Why are we uncomfortable with being privileged, if we are?

[YadaYadaYada]

I just don’t understand why everything these days needs a label. Like what is the point of coming here and saying “I’m privileged because…..” what does it really matter? I’m sure that someone will point out my post is privileged, go ahead because you are just proving my point of labeling.

I’m totally prepared to be unpopular for this (hell I already am for some of my beliefs anyway) but IMO if someone is doing their best to be a good person, to put their best out into the world to make it better, then THAT is what matters not some classification that is defined by what criteria exactly? Oh right, it’s just subjective depending on the person defining it.

By the way, save the schooling because this is not a matter of ignorance, I just don’t agree with what is happening with society these days, it’s not a matter of being uneducated.

*Edited to correct punctuation

 

[Tonks]

So much interesting conversation happening here!

It seems that one of the first places we get tripped up talking about privilege is twofold: the bootstrap mentality, and the idea of struggle. Having privilege does not mean you didn’t work hard for what you have. It also does not mean you don’t struggle or that your life isn’t hard. It means that your life isn’t made harder because of the fact of your privilege.

Example: my skin is white. It would be easy for me to say that I have worked hard and therefore I have earned everything I have. While I may have worked hard, that absolutely does not mean I don’t have privilege on account of my white skin—that white skin affords me tremendous privilege in this country. It means that my family, going back generations, was privileged and able to accumulate wealth while profiting off the labor of people of color. That accumulated wealth benefits me today by having been passed forward in multiple ways: my ancestors were able to accumulate real estate, to be educated, to give money and other forms of inheritance to their heirs.

My white skin privileges me today in numerous ways—I am less likely to be pulled over by a policeman. POC are 63% more likely to be stopped and 115% more likely to be searched in a traffic stop.
https://sc.edu/uofsc/posts/2020/06/racial_disparities_traffic_stops.php#.YvZNGy8pCfA
https://abcnews.go.com/US/driving-black-abc-news-analysis-traffic-stops-reveals/story?id=72891419 (Note this article indicates that in some cities, the disparities are MUCH more significant.)

I am safer in childbirth (black women are 3.5 times more likely to die in childbirth than white women).
https://www.nih.gov/news-events/new...ghts-stark-racial-disparities-maternal-deaths
https://www.cdc.gov/healthequity/features/maternal-mortality/index.html

My pain is more likely to be treated in a medical setting.
https://batten.virginia.edu/about/news/black-americans-are-systematically-under-treated-pain-why
https://www.aamc.org/news-insights/how-we-fail-black-patients-pain
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0735675710001105

Does that privilege mean I don’t struggle or that my life isn’t hard? Nope. I absolutely struggle. At times my life is very hard. However, at no point in time have I struggled or has my life been difficult **on account of my skin being white.** And that is the definition of privilege. If my skin were darker, I would not be able to say the same, because I would be living with daily microaggressions and outright racism, both from people in daily interactions and from ways racism is baked into our systems.

What is the point of talking about this, multiple people have asked? Why bother? I suspect many don’t want to talk about it because it seems that the only thing that can come of this is to feel guilty. I offer to you that’s not the point. The point is to become aware of how systemic racism and white supremacy are baked into the very fabric of our nation, and to do what we can to change it.

Lastly, I would note that we all have complex identities, not reducible to skin color alone. Intersectionality is an important thing to understand, especially when talking about privilege. Gender, race, class, sexual orientation, physical ability, mental health, etc—all of these aspects of our identities are important and intersect when we start talking about privilege. I have isolated skin color above as an example, but none of these things stand alone in the real world. My experience as a white cis woman who is socioeconomically upper class and has mental health issues from depression is different than the experience of a hypothetical person where you change any of the variables.

 

[missy]

Privilege is a (an uncomfortable to talk about for some) reality in our society. Through all decades no matter where one lives in this world. Privilege has always existed. Those of us with more of it don’t always like to have it pointed out. It can seem invalidating to be told certain advantages (white skin to use Tonk’s example) helped get us to where we are. But it’s a fact. Privilege is a system that works well for those who have it and works against those who don’t. Fact.

 

[winnietucker]

This is a really good example. I’m privileged to have a great career and not be financially dependent on anyone else. But it doesn’t feel like a privilege when I’m still in the office exhausted and wrung out at 9pm and I’m single-handedly shouldering responsibility for every bill, cost and debt in my family.

I guess it’s all about how we frame it!

Kudos to you cause that sounds rough.

Last night when my kiddo was screaming his little head off, refusing to settle and go to bed, I tried to think of it as a privilege so I didn’t start crying with him.

I’m honestly not sure why you’re still arguing about this if you say you understood (albeit only when yssie explained it)? No one is dismissing struggle, in fact I said it probably 10x that it does NOT dismiss struggle. But to say that having your step parent having a single job, able to support their entire family and house, feed, educate, cloth, etc and have the other person not have to work when 90% of other families cannot survive on that same principle is not privileged? I think you are getting too caught up in the emotion of the word and not the principle of the concept. This isn’t a hit on you or your mother specifically. This is a societal notion.

I probably shouldn’t comment on the pregnancy/birth aspect as this is something I have not and will not go through. I do think what your friend said was unkind, but if she was for example suffering from infertility, I hope you’d be able to put yourself in her shoes and realize that yes - you have something that millions of women want and cannot achieve. Even if it’s hard. Again, just because you have struggles does. Not. Mean. You don’t have privilege.

I said I understood where you were coming from, not that I agree with it. I don’t have to agree with you just because I understand your point.

 

[missy]

I am going to share a personal story. This summer my (brilliant) 16 yo niece applied for an internship at the Coney Island aquarium. Right now she is interested in being a marine biologist or something similar. Her mom is a veterinarian. Long story short she was told that while she was the #1 top candidate who applied they had to go with diversity and she did not get the position. I was very disappointed for her as I knew how badly she wanted to do that internship. I spoke to her about it and she said Aunt Missy it's OK. I have so many other opportunities and advantages and I will be OK. In fact she went on to do an internship in Maine where she is now and she is loving it and learning so much. I am very proud of her. At her young age she recognizes privilege and understands it isn't fair. She is a mature thoughtful kind loving young lady and I know she will be a stellar adult.

 

[yssie]

I just don’t agree with what is happening with society these days,

I’m going to disagree strongly with this. I disagree strongly with your whole post but I’ll highlight just this sentence.


Yesterday I was chatting with someone I hadn’t spoken to in a while. He mentioned he was getting married. I said congratulations and asked where he’d met “him, her”?
Ten years ago it wouldn’t have occurred to me to ask if the partner was a “him” or a “her”. Let alone do it without thinking about it. That inclusiveness on my part is a product of what’s happened in society these days.

Recently a company email went out wherein someone took umbrage with an executive stating that “all employees are equal here”. My first thought was that obviously that’s not true, and that that mentality is very damaging to diversity and special interests groups.
It turns out that’s not actually what the executive said - it was a misquote - but my immediate reaction of “whoa, hold up, not cool” shows an awareness of the challenges #othered people still face that I wouldn’t have had ten years ago. That inclusiveness on my part is a product of what’s happened in society these days.

Last weekend I was looking at old family pictures with my parents. My parents got their photos printed at the drugstore and they’re honestly terrible - we’re all dark skinned and we look like flat dark lumps with blindingly white teeth. I pulled up a recent Tiffany ad on IG to show my mum - it’s got a very pale blonde woman next to a very dark man, and both look *vibrant*. Even just fifteen years ago, in the US northeast, it was normal for corner-store photo services to calibrate their film development against fair skinned models. The result - all of our family photos. That doesn’t happen any more. Representation matters. That inclusiveness is a product of what’s happened in society these days.


The definition of a “good person” is far from universal. Some parents view refusing routine childhood vaccines as “doing their best”. I don’t. Some spouses view withholding financial freedom from their partners as being “good for the family unit”. I don’t. Some people are anti-choice, and I’m sure they see themselves as “good people”. I don’t. My own opinions are clear from how I phrased those examples.
The definition of “good person” also changes with time, maturity, and exposure. Labels increase exposure to different ideals, and hopefully that increased exposure leads to increased acknowledgement and inclusiveness.

Edited.

 

[monarch64]

No one has ever followed me through a store because they suspected I was stealing. I’ve never worried about people turning their rings around into their palms when I approached. I don’t know what it’s like to be asked if someone can touch my hair or assume it’s ok to do so and not even ask. I rarely feel like the minority in a public setting.

I don’t feel defensive when I hear the word privilege nor do I feel guilt. I have spent a lot of time around those without the inherent privileges I possess and I’ve made a point of educating myself further than that so I’m not being insensitive and so I can be an ally. I don’t expect anyone to inform me of how I can be a better ally and why I need to. I listen and learn when people talk about the concept of privilege because they deserve to be heard. Nothing about any of this is difficult. The only thing I have to fear about the word privilege is losing mine.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Fair enough @yssie, “good person” is a subjective term and what I may define as good may differ from someone else.

Edited to add- I don’t want to be dismissive of your other point, I am not saying I disagree with EVERYTHING going on in society, a good deal of it though. If social awareness and acceptance have been brought to the forefront within the past few years then that is obviously a strong positive.

A good majority will probably disagree strongly with my post, I’m okay with it, if we can’t share honest feelings then there is no point in participating in an online forum.

 

[winnietucker]

I’m going to disagree strongly with this. I disagree strongly with your whole post but I’ll highlight just this sentence.


Yesterday I was chatting with someone I hadn’t spoken to in a while. He mentioned he was getting married. I said congratulations and asked where he’d met “him, her”?
Ten years ago it wouldn’t have occurred to me to ask if the partner was a “him” or a “her”. Let alone do it without thinking about it. That inclusiveness on my part is a product of what’s happened in society these days.

Recently a company email went out wherein someone took umbrage with an executive stating that “all employees are equal here”. My first thought was that obviously that’s not true, and that that mentality is very damaging to diversity and special interests groups.
It turns out that’s not actually what the executive said - it was a misquote - but my immediate reaction of “whoa, hold up, not cool” shows an awareness of the challenges #othered people still face that I wouldn’t have had ten years ago. That inclusiveness on my part is a product of what’s happened in society these days.

Last weekend I was looking at old family pictures with my parents. My parents got their photos printed at the drugstore and they’re honestly terrible - we’re all dark skinned and we look like flat dark lumps with blindingly white teeth. I pulled up a recent Tiffany ad on IG to show my mum - it’s got a very pale blonde woman next to a very dark man, and both look *vibrant*. Even just fifteen years ago, in the US northeast, it was normal for corner-store photo services to calibrate their film development against fair skinned models. The result - all of our family photos. That doesn’t happen any more. Representation matters. That inclusiveness is a product of what’s happened in society these days.


The definition of a “good person” is far from universal. Some parents view refusing routine childhood vaccines as “doing their best”. I don’t. Some spouses view withholding financial freedom from their partners as being “good for the family unit”. I don’t. Some people are anti-choice, and I’m sure they see themselves as “good people”. I don’t. My own opinions are likely very clear simply from how I phrased those examples.
The definition of “good person” changes with time, maturity, and exposure. Labels increase exposure to different ideals, and hopefully that increased exposure leads to increased acknowledgement and inclusiveness.

Edited.

Diversity and inclusion has been a huge push at my company and as a POC I definitely appreciate the thought behind it (the execution has been iffy IMO and I told them that much). There’s a huge difference in the way my company treats me vs the way my husband’s company (and the company he worked at prior) treats people. The effort to make D&I a priority is great and I hope more companies continue to do so. It’s a touchy subject though.

Fair enough @yssie, “good person” is a subjective term and what I may define as good may differ from someone else.

Edited to add- I don’t want to be dismissive of your other point, I am not saying I disagree with EVERYTHING going on in society, a good deal of it though. If social awareness and acceptance have been brought to the forefront within the past few years then that is obviously a strong positive.

A good majority will probably disagree strongly with my post, I’m okay with it, if we can’t share honest feelings then there is no point in participating in an online forum.

100% agree with your last comment. There are tons of places you can go online if all you want is an echo chamber. I think one of the big pros of PS is that people are so different and there are so many different opinions. It’s a jewelry forum but we can and regularly do chat about other topics. I also think it’s great that for the most part people here can disagree with one another and remain friendly.

 

[yssie]

if we can’t share honest feelings then there is no point in participating in an online forum.

Agree 100%.

 

[yssie]

I am going to share a personal story. This summer my (brilliant) 16 yo niece applied for an internship at the Coney Island aquarium. Right now she is interested in being a marine biologist or something similar. Her mom is a veterinarian. Long story short she was told that while she was the #1 top candidate who applied they had to go with diversity and she did not get the position. I was very disappointed for her as I knew how badly she wanted to do that internship. I spoke to her about it and she said Aunt Missy it's OK. I have so many other opportunities and advantages and I will be OK. In fact she went on to do an internship in Maine where she is now and she is loving it and learning so much. I am very proud of her. At her young age she recognizes privilege and understands it isn't fair. She is a mature thoughtful kind loving young lady and I know she will be a stellar adult.

I’m so sorry. The ultimate goal of diversity and inclusiveness is to be able to give the person most qualified the opportunity - after having ensured that race/gender/background doesn’t stand in the way of someone fulfilling their prerequisites. Taking the spot from your niece wasn’t fair to her. And whilst I’m proud of her for recognising that this won’t limit her, I’m also sorry that she had to experience that.

I see the problems. I don’t have any answers. But I also don’t want to dismiss the very real impact of being collateral damage from a system that’s still a work in progress - of child paying his father’s sins, so to speak. As a brown woman in tech there is no possibility that this would ever happen to me, and that’s not fair either.

Edit: I’m really glad they told her the reason she was denied - rather than her having to wonder if there was something she could have done differently.

 

[stracci2000]

I think privilege is a fuzzy concept.

If I am at a red light next to a new Mercedes, I might think that woman is privileged because she has a more expensive car, and I'm driving a 5 year old Nissan.
At the next red light, I might be next to a beat-up older car with dents. That driver might look at my Nissan and think I am privileged, because my car is newer.
Then I pass a guy waiting for a bus to get to his job. He doesn't have a car. He sees the beat-up older car and thinks that driver is privileged because he has a running car.
Then a homeless guy walks past the bus stop, and thinks the guy waiting for the bus is privileged because he has a job to go to with healthcare benefits.

But maybe the lady with the Mercedes is a selfish jerk, and the guy waiting for the bus takes food to the homeless on his day off, because he has a good heart.

So who is the real privileged person?

 

[Jambalaya]

I also think it’s great that for the most part people here can disagree with one another and remain friendly.

Except when we used to be able to discuss politics....

 

[Tonks]

I think privilege is a fuzzy concept.

If I am at a red light next to a new Mercedes, I might think that woman is privileged because she has a more expensive car, and I'm driving a 5 year old Nissan.
At the next red light, I might be next to a beat-up older car with dents. That driver might look at my Nissan and think I am privileged, because my car is newer.
Then I pass a guy waiting for a bus to get to his job. He doesn't have a car. He sees the beat-up older car and thinks that driver is privileged because he has a running car.
Then a homeless guy walks past the bus stop, and thinks the guy waiting for the bus is privileged because he has a job to go to with healthcare benefits.

But maybe the lady with the Mercedes is a selfish jerk, and the guy waiting for the bus takes food to the homeless on his day off, because he has a good heart.

So who is the real privileged person?

Lastly, I would note that we all have complex identities, not reducible to skin color alone. Intersectionality is an important thing to understand, especially when talking about privilege. Gender, race, class, sexual orientation, physical ability, mental health, etc—all of these aspects of our identities are important and intersect when we start talking about privilege. I have isolated skin color above as an example, but none of these things stand alone in the real world. My experience as a white cis woman who is socioeconomically upper class and has mental health issues from depression is different than the experience of a hypothetical person where you change any of the variables.

@stracci2000 I realize that privilege can be a complicated concept. It helps me to think about it in terms of intersectionality, like I said above. The various facets of someone’s identity combine to make their lived experience unique. While we all suffer, privilege indicates where we do not suffer on account of our gender, race, class, sexual orientation, physical ability, mental health, etc.

For example, as an able bodied person, I have privilege. I still suffer plenty in life, but that suffering does not come from my inability to access a building because it lacks a wheelchair ramp.

As a traditionally feminine-presenting cisgender female, I have privilege. Yes, I am a member of an oppressed group as a woman, but because I present as a traditional woman, I do not face hostility when I use the restroom that is designated for someone of my gender.

As a heterosexual, I have privilege. I am not concerned with whether my marriage will be invalidated by some political maneuvering.

As someone with white skin, I have heaps of privilege, some listed in my post above. In my experience, this is where people get really uncomfortable. We do need to look at the uncomfortable facts that for generations this country has had systems in place that have exploited people of color for the economic benefit of white people.

There are also ways I do NOT have privilege.

As a woman, my right to determine what happens to my body has been limited by the Supreme Court with the repeal of Roe.

As a woman, I still face numerous places in society where people ask for my husband’s opinion/permission before they will help me with something (contractors are notorious for this. This also happens to women who are seeking to have tubals).

As a woman with depression and anxiety, I am more likely to have my physical pain dismissed or chalked up to depression and anxiety by health care professionals.

At the end of the day, what I am hoping to convey is that the conversation around privilege should be nuanced and intersectional, and not a dualistic “who has privilege or not” type of thing.

 

[missy]

I’m so sorry. The ultimate goal of diversity and inclusiveness is to be able to give the person most qualified the opportunity - after having ensured that race/gender/background doesn’t stand in the way of someone fulfilling their prerequisites. Taking the spot from your niece wasn’t fair to her. And whilst I’m proud of her for recognising that this won’t limit her, I’m also sorry that she had to experience that.

I see the problems. I don’t have any answers. But I also don’t want to dismiss the very real impact of being collateral damage from a system that’s still a work in progress - of child paying his father’s sins, so to speak. As a brown woman in tech there is no possibility that this would ever happen to me, and that’s not fair either.

Edit: I’m really glad they told her the reason she was denied - rather than her having to wonder if there was something she could have done differently.

Thanks @yssie I agree. I’m glad they let her know so she didn’t second guess herself. Her attitude and perseverance and ability to adapt and roll with the proverbial punches will serve her well for her future. I’m glad she’s resilient.

I don’t have answers either but I’ll say it doesn’t infrequently go that way. Greg has been on the committee to hire and the rule is diversity and quotas. Over experience and expertise. And this is a top firm. Of course they want a good candidate but it’s not the top candidate over diversity.

I know when I’m going to a physician (as an example) I want a top doctor. I don’t care what race, religion, creed, etc they are.

We have a long way to go to equality and I don’t think we’ll ever reach it. I know we won’t in my lifetime. But of course I’m a dreamer and I hope we keep striving for a better world.

 

[Matata]

Greg has been on the committee to hire and the rule is diversity and quotas. Over experience and expertise. And this is a top firm. Of course they want a good candidate but it’s not the top candidate over diversity.

This is ironic when appearing in a discussion about privilege. I ran into this issue when I was VP of HR and I diligently cataloged into subatomic particles the reasons one candidate was selected over another, especially when one of the candidates was a POC. What we need to remember is that often the caucasian candidate, due to various privileges mentioned upthread, has had opportunities to acquire experience and expertise that the POC candidate did not have due specifically to the systems allowing caucasian privilege. If caucasion privilege always prevails over diversity/quotas, we swim upstream against a defeating tide.

 

[missy]

This is ironic when appearing in a discussion about privilege. I ran into this issue when I was VP of HR and I diligently cataloged into subatomic particles the reasons one candidate was selected over another, especially when one of the candidates was a POC. What we need to remember is that often the caucasian candidate, due to various privileges mentioned upthread, has had opportunities to acquire experience and expertise that the POC candidate did not have due specifically to the systems allowing caucasian privilege. If caucasion privilege always prevails over diversity/quotas, we swim upstream against a defeating tide.

I am sharing what was said to my niece (she was the #1 top candidate but they had to go with diversity) and what was said to the hiring committee. I am not adding my thoughts or feelings. Rather just sharing what was said.

I agree with you in that the candidate chosen might not have had all the benefits afforded to them that the Caucasian candidates had. However I am not commenting on that and I stand by what I wrote earlier. When going to a doctor I want the very best doctor in that field. Period.

Again I don't have the answers but just sharing these experiences.

 

[Matata]

However I am not commenting on that and I stand by what I wrote earlier.

I'm not arguing against or disagreeing with your comments. What the person told your niece was wrong, and frankly, I would have disciplined/fired someone who said such a thing to a candidate. It is an abuse of diversity principles. I hope when your niece is older and more experienced, she'll challenge those types of statements if she encounters them again. I'd wager that if she challenged the person who told her that -- asked to see policy where such determinations were mandated and how they were implemented -- she would have gotten the internship. It's just as likely that whomever made the decision didn't like your niece for some reason and used the diversity excuse to eliminate her. I've seen it done.

 

[missy]

I'm not arguing against or disagreeing with your comments. What the person told your niece was wrong, and frankly, I would have disciplined/fired someone who said such a thing to a candidate. It is an abuse of diversity principles. I hope when your niece is older and more experienced, she'll challenge those types of statements if she encounters them again. I'd wager that if she challenged the person who told her that -- asked to see policy where such determinations were mandated and how they were implemented -- she would have gotten the internship. It's just as likely that whomever made the decision didn't like your niece for some reason and used the diversity excuse to eliminate her. I've seen it done.

Well I’ll just agree to disagree with you.
You’re wrong Matata but that’s ok. You are entitled to your opinion even with not knowing the facts.

 

[Lookinagain]

What the person told your niece was wrong, and frankly, I would have disciplined/fired someone who said such a thing to a candidate. It is an abuse of diversity principles. I hope when your niece is older and more experienced, she'll challenge those types of statements if she encounters them again. I'd wager that if she challenged the person who told her that -- asked to see policy where such determinations were mandated and how they were implemented

But I believe there are companies who have to have a diverse employee pool to qualify for certain contracts, grants etc.

I've been reading this thread and I really haven't thought about all of this before. I knew I had been "lucky" in a lot of ways (family, good education, decent brain, etc), so I guess that is just a different word for privilege. But I do wonder, and don't know the answer, how you can "level the field" as the article that @telephone89 suggests:

Much of the literature on privilege by scholars such as Peggy McIntosh, Devon Carbado, and Dr. LHeureux Lewis advocates that we first acknowledge our privilege and then also refuse to be complicit in it. But for some in our dog-eat-dog capitalist world, getting ahead is the main objective -- and for them, any advantage is too valuable to give up.

When I look at people who refuse to accept that they have privilege, after they’ve been schooled about its existence and its problems, I no longer see an ignorant heart in need of enlightenment. I see a greedy soul holding on to anything that can put it ahead of others. To acknowledge that one has privilege can lead to the moral challenge of actively rejecting it.

How do you give up being more intelligent than someone else? Just like I can't make myself more intelligent, I also can't make myself less. Sure, some things about a person or society in general can be changed, but others just cannot. We can strive for racial equality, educational opportunity for all, etc. But we can't make everyone equal in all ways so how do you do away with those privilege that the article seems to to say should be given up? Maybe I'm just dense and am missing the point, but I just don't comprehend how you can reject all privilege.

 

[missy]

You’re right @Lookinagain we can’t make everyone equal. But we can make the opportunity equal for all. Or strive to.


I’ll add that once someone is at the corporate level if they’re not up to the demands of the job no one is doing anyone any favors hiring them based on diversity. At that level hiring the most qualified person, regardless of anything else, should be paramount. Just speaking from experience. And this is my opinion.

 

[missy]

But I believe there are companies who have to have a diverse employee pool to qualify for certain contracts, grants etc.

Bingo. That’s exactly right.

 

[Matata]

Well I’ll just agree to disagree with you.
You’re wrong Matata but that’s ok. You are entitled to your opinion even with not knowing the facts.

What am I wrong about? That what was said to your niece was unethical? I can bsr my responses only on the info you present.

 

[missy]

What am I wrong about? That what was said to your niece was unethical? I can bsr my responses only on the info you present.

The interviewers all loved her. It was the fact she’s white that she didn’t get the job. They have to meet certain diversity requirements. And my niece understands that. She wouldn’t have challenged that. She doesn’t disagree with that. She was disappointed of course but she’s amazingly mature imo. She does so much for others too. She’s a beautiful person in every way. It actually gives me hope for the future because I see so much ugly behavior especially these past 3 years.

I understand you can only base your responses on the info I present. I can’t share everything. I wish I could. But yeah she didn’t get that internship only because she is white. That’s what I meant when I wrote you’re wrong. Hope that clears things up.

 

[Matata]

But I believe there are companies who have to have a diverse employee pool to qualify for certain contracts, grants etc.

I think that's accurate. It is bad form for that reason to be given to unselected candidates and, imo, has a malicious intent to instill criticism against diversity issues. In any situation and for any reason, it is sop to only say that another candidate has been chosen, thank you for your interest, and good luck in your future endeavors.

 

[Lookinagain]

n any situation and for any reason, it is sop to only say that another candidate has been chosen, thank you for your interest, and good luck in your future endeavors.

Well that's true. I'm in a position to hire people and I generally tell them that another candidate was chosen and if I say much more is that they had impressive credentials and I'll keep their resume on file.

 

[Jambalaya]

I don't understand why some people have questioned why this discussion exists. We discuss a wide range of topics in Hangout, and the concept of privilege is relevant has huge relevance in today's culture. We are always talking about white privilege, cis privilege, and many other kinds of privilege. And the phrase "Check your privilege" is ubiquitous.

Perhaps that fact that some people are uncomfortable with this discussion goes to show that many of us are, indeed, uncomfortable with having privilege. I've noticed that a lot in society in general - many people are desperate to avoid being identified as privileged - and am interested as to why. For myself, I used to feel the same about my privilege but I've gotten tired of trying to hide it, and am more willing these days to admit to being very privileged in certain ways. I mean, I don't go round boasting about it, but don't tie myself in knots to deny it anymore if someone points out my privilege.

In other words, be who you are! There's nothing wrong with being privileged. Either you worked hard for it or were born with it.

 

[Lookinagain]

I don't understand why some people have questioned why this discussion exists. We discuss a wide range of topics in Hangout, and the concept of privilege is relevant has huge relevance in today's culture. We are always talking about white privilege, cis privilege, and many other kinds of privilege. And the phrase "Check your privilege" is ubiquitous.

Perhaps that fact that some people are uncomfortable with this discussion goes to show that many of us are, indeed, uncomfortable with having privilege. I've noticed that a lot in society in general - many people are desperate to avoid being identified as privileged - and am interested as to why. For myself, I used to feel the same about my privilege but I've gotten tired of trying to hide it, and am more willing these days to admit to being very privileged in certain ways. I mean, I don't go round boasting about it, but don't tie myself in knots to deny it anymore if someone points out my privilege.

In other words, be who you are! There's nothing wrong with being privileged. Either you worked hard for it or were born with it.

I understand what you are saying. I was just thinking that I usually equate the word "privilege" with having money. That may not be correct, but it's generally the first thing that comes to my mind. I'm a transplant having moving to New England from Florida via other southern states and the midwest. I found it interesting when coming to New England that much of the "old money" folks would not appear that way. No designer clothes, old cars (usually Volvos , etc) So maybe the idea of exhibiting your privilege appears to be bragging so people don't want to show or acknowledge their privilege? Just a thought. Again, I don't know the answer, I'm just thinking about different things.

 

[Jambalaya]

I was just thinking that I usually equate the word "privilege" with having money.

Yes, a few years ago when you said that someone was "privileged" it usually meant that they grew up with money, and that's always how I understood the word too. But in my post I was talking about all kinds of privilege, in the more contemporary sense in which we understand the word. For example, the amount of privilege that a person's white skin confers in this country is truly astounding, and I freely admit that I have a ton of white privilege and that in this way, my life is easier than a BIPOC person.

 

[MissGotRocks]

I think that when people are labelled as privileged, it makes them feel like they need to apologize for it. Privilege comes in all forms and some are not in our control and some have been heavily influenced by our own work or actions. Privileged by virtue of your place of birth or race is totally out of your control. Acknowledging it is cool but we can't take credit for it or shame for it. Working hard and ascending to a level of privilege - at whatever threshold you deem that appropriate - is a bit different. Some folks would just call it luck without acknowledging the blood, sweat and tears expended to get to that point.
Personally, I feel that I have privilege on several levels (again, my threshold for same may be different from others) and am just thankful for it. I don't feel the need to apologize for it or be shamed by it. I know who I am and how I got here so I don't get tangled up in deep thought about it. I am grateful for what was conferred to me at birth and what I have worked for during my life. I am older now and things that might have seemed murky earlier in life seem rather crystal clear to me now. That is a privilege of growing older!!