When to open gifts...

[andex23]

My big excitement for the day is that someone bought us something (I really should change that to someone bought me something because I really don''t think that by any stretch of the imagination that FI really wanted the Joy of Cooking and the Newlywed''s cookbook and a cookbook stand from Crate & Barrel). Anyway, the question is, I am assuming that it will come by the mail in a day or week or whatnot. When do we open these gifts? Here''s the kicker...our wedding isn''t until April 2010...9 months from now. And no, we''re not planning on any showers or anything like that.

So do we wait 9 months? Wait until February? Wait until we come home from the DW? Or rip open the package and then immediately send a thank you card?

Further, if we decide that we can''t wait until then, do we open it and wait to send the thank you card until after the wedding? Or do you send it once you open the gift???

Guide me! Thanks!

 

[musey]

You should send a thank-you note soon after receiving the gift, regardless of when you open it or when the wedding is. I've always heard to send within two weeks, but in a recent thread others were saying two months and some even a year

Think about thank you notes logically. Other than being courteous and extending thanks for their generosity, what purpose do they serve? They let the sender know that their package has arrived to you, safe and sound. If you wait until after the wedding, they may be sitting around wondering if it got lost or damaged en route for those entire nine months. As a gifter, I'd hate to be put in that position!!

We sent our thank you notes within a few days of receiving the package each time. Everyone is busy and we are no exception, but how long does it take to write a 4-6 sentence note of thanks and drop it in the mail? 3 minutes, 5 max? Worth it for peace of mind, both the gifter's and mine - the faster you send them out, the less they'll pile up, the easier the job will be.


We did wait to use everything (well, almost everything) until after the wedding, but we opened everything right away.

 

[andex23]

I''m totally with you Musey on writing the Thank Yous. For some odd reason, I LOVE the Postal Service (USPS, not the band--although I like them too) and want to mail everything with stamp right away.

So do you think just opening the box, seeing who it''s from, and then writing a vague note saying Thank You, your gift got here, and not specifying what it is so that you haven''t really "opened" it? Wait to open???

 

[andex23]

And...if you open it, do you start using it?

Say you end up with a great serving bowl...do you use it at Christmas to serve the mashed potatos or do you just put it in the other room because you haven''t gotten married yet?

 

[KatyWI]

Date: 8/7/2009 11:52:22 PM
Author: andex23
And...if you open it, do you start using it?


Say you end up with a great serving bowl...do you use it at Christmas to serve the mashed potatos or do you just put it in the other room because you haven''t gotten married yet?

You should never *use* a wedding gift until after the wedding. The reasoning is obviously a worst case scenario, but what if the wedding did not happen? You would have to return all of the gifts... which would be much harder if they were in use!

 

[Elmorton]

Open it right away. Use it right away. Send a thank you right away.

That's why the person sent you the gift now - so you can enjoy it now, not so you can enjoy it after you're married. Since it's a cookbook, it's not all that strange of a gift to send early (your sheets to match your new comforter might not be something you use right away, but a cookbook doesn't "match" other items on your registry) so you can safely assume that the giver wants you to enjoy the gift now and not wait.

Also - did it say the item has been shipped? Every now and then I buy early if there's something I know I want to get the bride and groom off the registry or it's on sale, or whatnot. Several people bought my shower gift at the same time as the wedding gift, so all sorts of things were missing off my registry that I didn't see until the wedding - so you might be getting nervous needlessly. And, even though you're not planning a shower, that doesn't mean that someone will refrain from giving you an engagement or shower gift. You should be able to tell what purpose it serves from the card (ie, "Congrats on the engagement!" is likely an engagement gift, but if the person says "Best wishes for a happy marriage" you should assume that it's for the wedding).

Oh - also, do you or your FI have a birthday coming in the next month or so? For the year leading up to my wedding, DH and my families used our registry as a gift wishlist - pots and pans for Christmas, serving pieces for birthday, a blender as an engagement gift, etc.

ETA: Katy, I totally disagree. If "worst case scenario" happens, I really don't think people expect to get their gift back, and it seems creepy not to use an item for that reason. If I sent a friend a pretty vase and her engagement fell through, I'd want her to keep the vase - it's a gift. You never expect to see a gift come back to you. My DH just told me that there is apparently a Seinfeld episode on the topic - the bride gave all the gifts to charity (which IMO, would be a very classy response). But, if a person doesn't want to use their new things until after the wedding just because it's fun to feel like you start new and fresh after the wedding, then that's completely up to the recipient.

 

[neatfreak]

Are you sure this is a WEDDING gift and not intended as an engagement gift? Many people look for registries to send engagement presents...

And I am with Musey on this otherwise.

 

[andex23]

You guys are right...it could be an engagement gift and I''m working my way into a tizzy over nothing; however we aren''t having any sorts of "wedding/engagement" parties, etc. except THE wedding.

FI and I''s birthdays are both in October...August is a little early to be buying gifts, even for the super-planner, but you never know...

So take this scenario...we come home and at the doorstep is a box with plates in it. Happy Wedding the card says. Do you start using the plates?

(And if the whole wedding thing falls through, I''ve got bigger issues than returning potentially used plates...I do like the donating to charity idea and if (heaven forbid) that happens, I''d like to think that I''d go with that option).

 

[mrscushion]

Date: 8/7/2009 11:44:51 PM
Author: musey
Think about thank you notes logically. Other than being courteous and extending thanks for their generosity, what purpose do they serve? They let the sender know that their package has arrived to you, safe and sound. If you wait until after the wedding, they may be sitting around wondering if it got lost or damaged en route for those entire nine months. As a gifter, I''d hate to be put in that position!!

This is sooooo true. I hate when people don''t send thank-you notes promptly or at all. I worry for months that my gift never arrived!

 

[KatyWI]

Date: 8/8/2009 12:14:06 AM
Author: Elmorton
Open it right away. Use it right away. Send a thank you right away.


That's why the person sent you the gift now - so you can enjoy it now, not so you can enjoy it after you're married. Since it's a cookbook, it's not all that strange of a gift to send early (your sheets to match your new comforter might not be something you use right away, but a cookbook doesn't 'match' other items on your registry) so you can safely assume that the giver wants you to enjoy the gift now and not wait.


Also - did it say the item has been shipped? Every now and then I buy early if there's something I know I want to get the bride and groom off the registry or it's on sale, or whatnot. Several people bought my shower gift at the same time as the wedding gift, so all sorts of things were missing off my registry that I didn't see until the wedding - so you might be getting nervous needlessly. And, even though you're not planning a shower, that doesn't mean that someone will refrain from giving you an engagement or shower gift. You should be able to tell what purpose it serves from the card (ie, 'Congrats on the engagement!' is likely an engagement gift, but if the person says 'Best wishes for a happy marriage' you should assume that it's for the wedding).


Oh - also, do you or your FI have a birthday coming in the next month or so? For the year leading up to my wedding, DH and my families used our registry as a gift wishlist - pots and pans for Christmas, serving pieces for birthday, a blender as an engagement gift, etc.


ETA: Katy, I totally disagree. If 'worst case scenario' happens, I really don't think people expect to get their gift back, and it seems creepy not to use an item for that reason. If I sent a friend a pretty vase and her engagement fell through, I'd want her to keep the vase - it's a gift. You never expect to see a gift come back to you. My DH just told me that there is apparently a Seinfeld episode on the topic - the bride gave all the gifts to charity (which IMO, would be a very classy response). But, if a person doesn't want to use their new things until after the wedding just because it's fun to feel like you start new and fresh after the wedding, then that's completely up to the recipient.

I was just advising what Emily Post would, in the name of etiquette.

I wouldn't expect the gift to come back to me either, if I were the giver, but I would feel compelled to give it back as the recipient.

Our gifts are all stacked neatly on our dining room table awaiting the return from our honeymoon. I wouldn't feel right keeping a gift that was meant for my marriage if I never actually got married!

 

[wannaBMrsH]

I didn''t get gifts so far in advance, luckily, but we did start using our shower gifts right away.

I DO know that you aren''t supposed to and I gave FI a stern lecture about how if he used the beverage tureen or put up the new mirror, he was stuck and had to marry me.

But, we are also having a DW and we have about 15 people coming to our home the week that we travel, and the mere thought of having everything piled up in a corner of a room is nauseating. Also, when we return from our DW (with about 15 people), I don''t think I would have the energy to sort through everything!

We opened the gifts, sent the thank you notes and put everything to use.

Wish me luck that everything goes smoothly next week!

 

[Dannielle]

Date: 8/8/2009 12:14:06 AM
Author: Elmorton
it right away. Use it right away. Send a thank you right away.

That''s why the person sent you the gift now - so you can enjoy it now, not so you can enjoy it after you''re married. Since it''s a cookbook, it''s not all that strange of a gift to send early (your sheets to match your new comforter might not be something you use right away, but a cookbook doesn''t ''match'' other items on your registry) so you can safely assume that the giver wants you to enjoy the gift now and not wait.

Also - did it say the item has been shipped? Every now and then I buy early if there''s something I know I want to get the bride and groom off the registry or it''s on sale, or whatnot. Several people bought my shower gift at the same time as the wedding gift, so all sorts of things were missing off my registry that I didn''t see until the wedding - so you might be getting nervous needlessly. And, even though you''re not planning a shower, that doesn''t mean that someone will refrain from giving you an engagement or shower gift. You should be able to tell what purpose it serves from the card (ie, ''Congrats on the engagement!'' is likely an engagement gift, but if the person says ''Best wishes for a happy marriage'' you should assume that it''s for the wedding).

Oh - also, do you or your FI have a birthday coming in the next month or so? For the year leading up to my wedding, DH and my families used our registry as a gift wishlist - pots and pans for Christmas, serving pieces for birthday, a blender as an engagement gift, etc.

ETA: Katy, I totally disagree. If ''worst case scenario'' happens, I really don''t think people expect to get their gift back, and it seems creepy not to use an item for that reason. If I sent a friend a pretty vase and her engagement fell through, I''d want her to keep the vase - it''s a gift. You never expect to see a gift come back to you. My DH just told me that there is apparently a Seinfeld episode on the topic - the bride gave all the gifts to charity (which IMO, would be a very classy response). But, if a person doesn''t want to use their new things until after the wedding just because it''s fun to feel like you start new and fresh after the wedding, then that''s completely up to the recipient.

Agreed.

It seems like a waste having a gift sitting there getting dusty and not being used and enjoyed

 

[musey]

Date: 8/7/2009 11:50:49 PM
Author: andex23

So do you think just opening the box, seeing who it's from, and then writing a vague note saying Thank You, your gift got here, and not specifying what it is so that you haven't really 'opened' it? Wait to open???

It's usually considered courteous to thank the person specifically for their gift of __________. As in "Thank you so much for the wonderful cookie sheets! We'll have to save a few for you when we bake our first batch together."

You're overthinking this

Someone sent you a gift. Open it. Send them a gracious thank you note. Either use it or save it for later. End of story!

 

[musey]

Date: 8/8/2009 10:56:40 AM
Author: Dannielle
It seems like a waste having a gift sitting there getting dusty and not being used and enjoyed

I totally get wanting to wait... we had all these fun new kitchen things, picture frames, etc. etc. sitting in their boxes, some for nearly 6 months. But it was SO FUN to finally open them up together, all at once, after coming back from the honeymoon, and finally use all our wedding gifts. For us it was fun to wait for that little christmas-morning-moment.

No harm in using them right away though, either.

 

[Diva0413]

So glad I came across this thread. I was able to open and use the slow cooker someone bought off the registry this weekend.