Why does everyone know he has the ring???

[Dreamgirl]

I personally wouldn't want to know. Besides, he wouldn't tell me anyway because he wants to surprise me with a blindside

(that is, if I don't figure it out first)

 

[princesss]

Date: 11/16/2009 12:49:22 PM
Author: waterlilly
Skychick, I totally agree!

I don''t really see the excitement of ''he has the ring, when will it happen'' being even remotely close to the excitement of being totally swept off your feet with a true surprise.

Having me pick out stone & design the ring would have been - well, just weird in my mind. That isn''t how I pictured my engagement going down, ever.

It is so easy to find out what your girlfriend likes in terms of stone shape/size (IF you pay attention! or have her girlfriends do the work for you!) and pick a diamond, have it set in a very simple setting to propose with and then let the girl change it or pick out the forever setting after the fact, why not just do that and have the moment be a total surprise instead of doing all that ahead of time?

And once you have the ring and both people know about it - what the heck is the point of waiting?!

Times are changing I guess!

I think the thing is, nobody can have it both ways, and it varies so much from person to person. Personally, I want to be proposed to with *the* ring. The right stone, the right setting. It would make me really sad to get a ring, then have to ship it off for 6 weeks to get it set. So I''d get the excitement of a proposal, followed by him saying, "Okay, sweetie, here''s your ring...oops, just kidding, can''t have it for another month and a half. But aren''t you proud of me for surprising you?" No thanks. In that respect it''s MUCH easier to pick something out from a B&M - instant gratification.

One of my friends just got a total surprise proposal - she wanted it really badly (was definitely getting a case of LIWitis), but had no clue he had the ring. When he actually proposed, he spent several minutes explaining that, "No, honey, this actually is a real proposal. I''m seriously down on one knee, this is a diamond ring, please marry me." It makes me giggle to think about, but I know she went through a lot of turmoil and knowing he was saving/had the ring might have helped alleviate some of that tension.

Ultimately, I think it''s almost always going to be an exciting moment, total surprise, mostly a surprise, kind of a surprise, or no surprise at all!

 

[lilyfoot]

I already replied to this thread, but felt a need to come back and say more ..

Skychick, I see your point of view, but what you have to understand is that not everybody is the same. What''s right for YOU is not right for the next girl. Not all of us have dreamed about the moment for years, not everyone likes surprises, some girls are more picky about jewelry than others, etc. I don''t think anybody would like to see their BF waste money on a low-quality diamond/ring, and I know that''s one of the main reasons the girl may know about the ring. We''re all different, and that''s what makes the world go ''round

I think that before a guy makes that decision to ask a girl to marry him, the couple should have had discussions about the future beforehand. There are many important things that need to be discussed that, IMO, should be done BEFORE engagement takes place. Therefore, it can never be a true "surprise", because the couple should have already established that they want to spend the rest of their lives together, KWIM?

Also, I wanted to add that I don''t sit around every day thinking "Is THIS the day?". I realize some/a lot of girls on this board do that, but not all of us! I enjoy all the time I get to spend with my BF, and a proposal isn''t anywhere on my mind for the most part (unless we''re talking about marriage stuff).

 

[turboflgrl]

Date: 11/12/2009 2:54:29 PM
Author: Skychick
Thanks for sharing with me. I guess I am lucky I like the jewelry my BF picks out.

I like the jewelry my BF picks out as well and he knows my taste VERY well. It''s not that I don''t trust him to pick out something nice, but I want it to be a 50/50 thing just as I see a marriage as a 50/50 thing.... I personally want it to represent my BF and I 50/50. I think it''s a bit overgeneralized to assume that some of us are not kept in the dark about the ring simply because we don''t trust our BF''s to pick out something nice.

If that''s not what you meant, sorry ahead of time. I just read it that way.

 

[Skychick]

I didn''t mean women don''t trust their men to pick out a ring w/o them. I just said that b/c I might feel different if he had horrible taste...

Yes, I have stated that I don''t want to pick out a ring with him. However, I never said that I didn''t "accidentally" email pics of rings to him.

We have also had all the important conversations - we have been together 6 years. I just don''t want to talk about the actual ring/proposal itself. KWIM??

I know people are different, that''s why I asked. I just wanted to understand their point of view.

 

[4ever]

My BF has the ring.

We chose it together. We went out ring shopping to see what I might like in the future and found ''the ring''. He bought it and we decided he''d keep it till the time was right.

I wouldn''t enjoy being surprised by a peice of jewlery that I will wear for the rest of my life, nor would I want to be surprised by a marrige proposal but it''s totally up to him to surprise me with the where, when and how if he wants.

Also, like I''d let him have all the jewlery shopping fun

 

[AustenNut]

Date: 11/14/2009 8:52:05 PM
Author: jeg80
AustenNut- It was SUPER hard to wait all that time but I knew that it was coming so I tried my hardest to be patient. He actually proposed last night

Congratulations Jeg80!!!

 

[jeg80]

Thanks AustenNut

ETA: now if only I had a camera to take some pics of my ring

 

[janinegirly]

Date: 11/11/2009 1:10:55 PM
Author:Skychick
I have only been on this board for a few months but there is something that bothers me. Why does everyone know he has the ring and is holding on to it?? Does he come home one day and say ''Well, I have the ring now''? WHY??

I want absolutely NO IDEA the ring has been purchased. I want to just enjoy my time with bf instead of constantly wondering if today is the day.

I don''t mean to offend, I just don''t get it.

Didn''t read all the responses so sorry if I repeat others, but I think it''s b/c a lot of ladies in this forum are jewelry buffs and have some inovlvement in the ring search and sometimes purchase. By being involved on that level, it is more likely they''d know it was purchased and showed up (if they weren''t flat out told).

I think I''m unusual (on this forum) in that I was not involved at all--gave no clues as to what style I wanted and other than bugging him on timeline (ok bugging is an understatment) I was very much in the dark. I also preferred it that way in that I''m quite traditional and also b/c I wanted HIM to make the effort (he can be passive at times). Bad part is I was so in the dark that it made the anxiety even worse...but worked out in the end!

 

[ts44]

I don''t get the guys that taunt either. For something as important as choosing to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you''d think they''d approach the situation with appropriate maturity. A little bit of funning around is ok, but I''ve read stories on here of guys that hold the ring over their girlfriend''s heads like some kind of sparkly carrot on a stick, which is the epitome of lame in my book.

I knew that my fiance was purchasing a ring, what I didn''t know was when it would arrive, and when he would propose, so it was still a surprise and I still cried like a complete sap.

Once we picked it out, he said "you are now officially out of the loop!" and would not say a word of it to me at all until it popped up in my face one evening.

 

[lucyandroger]

Date: 11/16/2009 4:52:35 PM
Author: Skychick
I didn''t mean women don''t trust their men to pick out a ring w/o them. I just said that b/c I might feel different if he had horrible taste...

Yes, I have stated that I don''t want to pick out a ring with him. However, I never said that I didn''t ''accidentally'' email pics of rings to him.

We have also had all the important conversations - we have been together 6 years. I just don''t want to talk about the actual ring/proposal itself. KWIM??

I know people are different, that''s why I asked. I just wanted to understand their point of view.

That''s how it started for me but then when I saw that he couldn''t tell the difference between different shapes of stones or styles of rings, I realized I wanted more involvement! haha

For me it was a slippery slope towards being a full on partner in the ring choice. Now I can''t imagine it any other way and when I think of the ring he might of gotten me on his own

...I''m soooo glad!

 

[jaylex]

Date: 11/16/2009 5:13:47 PM
Author: 4ever
My BF has the ring.

We chose it together. We went out ring shopping to see what I might like in the future and found ''the ring''. He bought it and we decided he''d keep it till the time was right.

I wouldn''t enjoy being surprised by a peice of jewlery that I will wear for the rest of my life, nor would I want to be surprised by a marrige proposal but it''s totally up to him to surprise me with the where, when and how if he wants.

Also, like I''d let him have all the jewlery shopping fun

Ditto to this!
picking out the diamond and the setting together was one of the most romantic and fun experiences of my (now) fiance and my relationship.

Plus the way we saw it, If I wanted to buy him a car that he had to drive EVERY DAY for the rest of his life I would totally want him to help me pick it out! He knows a lot more about cars than I do and he def. knows what features he likes.
Buying a diamond is a large purchase.. and since he wouldn''t keep me from helping him pick out a house or a new car or something, he was not about to leave me out of picking my dream ring that I will be wearing.

In our relationship, we do everything together. We wanted my ring to reflect that.

So yes. I saw, held, touched the ring before he proposed (didn''t wear it on my ring finger tho, lol).. and yes I knew a proposal was coming eventually but yes, I was "swept off my feet". His proposal was in no way tainted by my knowing what the ring was going to look like.. https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/girls-i-dont-think-i-can-be-list-keeper-anymore.125048/

So not only do I have wonderful memories of the proposal, but of the events and ring picking process leading up to it.. and I wouldn''t have it any other way!

And that''s my 2 cents lol.