Which of the following are reasonable Bachelorette Party expenses/requests?

[emeraldlover1]

I didn''t read all the above posts but my personal feeling is drinks and dinner one night is reasonable. We went on a weekend trip and my bm''s insisted on paying my hotel stay. We ended up with a family condo and paid the maintenence fee...so it was reasonable. I still felt they went above and beyond so I paid for their breakfasts the entire weekend and a few round of drinks. All in all, it wasn''t that expensive and no limos or airfare was involved.

That being said, I was in a wedding the previous year where we were expected to pay one night each in a hotel room that was $600 a night plus our own flight and then dinner and drinks for the bride (who didn''t pay for her hotel room) in Miami. It was over $1500 before we even got there. Yeesh. It gave me a good perspective on what was reasonable. While I would happily do that for her again, I would never think it was reasonable.

 

[Treasure43]

Date: 12/3/2009 2:20:22 AM
Author: ruthenium
Thank you everyone for your posts. It''s been incredibly hectic, apologies for not replying until now.

The bride has apologized. Hooray! We are not sure if she realizes the full extent of her offense.

We can not begin to express how incredulous and livid we were just a few days ago. What transpired was so outlandish we had a moment of doubt and thought maybe WE were being unreasonable and selfish. We could not reconcile what was said and the bride''s usual thoughtful nature. We know and love the bride, she is among our dearest friends. The bride has sporadic lapses in judgment and memory, however the breach has never been this terrible.

The groom to be is a wonderful and lucky person. His groomsmen are financing an all expenses paid extravaganza, and of course his bride deserves no less. We were so helpfully advised to familiarize ourselves with proper wedding etiquette and our responsibilities as members of the bridal party. The combination of the couple''s personalities sometimes leads to a downward spiral of ignorance that cannot be believed.

We hope this was a temporary display of insanity, never to be seen again.

Wow, wow, and wow. First off, I''ve NEVER seen a PS thread with this much 100% STRONG agreement on anything!

Secondly, what is the deal with the highlighted section? You were helpfully advised to farmiliarze yourselves with proper wedding etiquette and your responsibilities as members of the bridal party? Does this mean that someone (the bride, her FI, etc) actually said something to you along the lines of what you SHOULD be doing?

Being in the bridal party is a great honor and yes, there are a few expenses involved in it. However, aside from her dress and shoes I think whatever else the BM wants to do is her own business. If a lavish bachlorette party cannot be afforded, the bride is in no position to demand it. You''re saying her comments were made out of ignorance or memory loss? Does she have a medical condition that causes her to say things and forget them? Even if that were the case, if you say something as callous as telling someone to get a part time job to help pay for your wedding, I don''t care how good natured you "seem" to be. You''ve got everyone fooled and are manipulating the heck out of them.

This is seriously the most outlandish thing I have EVER heard. And she manages to make YOU all feel guilty because the princess isn''t getting what she "deserves". Give. me. a. break. As brides, we need to be respectful of those who are having financial hardships and appreciate what is given to us in friendship. I have no idea what my bridal party has planned for my bachlorette party but whatever it is, it will be awesome because I"m spending time with them. I really don''t care where we go or what we do. I just want to spend time with my best friends

Sorry to go on but the fact that everyone is enabling her to act like a spoiled princess is just absurd to me.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 12/1/2009 1:30:44 AM
Author: ruthenium
Thank you sonnyjane & neatfreak.

We just started planning the party, and found out an all expenses paid weekend was expected by the bride. Some of us were caught off guard, because the bride previously attended parties where she was a student, and not asked to contribute to any expenses.

She understands our predicament, and advised us to find part time work. She also suggested she can pay her own airfare, while we shoulder the rest of her expenses (food + drinks) for the weekend. She knows she will 'losing out' if she takes this route because she will be paying for others' entire expenses for future parties, but is willing to compromise because she is mindful of our situation.

The choice of destinations are on both coasts, and the bridal party is also split geographically. No matter where it is held, half the party will need to travel. Having the Party the weekend of the wedding to save on airfare is also apparently out of the question.

Thanks again.

Yeah. That's wrong.

As for reasonable-- first, you do not plan your own party (it's a gift to you!) unless you are asked to, IMO. So this shouldn't even come up, because your bridal party will be able to plan something within their means. Frankly, dinner and drinks is enough-- and if a limo keeps you safe, okay-- but again it should be the BP planning this not the other way around.

I am in the camp that the bride still needs, at the very least, a stern talking to and that you all just caved since you are going on a weekend adventure anyway, but what do I know. I didn't even have a bachelorette party because I didn't want to cause anyone expense of bother and my MOH was OOT.