Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

When enough is enough - mental illness

diamondseeker2006|1475695373|4083921 said:
Important, please read

I have started a private FB group for those who'd like to continue to have discussion and support but who really do not want to continue posting here on a public forum.

You will need to go to Loupetroop and find my listing to contact me (not through LT but I give my contact info). At the moment it is on the first page of LT. You will need to give me your PS name and your FB name so I can add you to the group.

I really hope all of you who have been active on this thread will join, because some of us really have no one locally who understands.
Click to expand...

Oh, ds, I would so love to join, but I will not join Facebook. I was asked to become a moderator on a Golden Retriever forum to which I belong a couple of months ago and I struggled over the issue of joining in order to accept that position. I just have too many negative feelings about Facebook to start an account, though. I wish that there were some way to have a private discussion without Facebook! Thank you so very much for thinking of me and sending me word through another thread. I very much appreciate your thinking of my needs. We who have mentally ill family members and/or mental illnesses all have such hard struggles; when one of us can think of someone else it is so soothing. That is why the group is such a lovely plan.

Hugs
(((diamondseeker)))
Deb
 
Hello, I am a long time lurker who has come out of lurkdom only for one reason, to let this group know that I am really saddened that you will be taking your conversation about mental illness underground to Facebook. Why? Because I have learned so much from you all about so many things relating to mental illness in children. You see, I have a few children in my extended family (relatives) that battle various forms and levels of mental illness, from borderline 'barely noticeable' on the spectrum autism, to near catatonic. For the relatives who are more borderline, at least on the surface at first glance, I have learned so much from you all about how to relate to the kids in my extended family who deal with similar issues as your children. I am really bummed that I wont be able to continue learning from your amazing stories, so I wanted to let you know this, and to say that I am likely not the only one who is quietly following you, and learning from you along the way. Please, reconsider. Your conversation here is helping more folks than you realize.

Peace to all of you, as well as your families.
 
DS, what a great idea!! I would love to join. I'll have to set up a different account and then contact you. I'll try to take care of it tonight.
 
GingerE|1475796942|4084298 said:
Hello, I am a long time lurker who has come out of lurkdom only for one reason, to let this group know that I am really saddened that you will be taking your conversation about mental illness underground to Facebook. Why? Because I have learned so much from you all about so many things relating to mental illness in children. You see, I have a few children in my extended family (relatives) that battle various forms and levels of mental illness, from borderline 'barely noticeable' on the spectrum autism, to near catatonic. For the relatives who are more borderline, at least on the surface at first glance, I have learned so much from you all about how to relate to the kids in my extended family who deal with similar issues as your children. I am really bummed that I wont be able to continue learning from your amazing stories, so I wanted to let you know this, and to say that I am likely not the only one who is quietly following you, and learning from you along the way. Please, reconsider. Your conversation here is helping more folks than you realize.

Peace to all of you, as well as your families.
Click to expand...

I know that in the private group the sharing will be far deeper than anything that could be done on a public forum, GingerE. That does not mean that all conversation in this thread will stop, however. Some people, like me (and, perhaps you) will be unable to join the private group. Others who belong to it will continue to post to this thread, but will simply not share some of their more personal thoughts and experiences here. Since they would not have shared them in an on-line forum anyway, we may not be losing out on as much as we fear. Maybe this thread will dry up, but maybe it will be invigorated by the close friendships kindled by those in the private group. I know that I do not feel I can foretell the future. ;))

Hugs,
Deb :wavey:
 
I didn’t know where to put this. I hope it’s ok to put it here.

My dad’s girlfriend of over 20 years committed suicide. She had bipolar type I. She had a major manic episode more than ten years ago where she went full blown psychotic and they found her several states over, talking about aliens. She struggled to find relief and stability ever since.

She was brilliant and funny and mad.

When the doctor first proposed that she might have bipolar disorder, she responded “You’re calling ME bipolar when you’re wearing that tie?”

She made my dad happy but she was too much for him. He kept her at arm’s length quite often.

She stopped taking her meds and began seeing an herbalist about a year and a half ago. My dad said this was the beginning of the end. About two months ago, she went manic again and now, she’s gone.

I’m so sad. I’m mostly sad for my dad. He cried and cried to me. I’ve never, ever seen him cry. He didn’t cry when his parents died. I’m sad for her too. I think that herbalist was arrogant to think he could treat something as serious as this illness. She died due to inproper care.


I have come across many arrogant practitioners in my journey of trying to find recovery. People who want to feed their egos on my illness. I truly believe that either they are sick, themselves, with some defect of the soul or they do not understand how deadly this illness can be. I just wish these kinds of people could lay down their insecurities and say, “I’m not qualified to help you but I will help you find someone who can.” And then know in their hearts...that was the greatest help of all.

For now, I will be sad. Thanks for listening.
 
I am so sorry for your dad and for you. ((HouseCat))
 
Dear @House Cat I’m so sorry. :(
Gentle (((hugs))). Keeping you and your dad in my thoughts.
 
I cannot tell you how sorry I am, House Cat. I am sorry for you; sorry for your father; sorry for the harrowing life your father's girlfriend led; and sorry that this mental illness still exists and that so many people suffer from it.

As you probably know, my daughter is diagnosed with bipolar disorder (type 1) as well as many other things (you name it and someone has pinned that diagnosis on her as well).

My daughter is terribly hard to live with and I often become so angry that I do and say terrible, terrible things to her. Even my closest family members have lost total patience with her. Only her grandparents truly loved her and they have now passed away. Recently my brother, who is a wonderful man, told me that he only visited me and cared for her when I had to go to Virginia for my sake, not for hers, because she had insulted him, insulted his children, and although he knew it was due to her disease it was more than he could take.

As I lay in bed one night I remembered that she had been a kind child. I remembered that when she panicked, now, she was human, that she truly needed help, like a person running from a fire or an animal running from a hunter in fear of its life. She is human and vulnerable. Yet I treat her as if she is garbage. I asked God for help.

It is this illness that is to blame. We have to find a cure for it.

My prayers are with you and your loved ones.

Hugs,
(((House Cat)))
Deb
 
I’m so sorry @House Cat. Her death must have been such a shock to both you and your dad. I’m glad your dad has you to help him get through this difficult time. Hugs, Callie

@AGBF, Is there anyway you get breaks more often? I have never dealt with anything like what you are going thru so anything I say is probably as valuable as a piece of rice. Are their caregivers who specialize in dealing with mental health patients, that can watch your daughter for a few days at a time so you can get breaks? This situation would be difficult, stressful and frustrating for anyone to deal with. You are really being hard on yourself. It’s a lot to deal with day in and day out. I really don’t know how you do it by yourself. Do you think it would be easier to manage if you got more breaks for yourself away from your daughter? Would getting away a couple of afternoons a week help you?

My FIL had Alzheimer’s. My husband would sit with his dad while I took his mom out to do things she enjoyed often. She didn’t have a lot of patience and would get very overwhelmed. We made sure she got one day a week completely away from the situation to get her bearings back. It seemed to really help her. We would go out to lunch and shopping for the entire day. We would stop on our way home and pick up dinner then stay at her house until after 9:00 PM. My husband and I urged her many times to hire someone for a couple of hours two afternoons a week so she could just get out and get a cup of coffee. We could never get her to do this.
 
House Cat-

Would it be OK for me to mention in the Random Comments thread that you have had a personal tragedy and posted about it here? I believe that this posting could have been written in that thread just as easily as in this thread and that there more people who know you would have seen it. In my opinion, people who care about you would like to have the opportunity to offer you some support. So many of us have been touched by suicide and mental health problems.

Hugs,
Deb
 
House cat, I’m so so sorry. This is devastating news for you, your dad and everyone who loved your dad’s girlfriend. This is the nightmare I always worry about with our own daughter. Please know that I am thinking about you all during this tragedy. ((((Hugs)))) K
 
AGBF, as always your words resonate so strongly! This is a very difficult journey we are all on and there are no perfect solutions. Likewise, none of us are perfect, especially when we’re pushed beyond our limits. Things had seemed to be going well with our daughter for the last two years until quite literally an hour ago. We were hit via e-mail this evening with a big bombshell from our daughter. DH is on the phone with her right now trying to find out what’s going on. It seems our daughter and her roommates were evicted and she has been lying to us again about other things for several months. Anyways, the journey continues :blackeye:
((((Hugs to you))))
 
kmarla said:
AGBF, as always your words resonate so strongly! This is a very difficult journey we are all on and there are no perfect solutions. Likewise, none of us are perfect, especially when we’re pushed beyond our limits. Things had seemed to be going well with our daughter for the last two years until quite literally an hour ago. We were hit via e-mail this evening with a big bombshell from our daughter. DH is on the phone with her right now trying to find out what’s going on. It seems our daughter and her roommates were evicted and she has been lying to us again about other things for several months. Anyways, the journey continues :blackeye:
((((Hugs to you))))
Click to expand...

And hugs back to you, kmarla. One never, never knows when that e-mail or phone call is coming!!!! It just knocks you off the feet you were hoping you had just planted. I am so sorry.
 
AGBF said:
And hugs back to you, kmarla. One never, never knows when that e-mail or phone call is coming!!!! It just knocks you off the feet you were hoping you had just planted. I am so sorry.
Click to expand...

What Deb said. I used to smile:)) when the phone rang. Healing vibes...goodness know we all need them.
 
(((many hugs)) to you and your family. I'm so very sorry. This disease does not discriminate. Young, old, rich, poor, anything....... My thoughts and prayers go out to you. Take Care. I do understand as we deal with this daily as our son has bipolar disorder.
 
Oh @House Cat I am sorry to hear of your fathers loss.
I dont know the right words, but I am sorry for the pain and sadness you are and will be having.
I will include you and your family in our prayers.
 
I’ve just spent an hour or so reading through this lengthy post.
I just wish big hugs and more big hugs that comfort and support could be sent via my keyboard, rather than just words.
So much bravery in the face of adversity so much belief when standing at the precipice of despair - so many beautiful, big, caring hearts and souls being tested and tormented.
I just wanted to wish you all better and brighter days ahead.
Take care of yourselves.
 
My 21 year old son is having trouble again transitioning back to university. This happens every year, though to me it seems this year is less dramatic and just more sad.

With his crippling anxiety, he has such trouble meeting people. He is an introvert.. absolutely delightful and impressive and does well with older adults.... always has. But in the same token, he is emotionally immature also.

He had two good friends at uni but they both no longer attend there. He has an on campus apartment with 3 other guys, but he says they are never there. His school just started last week, so it’s all new.

I’m working on finding him a CBD oil vape pen, thinking that might help his anxiety. Other than that, I’m really trying to stop allowing him to use me as a crutch. I can’t get him friends. He has to do this himself. He obviously knows this, but it’s so hard for him and he gets too much up in his head.

He only has 2 classes in person this semester, so that’s not going to help either. He did say he would consider joining the debate team as a support person.
 
@House Cat I’m so sorry to hear that

@AGBF my sister is bad unmedicated bipolar and I finally had to leave the (fractured, turbulent, all her chaos) relationship. I feel really bad for my exhausted mother, in her 70s now, because she is basically raising the 3 kids. Sis and her mentally ill husband live not even all the way around the corner from my mom. Oh, and my clearly mentally ill, unemployed divorced brother moved in (in his 50s) and while he had a likely good settlement from his divorce, he doesn’t help her in any way with anything. And of course, she is enabler extraordinaire. I can’t deal with any of it.

So major HUGS to you.
 
Thank you everyone. Your support and understanding means a lot to me. I am really sorry for the trials everyone is going through with their loved ones.
 
Housecat, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad's girlfriend. I am thinking of you all and wishing you a smooth grieving and healing process.
 
AGBF said:
I cannot tell you how sorry I am, House Cat. I am sorry for you; sorry for your father; sorry for the harrowing life your father's girlfriend led; and sorry that this mental illness still exists and that so many people suffer from it.

As you probably know, my daughter is diagnosed with bipolar disorder (type 1) as well as many other things (you name it and someone has pinned that diagnosis on her as well).

My daughter is terribly hard to live with and I often become so angry that I do and say terrible, terrible things to her. Even my closest family members have lost total patience with her. Only her grandparents truly loved her and they have now passed away. Recently my brother, who is a wonderful man, told me that he only visited me and cared for her when I had to go to Virginia for my sake, not for hers, because she had insulted him, insulted his children, and although he knew it was due to her disease it was more than he could take.

As I lay in bed one night I remembered that she had been a kind child. I remembered that when she panicked, now, she was human, that she truly needed help, like a person running from a fire or an animal running from a hunter in fear of its life. She is human and vulnerable. Yet I treat her as if she is garbage. I asked God for help.

It is this illness that is to blame. We have to find a cure for it.

My prayers are with you and your loved ones.

Hugs,
(((House Cat)))
Deb
Click to expand...
Dear Deb,

I have been wanting to write you for some time about your daughter but I’m always afraid to sound presumptuous. You two are going through so much. Only you know the whole story.

Her rages sound a lot like mine in my twenties. I have five diagnoses and it seems that one will set fire to the other and then they will set fire to mania. When that would happen, a rage would certainly occur.

My rages were fueled by emotional pain. The mania or even depression was just gasoline. The rage was pain.

It all stopped when I started doing EMDR. I wonder if it is possible for your daughter to begin this type of therapy too? I had tried other therapies before this and they did not work. Some made things worse. EMDR puts out the fire.

I’m so sorry that you’re living with this. I hear your pain in your post too. You’ve been a good mom to her. You’ve been very devoted. You’re a gift to her even if you don’t know if at times.
 
I know the holidays can be a really tough time. I’ve been thinking of all of you while clawing my way through the season. I always have such a huge feeling of relief when my head hits the pillow on Christmas night. “It’s over. I don’t have to do this for another year.”

Our oldest son, who has many issues, didn’t come to see us for the holidays. He said he is working on some things in therapy and can’t be around us right now. We asked if he needed to talk about some things in his past, he said we are doing things to currently hurt him. We have no idea what those things are. This left my obsessive brain spinning for most of the last two weeks. It also broke my heart to know what we have been hurting him. It also left me a bit indignant because we have done a lot for him. It’s those mixed feelings that are so hard to reconcile.

I am just accepting the fact that loving him will always be difficult.

I hope your holidays have been uneventful and even..happy. Please check in if you can.
 
Christmas was very painful for me. Not the part with my extended family, which everyone thinks would be where strife occurs. Once I was out of my house and away from my daughter I had respite in the arms of my extended family. I was with my aunt who is 93 in her condominium, which is in a beautiful country place. Her three children, my first cousins were there with their spouses as was my brother and his wife. My brother's MIL was there. His two daughters (my niece) whom I adore. One is expecting. Her husband, who is Senegalese was with her. My female cousin's only child, a son, who 36 and unmarried was there. My aunt's nephew by marriage, who has been coming to these events since he moved back to the east Coast from California was also there. The food was wonderful and we all went around the table and said one thing we were happy about and some people cried. There wasn't one harsh word spoken. We reminisced a lot about our childhood and the tricks my three cousins played on their parents, once starting a fire (by accident) sending off rockets that their science teacher father had inspired them to make and having to call two fire departments because the grass was on fire. (Luckily this was Connecticut or New York State in the 20th century not California in the 21st century or a fire of that nature could have been deadly.)

But my problem was at home. My daughter didn't want to come to the family gathering. I was cooking and baking for it. Since I was busy, I couldn't make her pasta, so she sent out for it. When she wanted more, I wouldn't cook it. So she called me names, "dumb bitch" and "c*nt" were on the list, and insulted my looks. (I have fallen on my face and so I look beaten up and I was wearing long underwear under my clothes. I could have scared anyone. My face looks like a giant skinned knee. Concealer did nothing to hide my scabs.)

My brother and one of my nieces came over last night on their way home. Whitney (my daughter) had said on the phone that she welcomed the visit, or i wouldn't have exposed them to her. But was I was driving home she threw a tantrum and demanded I stop at McDonald's and get her two hamburgers and French Fries. I thought it would be bizarre to send my brother and niece to my home while i went to McDonald's, but I tried to do it. McDonald's was closed. When I got home my brother and niece were alone in the living room and Whitney was up in bed! She was claiming she was too ill to come down and greet them. Eventually she came down and they played with the dog, Hero. (My niece, who is a film editor by profession, became a media consultant for the ASPCA in California and is a major dog lover.)

Like you, House Cat, I went to bed very glad this Christmas was over. And it has always been my favorite holiday. All I can think of now is eviction. I was waiting for my daughter to get into a halfway house, a specific one. But I cannot take the abuse. She wanted to send all her Christmas money to a man in Uruguay whom she knew from an alternative high school in Virginia who claims he is dying from septic poisoning and needs to pay to go to the hospital. She will do that and ask me to buy her clothing.
 
Last edited:
I'm so sorry @House Cat and @AGBF . It's so hard being a parent with our own concerns, and having to deal with an adult child who has their own issues. I am sure neither of you did anything but the best for your kids, and I hope you can come to a time where there is less stress.

Deb, I 100% agree that your daughter needs to move out. You are in your retirement, you have enough on your plate, and it's in her best interests. She won't be able to guilt caretakers into anything. She'll manage. My sister was totally dependent on my mother, and claimed not to be able to survive without her, but when we lost her, my sister did manage to survive somehow. I cut off contact with her, but I know she's fine and I don't think she ended up in jail again. Your daughter will be fine. You deserve to have your life back now.
 
Hi,

This morning I called a lawyer I knew many yrs ago. She and I did volunteer work in a nearby jail for a short time. I, too lay in bed trying to figure out what to do next. My son is unable to handle much of life anymore and he has blamed his problems on me. My first issue is my estate. I am old and rather sickly. I set up a trust where he is the successor trustee after I die, but there is no way he will be able to handle that now. He will spend or give away the funds I have amassed on records and comics or his half brothers and sisters who also suffer from mental illnesses. So, I wish to revise my will, and allocate those funds to people or causes that will use them wisely., I will leave him my house and money to care for it. The rest will go elsewhere. If I don't do this soon, I also may be too weak to do this in the near future.

I spent about 8 or 9 weeks in total in hospitals and rehab facilities. He came to see me to tell me my house was being bugged and El Chappo was coming to kill me. My son was leaving town, He hears people talking to him. I returned home and he was gone. The police found that he was involuntarily admitted to a mental hospital. Two weeks later he returned, said he was fine, nothing wrong with him. The first couple of nights he would come down and stare at me, asking if I was real.
Then he started to sneak down and remove my wheelchair and put it outside. I have to scream to get him to bring it back to me. The he denies doing it, calling me a liar. It goes from bad to worse.
He refuses to help me in anything. He tells me to take him to court if I want him out. I am becoming afraid of him. No rational thought processes are there anymore.

The police have a social worker available to talk to me about my options. That's my next step.

I have to think of who I want to get what. I want to make my distributions myself. I have nice paintings, jewels and stones, and crystal I recently purchased. I hope I have the strength for this.
DEB-- I surely understand. I have cut my screaming, except when my wheelchair disappears. I will feel better once the attorney gets back to me saying she will be my successor trustee. Yes, I know her. She is honest and of course will earn some dough.

Annette
 
I'm so sorry @smitcompton. I had no idea you were in such dire straits. I hope the social worker is able to give you good options. You can't live under this stress, that's just unfathomable. I hope you feel better soon. Take care.
 
I agree with lyra that you cannot continue to live like this, smitcompton. I am so sorry. It is not your fault. It is really, really not your fault.

Hugs,
Deb
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
GET 3 FREE HCA RESULTS JOIN THE FORUM. ASK FOR HELP
Jewelry Blog
PriceScope-Concierge-Ad
Find prime cuts.
Top