Why is everyone getting divorced?

[AmeliaG]

My husband was recently hit on by a female acquaintance who knows he is happily married and was not looking to stray...didn't stop her from trying though. Makes me sick.

But he had the choice to say no and he did. Your husband was a real man and acted like it. I really don't have sympathy for married men who have affairs and then blame it on the 'seductive' actions of their mistress. Arnie didn't have any control over what this woman did but Maria surely could have expected him to have control over what he did. There's got to be a point where the man takes responsibility for his own actions regardless of what situation he was in.

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I agree with you 100%, however, I think they are both equally to blame, but he is the one getting hung out to dry, while she seems to be getting a free pass. She was married too! So Maria wasn't the only one cheated on.

Seems this way across the board too, with other guys, why aren't the women being held accountable in the same way, for becoming involved with a married man?

Interesting question, I think if the woman was married at least her husband would hold her accountable. Men tend to have less tolerance for their wives having affairs much less giving birth to a child that is not his. I'd be curious to see what happened to that marriage. But I think the real answer to your question re: public condemnation is that Arnie is a public figure and so is his wife; whereas no one heard of the maid before. If the other woman is also a public figure (like Elizabeth Taylor when she went off with Eddie Fisher), she wil also get a lot of public condemnation. Elizabeth Taylor definitely caught a lot of flak.

 

[Sparkly_Not_Gaudy]

I just read about the separation of Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger, and wondered, what is going on?
*******Well, he's a sex crazed pig of a man and she overlooked his dalliances for far too long, IMO. Shame, shame on him AND the woman who cheated with him!

I've been seeing more and more celebrities getting divorced. Elizabeth Hurley just got a divorce, Eva Longoria, Olivia Wilde, Courtney Cox and David Arquette, Christina Aguilera, Jaime Pressly, Kate Winslet, etc etc.
*******So many of them get married FAR too fast, are too young, have baggage by the truck load they have not dealt with or do not have anyone who is a good example and encourages them to remember the 'through good times and bad' portion of their vows. I am an addict to People magazine and recently read where they said 'long time boyfriend' in relation to someone and they'd been dating less than three months. THREE MONTHS!! If that is long term, then a several year marriage is about 'for life' I'd guess.

I realize that some get divorced because of adultery, different types of abuse and other factors that one can't control, so I'm obviously not questioning those, and i'm not speculating on specific cases as to why they're getting divorced. It's more of a general question.

Something struck me with Maria Shriver, and it got me thinking. She was a guest on the Oprah-show a while back, and she was so careful to make her marriage appear as the perfect union, and how she and her husband are frisky with eachother like they were newly-engaged etc. And then I read on People magazine's website today where it said that she'd been miserable for years, and I see this with a lot of people, not only celebrities, how they try to make they're marriage look like something it's not.

I'm not only questioning celebrities, but also "real life" people, why do people try to make their union seem like perfect and act like they're deliriously happy and talk very openly about their very active sex life, only to get a divorce a few months or a year later? And then coming clean about the *real* dynamic of their relationship.
*******I have been married almost 21 years. I have always loved my husband. I have NOT, however, always liked my husband. There are highs and lows. There are great times and there are less than great times. Anyone who gushes about how life is perfect is a liar in my opinion. I do not believe there is such a thing. That someone is never upset or hurt or disappointed or sad or angry or a million other emotions. My mother told me when I was engaged that people who talk about sex are those having it least and that what couples did in their alone time should be kept private. My very best friends only know for sure I've had sex twice because I've had two pregnancies, lol. It is not something you should have to discuss publicly and for shame on any interviewer or interviewee for even going there.

I realize that most of us on PS (including me) are in longterm relationships, marriages, partnerships, and people come here to find advice on engagement rings. So I know it's a "weird" place to make an attempt to start a discussion on this topic, but I found it interesting, and thought perhaps it would make an interesting discussion.

So...
What is marriage?
*****For my DH and I it is a lifelong committment to being invested 100% in our relationship and not cutting things short by thinking it is 50/50. It is remembering the core foundations of friendship that we built our relationship upon and that the ardor and lust isn't something you have to feel without end for a marriage to be viable, but rather that we both can't imagine sharing the best and the worst that life has to offer with anyone else in the way we do with one another.

Is it a lifelong monogamous romantic marriage/relationship? if yes, is it a realistic goal?
*******I think that it is, but not just by luck. It is through dedication, focus and the absolute respect of each of us for the other. I could never be deceitful with my husband about even a small thing, I certainly could not do that in an emotional or sexual affair with another and I trust him when he says the same is true for him, with me.

Does the dynamic of a relationship change over the years?
******Thankfully, yes. We are not the same young, high-energy people working on MBAs, buying a first home and having children that we were in 1990. We have been as solid as an oak in our core selves, but as fluid as a river reed in our adaptation to the changes of life, we flux and move together. We are honest and open communciators. We have our disagreements, but about the issue, not through attacking one another verbally. We're almost empty nesters now and our careers are exceptionally well established, we are within sight of paying off our mortgage and looking at what the next stage in life might be. But we never explore paths of 'me' and 'you', we explore paths of WE where each of us is represented and fulfilled. Sometimes I row the boat, sometimes it is him at the helm, but we're in the boat together! We're absolutely individuals, but our core focus in about US, not about ME (spoken from each person).

Why is the divorce rate so high?
*******Because people want easy and magic and fairy dust in marriage. They somehow didn't get the memo that marriage is work, not an everlasting holiday. I know women who are more concerned with the ring they are getting than the man giving it to them. I have known men who want to get married so they don't have to deal with certain unpleasant points in life now that mamma is no longer doing laundry, cooking and cleaning for him. My husband met a man who, in not so many words, effectively said he got married because he was sick of having to pay his rent by himself and only had a 1 bedroom so a roommate was out. I think that people expect their spouse to be the answer to all that ailed them, and that is not how it works. I think people believe problems end if you just get married/have a baby/have another baby...and yet those are far from salves for wounds.

Divorce has also lost it's shame. There was a time when it was said in hushed tones and now it is almost as if people celebrate it. YEAH FOR YOU FOR LEAVING YOUR SPOUSE AND STARTING OVER! And frankly, unless there was abuse, I think that is hooey. I am 100% for divorce in cases of abuse. No one should ever stay with an abuser. Ever. But something tells me the huge numbers of divorcing couples has little to do with abuse, and more with selfish wants and desires.

 

[nkarma]

[quote="Ara Ann|1305811469|2925600-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I agree with you 100%, however, I think they are both equally to blame, but he is the one getting hung out to dry, while she seems to be getting a free pass. She was married too! So Maria wasn't the only one cheated on.

Seems this way across the board too, with other guys, why aren't the women being held accountable in the same way, for becoming involved with a married man?

good Q Ara Ann,but of course we are not going to get any answers since PS is a 90% women forum.[/quote]

What is funny is that you tend to see people on Jerry Springer, etc... that are so much more mad at the woman than their bf/husband. I don't get that either as the woman doesn't know you and the husband is the person who vowed to be your life partner. Yes it is unethical for any woman to knowingly sleep with a married man, but it is whole another level for your spouse to betray you that way.

As far as Arnie is concerned, I am not surprised and Maria shouldn't be either given past accusations against him. The women I know who are in relationships with serial cheaters chose to deny it for their own reasons. There are usually plenty of signs.

 

[ForteKitty]

Interesting article. Power, not genter, makes people more likely to cheat: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43083163/ns/health-behavior/

 

[AmeliaG]

Yes it is unethical for any woman to knowingly sleep with a married man, but it is whole another level for your spouse to betray you that way.

Funny, this is what my mom said about the infamous Chales-Diana-Camilla triangle. When people said, how could Camilla do that to Diana? my mom would say, Well, Camilla didn't owe Diana anything; Charles, on the other hand... ....hmm, you get the point.

 

[AGBF]

I'm not unhappy when the conservatives turn on each other. In my opinion, they deserve each other.

"Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin slammed former California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger late Wednesday over the recent revelation that he fathered a child with a household employee while married to Maria Shriver.

Palin called his behavior 'irresponsible' and 'disgusting' when asked to weigh in on the scandal during an interview on Fox News Business.

Though both GOP former chief executives are on the same side of the political aisle, they're not strangers to trading political jabs. But Palin felt comfortable taking a personal shot at Schwarzenegger, who has poked fun at her political views in the past.

'I feel so bad for his children,' she said.

'It must be quite embarrassing for them, and, you know, it's an irresponsible and really a pretty disgusting thing that he did, pretty much denying that he had a child for ten years.'

The 2008 Republican nominee for vice president and potential 2012 presidential candidate dealt Schwarzenegger, who left office in January, one parting blow.

'That's how I look at it. It speaks to his character. It's sad'."

AGBF

 

[Imdanny]

She was a guest on the Oprah-show a while back, and she was so careful to make her marriage appear as the perfect union, and how she and her husband are frisky with eachother like they were newly-engaged etc.

TMI! (even if PR inspired!). Blech!

I'm not sure everyone is getting divorced. I can't get legally married but I definitely have zero plan to not stay together forever.

Celebrities have always been married/ divorced/ married/ divorced. That's nothing new.

I don't know. All I can say after being in a relationship for 16 or 17 years (we're having a disagreement about that and trying to determine which is right) is that it's hard work. It takes so much of yourself to give to the other person. So many of the ideas one had about what it was supposed to or could be have been turned upside down and right-side up again. A relationship until death do us part is definitely not easy.

I'm sorry but I wasn't able to read all the responses before gaging on the thought of Arnold being "frisky" and writing this post and I may have responded in this thread previously and if this is the case please accept my most sincere apologies for having the attention span of a fruit fly.

 

[Imdanny]

I'm not unhappy when the conservatives turn on each other. In my opinion, they deserve each other.

Deb for President!