Which would you choose?

[cdt1101]

Hi Ladies! This is my first post in the bride forum! So exciting

My fiance proposed about 3 weeks ago. Since we want a June 08 wedding, planning as begun! We live in NJ, so $$$ for this thing is a huge issue because I just don''t feel the need to spend ridiculous amounts of money on one day. What I do want though is something intimate and elegant with close family and friends.

We want to do everything at one place. Garden type ceremony (definitely outdoors at least, weather permitting). We have about 100 potential invites right now (i have a HUGE family).

So here are the options and I''d like to get your opinions on each.

Option 1: The Tides (www.thetides.com). Only place of the 12 that we have looked at that evoked ANY feeling what-so-ever. Honestly, if it wasn''t for the fact that they have the outdoor ceremony area, this place wouldn''t have done much for me either. But the price is very reasonable for what you get (which is A LOT of food). Biggest downside, it''s a good 2 hour drive (likely more) for all of my family, so I would basically be forcing 65% of the guest list to get a hotel room. Which I feel kind of bad about (as does fiancé). Another downside is they require a 100 person minimum on a Sat. night (which we prefer). So we would basically have to up our list by at least 25 to ensure we get to the 100 attendees. Other thing I’m not crazy about here is that the interior is like EVERY other place I’ve seen….ornate is the only way to describe it. Just not my style. But I understand that it’s to be expected if we choose this route.

Option 2: My aunt lives in eastern PA in a gorgeous home on 10 acres of land. Really this place is stunning. She’s offered her home and yard as our wedding site. I’ve contacted a caterer in the area and he basically told me that it’s MORE expensive to great a wedding as opposed to doing something at a reception hall. I was kind of surprised by his response. However, after more discussion it really would be about the same for us because he’s in PA (pricing is lower) vs NJ pricing…. HUGE difference. The benefit to this is I can start things early afternoon and finish much earlier if we do it in my aunt’s. Also, it’s more intimate because there will only be our wedding going on, not others like at the tides. Most of family will be short drive away so that hotel rooms will not be needed. Immediate family can stay at my aunts (we do this a lot during parties and holidays she hosts). But the downside, is the obvious…weather. If it rains, my “dream” wedding goes out the window. And I think this option will be a lot more work because we are essentially starting with a blank canvas.

Overall I think each option will have a completely different feel. The feel of the wedding I’d like is what I can create at my aunt’s house. But I’m unsure about the weather risk, and $$$ is still a factor because I don’t want things to get out of control.

OHhhh….i don’t know what to decide. My fiancé says it’s up to me, but I just can’t make a decision.

Most June 2008 dates are NOT available already at the places we’ve looked. The Tides has one Saturday available, but we need to make a decision soon.

Sorry for such a long post! But I could really use some opinions on this.

Thanks ladies!

 

[hikerchick]

Can you have it at your aunt''s and rent a huge tent as a "just in case" ???
I would pick your aunt''s place but that is because I prefer the outdoors to a banquet hall.
Good Luck.

 

[cdt1101]

hiker-we would definitely do tents. that would be our only safeguard against rain. Hopefully it''s not downpour though....hehe.

 

[cara]

Hmm... This is a choice NO ONE can make for you! I would do two things. First, mock-up a budget for each place, being sure to include things that are likely to come up at each location. For example, your aunts house will require a significant amount of rentals. At the Tides, presumably you will have to pay their drink fees and not just shop at BevMo. Then write down the old pro/con list and go over it carefully with your FI.

Obvious questions are:
- are your families and other guests the kind that would rent hotel rooms for the tides? And not mind (too much)? I ask b/c some people wouldn''t think twice about it but my family DOES NOT do hotels. So they would drive home and it would affect their enjoyment of the the event.

- are you in a position to devote a significant amount of time to wedding planning? Your aunts house will take a lot more planning effort, especially if you do not hire a planner. Not saying the tides woln''t require effort and planning as well, but they will at least have lists of recommended vendors to use who know the place, and it is just more straightforward to set up a standard reception hall event. Conversely, I think your aunt''s place will be easier to personalize since you aren''t starting with the standard reception hall.

-which location do you feel more passionate about? just cause the tides has a standard banquet hall doesn''t mean that it isn''t worth it for the outdoor ceremony area if that is what you two want.

-do you want to invite more people? would that make it easier? (remembering that it is almost always easier to expand the list than shrink it.) Part B: will the Tides convert their 100 person minimum to a COST minimum? The idea being, if you go below 100 people, you spend more money per person by getting a more expensive meal or top shelf liquor or something. They still get your money, but at least you get something for it.

 

[door knob solitaire]

Just thought I might add...I have been in an complete tizzy after reading your post. You seem so calm and relaxed about making your decision. Like you have all the time in the world...

this is May 30th....get busy!!!

Then I reread your post...June 8th...isn''t in a week from now after all...but JUNE 08 is actually a year away.

You sure shook my morning. Geeze...I need a nap now. Whew.

DKS

 

[surfgirl]

well one location if formal, and the other is more casual yet still classic. Which one is more you and your FI? If it was me, I''d take the aunt''s place but I prefer outdoors and tents.

 

[cdt1101]

door knob - sorry about that, I should have been more clear. I meant June 2008.

surfgirl - i hear ya...I think my aunt''s house lends itself more to our personalities. I am definitely leaning towards this option. It''s actually what I''ve always wanted (outdoor wedding). But once the time actually comes you start to have doubts. Especially since weather is a big unknown and can ruin everything I envision.

thanks for the opinions. I know that ultimately this is our decision, but it''s nice to have opinions about these things.

 

[surfgirl]

Rent "Father of the Bride" - the Steve Martin version - and then see if you get all weepy over it! I love the feeling of the wedding in that movie...ahhhhhh...if only I had the money and not-psycho parents!

ETA: If you go with the aunt's place, I'd consider a wedding coordinator if you can afford one because you'll have to remember to plan each aspect yourselves. But in the end, I think it'll be worth it!

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 5/30/2007 8:57:33 AM
Author:cdt1101

Hi Ladies! This is my first post in the bride forum! So exciting

My fiance proposed about 3 weeks ago. Since we want a June 08 wedding, planning as begun! We live in NJ, so $$$ for this thing is a huge issue because I just don''t feel the need to spend ridiculous amounts of money on one day. What I do want though is something intimate and elegant with close family and friends.

We want to do everything at one place. Garden type ceremony (definitely outdoors at least, weather permitting). We have about 100 potential invites right now (i have a HUGE family).

Hi cdt,

It sounds like we got engaged around the same time (May 6 for me) and are looking for similar things. I looked at the Tides website and although it''s beautiful, I can definitely see where getting married at your aunt''s place sounds more like what you''d be comfortable with. I''m not sure how far away Hallam, PA is from you but I just posted a link last night to the place my cousin got married at this past weekend. It''s right near Lancaster and it''s such a pretty place. If I lived near there, the Stone Mill Inn would definitely be on my short list. It was totally my style -- a very nice and simple outdoor ceremony, gorgeous grounds, and not formal or stuffy at all. I actually counted the chairs because I''m hoping to plan a similar wedding, and there were about 90 I think. It was perfect. If this is something you''d be interested in (or are anywhere near), check out www.stonemillinn.com.

If you''re thinking of going with one of the options you listed and you''re done looking at venues, I''d go with your aunt''s house. It''s probably more meaningful for you than the Tides would be, and that could mean a lot to you.

 

[zoebartlett]

I also wanted to add that if people have to drive about 2 hours to get to the venue, that could overwhelm some guests. I''ve had to think of that regarding some of the venues we''re considering, and it could be too much for some guests. I have a lot of family coming in from out of town and I''m not sure I want to ask them to land at the airport and then drive 2 hours to get to the wedding if we have it in the mountains. The other venue we love is about a 45 minute or so ride, which is still a bit of a drive but it''s a lot closer than 2 hours away. This is just something we''ve had to think about.

 

[cdt1101]

Zoe - thanks for the info! I''ll take a look at the link you posted. We do seem to have a lot of the same concerns. Travel is definitely a concern for me. That''s another reason my aunt''s seems like a better fit because it will eliminate the travel for most of the guest list (although not all). And I can really personalize the wedding if done there as well. But it will definitely be a lot of work

btw....we were engaged May 13th!

 

[zoebartlett]

You''re welcome! Actually, this is the thread I began the other night. It has a little more detail.

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/lovely-wedding-venue-in-pa.62942/