why a surprise shower is a bad idea!

[sumbride]

So my shower itself isn''t a surprise... I know it''s being planned and what day... but I didn''t know anything else. Luckily one of my bridesmaids let it slip this weekend that they were planning to have a "margarita tasting" at my shower. Sounds fun, and totally me, but is a terrible idea because my sister, the recovering alcoholic with a penchant for margaritas, who has never visited me in this area, is planning to come. Along with her 16 year old daughter. Plus we''ll have a 14 year old cousin there. I immediately said "NO!!!" and then called the MOH and told her the same. She said "OH!" and said she''d stop it. She doesn''t drink much herself, so it wasn''t her idea, but I told her she was in charge!

Luckily it''s still early enough for them to nix it, but I can just imagine how upset I would have been knowing my sister was uncomfortable with something that didn''t need to be done. It''s ok to serve alcohol around her, but to have it be a major focus of the event, especially when it''s something that is a trigger for her, is such a BAD idea... I can''t even begin to explain how bad an idea it was. They know some of her history, but they''ve never met her, and since they didn''t discuss the plans with me, they thought it would be great. I said "for the bachelorette, it will be great! but not for the shower."

So for those who think they know the bride really well... just be sure you know the rest of the story too! And if you have a situation like mine, speak up now. I figured they knew my alcoholic sister was coming since I was excited she was actually going to come see where I live, but they didn''t connect it to "no drinking games".

 

[Independent Gal]

Good save, Summer.

And kudos to your sister for being so strong and staying dry. People who master their addictions are my heros.

 

[princesss]

I''m glad you were able to keep an eye on things for your sister. People are responsible for their own recovery, but there is no need to put temptation right in front of them!

And I''m with Independent Gal, people that overcome their addictions are incredible. Good for your sister!

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 6/18/2007 1:10:18 PM
Author: princesss
I'm glad you were able to keep an eye on things for your sister. People are responsible for their own recovery, but there is no need to put temptation right in front of them!


And I'm with Independent Gal, people that overcome their addictions are incredible. Good for your sister!

I agree w/Princess and IG.

Your bridesmaids meant well I am sure. It is sweet they are throwing you a shower.

 

[sumbride]

Thanks ladies! I''m incredibly proud of my sister. She''s had a horrible life for the last 20 years and came very close to dying a few years ago, but she is clean now and is slowly building her health back up. She''s not healthy yet, but they just determined that she doesn''t need a liver transplant and that''s as close to a miracle as we''ve had. She had a damaged liver due to illness before the alcohol, so it was only partially functioning as it was. After going through recovery, and then a nasty divorce, her life is looking up and I''m glad to finally know her again. I''m so excited she''s coming to visit (as long as the doctor says she can travel) and I want it to be nothing but positive for her. She can pass up a glass of champagne, but watching us with margaritas for 3 hours is just undue punishment.

My girls definitely meant well, but still, I''m glad I had a chance to say "NO!!!"

 

[Gypsy]

Definiately a great catch. WHEW! That''s would have been, at best, awkward and uncomfotable, and at worst a disaster. Kudos to your sister for her strength.

Why can''t they to virgin drink party? There are a ton of really good ones. And it''s fun making the cocktails and sitting around... but no booze.

 

[sumbride]

I might mention that, Gypsy, but it would probably best not to focus on cocktails, virgin or no. I''ve never been to a shower that did focus on the drinks, so I was kind of surprised! She says she''s fine with there being some alcohol as long as there are alternatives... but it''s the smell that really gets her.

 

[Gypsy]

Yeah... I see what you mean about the ''focus'' being on cocktails.

How about the girls so two ''signature'' virgin drinks and just serve them while focusing on something else?

I would do totally dry. Showers don''t need booze, IMO. A few fun drinks would be great though. And there is no odd man out then.

 

[sumbride]

Thanks Gypsy! That sounds like a good option. I''ll bring it up.

Also, in case you missed it, I posted an update on little grey and white cat in Family and Home.

 

[Gypsy]

I didn''t miss it honey. I just couldn''t post about it. I made a donation in his name though.

 

[IrishAngel7982]

Date: 6/18/2007 2:36:00 PM
Author: Gypsy
Yeah... I see what you mean about the ''focus'' being on cocktails.

How about the girls so two ''signature'' virgin drinks and just serve them while focusing on something else?

I would do totally dry. Showers don''t need booze, IMO. A few fun drinks would be great though. And there is no odd man out then.

Sum~
I''m so proud of your sister! I agree with Gyspy though...a shower doesn''t need alcohol...although it was a really cute idea! I think you made a HUGE save there. Go girl!

 

[onedrop]

Wow...sumbride...good catch! That could have been a very bad situation had you not been privy to the "slip." And how great of a sister you are to be sensitive to your sister''s needs. Sometimes we who aren''t fighting the addictions forget about the temptations for those who are. I think it would be really cool to have a signature drink served at the shower, like a combination of juices. I''ll have to keep that in mind for the next shower that I am a part of.

 

[HappyAnniversary]

You are an awesome sister to be looking out for her. I don''t have any first hand knowledge of additions (except chocolate) but I watched an Oprah show and they showed how visuals, smells, etc of the drug of choice triggers a "fire-storm" in the brain that just overtakes people and that avoiding these triggers was essential to recovery. They have actually done brain scans that show this, so much more is involved than what I thought was just will power.

 

[sumbride]

Happy - that''s so true... it''s a chemical reaction. It''s much more than just a matter of willpower... Willpower is important, but triggers are strong, especially with someone with such a long history of addiction.

Gypsy - thank you. Lightning was special, and I miss him already.