Will Mama give her blessing? Help!

[mimzy]

so you''re 20....and he''s 29....and you moved in together after 1 month?


i''m glad you''re planning a long engagement.

 

[bee*]

I totally agree with the other girls-if you want to wait a good bit before you get married, why get engaged now. I would have married D straight away if he had asked after a few months, that''s because almost every relationship is great at that stage. You can''t see how things can fall apart as everything feels so good. However there''s a reason it''s called the honeymoon period as it doesn''t last forever. I would recommend waiting until that feeling passes before you get engaged. As Indy said, you have to see how you two last through some tough times, some fights etc. Glad that you mom was ok about things, but really slow down a tiny bit and enjoy the dating phase.

 

[sunnyd]

I met my ex at 18, "knew" we wanted to get married 6 months into the relationship. Everything was peachy until 2 years later when I started realizing that we''d grown far far apart. 2 years after that I broke up with him because I wasn''t the same person I was at 18. He was 3 years older, lived alone, established. I basically moved from my parents to his house, which was a terrible move.

It''s kinda concerning that he''s so much older combined with the fact that you don''t have a father figure?

 

[ladypirate]

The fact that he''s 9 years older than you and wants to marry you that quickly seems odd to me. That''s a BIG difference at your age. Also, the guys I''ve known who have dated girls still in college (after being out for a while) have tended to be either way immature or REALLY needy. Someone who says "I can''t live without you" might sound like they''re being romantic, but it''s not a healthy mode of being. Does he have many other friends and outside interests? If it''s just you, school, and work, that''s a big red flag.

I don''t know you, so I can''t speak to your specific situation, but I highly recommend waiting for a few years before making such a big decision. I dated my college sweetheart for almost 4 years before we broke up because we had both changed so much and it just wasn''t right anymore. 20-25 are some of the most life-altering years for most people. Why not wait for at least a year or two and make sure that this is really the person you want to see every day forever.

 

[zoebartlett]

I don''t mean any disrespect to anyone who has done this but I don''t understand promise rings. It''s a promise to get engaged someday, right? I''m not sure I see the reason for this. I think just going slowly and seeing where things lead to is exciting enough, without a ring being attached. Maybe it''s just me though...

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 1/18/2008 6:38:25 AM
Author: ZoeBartlett
I don''t mean any disrespect to anyone who has done this but I don''t understand promise rings. It''s a promise to get engaged someday, right? I''m not sure I see the reason for this. I think just going slowly and seeing where things lead to is exciting enough, without a ring being attached. Maybe it''s just me though...

I guess it''s a step in between dating and getting engaged...like you''re absolutely committed to each other, but not ready for marriage yet? That''s how I see it. Mostly for younger couples. An ''I promise to get you an engagement ring one day'' ring. Hahaha.

 

[EricaR]

Date: 1/17/2008 6:58:33 PM
Author: sunnyd
I met my ex at 18, ''knew'' we wanted to get married 6 months into the relationship. Everything was peachy until 2 years later when I started realizing that we''d grown far far apart. 2 years after that I broke up with him because I wasn''t the same person I was at 18. He was 3 years older, lived alone, established. I basically moved from my parents to his house, which was a terrible move.


It''s kinda concerning that he''s so much older combined with the fact that you don''t have a father figure?

This is EXACTLY what I went through. When I was 18 I started dating someone I had been friends with during High School. We were together almost all the way through college, but about two years into it I realized that both of us had changed so much that we were no longer the people we had been when we started dating.

Lucky Ducky - I am not going to tell you that you are too young, just that I wouldn''t rush things. People change drastically between 20 and say 25/26 and while there is a possibility that the two of you may grow and change to complement each other even better there is always the chance that the opposite will happen. Looking back, I hardly recognize the person I was at 20 or even the person I was at 24.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 1/21/2008 10:35:47 AM
Author: EricaR

Date: 1/17/2008 6:58:33 PM
Author: sunnyd
I met my ex at 18, ''knew'' we wanted to get married 6 months into the relationship. Everything was peachy until 2 years later when I started realizing that we''d grown far far apart. 2 years after that I broke up with him because I wasn''t the same person I was at 18. He was 3 years older, lived alone, established. I basically moved from my parents to his house, which was a terrible move.


It''s kinda concerning that he''s so much older combined with the fact that you don''t have a father figure?

This is EXACTLY what I went through. When I was 18 I started dating someone I had been friends with during High School. We were together almost all the way through college, but about two years into it I realized that both of us had changed so much that we were no longer the people we had been when we started dating.

While I totally respect the opinion, experiences and advice of the LIWs and BIWs in their 30s, 40s and so on, I want to remind you that not every woman and couples are the same. J and I met at 17/21, but 5 years later we love each other more than we did when we started dating, more than I thought I could love anyone. Yes, we changed, but we changed in the same direction. We just had our marriage preparation classes this weekend and we are completely ready to be married. So it is possible.

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 1/21/2008 12:08:58 PM
Author: anchor31

Date: 1/21/2008 10:35:47 AM

Author: EricaR

Date: 1/17/2008 6:58:33 PM

Author: sunnyd

I met my ex at 18, ''knew'' we wanted to get married 6 months into the relationship. Everything was peachy until 2 years later when I started realizing that we''d grown far far apart. 2 years after that I broke up with him because I wasn''t the same person I was at 18. He was 3 years older, lived alone, established. I basically moved from my parents to his house, which was a terrible move.



It''s kinda concerning that he''s so much older combined with the fact that you don''t have a father figure?

This is EXACTLY what I went through. When I was 18 I started dating someone I had been friends with during High School. We were together almost all the way through college, but about two years into it I realized that both of us had changed so much that we were no longer the people we had been when we started dating.

While I totally respect the opinion, experiences and advice of the LIWs and BIWs in their 30s, 40s and so on, I want to remind you that not every woman and couples are the same. J and I met at 17/21, but 5 years later we love each other more than we did when we started dating, more than I thought I could love anyone. Yes, we changed, but we changed in the same direction. We just had our marriage preparation classes this weekend and we are completely ready to be married. So it is possible.

That''s the catch though is that you grew together and you were together for 5 years. Big difference from the OP who has only been with her BF for 4 MONTHS

and has a 9 year age difference with him as well. Most of the people who have shared negative experiences here have mentioned the 2 year mark being the make it or break it.

If she and her BF could make it to 5 years-they''d have my blessing. Of course then they would have been together for 5 years 4 months and she''d be 25 and him, 34. In other words-time is the answer.

It''s an awful experience to see someone who is under 25 getting a divorce. Been there, seen that, wouldn''t advise it for anyone.

 

[surfgirl]

pssssst! You''se guys...the OP aint here no more...

 

[FrekeChild]

pssst...I know...and I hope that she doesn''t come back talking engagement for at least a year

 

[bee*]

Date: 1/21/2008 1:11:52 PM
Author: FrekeChild
pssst...I know...and I hope that she doesn't come back talking engagement for at least a year

lol Freke! I agree with your previous post though. I met D at 17 and we're still together nearly 9 years later, but marriage was the last thing on my mind after being with him 4 months. I don't think it has so much to do with the OP being young, more to do with the fact that they are only dating 4 months.