happen (and shouldn't, thankfully). I want rejoining to signify moving forward and us both being ready for it to happen. I definitely don't want to be on the list forever and ever on end. I want it as a distraction as I watch myself move up, but I don't want to get stuck and not move for long periods of time (which definitely happens once you break into the top 20. Lots to think about. Andrew says to do it whenever I like (he's so cute...he knows all about my PS obsession and I love that I can share it with him without him thinking I'm crazy!). Either way, I shall think it over some more.

Anyone else want to share stories? LIW is hopping for once in a good long while. I'd love to see it keep going!

 

[star sparkle]

So - I'd say, if you have bought the diamond -- why even join the list? Sometimes it's just creating drama where none exists.

I share deco's sentinment above.

I joined the list a long time ago with an ex-FI, spent awhile on the list, finally got engaged and came off the list, and then the relationship ended up not working out so we called off our engagement.

After a period of doing the single dating scene thing for awhile, I met current BF. We started seriously talking about marriage around a year into it and at that point I knew it was a matter of when, not if. So I thought about possibly rejoining the list, but then remembered all the stress and anxiety I felt during the waiting period with ex-FI. I'm not saying it was BECAUSE OF the list that I felt anxious and impatient, but I certainly think it was a contributing factor for me.

Then after BF bought my ring a few months ago, I again considered rejoining the list because, hey, now there's an actual ring involved so I should be on this list!!! But I hesitated in doing so, and have since decided that I'm better off not being on the list (even though we have a concrete timeline and everything). I didn't want to get caught up in the drama and feelings that being on the list previously caused.

Now does that mean I haven't had any LIW-ish "moments" during the course of this whole thing? Of course not, I'm only human! But I do feel a lot more relaxed and happy this time around, FWIW.

 

[princesss]

Hey aud!

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. BF and I have had some very good discussions lately that have led to me debating whether or not to join the list. I never did with my ex, because I think at my core something told me it wasn't going to work. I loved him very much, but I got claustrophobic thinking about marrying him. With my BF now, I've had that kind of quiet, calm voice in my head saying, "This is it. Don't worry, don't stress," since...well, a few weeks after we got together. Add to that the conversations we've had, and while I'm excited about where my life is headed, I'm not sure the list makes sense to me. I think it might be a bit of what Deco said - adding drama where none is needed. You and Andrew have a great thing going on, why artificially put some label on it when you KNOW it'll happen? If you start to feel anxious and it'll help you, by all means, put your name down. But I have never gotten that feeling from you and Andrew, so unless it feels totally natural, I wouldn't do it.

ETA: I think it sometimes makes less sense for those of us that have kind of BTDT, you know? Once you've kind of left the LIW enclave and ventured out into PS and made more of a home there than on the LIW boards, it's not as important a space. When it's the first part of PS you find, and this is your introduction to the site, you stick much more closely to the group here and the traditions like the list. Once this isn't your main point of interaction with the site, things like the list seem less important.

 

[audball]

So - I'd say, if you have bought the diamond -- why even join the list? Sometimes it's just creating drama where none exists.

I share deco's sentinment above.

I joined the list a long time ago with an ex-FI, spent awhile on the list, finally got engaged and came off the list, and then the relationship ended up not working out so we called off our engagement.

After a period of doing the single dating scene thing for awhile, I met current BF. We started seriously talking about marriage around a year into it and at that point I knew it was a matter of when, not if. So I thought about possibly rejoining the list, but then remembered all the stress and anxiety I felt during the waiting period with ex-FI. I'm not saying it was BECAUSE OF the list that I felt anxious and impatient, but I certainly think it was a contributing factor for me.

Then after BF bought my ring a few months ago, I again considered rejoining the list because, hey, now there's an actual ring involved so I should be on this list!!! But I hesitated in doing so, and have since decided that I'm better off not being on the list (even though we have a concrete timeline and everything). I didn't want to get caught up in the drama and feelings that being on the list previously caused.

Now does that mean I haven't had any LIW-ish "moments" during the course of this whole thing? Of course not, I'm only human! But I do feel a lot more relaxed and happy this time around, FWIW.

I totally see this point of view, too. Hmm...

 

[audball]

Hey aud!

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. BF and I have had some very good discussions lately that have led to me debating whether or not to join the list. I never did with my ex, because I think at my core something told me it wasn't going to work. I loved him very much, but I got claustrophobic thinking about marrying him. With my BF now, I've had that kind of quiet, calm voice in my head saying, "This is it. Don't worry, don't stress," since...well, a few weeks after we got together. Add to that the conversations we've had, and while I'm excited about where my life is headed, I'm not sure the list makes sense to me. I think it might be a bit of what Deco said - adding drama where none is needed. You and Andrew have a great thing going on, why artificially put some label on it when you KNOW it'll happen? If you start to feel anxious and it'll help you, by all means, put your name down. But I have never gotten that feeling from you and Andrew, so unless it feels totally natural, I wouldn't do it.

Yeah! I saw/read all about your trip! I'm so glad you found your phone
I get what you're saying. I did join the list previously (obviously) but I'm with you on always having that nagging feeling that it wasn't right before. And I've had the same feelings you're describing in your relationship with C about Andrew and I. I don't think joining the list would help OR hurt in any way, but since the list (even if not literally, haha) jinxed me before, I could see avoiding it. Though no matter what I'll definitely be sticking around the LIW forum to gush and share as I wait for WHEN the time comes

 

[audball]

ETA: I think it sometimes makes less sense for those of us that have kind of BTDT, you know? Once you've kind of left the LIW enclave and ventured out into PS and made more of a home there than on the LIW boards, it's not as important a space. When it's the first part of PS you find, and this is your introduction to the site, you stick much more closely to the group here and the traditions like the list. Once this isn't your main point of interaction with the site, things like the list seem less important.

This definitely makes sense. It seems that many of the BTDT former LsIW who have made PS a home don't really fall back into the LIW section after. I've been on PS for so many years now that LIW is certainly not my primary focus when I log in anymore. But it's still fun

 

[princesss]

Hey aud!

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. BF and I have had some very good discussions lately that have led to me debating whether or not to join the list. I never did with my ex, because I think at my core something told me it wasn't going to work. I loved him very much, but I got claustrophobic thinking about marrying him. With my BF now, I've had that kind of quiet, calm voice in my head saying, "This is it. Don't worry, don't stress," since...well, a few weeks after we got together. Add to that the conversations we've had, and while I'm excited about where my life is headed, I'm not sure the list makes sense to me. I think it might be a bit of what Deco said - adding drama where none is needed. You and Andrew have a great thing going on, why artificially put some label on it when you KNOW it'll happen? If you start to feel anxious and it'll help you, by all means, put your name down. But I have never gotten that feeling from you and Andrew, so unless it feels totally natural, I wouldn't do it.

Yeah! I saw/read all about your trip! I'm so glad you found your phone
I get what you're saying. I did join the list previously (obviously) but I'm with you on always having that nagging feeling that it wasn't right before. And I've had the same feelings you're describing in your relationship with C about Andrew and I. I don't think joining the list would help OR hurt in any way, but since the list (even if not literally, haha) jinxed me before, I could see avoiding it. Though no matter what I'll definitely be sticking around the LIW forum to gush and share as I wait for WHEN the time comes

OMG, I was such a wreck, you should have seen it! I (video) called C when I got home, totally exhausted, sick, and pink and puffy eyed, and after having a bit of a giggle ("Baby, you look AWFUL!....*hehehehehe*") he was so so sweet. But I don't think he got how upset I was until I almost broke down again just telling him about it. And holy cow was I irrational. Who goes BACK to the airport at 1:30 AM to look for a phone?!?! But I mean...you've seen the pictures. Why *wouldn't* I freak out about losing the pictures of him making faces at me? They're so cute!

 

[audball]

Hey aud!

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. BF and I have had some very good discussions lately that have led to me debating whether or not to join the list. I never did with my ex, because I think at my core something told me it wasn't going to work. I loved him very much, but I got claustrophobic thinking about marrying him. With my BF now, I've had that kind of quiet, calm voice in my head saying, "This is it. Don't worry, don't stress," since...well, a few weeks after we got together. Add to that the conversations we've had, and while I'm excited about where my life is headed, I'm not sure the list makes sense to me. I think it might be a bit of what Deco said - adding drama where none is needed. You and Andrew have a great thing going on, why artificially put some label on it when you KNOW it'll happen? If you start to feel anxious and it'll help you, by all means, put your name down. But I have never gotten that feeling from you and Andrew, so unless it feels totally natural, I wouldn't do it.

Yeah! I saw/read all about your trip! I'm so glad you found your phone
I get what you're saying. I did join the list previously (obviously) but I'm with you on always having that nagging feeling that it wasn't right before. And I've had the same feelings you're describing in your relationship with C about Andrew and I. I don't think joining the list would help OR hurt in any way, but since the list (even if not literally, haha) jinxed me before, I could see avoiding it. Though no matter what I'll definitely be sticking around the LIW forum to gush and share as I wait for WHEN the time comes

OMG, I was such a wreck, you should have seen it! I (video) called C when I got home, totally exhausted, sick, and pink and puffy eyed, and after having a bit of a giggle ("Baby, you look AWFUL!....*hehehehehe*") he was so so sweet. But I don't think he got how upset I was until I almost broke down again just telling him about it. And holy cow was I irrational. Who goes BACK to the airport at 1:30 AM to look for a phone?!?! But I mean...you've seen the pictures. Why *wouldn't* I freak out about losing the pictures of him making faces at me? They're so cute!

I would have been too and probably would have gone back to the airport as well!! And YES!! Your pictures are just BEAUTIFUL and the ones of you and C together are so freaking cute. I would have hated losing them, and especially since you don't get to see him everyday, they are priceless.

 

[princesss]

Hey aud!

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. BF and I have had some very good discussions lately that have led to me debating whether or not to join the list. I never did with my ex, because I think at my core something told me it wasn't going to work. I loved him very much, but I got claustrophobic thinking about marrying him. With my BF now, I've had that kind of quiet, calm voice in my head saying, "This is it. Don't worry, don't stress," since...well, a few weeks after we got together. Add to that the conversations we've had, and while I'm excited about where my life is headed, I'm not sure the list makes sense to me. I think it might be a bit of what Deco said - adding drama where none is needed. You and Andrew have a great thing going on, why artificially put some label on it when you KNOW it'll happen? If you start to feel anxious and it'll help you, by all means, put your name down. But I have never gotten that feeling from you and Andrew, so unless it feels totally natural, I wouldn't do it.

Yeah! I saw/read all about your trip! I'm so glad you found your phone
I get what you're saying. I did join the list previously (obviously) but I'm with you on always having that nagging feeling that it wasn't right before. And I've had the same feelings you're describing in your relationship with C about Andrew and I. I don't think joining the list would help OR hurt in any way, but since the list (even if not literally, haha) jinxed me before, I could see avoiding it. Though no matter what I'll definitely be sticking around the LIW forum to gush and share as I wait for WHEN the time comes

OMG, I was such a wreck, you should have seen it! I (video) called C when I got home, totally exhausted, sick, and pink and puffy eyed, and after having a bit of a giggle ("Baby, you look AWFUL!....*hehehehehe*") he was so so sweet. But I don't think he got how upset I was until I almost broke down again just telling him about it. And holy cow was I irrational. Who goes BACK to the airport at 1:30 AM to look for a phone?!?! But I mean...you've seen the pictures. Why *wouldn't* I freak out about losing the pictures of him making faces at me? They're so cute!

I would have been too and probably would have gone back to the airport as well!! And YES!! Your pictures are just BEAUTIFUL and the ones of you and C together are so freaking cute. I would have hated losing them, and especially since you don't get to see him everyday, they are priceless.

Thank you! I still need to print that first one I posted. (He's been getting a lot of grief for the cutesy pictures at work, haha. He whines, but he loves it. Though the sheer volume of comments is taking him by surprise. He actually asked if there were going to be any more comments on that first picture, because it surprised him. But, hello? It was the first picture I posted of the two of us together, and it is so couple-y it's ridiculous. Of course my friends are going to comment.)

 

[audball]

Aww, haha. I think most guys are pretty oblivious to the new relationship/couple photos thing. And for sure, it was the first picture (most) people saw of you and C together, of COURSE there would be a ton of comments.

A few of my favorites that were non people pictures were of the orange couch/chair thing (which, agreed, totally lusting over right now....sooo cool!), the pig/mouse desserts, and the signs in the library, HAHA.