Worst VOWS Column EVERRRRRRR

[decodelighted]

Think your wait is excruciating? Behold the featured couple in this weekend's NYTimes Vows column

Highlights:

* They didn't kiss FOR EIGHT MONTHS ... yes, they *were* dating.
* He's so squirrelly he wouldn't commit to a new MATTRESS & slept in a sleeping bag on TOP OF IT for a month before "deciding"

and ... my favorite part

"On March 10, 2007, minutes before the deadline, Ms. Lucas’s phone rang. “After five years, he wanted 20 minutes more!” Ms. Lucas wailed. Mr. Kass said he needed every second. The extra 20 minutes? Time to buy a ring. "

And, yes, she married him. OMG!

 

[HeadOverHeels4James]

WOW I feel sorry for them! haha I mean, gees the sleeping bag......no kiss? WOW that''s different; whatever floats your boat I guess!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Her life is going to be hell!

Can you imagine buying a house with this guy? Or even a car? Or making the decision to have kids?? She''s going to have to pull him and his dragging feet around all her life!

As an analyst who''s married to an actuary, we often laugh about our inability to make decisions so it''s not like I don''t understand, but seriously! The fact that he waited until the very last minute of the apparent deadline they''d created to think about buying a ring would send up so many red flags that I think a sea of red would be visible from satellites in space.

And that was the end of the dating relationship--there weren''t ANY kisses for 8 months? I think most would call it quits after 2 months--I think there is more going on with her than just being overly patient.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 6/17/2008 9:48:32 AM
Author: NewEnglandLady
I think there is more going on with her than just being overly patient.

Agree! And more going on with HIM ... rhymes with DAY. A guy who has to consult self-help books to decide how he feels about kissing a chick DOESN''T WANT TO KISS CHICKS.

The comments on Jezebel''s write up of it are hilarious ... including statistics about Male/Female ratio in the DC area leading seemingly normal, attractive, smart, successful gals into horrific set ups like this one.

 

[meresal]

How in the world did he decide on a ring in only 20 minutes?!?!?

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 6/17/2008 9:59:35 AM
Author: meresal
How in the world did he decide on a ring in only 20 minutes?!?!?

Obviously he didn''t care much about THAT decision. Speaks VOLUMES. (The mattress rated a month of nightly research).

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Haha, Deco, I think you''ve nailed this one on the head! Poor girl...sort of. I mean she went along with it.

 

[meresal]

Date: 6/17/2008 10:12:25 AM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 6/17/2008 9:59:35 AM
Author: meresal
How in the world did he decide on a ring in only 20 minutes?!?!?

Obviously he didn''t care much about THAT decision. Speaks VOLUMES. (The mattress rated a month of nightly research).

Very true... this decision had nothing to do with HIS preferences.

I sure hope he''s already started studying their friends kids... can you imagine how long THAT decision will take him.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 6/17/2008 10:12:25 AM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 6/17/2008 9:59:35 AM

Author: meresal

How in the world did he decide on a ring in only 20 minutes?!?!?

Obviously he didn''t care much about THAT decision. Speaks VOLUMES. (The mattress rated a month of nightly research).

Ditto to that one.

Hopefully they end up happy

 

[decodelighted]

I think its one of the first times I''ve felt SAD looking at people''s wedding pictures. How victorious does she look holding her bouquet in the air like that. Victorious ... but, happy? Who "won" here? I fear: no one.

 

[isaku5]

Deco, I need a good laugh this morning, could you provide a link to "Jezebel''s" column?

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 6/17/2008 10:58:42 AM
Author: isaku5
Deco, I need a good laugh this morning, could you provide a link to ''Jezebel''s'' column?

Sure ... Jezebel is this website ... and the ladies who comment there are as opinionated as our PS crew. Maybe even more so.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Date: 6/17/2008 11:02:16 AM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 6/17/2008 10:58:42 AM
Author: isaku5
Deco, I need a good laugh this morning, could you provide a link to ''Jezebel''s'' column?

Sure ... Jezebel is this website ... and the ladies who comment there are as opinionated as our PS crew. Maybe even more so.

I love it!

 

[Pandora II]

I have a suspicion that this man has quite severe Aspergers rather than being gay.

It would tie in with his job, his inability to pick up on body language and need to analyse everything to the smallest detail - plus an extraordinary lack of empathy.

 

[meresal]

Does anyone remember the movie, Along came Polly, with Ben Stiller and Jennifer Aniston? He was a risk analyist, and was comparing her risk level to his ex... I can only imagine that this is one of the tests he used in his "research".

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 6/17/2008 11:15:43 AM
Author: Pandora II
I have a suspicion that this man has quite severe Aspergers rather than being gay.


It would tie in with his job, his inability to pick up on body language and need to analyse everything to the smallest detail - plus an extraordinary lack of empathy.

That''s what I was thinking as well.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 6/17/2008 11:15:43 AM
Author: Pandora II
I have a suspicion that this man has quite severe Aspergers rather than being gay.

Well that''s an interesting idea ... didn''t consider that possibility. His, um, creative facial hair screamed "trying to be hip" & veered toward the metrosexual. Wonder if folks with Aspergers would be that attuned to fashion-y grooming details? My experience says otherwise, but I wouldn''t want to stereotype.

 

[meresal]

Date: 6/17/2008 11:33:44 AM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 6/17/2008 11:15:43 AM
Author: Pandora II
I have a suspicion that this man has quite severe Aspergers rather than being gay.

Well that''s an interesting idea ... didn''t consider that possibility. His, um, creative facial hair screamed ''trying to be hip'' & veered toward the metrosexual. Wonder if folks with Aspergers would be that attuned to fashion-y grooming details? My experience says otherwise, but I wouldn''t want to stereotype.

Aspergers? I don''t think I''ve ever heard of this. Is it like an extreme case of OCD? Anxiety?

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 6/17/2008 12:04:00 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 6/17/2008 11:33:44 AM

Author: decodelighted

Date: 6/17/2008 11:15:43 AM

Author: Pandora II

I have a suspicion that this man has quite severe Aspergers rather than being gay.

Well that''s an interesting idea ... didn''t consider that possibility. His, um, creative facial hair screamed ''trying to be hip'' & veered toward the metrosexual. Wonder if folks with Aspergers would be that attuned to fashion-y grooming details? My experience says otherwise, but I wouldn''t want to stereotype.

Aspergers? I don''t think I''ve ever heard of this. Is it like an extreme case of OCD? Anxiety?

It''s a condition on the autism spectrum: http://www.autism.org.uk/asperger

 

[Anna0499]

I agree that the most troubling thing about that article was that he spent a month thinking about a mattress and just 20 minutes for the ring, a symbol of his commitment/marriage to her. I would not like having to be "patient" until my SO decides he wants to marry me...but that''s just me.

 

[meresal]

Gwendolyn: Thank you for the link! I see that your dissertation date has been bumped up. Is that your own doing? Or an early vacation retreat by the professor?

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 6/17/2008 12:04:00 PM
Author: meresal

Aspergers? I don''t think I''ve ever heard of this. Is it like an extreme case of OCD? Anxiety?

Asperger''s is a high functioning form of autism.

I have mild Aspergers myself and the best way of describing it is that most people speak two languages - verbal and non-verbal. People with Aspergers have problems interpreting the non-verbal - things like body language, interpreting tone in speaking and tending to be very literal.

You can learn it, but it is like studying French!

Being extremely analytical, obsessive about hobbies and compiling large amounts of information tend to be fairly typical.

A lot of mathematicians and statisticians are somewhere on the Asperger''s/autistic scale. For some jobs it is extremely useful.

I wrote a long post on it in the Family section a while ago for someone who was worried that her son had it.

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 6/17/2008 11:33:44 AM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 6/17/2008 11:15:43 AM
Author: Pandora II
I have a suspicion that this man has quite severe Aspergers rather than being gay.

Well that''s an interesting idea ... didn''t consider that possibility. His, um, creative facial hair screamed ''trying to be hip'' & veered toward the metrosexual. Wonder if folks with Aspergers would be that attuned to fashion-y grooming details? My experience says otherwise, but I wouldn''t want to stereotype.

Some are, some aren''t. Of the people I know, those with more serious forms tend to be less interested than others.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 6/17/2008 12:27:33 PM
Author: meresal
Gwendolyn: Thank you for the link! I see that your dissertation date has been bumped up. Is that your own doing? Or an early vacation retreat by the professor?

The latter, I''m afraid! Hopefully it will make me kick my own butt into gear more, though, instead of freak me out totally.

 

[isaku5]

Thanks, deco! Jezebel''s comments are mild compared to those who responded. Too funny!

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I don''t know, at least they don''t use the bathroom together:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/15/garden/15buddhists.html?ei=5087&em=&en=af39203306d027ef&ex=1210996800&pagewanted=all

 

[misscuppycake]

I don''t have time to read the whole article but as for the kissing thing...one of my best friends will be going on to her SECOND year of dating the same guy and they too have not kissed. She is waiting for marriage. She''s crazy, but she''s successful so I look upon it with admiration.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 6/17/2008 9:29:13 AM
Author:decodelighted
Think your wait is excruciating? Behold the featured couple in this weekend''s NYTimes Vows column

Highlights:

* They didn''t kiss FOR EIGHT MONTHS ... yes, they *were* dating.
* He''s so squirrelly he wouldn''t commit to a new MATTRESS & slept in a sleeping bag on TOP OF IT for a month before ''deciding''

and ... my favorite part

''On March 10, 2007, minutes before the deadline, Ms. Lucas’s phone rang. “After five years, he wanted 20 minutes more!” Ms. Lucas wailed. Mr. Kass said he needed every second. The extra 20 minutes? Time to buy a ring. ''

And, yes, she married him. OMG!

I must confess that this story does SOUND a tad extreme, but I think I am more surprised by the judgmental reactions it is recieving!

Every couple has its own path, and commitment doesn''t come as easily for some as it does for others. I can only imagine how wonderful their relationship must have been for such idiosyncracies to not matter so much that they couldn''t make the relationship work!

If I am being honest... SO and I have been together for almost 5 years. We dated for 6 mos before we kissed. Yup, 6 mos. I could explain why, but it really doesn''t need justification, it was just our situation, and it worked out just fine. Fast forward a year later, and SO was in an apartment with an air mattress. Slept on it for a year as I begged him to get a bed (he didn''t want to pay a ton of money). He didn''t get one until he moved to a new place, at which point he got one for $25 on Craigslist. Was I thrilled? No, but there was nothing wrong with the relationship, so no big deal. I barely remember it anymore.

He (we) also didn''t say "I love you" for over 2 years.

Yup. Over two. And that worked for us. I knew he loved me, and I loved him, it just hadn''t been stated. Now he can''t stop saying the dang words!

These things sound NUTS to other people, but they don''t come close to describing the richness of our relationship, and to judge solely on a few quirky details would grossly misrepresent what our relationship has been. If you asked anyone who knows us, they would tell you that we have one of the most stable and balanced relationship that they know. We''re not perfect, but we seem pretty well suited for one another!

 

[rockzilla]

I have to admit that for the first 6 months my now fiance and I hung out (not dating!) we didn''t kiss...we were both convinced that the other person didn''t like us...even after analyzing all of the signals, I didn''t know...

But the part comparing the marriage to the fisherman snagging the trout is ridiculous!

 

[brooklyngirl]

Date: 6/17/2008 10:48:58 PM
Author: trillionaire

I must confess that this story does SOUND a tad extreme, but I think I am more surprised by the judgmental reactions it is recieving!

Every couple has its own path, and commitment doesn''t come as easily for some as it does for others. I can only imagine how wonderful their relationship must have been for such idiosyncracies to not matter so much that they couldn''t make the relationship work!

If I am being honest... SO and I have been together for almost 5 years. We dated for 6 mos before we kissed. Yup, 6 mos. I could explain why, but it really doesn''t need justification, it was just our situation, and it worked out just fine. Fast forward a year later, and SO was in an apartment with an air mattress. Slept on it for a year as I begged him to get a bed (he didn''t want to pay a ton of money). He didn''t get one until he moved to a new place, at which point he got one for $25 on Craigslist. Was I thrilled? No, but there was nothing wrong with the relationship, so no big deal. I barely remember it anymore.

He (we) also didn''t say ''I love you'' for over 2 years.

Yup. Over two. And that worked for us. I knew he loved me, and I loved him, it just hadn''t been stated. Now he can''t stop saying the dang words!

These things sound NUTS to other people, but they don''t come close to describing the richness of our relationship, and to judge solely on a few quirky details would grossly misrepresent what our relationship has been. If you asked anyone who knows us, they would tell you that we have one of the most stable and balanced relationship that they know. We''re not perfect, but we seem pretty well suited for one another!

I think most of the ladies are reacting to extreme indecision this guy was experiencing when it came to his wife. The fact that he needed to be given a deadline, and then negotiating an extra 20 minutes to get the ring. 20 minutes to buy an e-ring from a guy who can''t decide on what mattress to get? It''s one thing to hear "I''m not ready to get married yet, but we''ll do it eventually," but I can''t imagine how awful it feels to be with a guy who, after 5 years, still hasn''t decided if you are the one.

All relationships have their quirks, but it seems that this one is one-sided, where he takes what he can get, and doesn''t give a hoot about her feelings on the matter.