Who pays for the wedding...What's the American rule?

[LaraOnline]

Congratulations to your daughter, DF! Do we get to see the ring???

Thanks, yes he showed me the ring before the proposal.

LOL. I think that is quite nice - his confiding in you before the proposal...
is a good sign for a son-in-law!
although there may be plenty of feisty ladies here on PS that will strongly disagree!

 

[LaraOnline]

Traditionally it's the bride's family 100%. Modern times it's anything goes, and often equal shares between the couple and each set of parents. DH and I wanted to pay for it all ourselves. Mostly because we wanted total control over everything. My parents were hurt by that, and so we caved, though everyone had a hand in paying for some things. But it led to some serious knockdowndragouts between my mom and I.

I don't recall tradition ever dictating that the brides family pays 100% of everything… To my knowledge, there has always been a "list" of who pays for what. Here's a basic breakdown:
http://wedding.theknot.com/getting-engaged/engaged/articles/wedding-budget-who-pays-for-what.aspx

I can't follow your link, momhappy!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Congratulations to your daughter, DF! Do we get to see the ring???

Thanks, yes he showed me the ring before the proposal.

No no no.
The question was, when do WE get to see it?

I posted a pic on SMTB..

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Our DD was just married over Memorial Day weekend in Charleston SC. It was a "destination wedding" and we paid for everything, except the DJ. The kids paid for that just to pitch in. His family paid for the rehearsal dinner. The wedding was small and intimate 35 guests.
You know, anything goes. So talk to your DD and find out what their thoughts and ideas are and what their expectations are, see how it unfolds. Whatever arrangements you decide, set a budget and stick to it!
It's is such wonderful time in their lives and yours as well, enjoy it, it's a sweet journey.

Congrats to your daughter! Where did she have the ceremony/reception? My parents have lived in charleston for almost 20 years and I got married in Old Mount Pleasant. The one thing that surprised me was how many southern weddings are buffet and lots of venues can't actually either logistically host a sit down dinner or can but the number of guests would have to be limited. We compromised and had assigned seating but about 6 food stations.

 

[Bonfire]

Hi Logan Sapphire, thank you
Her wedding was at The Planter's Inn. Their courtyard is stunning and the food was exquisite! We love Charleston!

 

[misskittycat]

bride's side? groom's side? the newlyweds? 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 ?
Did your parents pay for your wedding?
Did your wedding cost $30k +?
How many guests did you invited?
Any uninvited guests show up at your wedding?..

My parents kicked in a fixed amount (same for all the kids) and my husband and I split the remainder 50-50.
My wedding cost between $40 and $45k, not including rings and honeymoon. I stopped counting once it went over $35k which was our budget But it was no more than $45k. This was 6 years ago!
We had 75 people at the wedding, including us.
Not that I am aware of!!

 

[blackprophet]

Getting married nest year and FI and I are paying for everything except her dress which her mom insisted on paying for.
It will come in at 30+. Getting married away and having a reception here.

I have a funny story about uninvited guests. A friend of a friend had a wedding in India. Wedding crashers are pretty common there. So is having people at your wedding who are invited that you have never met before.

So there was a guy at the reception who the bride and groom didn't know. Someone from the Brides side asked who he was and he said he was from the grooms side. Later someone from the grooms side asked and he said he was from the brides side. So since no one knew who he was and the conflicting stories, they escorted him out of the wedding.

A few months later they were looking at the pictures and he was in one of them talking to an uncle. When they talked to the uncle, not only did the uncle know who the guy was, the guy was actually invited to the wedding!

 

[gem_anemone]

Congrats on your daughter's engagement!

My husband and I paid for our wedding although my parents and DH's father contributed some. Our wedding was about $16K not including jewelry. We invited about 200 and about 150 came. We actually did have an uninvited guest. We had an "adult only" reception and a guest brought her toddler age old son anyway without asking and without warning. What was even more annoying about it is the guest that brought her son was not originally invited either! She was the girlfriend of one of our friends and he asked if she could come after he recieved his invitation. He was actually included on his parent's invitation and I didn't mean to leave his gf off. I just didn't really know her and wasn't thinking properly. So we said she could come, but we did not realize she would show up with her kid! Of course they are broke up now so we should have just said no to allowing her to come! Hindsight is always 20/20.

 

[TC1987]

Getting married nest year and FI and I are paying for everything except her dress which her mom insisted on paying for.
It will come in at 30+. Getting married away and having a reception here.

I have a funny story about uninvited guests. A friend of a friend had a wedding in India. Wedding crashers are pretty common there. So is having people at your wedding who are invited that you have never met before.

So there was a guy at the reception who the bride and groom didn't know. Someone from the Brides side asked who he was and he said he was from the grooms side. Later someone from the grooms side asked and he said he was from the brides side. So since no one knew who he was and the conflicting stories, they escorted him out of the wedding.

A few months later they were looking at the pictures and he was in one of them talking to an uncle. When they talked to the uncle, not only did the uncle know who the guy was, the guy was actually invited to the wedding!

Well, which is it? Make up your mind. Give a consistent answer!

There was a news story the other day, and the uninvited guest waited until people were carrying out wedding gifts, then he helped himself to all the envelopes with money and gift cards in them.
http://consumerist.com/2014/07/01/groom-chases-down-uninvited-guest-suspected-of-pilfering-gifts-during-wedding-reception/

Proper etiquette, per my mother who is a retiree now, is to send all gifts to the bride or bride's parent's home; do not take anything to the wedding. Of course, some people opt to hire housesitters to tend their home on wedding day, because sometimes the homes get robbed while everyone is at the wedding.

 

[zoebartlett]

Getting married nest year and FI and I are paying for everything except her dress which her mom insisted on paying for.
It will come in at 30+. Getting married away and having a reception here.

I have a funny story about uninvited guests. A friend of a friend had a wedding in India. Wedding crashers are pretty common there. So is having people at your wedding who are invited that you have never met before.

So there was a guy at the reception who the bride and groom didn't know. Someone from the Brides side asked who he was and he said he was from the grooms side. Later someone from the grooms side asked and he said he was from the brides side. So since no one knew who he was and the conflicting stories, they escorted him out of the wedding.

A few months later they were looking at the pictures and he was in one of them talking to an uncle. When they talked to the uncle, not only did the uncle know who the guy was, the guy was actually invited to the wedding!

 

[packrat]

bride's side? groom's side? the newlyweds? 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 ?
Did your parents pay for your wedding?
Did your wedding cost $30k +?
How many guests did you invited?
Any uninvited guests show up at your wedding?..

My parents did, yes.
Our wedding cost...maaaybe 5k? At the *most*, and I'm betting it was closer to 3-4k. Did our own invitations, rehearsal dinner was at Godfather's, buffet at the reception was provided by my mom, gramma, his mom, an aunt and another aunt's mom. Decorations/flowers were done by the local greenhouse that my mom and aunt worked for so we got everything 1/2 price, and some of the women there did things free as our gift. Dresses here are cheap, alterations are cheap. (I had to have two dresses b/c the first wasn't altered properly and ruined and both w/alterations were about $400) Pics were spendy and not even that good. The reception was at the local VFW, wedding was at an aunt's church b/c we couldn't get any other place, and we got the use of the entire church for $35. Justice of the Peace performed the ceremony.
I think I sent out 120 invites or so-shoot, it was almost 13 years ago I can't remember.
No uninvited guests at the wedding, but here receptions are posted in the paper so it's considered a general invite if you happen to know the couple.

 

[cmd2014]

I'd say ask the bride and groom to be about what the tradition is in their family. My inlaws insisted that my parents should be paying for the 500 person wedding they expected us to have. My parents paid for my university and expected me to be financially stable enough to pay for my own wedding. DH and I paid 100%...but we had a $5000 budget (I was in grad school at the time, and unwilling to go into debt or spend the down payment for our first home for the sake of a wedding). It was a constant argument with DH's parents who refused to believe that not everyone does things their way, and left a lot of bad feelings on all sides. In the end we invited 20 people. It's what we could afford. We were in our late 20's.

 

[arkieb1]

My parents paid for the reception and my husband the alcohol. His parents refused to pay for anything because I was his second wife his cousins (whom his mother insisted we had to invite) brought their children uninvited to reception and insisted they be given proper places at the reception on the day, which none of them offered to pay for. But this is fairly typical behaviour from their family after 15+ years I am used to it.....

 

[Trekkie]

Married in the Tsitsikamma forest with 22 guests (including four children under the age of six who each received their own invitations ). Entire wedding including dress but excluding jewellery was $1500.

We paid for it ourselves, thinking "if you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to pay for it yourself". If parents offer assistance, that is a very generous gift but should not be expected.

Funny story about our wedding. DH's parents asked us to invite their friends who were holidaying in the area at the time. His mom said something like, "oh, but don't worry! They're super rich and will give you a very generous present!"

The "very generous present" turned out to be an icky frame from the dollar store.

 

[CRYSTAL24K]

We paid for our wedding together. My father blessed us with a significant gift which covered our honeymoon and much more.