Where Would You Draw The Line?

[iLander]

DF - your post made me LOL

Well, we finally told her she had to move out. She promised and swore left and right but my dad stayed firm on the decision, he's given her until the 17th to find a new place and move out. My mother on the other hand didn't have anything to do with telling her, she says she feels a little guilty, but she's relieved to see her go. We have chosen not to call CPS, but my dad did warn her that if she didn't clean up her act, someone else would and she could possibly lose her daughter. Not sure whether she will take that advice to heart, but here's to hoping that she will. She cried and was visibly upset, but it's for the best - for her and for ours. We can't afford to have another accident in our house, she abused the confidence that we gave to her, and there was just no turning back. I have offered to babysit for her if she ever needs it, but odds are she won't be coming around here again. My parents asked for the keys, and told her that someone will be home by the time she gets home everyday so she won't need to unlock the front door (mom just got on vacation today for a month). They just left to Lowes to buy new locks. Thanks to everyone of you that pitched in, I guess we were too timid to confront her with the reality that we just couldn't let her stay here anymore, but I read your posts out loud to both of my parents and they both agreed wholeheartedly that she had most definitely outstayed her welcome with us.

I'm so relieved to hear this Verdy! This is the right thing to do. I've had to fire employees, after multiple warnings, and they cried too. It's sad, but were they not listening to me? Did they think all those warnings were just a joke? It's really hard to figure out . . .

Keep an eye on your stuff, she may feel justified in taking something to "get back at you", even though it was HER actions that caused this. No one ever says to themselves "Gee, I guess it's my fault and I got what I deserved".

Tell your parents that I know how they feel; they were nice and kind to someone in need, and they treated her the way they would want to be treated in that situation. They did the right thing. It feels bad when someone takes advantage of that, or dismisses their kindness as a sign of weakness on their part. I've been there. People don't seem to understand that kindness takes strength, for some reason they look down on people who are generous. I don't know why this is, but tell them to save their kindness for people who deserve it and will be properly grateful. Tell them I understand how it hurts when someone twists your kindness around and takes advantage of it. But she will not change, she will always be that way. Good riddance, they did the right thing.

 

[somethingshiny]

Glad we were of help to you and your lovely parents...

Now listen. She has been warned, has a move out date...

Ya know what is next?? Tears, I can't move by then and will play on your parents.

Your parents have to hold firm, and stand by their word...

I hope this all works out.

Keep us posted, and will help you if things get wacky. Hoping that's not the case. But tell your mom and dad to secure all valuables...Jewlery or anything that she can grab and sell...

Best to play safe than sorry...

Big ditto. This woman is manipulative enough to play every angle to try to save her butt. Prepare yourselves and stay strong.

 

[JewelFreak]

Verdy, good for your dad! Great idea to read him the posts.

Your family generously gave her help. She has to help herself now. Nobody can lean on others forever. Your mother should feel NO guilt -- nobody needs to accept someone bringing unwelcome & potentially harmful characters into their home; that is not kindness, it's risky behavior. Your parents' primary responsibility is to their family & its safety & happiness. Obviously they can't assure that with this woman living there. It is a real shame about the child but ultimately your parents need to worry about their own children first.

2 weeks to make other arrangements is more than enough. Stand strong & please keep us informed on how it goes. Dust!!!

--- Laurie

 

[centralsquare]

Hopefully this will be a wake up call for her to get her act and priorities together.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

I don't want to be an alarmist, but be specially aware of the small valuables in the house and of financial stuff (credit cards, SS cards, checks). Of course, not everyone who takes advantage of other stoops to stealing as well, but I think that keeping the temptation away may be wise. Specially if the baby daddy or other people come to help her move.

 

[Verdy]

Thanks for all the support everyone, today my dad graciously offered to help her find a new place, he took her to several apartment complexes and to see houses that are for rent by single rooms only. She's secluded herself from us since last night, and both my mother and I haven't spoken to her since then. My dad says she did try to persuade him again while they were out, claiming that the rent at the places that they went to see was too much, and promising that she would be around the baby more often, that she wouldn't bring her so called ex back to the house, and countless other things, but he still said no. She has to find a place by the 17th, or else we are putting her things in storage for her until she does.

To all those who said to keep an eye on her as she packs - Fortunately my mom will be home when she's here and when she leaves, so she will keep a close eye on her behavior, my dad has hidden the extra keys to our rooms and has advised both me and my mom to lock the bedroom doors when we go out. The locks on our house will be changed this week when my dad gets a bit of time off from work.

I've read all of your posts to them since the beginning of the thread, and they both say a big thank you to all of you who have responded to our dilemma, we're all very grateful to each and everyone of you that provided advice and forewarned us about the consequences if we allowed her to stay.

We do hope that this will help her change for the better, so that next time she doesn't take what someone gives her for granted, we allowed her inside of our home because we genuinely believed that she was a GOOD person at heart, and that she wouldn't take advantage of us as she already has. It just goes to show that people aren't always what they seem, and that you will never finish getting to know someone completely. This has been a lesson for all of us, and from now on they have agreed that it's best to not rent out a room to anyone else anytime soon.

----

Jewelerman - We are not sure where exactly the baby's dad lives, he does rent out a room for himself, we just don't know where. He's not at our house 24/7, but he has taken indecent liberties in our home that we do not appreciate at all. She said she was NOT with him when we let her move in, and that he would never come into our home. Both of these things have proven to be untrue. I'm not sure that he really wants to be with her, I just think he's still after the friends with benefits option.

iLander and Junebug - My parents are notorious for being too nice, and in this case they took pity on her because they know what it's like to bounce around from house to house renting and suffering through unnecessary things. And the fact that she had a baby made things more solid for them since they went through the same things with me, but at the end of the day she did NOT appreciate the effort they put into making her feel welcome and everything that they offered to her just to make her life a little easier.

 

[Verdy]

Hi All! I know it's been over a month since I posted this thread, but just to give all of you a (VERY late) update: SHE HAS MOVED OUT! She had some trouble finding another place to stay, so my parents gave her an extra month. As of two days ago, she has packed up all her belongings and walked out the door and out of our lives. We're working on renovating the basement right now because she left a bit of....mess, to say the least. But that's just a small issue in the grand scheme of things. We were close to letting her stay with us, but in the end we all agreed that we had given her enough opportunities to redeem herself and she did not once attempt to fix her mistakes with us. I'm happy to say that the air in the house is less dense, and my parents seem to enjoy going out again without having to worry about things happening in the house. We're not sure if she will ever come to us for help, but if she does we will keep our hearts open to her, just not the doors to our house. We definitely miss the baby, and we hope that we'll get to see her again in the future, but for now we're just relieved to be out of that nightmare. Thanks to all of you who supported us and provided wonderful advice and insight, we appreciate it from the bottom of our hearts!

 

[somethingshiny]

Thanks for the update! I'm glad to hear it's working out for your family.