When do you plan to start a family?

[Tacori E-ring]

I got preggo 5 months after our wedding, first month of TTC. At the time we had been together for almost 6 years so it was time. People started asking me when I was going to have our second a few month after DD''s birth

Point is people are nosey and will ALWAYS think of inappropriate questions to ask. Whatever anyone decides I would suggest NOT trying BEFORE the wedding. I know several people who were convinced they would have trouble getting preggo (I think most of us fear that) and got preggo right away, morning sickness and all. Not fun.

 

[Haven]

I wish I knew! We''re pretty torn on when to start TTC. (I''ve even started a few threads asking people why they decided to start, and how long they waited, etc.)

I love kids. I really want to be a mom, and have a family with DH, but we are also really enjoying our life right now sans children. And I know it''s all going to change when a bebe comes along.

We''re 28 and 38, we just married this past July. We''ve been together since 2004, but we didn''t move in together until we married (okay, one month before we married) so this living together thing is a lot of fun, and it''s still new to us.

I''ll have tenure after the next school year (2009-2010) if I get asked back. SO, it will be a big plus to wait to have a baby until after May of 2010, because with tenure I''ll be able to work part-time or job share or take a year off and still have a secure job waiting for me.

So, we''ll see!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Pearl, I just wanted to tell you that my daughter is 23 and is dating a chiropractor! She does work in his office a little, too! Like you, she says she wants to enjoy a few years of just being married before having children. We were married 5 years and almost 27 when our first child was born. I think that was a great age.

 

[icekid]

sigh... I''ve been married for a couple years (now 27 and hubs just turned 29) and I''m beginning to feel ready, but my career is so ridiculously prohibitive. I don''t even know if it will be reasonable to have a child while I am still training, and uhh I still have a solid 4 years left and I ALREADY have baby fever. help.

 

[Lynnie]

Getting married in April... I''ll be 27, he''ll be 28. Planning on going house shopping after the wedding, and probably - hopefully - we''ll be TTC by the end of the summer. We''ve been together 9 years, lived together for about 5 of those years. I hear ya on the baby itch, icekid!

 

[AllieGator]

I''m mostly over in LIW, but I like looking at the bride stuff (my brother/Future Sister-in-Law are planning their wedding, plus my own in a couple of year)...so I thought I''d answer.

My bf and I will probably get married when I''m 22, he''s 24. We''re probably going to wait until I''m 27 to start trying to have kids. That gives us 5 years for me to get my masters, plus a few years to just travel and enjoy the things we can''t really do with kids. But I am excited to eventually be a mommy!

 

[dcgator]

Date: 3/1/2009 8:02:53 AM
Author: fieryred33143

Date: 2/28/2009 11:44:02 PM
Author:PearlDahhhling
FI and I are fairly young (22 and 23) and so we plan on waiting a while before we start a family. But it seems like people always associate getting married with having kids right away and when people find out I''m getting married in June they immediately ask if we plan to start trying for a baby asap. (Why it''s any of their business I have no idea...

) While we would love to start a family right after we get married, we know that we wouldn''t be financially ready yet, and we also want to enjoy time as a young married couple before we start having to deal with poopy diapers and sleepless nights! So I was curious what everyone else''s plans were as far as how long you plan to wait before starting a family. (And yes, it IS my business!

) TTC on the honeymoon? Or waiting a few years to get settled into married life? What''s YOUR plan?

How long have you guys been together?

Our original plan was to TTC a few months after the honeymoon. We would have been together at that point almost 8 years, living together for 4. There wasn''t anything else we felt we needed to do as a married couple before a baby arrived.

I think that considering you are fairly young (your words not mine!!!) and if you have only been together for a few years, then I would hold off and just enjoy being married for a couple of years first.

What I would suggest is to go get yourself checked out thouroughly. Not necessarily with a fertility doctor but maybe just ask your gyno how everything looks so that when you do start trying, there are no surprises. You have a situation where you can really prepare well for the future so you might as well take it.

First off, a bit of a threadjack...CONGRATS on the news Miss Fiery, yeah a little girl!

Back to the topic now...My background: I am 27, FI is about to turn 26 (in two days). We are getting married in 96 days (Ahh!). We are planning on being married for about 2-3 years before TTC. Ideally, we would like to have our first baby around 30, since I want a couple and I want to have some time in between each.

To Fiery''s point, I have dealt with issues (cysts) so I don''t want to make it any harder for myself. I have internal sonagrams to make sure things are going ok so I have the time to wait. Right now I have a little tiny fibroid, but nothing serious. Should it get bigger, I am onto baby making, lol!

God willing though, we will try to enjoy the married life for a bit before the babies

 

[sunnyd]

When we marry, I'll be 25 and FI will be 26. We'll probably wait 3-5 years afer that to TTC...well maybe, FI is a bit of a baby fiend, especially now that his sister is preggo!

BUT! We definitely want a house before we have a kid which will hopefully happen in the next year or two. We've only been together for 2 years (also lived together that long) so I'd like to enjoy being together for a few years first.

Oh yeah...I also wanted to say that I worry a bit about conceiving, since my mom had so much trouble with me (their #1). She was a crazy pill taker though - skipping a day then taking 2 the next like that for a looong time.

Then when they were almost ready for #2, her doc told them to start trying right away and along came my sister 16 months later!

Now THAT's scary!!!

 

[Clairitek]

We will be 28 (me) and almost 24 (him) when we get married. We plan on trying to have two kids and I think we will start trying when I am 31-32ish and he is around 27. In a perfect world the kids will be two years apart.

 

[Kelli]

I don''t know. I''m 27, DF is 26, and we''ve been together for nine years, living together for around eight. We just bought a house and are getting married next February. I still don''t feel the least bit ready for kids. We talked about it last night and I told him I''d be SOOOOO bummed out if I got pregnant right now (we were talking about it because I''m on an anti-biotic that may interfere with birth control), and he was like "Really?" Apparently he''d be fine with it, which is good to know. For the most part, I just would like to get past my wedding. I already bought a dress and everything and really don''t want to be pregnant! I suppose that after the wedding, if it happened, I''d probably feel differently. I''m not getting any younger, but I still don''t feel old enough to have kids! Maybe I will after the wedding is done

 

[lliang_chi]

I''ll be 29 and FI will be 32 when we get married. We''ll probably wait for a little while before we start planning a family, I''m thinking not until next year. But I''m already getting the baby pressure from my aunts (parents are okay so far). Groan! Mind your own business!!! It doesn''t help that all the other married cousins had kids right away (latest one was like a week after the wedding or something). My story is going to be "They''re all boys and they have the easy job."

 

[Elmorton]

We said when we got married that we''d wait 5 years. My parents were married 9 years before having me and that''s something that I''ve always wanted from a marriage - a history together before children. DH and I figure we will have been together for 8 years if we stick to the 5-year plan and hopefully by then we''ll be mature enough for kids. But as we start to inch toward that 5-year mark (we''ll have anny no. 2 in June), I sortof wonder if three more years is long enough. DH and I both want children very, very much, but we both know we have some growing yet to do, and while we have a very happy marriage, we want to do some of that growing before we invite children into our family.

 

[Winks_Elf]

My poor fiance...when he marries me, he will instantly become step-father to a 3-year-old, 5-year-old, 9-year-old, and 11-year-old! He loves them and is really great with them though. He''s never reproduced. We will not be having a child together. We''ll both be 40 at the time of the wedding.

 

[allycat0303]

It''s hard. I think I am going to try during residency (depending what I get into) but I think it''s going to be a 33 years old. I plan on taking NO time off though, and my child will probably be raised like I was. By my husband and my mother, with a lot of help from the outside. I console myself with the fact that my mom had 4 children and we were all raised by our grandmother and we all turned out ok. But I wish it could be different. I wish it could be more ideal or that I could be convinced that children after the age of 35 would be completely safe. I know there are many instances where it goes well, but I want to try my best to get pregnent before that deadline.

 

[teapot]

I can''t wait to start, but I don''t have a regular job now so as soon as I get one we are going to try. I''m so excited.

 

[icekid]

Date: 3/3/2009 3:24:15 PM
Author: allycat0303
It''s hard. I think I am going to try during residency (depending what I get into) but I think it''s going to be a 33 years old. I plan on taking NO time off though, and my child will probably be raised like I was. By my husband and my mother, with a lot of help from the outside. I console myself with the fact that my mom had 4 children and we were all raised by our grandmother and we all turned out ok. But I wish it could be different. I wish it could be more ideal or that I could be convinced that children after the age of 35 would be completely safe. I know there are many instances where it goes well, but I want to try my best to get pregnent before that deadline.

ally- I didn''t know you were contemplating kids now! Last I remembered you were not too interested? I didn''t used to be either, but there is something about getting older

I am contemplating a kid during residency now too, but I am terrified! Pumping breast milk while driving to work at 6 AM sounds neither fun nor safe (and I really do know of someone who does this

). Don''t want to take any time off (besides vacay) either... medicine was not made for babies!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

We were planning on starting to TTC on the honeymoon, but FI and I were both laid off this year. We''re both working again, but even the short time out of work (2 months for each of us but right in a row) has decimated what savings we had. We''ve committed to our wedding and have already scaled back the guest list by 50%, so we''re good there. We just don''t feel like we''re ready financially and my new employer probably wouldn''t look too fondly on my going out on maternity leave within a year of starting. I want at least two years at the job before taking maternity leave, so we''re not going to actively start until 2011-ish. I''m not on the pill, but we try to be as careful as we can and I chart every month. So if it happens, it happens and we''re prepared for it, but we''d prefer to wait awhile.

 

[Haven]

Date: 3/3/2009 11:15:01 AM
Author: Winks_Elf
My poor fiance...when he marries me, he will instantly become step-father to a 3-year-old, 5-year-old, 9-year-old, and 11-year-old! He loves them and is really great with them though. He''s never reproduced. We will not be having a child together. We''ll both be 40 at the time of the wedding.

You mean your LUCKY fiance, Winks! He gets a whole family''s worth of love when he marries you. I imagine he feels five-times blessed for having you guys in his life.

 

[allycat0303]

icekid: I would definitely say I was not intrested before. I would even have gone as far to say as I wouldn''t have them, but it just changed in these really distinct phases, it was like a progression.

a) I realized that my fiance really wants kids and he would be a really good Dad.

b) I gradually started to find kids cute.

c) I decided that I would have them AFTER residency (which if I got into a specialty would be 35 years old, but then a fellowship so more like 36 years old)

d) I saw this thing on Alexis Stewert (Martha Stewert''s daughter) who is 40 and spending 25, 000 a year trying to concieve. And I watched an episode of lipstick jungle where the main character was 38 years old and taking fertility treatments.

e) Looked into having my eggs preserved (yes, I actually looked into it. I called a clinic to find out the price.)

f) My FIL passed away and everything about the family being together, his children around with him. How much he loved them, it just clicked for me.

g) I decided that I wouldn''t take the risk of diminished fertility + problems after 35 years old, and save myself the cost of fertility treatments and all the anguish. I told my fiancé we would try when I was 33 years old. I will be a resident, and I KNOW it''s going to be hard. I KNOW I''m not going to be there for the child as a baby, but I trust my fiancé and my mom, and his mom, who are all ready to help. It''s not ideal, and I am going to be exhausted, but I think I can tough it for the 4-5 years of residency hell, in order to have a child. I''m not planning on taking time off. But I know myself, and I am freaking tough, I am going to be massively pregnent and still be working. It''s not that unusual here in Quebec, I had an opthalmo who was 8.7 months pregnent and still operating (she''s Viet) gave birth and came back the week after. It''s her 3rd child and her husband is urology resident, so she wasn''t getting that much help from him! It was all the family support system.

I don''t want to compromise my dreams, but at the same time, I want to have kids. So I''m going to do it, and we''ll figure it out.

 

[basil]

icekid and ally - it is so hard trying to plan for a family when in medicine!

Since we are still long distance, I wanted at least 1 year of living together by ourselves before TTC. My husband will move here in July and I''ll be in my last year of residency.

Our tentative plan is to try to get preggers while I''m in fellowship (i''ll be 31)...and then ahve the baby directly after before starting as an attending. Then move back closer to my parents so that they can help with the baby while we are working, at least some of the time.

That would be the ideal situation, but who knows how it will work out! A lot of things have to come together, like getting pregnant in the right window of time, making sure my husband is still employed to maintain health insurance, finding jobs in practices that are close to each other and close to my parents. Ugh!