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Would you be disappointed with an eternity band as ER?

Would you be disappointed with an eternity band as ER?

  • Total voters
    143
Yes I would have been very disappointed. I don't see them as engagement-y at all but more something as an anniversary or later addition and for me, something I absolutely do not want. Having diamonds all the way round seems like a recipe for disaster given how I use my hands and my current wedding band is about as much vertical height I want between my fingers.
 
I received a solitaire for our engagement but we had not discussed rings at all. I loved it and wore it for close to 20 years. When we upgraded I chose a wedding ring as opposed to an e-ring and band. Now I would be fine with an eternity ring. But when I was engaged the expectation and the norm was a solitaire. I might have been very surprised by an eternity ring but I also might have liked that it was different.
 
Matthews1127 said:
^——This!!
I’d be disappointed if I was presented with something that gives no consideration to my personality, lifestyle, and preference.
Communication re: such intimate pieces of jewelry is essential to ensure the intended is smitten with what is presented, at the time. A serious conversation should take place to know what is expected/desired.
I knew I wanted an engagement ring. A soli, or 3 stone (the center stone a considerable/affordable sized EC). I didn’t care about anything else; it had to be an EC.
Size was subjective. I just wanted a beautiful EC.
DH knew anything other than an EC would have been disappointing. I made that easy...lol!
The rest was up to him.
If I had desired to have an eternity band, instead of a solitaire, I wouldn’t be disappointed.
I wanted a traditional looking ER, so, an eternity would have confused me....even an eternity of EC’s...lol!
Like others, I associate eternity bands with wedding bands and anniversary bands. It would most certainly appear as though I were married, not engaged.
To each their own. Whatever the heart desires.
My preference was a traditional ER.
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Precisely.
 
I would not say no to this, my mum's G/H VS 6-stone carré cut about 2.2cttw!

585969

It has been reset into a bracelet with 2 larger stones she kept aside as earrings for me, as I would not wear this as a ring.

DK :))
 
My parents got married without an ER. Just a simple platinum band because my dad didn’t have enough money for an ER. It didn’t matter. They are happily married 56 years later. My dad got her a beautiful ER when he was able to but it wasn’t necessary.

And I feel the same. Yes I was picky and changed ERs a few times but I would have married my dh without it. And I would give all my bling away in a heartbeat if it could buy my loved ones good health and happiness. I wrote this in another thread earlier today. Things don’t mean anything to me. Animals and people are important in life. Material things are not.
 
At this point in life I would be fine with it. When I was younger, not so much!
 
I would have been disappointed with a band instead of a more traditional engagement ring (solitaire, three stone, or even a colored gem solitaire/three stone would all be lovely.)

In my situation, it would have felt to me like an afterthought or him not paying attention to my preferences, or even being cheap.

I waited until I was on my feet financially to think about marriage. I had my own house which I had worked hard for, I paid my own way, etc. I only dated men who were also financially stable and working hard in their chosen career. I find men with ambition and professional success sexy. While I didn't (and don't) need an expensive ring to be happy, I want a certain amount of consideration and effort from a man if he wants to marry me. So an engagement ring that is appropriate to our financial level at the time of engagement is important to me, and him finding out what style I like and honoring my preferences is also important to me.

No, I would not have been happy with a band.
 
daisygrl said:
I am traditional. I would want a solitaire. It does not have to be big. 0.5ct or whatever he can afford but I want something on my finger from him.
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Well an eternity bad def would be something on your finger from him haha!

Me personally I would rather an eternity band than a .5 diamond solitaire! :)
 
anon34985 said:
Well an eternity bad def would be something on your finger from him haha!

Me personally I would rather an eternity band than a .5 diamond solitaire! :)
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Eternity band does not traditionally represent an engagement. Thus, I said I am traditional. And that was what OP was asking. I just answered it.
 
This is a great question. My partner proposed to me with a $10 ring from ebay and never planned on upgrading it.

So I would actually be more than happy with an eternity ring. I don't mind being different. But after all these years, part of me yearns for a diamond solitaire or a big rock. I know comparison is the thief of joy but I always felt a part of me was missing.

Anyway 10+ years later, he is definitely planning to get me a rock this year. Would have saved him a lot more money if he just an eternity ring from the start!
 
When we got engaged 16 years ago, all I really wanted for an e-ring was a three stone. My tastes have significantly changed since then, and I now adore eternities, having never considered one as an e-ring. Having reset into a 5 stone, I realise I love the band look. I wouldn't be disappointed, but at the risk of sounding like a spoilt turd, for me they would need to be decent size stones (.25ct+ each) with a narrow plain band, to really look like a bridal set. I do have an 8 pointer eternity RHR that I love, as it's understated and casual but quite blingy.
 
daisygrl said:
Eternity band does not traditionally represent an engagement. Thus, I said I am traditional. And that was what OP was asking. I just answered it.
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Haha yes I know, I was just joking around with you.
 
Are we all taking eternity band to mean stones alllll the way around, with no sizing bar? Do I have that correct? Because that would not have been good for me! No resizing, yikes!!

Like many comments before mine, at the time I would’ve been wanting an e-ring (I chose a sterling silver and labradorite very cool ring for $125)... and now I’m saving up for a 7-stone, 9-stone, or maybe even an eternity band! Lol! Because I want one now! But it would have been fun to show off before the wedding and have to explain.

Kudos to the fella who said that he’s going to present his beloved with an eternity band on their wedding night!! I would’ve LOVED that!!
 
I see eternity bands as something you get some years after the wedding
My mum got her's from Dad when i was born 7 years after their wedding in 1965

I may be with my love, over 20 years we have lived together but we are neither married or engaged

I would take the ring out of the cornflakes packet happily if he gave it to me, so yes id be more than overjoyed with an eternity band as an ER
If its got Diamonds and it sparkles that's sweet !
Actually my dream ER isnt a traditional looking ER anyway and id like just a plain wedding band like my parents had so it would go with anything
 
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While not usual to be given an eternity band for an engagement ring, it is nonetheless done here and there. Marilyn Monroe's baguette band from Joe DiMaggio is probably the most famous example of such.

I would have preferred to choose my own ring, but I nonetheless would have been thrilled to receive an eternity band for an ER. My husband is the kindest person I know, but he has a massive blind spot about jewelry. He just didn't see the point of spending more than about $30 on a ring, so I wound up with a sterling silver band rather than something I really wanted. The silver band doubled as my wedding ring. We could have afforded something much nicer, but my husband was adamant that jewelry is "a waste of money."

I was resentful of this for more than a decade. We wound up having a huge fight about this, and he bought me the ring that is in my avatar. But the upshot is that I don't have a huge emotional attachment to either the silver band, due to the resentment I associate with it, or to the breathtaking emerald ring I now own. I am a hugely sentimental person and I feel I missed out on an ER. I didn't want anything fancy or particularly expensive, but my husband set out his rules and that was that. It makes me really sad whenever I think about it. Irony of ironies, I got injured not long after receiving the emerald ring, so I've never even worn it outside of the house.

I'm sorry for the long reply. Yes, I would have fainted dead away from joy to receive an eternity band for an ER. :)
 
Emerald City said:
While not usual to be given an eternity band for an engagement ring, it is nonetheless done here and there. Marilyn Monroe's baguette band from Joe DiMaggio is probably the most famous example of such.

I would have preferred to choose my own ring, but I nonetheless would have been thrilled to receive an eternity band for an ER. My husband is the kindest person I know, but he has a massive blind spot about jewelry. He just didn't see the point of spending more than about $30 on a ring, so I wound up with a sterling silver band rather than something I really wanted. The silver band doubled as my wedding ring. We could have afforded something much nicer, but my husband was adamant that jewelry is "a waste of money."

I was resentful of this for more than a decade. We wound up having a huge fight about this, and he bought me the ring that is in my avatar. But the upshot is that I don't have a huge emotional attachment to either the silver band, due to the resentment I associate with it, or to the breathtaking emerald ring I now own. I am a hugely sentimental person and I feel I missed out on an ER. I didn't want anything fancy or particularly expensive, but my husband set out his rules and that was that. It makes me really sad whenever I think about it. Irony of ironies, I got injured not long after receiving the emerald ring, so I've never even worn it outside of the house.

I'm sorry for the long reply. Yes, I would have fainted dead away from joy to receive an eternity band for an ER. :)
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I totally understand this as my partner is the same. I resented him for years, especially seeing all my friends getting engaged. I just wanted something that would last and not some cheap costume jewelry.

He finally got me a sapphire ring as a compromise but I still never got a diamond e-ring. I would have been happy with a diamond something lol a 5 or 7 stone even. This year, he's definitely getting me a diamond haha after numerous fights and ultimatums.
 
I'm from Finland (hi!) and I think that e-ring and wedding band choices depend largely on surrounding culture. In Finland an e-ring is usually a plain band or something that you would consider as an anniversary ring in US. The wedding ring is the main "event", so it can be fancier like a diamond ring, an anniversary ring or an eternity ring. Nowdays young adults want more bling, so an eternity ring would be awesome as an e-ring! My engagement ring is a white gold band with a small diamond (0.01 CT) and my wedding band is a wider white gold band with diamonds (1/2 CTW). My friend's wedding band is a 1 CT diamond solitaire. It's beautiful! That size is considered as huge in Finland but there are always exceptions.
When you compare my rings to the greatness and awesomeness of PSer's beautiful rings, mine are so modest and low-key and it's ok. If I was an American, you can be sure that I would rock bigger stones! :)
 
@Emerald City
@maryjane04
I feel for you soooo much
my OH is very anti jewlery
Ive had to just learn to live with it
ive brought alot of my own he does not approve of
But i would love any kind of ring from him
I'd settle for a sweet little promise type ring for my pinky or a claddagh ring - something under $300 even
id be partial even to a rose quartz something or other
 
I would rather have a solitaire over an eternity ring because to me an eternity ring is something that would be given later on.

Engagement rings are not even a thing in my culture because a ring is given on the wedding day itself but given the choice I wouldn’t want an eternity over a more traditional solitaire
 
I think it's up to the wearer and the expectation of each.

Personally, I wouldn't want one. I don't find it comfortable and have owned one. I sold it and for weight or weather ring size fluctuating, not practical.

But, if I were to be given a band of some sort, I don't think it would be an issue. It's about something to represent the commitment, not the item. But I'm also different in that a four or six prong round brilliant solitaire wouldn't appeal to me either.
 
Daisys and Diamonds said:
@Emerald City
@maryjane04
I feel for you soooo much
my OH is very anti jewlery
Ive had to just learn to live with it
ive brought alot of my own he does not approve of
But i would love any kind of ring from him
I'd settle for a sweet little promise type ring for my pinky or a claddagh ring - something under $300 even
id be partial even to a rose quartz something or other
Click to expand...

Omg that's so true. Okay so after that $10 ring, I saved up for ages and bought myself a diamond ring (pre PS days). Since I had a diamond ring my OH thought, why would I need another one? Gah!

I feel the frustration. I'd settle on a sapphire ring while we saved for a house deposit but always told him I'd want an upgrade in the future.

I wish he was just a little more thoughtful the first time around. I would have been happy with a plain gold band.
 
Eternity bands are gorgeous, but I never wanted one for myself--I don't find diamonds going all the way around my finger to be comfortable, and I'm a klutz too. Besides, in the Western tradition, I associate engagement with a notable central stone. (Not necessarily a huge stone, just as the main focus of the ring.) Solitaire, three stone, halo, whatever, can be any color, but if a woman has it on her left ring finger, I read it as an engagement ring. I'd want people to read my ring the same way. If I only wore an eternity band, most people would assume I was already married, and if I wasn't, I'd feel strange about that.
 
Emerald City said:
I would have preferred to choose my own ring, but I nonetheless would have been thrilled to receive an eternity band for an ER. My husband is the kindest person I know, but he has a massive blind spot about jewelry. He just didn't see the point of spending more than about $30 on a ring, so I wound up with a sterling silver band rather than something I really wanted. The silver band doubled as my wedding ring. We could have afforded something much nicer, but my husband was adamant that jewelry is "a waste of money."

I was resentful of this for more than a decade. We wound up having a huge fight about this, and he bought me the ring that is in my avatar. But the upshot is that I don't have a huge emotional attachment to either the silver band, due to the resentment I associate with it, or to the breathtaking emerald ring I now own. I am a hugely sentimental person and I feel I missed out on an ER. I didn't want anything fancy or particularly expensive, but my husband set out his rules and that was that. It makes me really sad whenever I think about it. Irony of ironies, I got injured not long after receiving the emerald ring, so I've never even worn it outside of the house.
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Something similar happened to me. I’m sentimental and desperately wanted a proposal and a diamond ring and got neither because my husband thinks they are stupid. My husband continues to tease me with an anniversary ring he’s now two years late on. It‘s just never going to happen.

I don’t even like eternity rings and I would pass out with joy just from the proposal. But that’s with the benefit of time and age. I probably would not have loved an eternity as an Ering back when I was 23. It’s really more of a wedding ring, IMO. I would not recommend any guy go this route unless he’s sure that’s what his lady wants.
 
I would definitely not be happy with an eternity band as an engagement ring, and I love eternity bands! Sure, I want an eternity band--in ADDITION to my solitaire and wedding ring. Not instead of either one. I guess I'm a traditionalist.

My preferences aside, I completely agree with many posters here, that the wants and desires of the intended recipient should be researched, known and respected. That might mean asking directly, or using surrogates to inquire about the recipient's preferences. Considerate and loving partners take into account the recipient's preferences AND the giver's financial capabilities. Both matter.
 
My husband and I have gone a less traditional route, but we also met when we were in our late 30's. He places no value on jewelry, and we both see big weddings as a waste of money (just our personal opinions), so there was no real proposal, and certainly no engagement ring from him. We just walked over to city hall one day. I do have slight pangs on occasion that we don't have a "story", but I would rather have no engagement ring from him than something that doesn't feel like me, or I don't enjoy wearing. So I spend my own money, make my own choices, and buy what I know will make me happy.
 
Eventually, yes. A beautiful eternity would have kept me going for a few years but I would buy a solitaire or 3 stone at some point. The soli or 3 stone could be a CS, just would want a larger stone of some sort. Best of both worlds really? Get your eternity and then upgrade.
 
I would have been fine with it. I love eternity rings though so there's that. For me they are easier to wear because nothing sticks up like a regular ring to get smashed into the wall. I'm a klutzy person unfortunately lol. My hand and I smash into walls and door frames as a daily occurrence.
 
I feel like a brat reading some of these responses! I would have been disappointed with an eternity band. Really. A lot. It would have meant that I wasn't heard at all.

My fiance (not married yet) is very financially focused, and it took a lot of conversations to arrive at what was important to both of us. I narrowed e-ring choices down, and he made the final selection. He knew I was particular, and has no sense of jewelry but also expressed preferences that led to the final down-selection (i.e. he likes solitaires).

We talked about it A LOT - what felt most important to me is that we communicated with each other directly about it and both felt considered and appreciated. It was a big deal for him to spend what he did even though we both work our butts off and can afford it.

I also knew that whatever stone I picked, that was what I would have in perpetuity. Which is fine by me! I got a less than perfect diamond, but I love it.

We both aspire to build a modest collection of heirlooms (like jewelry, artwork and furniture) and rebuild some of the wealth that my family has lost through the generations, and that his family never had. My grandmother had a beautiful collection of fine jewelry (and other items like antique Persian rugs and artworks) - after she passed, it was all sold off before I had a say, or hoarded or ruined by less than wonderful family members over the years.

Stuff is stuff, things come and go. But I do cherish things that remind me of people I love, even in spirit. So, we wanted a center stone that we would like to pass on some day to a child or grandchild for them to use. Even if it isn't perfect.
 
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