When to have 2nd or 3rd kid? (Article)

[TravelingGal]

What does TOFTS stand for? Something about on the fence?

Too Old For This Shizzle.

I coined the term awhile back...way back when the first round of toddlers were infants. Probably why the toddler moms still use it and not many others get it.

 

[Haven]

This was an interesting article.

I'm 5 years and six grades older than my sister. I loved her until I was in middle school and then I hated her until I went away to college. She was embarrassing and annoying and I just could not stand to be around her. I deeply regret being so mean to her, even though we are very close today and she is one of my best friends. There were other things I hated about being so much older--I was the built-in babysitter, I was the oldest kid in the family by far so I had no cousins or anyone else close in age, etc.

Of course, this is just *my* personal experience, but because of that I want our kids to be close in age. We will probably be in the "two under 2" crowd, if we can manage it. We'll also be older parents when we get around to having kids, since we're 29 and 40 right now with no plans in the works to actually start trying, so that makes me hope that we can have them close together, as well.

And on a completely different note: My parents used to lament the fact that we were not in college at the same time because it reduced the financial aid that we got. Your expected family contribution remains the same, so if you have two in school at once you're more likely to get more aid. I'm guessing PSers aren't in the same financial situation I was in, but it's something to think about!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I think there are pros and cons for every age range. There are so many variables as well, just b/c your kids are 12 months apart does NOT mean they will like each other. Same goes if they are 12 years apart. I think parents should do what works for THEM because children will adapt. Age range means nothing once they are adults. My brother is 6 years younger and we have always been close. I am sure being opposite sexes, similar personalities has more to do with it than the age difference. My sister is 3.5 years older and we fought like cats and dogs. What I don't get is why people, experts or otherwise, seem to think life is so black and white?

 

[gingerB]

I think there are pros and cons for every age range. There are so many variables as well, just b/c your kids are 12 months apart does NOT mean they will like each other. Same goes if they are 12 years apart. I think parents should do what works for THEM because children will adapt. Age range means nothing once they are adults. My brother is 6 years younger and we have always been close. I am sure being opposite sexes, similar personalities has more to do with it than the age difference. My sister is 3.5 years older and we fought like cats and dogs. What I don't get is why people, experts or otherwise, seem to think life is so black and white?

i agree. my sister and i are 1 year apart and while it was great to have someone to play with, we also fought tooth and nail ALL THE TIME because our personalities, priorities are so different. my cousin is 3 years younger (grew up like sisters) and we are closer than my actual sister and i are. my brother and i are 7 years apart and get along fabulously. i really believe it's not the technicalities of numbers, but really boils down to who the kiddos are as people for how well they get along. i love my sister, but i don't always LIKE her, so if my parents planned to give me a bff by having her so soon after me, well that didn't really work out.

 

[Cehrabehra]

My first two are 5 years apart and I had originally wanted 4 years but didn't quite feel ready yet when my daughter was 3 to try again. By the time she was 4 I realized I should have gone for it, she'd matured just the right amount by 4 that I was looking for. I planned to go 4 years the next time but only made it 2 and that was really tough on me for 2-3 years. Now it's a blessing, the boys are thick as thieves and the girl is much older than them. I'm not sure there's a right or wrong, there are so many pros and cons. If I could do it over I'd have all of them in a tight bundle and be done with diapers... but I can't really say that I'd have had the 3rd at all then. The break was really nice. I do have a friend who had 2 kids about a year apart and then 5 years later had another 2 a year apart and while kinda unusual it really worked for them!