Would you be disappointed with an eternity band as ER?

[Emerald City]

Awww, I really feel for the other ladies who had experiences similar to mine! @maryjane04 I, too, would have been happy with just a plain gold band, but gold bands are surprisingly expensive when your head is set to "$30 or less." (Oh, honey. I love you, but sheesh.) I didn't want a big wedding, still don't, and was/am perfectly happy with our cheap elopement. (That still cracks me up. Best day of my life! ) But I wanted a ring - I didn't even want a diamond, actually; I felt I was being really reasonable! I looked at plain gold bands, as well as rings with stones like labradorite, sapphires, emeralds, and amethyst, but (surprise) they all cost more than $30. We also had a lot of fights about this, about 13 years in - I just had so much resentment pent up, as he'd spent a lot on his hobbies but the only jewelry I had consisted of little sterling silver bits and pieces that I'd bought, and which he'd complained about my buying. (Sounds like what Daisys and Diamonds said!) My husband has kind of come around; he even bought me a second emerald ring, one with a more contemporary design. (I might have, uh, gently brought his attention to the ring.) But I feel I can never re-capture the intense emotion that came with the proposal, so these rings, while gorgeous and very treasured, aren't any sort of ER. I just don't really feel I have one. Maybe I'm being unreasonable.

There is a lot of emotion invested in an engagement ring. Some women invest less, some women more, but there is always an emotional component to an engagement ring. And some men just don't get that. I wouldn't trade my husband for all the royal jewels, for he's everything I ever wanted in a man, and then some. He just didn't understand the emotional aspect that an engagement ring had for me, even though I tried to tell him. The jewelry gene passed him by entirely, lol. He's been there for me in ways I can't even appreciate since I was injured, and he is a rare jewel himself. He's a bit big to set in platinum, though.

@vintageloves is right - Guys, make sure your lady actually wants an eternity band for an engagement ring. It looks as though most of us would not have appreciated one for this purpose, but you never know - maybe your lady is different! Most women these days want a say in what they're going to wear; times have changed. And vintageloves, your man needs to stop teasing you about that - that's just cruel I'm so sorry. Maybe he'll actually step up and buy it! I hope so!!! I really wanted an anniversary band when our 10th came along, but it didn't happen. I am still hurt about that. I bought a couple of CZ ones that are fun to wear, but I know people here appreciate that they just don't feel "real."

 

[Emerald City]

I think it's up to the wearer and the expectation of each.

Personally, I wouldn't want one. I don't find it comfortable and have owned one. I sold it and for weight or weather ring size fluctuating, not practical.

But, if I were to be given a band of some sort, I don't think it would be an issue. It's about something to represent the commitment, not the item. But I'm also different in that a four or six prong round brilliant solitaire wouldn't appeal to me either.

I don't really like the traditional 4- or 6-prong RB solitaire, either. RB's just don't do it for me. They're boring. (Please don't hurt me. I come in peace.) Emerald cuts and Asschers, plus Art Deco settings, are where my heart lies.

 

[elizat]

I don't really like the traditional 4- or 6-prong RB solitaire, either. RB's just don't do it for me. They're boring. (Please don't hurt me. I come in peace.) Emerald cuts and Asschers, plus Art Deco settings, are where my heart lies.

Same, but add in other old cuts. It looks nice on others, but it's not my preference!

 

[maryjane04]

Awww, I really feel for the other ladies who had experiences similar to mine! @maryjane04 I, too, would have been happy with just a plain gold band, but gold bands are surprisingly expensive when your head is set to "$30 or less." (Oh, honey. I love you, but sheesh.) I didn't want a big wedding, still don't, and was/am perfectly happy with our cheap elopement. (That still cracks me up. Best day of my life! ) But I wanted a ring - I didn't even want a diamond, actually; I felt I was being really reasonable! I looked at plain gold bands, as well as rings with stones like labradorite, sapphires, emeralds, and amethyst, but (surprise) they all cost more than $30. We also had a lot of fights about this, about 13 years in - I just had so much resentment pent up, as he'd spent a lot on his hobbies but the only jewelry I had consisted of little sterling silver bits and pieces that I'd bought, and which he'd complained about my buying. (Sounds like what Daisys and Diamonds said!) My husband has kind of come around; he even bought me a second emerald ring, one with a more contemporary design. (I might have, uh, gently brought his attention to the ring.) But I feel I can never re-capture the intense emotion that came with the proposal, so these rings, while gorgeous and very treasured, aren't any sort of ER. I just don't really feel I have one. Maybe I'm being unreasonable.

There is a lot of emotion invested in an engagement ring. Some women invest less, some women more, but there is always an emotional component to an engagement ring. And some men just don't get that. I wouldn't trade my husband for all the royal jewels, for he's everything I ever wanted in a man, and then some. He just didn't understand the emotional aspect that an engagement ring had for me, even though I tried to tell him. The jewelry gene passed him by entirely, lol. He's been there for me in ways I can't even appreciate since I was injured, and he is a rare jewel himself. He's a bit big to set in platinum, though.

@vintageloves is right - Guys, make sure your lady actually wants an eternity band for an engagement ring. It looks as though most of us would not have appreciated one for this purpose, but you never know - maybe your lady is different! Most women these days want a say in what they're going to wear; times have changed. And vintageloves, your man needs to stop teasing you about that - that's just cruel I'm so sorry. Maybe he'll actually step up and buy it! I hope so!!! I really wanted an anniversary band when our 10th came along, but it didn't happen. I am still hurt about that. I bought a couple of CZ ones that are fun to wear, but I know people here appreciate that they just don't feel "real."

Oh gosh we have so many similarities there. We eloped too but brought some friends. I was in charge of planning it all and it did cost a bit lol.

I thought it was just me when I told others. Some people said it doesn't matter if it was a $5 or $5000 ring. Well obviously they didn't get the $5 ring from ebay.

That's so funny about the jewellery gene!

I don't really like the traditional 4- or 6-prong RB solitaire, either. RB's just don't do it for me. They're boring. (Please don't hurt me. I come in peace.) Emerald cuts and Asschers, plus Art Deco settings, are where my heart lies.

Same, but add in other old cuts. It looks nice on others, but it's not my preference!

I too love step cuts and old cuts. Planning on getting an old mine cut solitaire this year! Fingers crossed.

 

[Emerald City]

Oh gosh we have so many similarities there. We eloped too but brought some friends. I was in charge of planning it all and it did cost a bit lol.

I thought it was just me when I told others. Some people said it doesn't matter if it was a $5 or $5000 ring. Well obviously they didn't get the $5 ring from ebay.

That's so funny about the jewellery gene!





I too love step cuts and old cuts. Planning on getting an old mine cut solitaire this year! Fingers crossed.

Oh, you're so not alone there! I, too, have had the "it's the thought that counts, be grateful it wasn't a Ring Pop but marry him even if it was" lecture. Funny, the person saying that was always either sporting a diamond or not even in a relationship.

And I did marry him anyway, and I love him deeply. But the ring indicated that my preferences weren't even considered, while for my part I was definitely shopping well below what he could afford, to respect his views about jewelry. There are a lot of nuances within the choosing, budgeting, and wearing of engagement rings. A ton of nonverbal communication in them, what they represent, and what they actually mean. And it's not easy for either side; there's a great deal of pressure on men to buy something that really does fly in the face of feminism to an extent, that doesn't really make a lot of sense, and that everyone knows is borne of aggressive marketing. And yet. The ring is important anyway. Even if it's plain and the wearer wanted it to be plain. I've heard a couple of women complain that they just wanted a plain band, and received an intricate diamond setting. The person wearing it should be listened to, and the person wearing it should also keep in mind the budget involved.

@elizat Oh yes, and the older cuts too! The diamonds on my emerald halo are all OECs, and they're simply divine!

@maryjane04 An OMC solitaire would just be a dream. I've been eyeing one myself for the last few months. The size I would like is woefully out of my budget, though. So good to hear from another who "eloped"! Isn't it fun to tell people that? It puts people in mind of the couple literally running off and finding a last-minute justice-of-the-peace, or something similar. I had a great time at my elopement! Just us and a few other people. We went out to lunch afterward and it was delightfully low-key, just want I wanted. The thought of standing up in front of a bunch of people, most of whom I don't know very well, wearing a dress that I probably let my mother have too much say in (she was overbearing while she was alive) made me feel like passing out, and not in a good way! The wedding per se was very "us"

 

[maryjane04]

@Emerald City it sounds like we have a lot in common. I guess it's more about the thoughtfulness behind the ring. If our partners had considered something about us and incorporated it into a ring, we might not be so resentful. I actually spent a tonne on my elopement (we are from Australia and went to Malta to elope). My closest friends came with us and then traveled to Europe. I never got the fairy tale proposal or the ring, so I was sure as hell going to get a fairy tale wedding lol.

Oh and you are eyeing and OMC too? My OH is currently paying one off that we have on layaway. I think it was really hard for him to part with his hard earned cash. This is definitely 11 years worth of saving lol.

 

[Diamond Girl 21]

I would not be disappointed if there was a prior conversation about it. In fact, I was proposed to without a ring. He explained that he was very uncomfortable making that purchase on his own, and asked if we could shop together. I said sure, "just give me a budget". I didn't know when I was getting it however, that part was a surprise. But, if he totally surprised me with a ring, I would be disappointed if it didn't look like an engagement ring. That said, I actually chose, and still wear an engagement ring that has a larger center stone with a thick band. It looks like and functions as both an engagement and wedding ring. Hope that makes sense and doesn't sound too contradictory.

 

[Emerald City]

@Emerald City it sounds like we have a lot in common. I guess it's more about the thoughtfulness behind the ring. If our partners had considered something about us and incorporated it into a ring, we might not be so resentful. I actually spent a tonne on my elopement (we are from Australia and went to Malta to elope). My closest friends came with us and then traveled to Europe. I never got the fairy tale proposal or the ring, so I was sure as hell going to get a fairy tale wedding lol.

Oh and you are eyeing and OMC too? My OH is currently paying one off that we have on layaway. I think it was really hard for him to part with his hard earned cash. This is definitely 11 years worth of saving lol.

Malta! Swoon. That place is on my bucket list. Did you visit that stone archway that's really famous? It collapsed and I think they replaced it with a metal version, or were going to, or something. Also, totally jealous that you live Down Under! Is it true that all the wildlife is trying to kill you?

I agree about the motivations behind the ring. I actually liked the silver band, but it was purchased first and foremost because it fit a budget, not because I liked it. As I said, I would have been happy with a plain gold band, or even, say, a sterling ring with an amethyst cluster or something.

Yeah, I've been wanting a 10mm OMC for the past few months. It'll never happen, but a girl can dream!! I also want an eternity band, preferably an emerald-cut. I like to say I came by the jewelry gene honestly; when my mother died, she left around 300 pieces of costume jewelry, with a couple of nice pieces sprinkled here and there. I haven't a clue what to do with it all. When you get your OMC, please post pics! 11 years' worth of saving, you deserve something spectacular!!!

 

[maryjane04]

@Emerald City I didn't actually get to see all the megalithic temples (there's a few in Malta), our hotel had a mini one that we played around in. And while we have lots of dangerous/venomous animals/insects we don't see it much day to day. Yeah the budget thing isn't that considerate (I mean if you go out to dinner, you would spend more than $30!).

Oh my goodness! a 10mm OMC is ridic lol. That would be way out of my price range. Although I would be happy to rock that. I have on hold an 8.8~mm OMC which I will just round up to 9mm. Hopefully I think of a nice setting to make it appear larger. I guess I inherited the jewellery gene from the lack of jewellery. I really expected the one nice piece of jewellery I got first was my e-ring but that never happened. So I guess I have to buy all the pretty things myself.

Yeah as @Diamond Girl 21 said - if there was a discussion beforehand it both parties were comfortable with it then either an eternity ring or engagement ring would be appropriate.

 

[Emerald City]

@Emerald City I didn't actually get to see all the megalithic temples (there's a few in Malta), our hotel had a mini one that we played around in. And while we have lots of dangerous/venomous animals/insects we don't see it much day to day. Yeah the budget thing isn't that considerate (I mean if you go out to dinner, you would spend more than $30!).

Oh my goodness! a 10mm OMC is ridic lol. That would be way out of my price range. Although I would be happy to rock that. I have on hold an 8.8~mm OMC which I will just round up to 9mm. Hopefully I think of a nice setting to make it appear larger. I guess I inherited the jewellery gene from the lack of jewellery. I really expected the one nice piece of jewellery I got first was my e-ring but that never happened. So I guess I have to buy all the pretty things myself.

Yeah as @Diamond Girl 21 said - if there was a discussion beforehand it both parties were comfortable with it then either an eternity ring or engagement ring would be appropriate.

10mm is ridiculous, but very much my style! Your stone sounds so lovely - 8.8??!! That's insane! So you haven't chosen a setting yet? Do you have any preliminary ideas?

I read a survey recently that said more than 2/3 (if I recall) of couples were collaborating on the engagement ring rather than the man springing it as a surprise. That sounds better; I know of so many women who hated the rings their husbands chose on their own.

 

[maryjane04]

@Emerald City I have large ish fingers so I would never say no to a 10mm although the budget won't stretch that far. ~8.8 was already pushing it as they are pretty deep and face up smaller. I have a few halo rings and really wanted to stay away from a halo. So I have a simple solitaire in mind, but I might ask for a bezel or something to enhance the size. It is also a pretty wonky and quirky stone so yeah. Need to pay it off first before we can finalise the design.

I wouldn't be surprised if it couples who collaborated on things are happier lol. Especially an engagement ring. Hahaha we can be one of those women who hated the ring the OH got us!

 

[Emerald City]

@Emerald City I have large ish fingers so I would never say no to a 10mm although the budget won't stretch that far. ~8.8 was already pushing it as they are pretty deep and face up smaller. I have a few halo rings and really wanted to stay away from a halo. So I have a simple solitaire in mind, but I might ask for a bezel or something to enhance the size. It is also a pretty wonky and quirky stone so yeah. Need to pay it off first before we can finalise the design.

I wouldn't be surprised if it couples who collaborated on things are happier lol. Especially an engagement ring. Hahaha we can be one of those women who hated the ring the OH got us!

Hehe - I cracked up at your last line. I guess that's us! "Honey, I hate the ring! But - but I love you!"

I feel ya on having larger hands. I'm a size 7 and really tall, and I'm ridiculously paranoid that small stones will look laughable on my hands. I don't want to be an object of ridicule. I was 5'5" when I was 10; I've never not felt like an ogre next to other women!

To me, OMCs have an elegance and presence that (please don't kill me) RBs do not. The way they reflect light is really a thing of beauty. I think OMC solitaires look amaze-balls, regardless of their size. A 9mm will look absolutely smashing as a solitaire! Bezel would be neat, too You must be so excited!!!

 

[maryjane04]

@Emerald City I feel like we could be bling soul sisters! I am a size 7.5 since I have gained weight. If I lost weight, I might be closer to a 7. I am not that tall though lol. But nevertheless I am always envious of skinny fingers and humongous rocks!

I agree. I have a RB which is not ideal or cut very well. But I have always found the traditional types to be quite boring. OMC have such personalities and the whole history about them being so old only adds to their charm. I am quite excited. I hope I made the right choice. Because this will be the only one ever I am sure!

 

[GliderPoss]

I gotta say honestly @Emerald City you are a better woman than I coz if a bloke thought I was only worth spending $30 on I'd tell him to go jump in the lake...

 

[avalonrose]

I prefer eternity bands to engagement rings. There is something so clean and elegant about an eternity band. I love them.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Malta! Swoon. That place is on my bucket list. Did you visit that stone archway that's really famous? It collapsed and I think they replaced it with a metal version, or were going to, or something. Also, totally jealous that you live Down Under! Is it true that all the wildlife is trying to kill you?

I agree about the motivations behind the ring. I actually liked the silver band, but it was purchased first and foremost because it fit a budget, not because I liked it. As I said, I would have been happy with a plain gold band, or even, say, a sterling ring with an amethyst cluster or something.

Yeah, I've been wanting a 10mm OMC for the past few months. It'll never happen, but a girl can dream!! I also want an eternity band, preferably an emerald-cut. I like to say I came by the jewelry gene honestly; when my mother died, she left around 300 pieces of costume jewelry, with a couple of nice pieces sprinkled here and there. I haven't a clue what to do with it all. When you get your OMC, please post pics! 11 years' worth of saving, you deserve something spectacular!!!

I want to come over and play dress ups with your mum's stash
Some of that costume stuff can be quite vailable and glamouress and fun

when i was a wee girl my great aunty died who had no children and i got all her sparkly costume jewles to play with
i kind of wish i still had them because they were actually nice, but i got alot of fun out of playing with all the sparkles anyway
My older cousin got a ton of her hat pins
I hope you wear some of your mum's pieces

 

[MRBXXXFVVS1]

I wonder how strict people's budgets are for ERs as well, as most people have sticker shock if they aren't familiar with diamond pricing.

 

[123ducklings]

Communication is key — have to think of the bride and understand her preferences and what’s important to her.

My personal opinion: I’m sure I would have been thrilled with any ring, but I WANTED an eternity band! My husband asked me for my input ahead of time and proposed with a modest but beautiful eternity band. It was exactly what I wanted. I loved it then and love it now (8 years later). I never regretted it or wanted a solitaire. Budget wasn’t a consideration. There’s no additional wedding band (my choice).


My mother and grandmother had five stone rings rather than solitaire+wedding band, so that’s what I was accustomed to seeing. An eternity band felt even more special to me. It fits my personality and lifestyle perfectly. My hands swelled with each of my pregnancies so I did take the ring off for about three months each time, but my hands always went back to size. Arthritis runs in my family so I’m sure there will come a point I can’t wear rings anymore due to that, if my finger doesn’t get too fat before that point. I’ll be sad but I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it, and I wouldn’t trade my ring for the ability to resize.

 

[diamondnewbieny]

If finance was an issue and both people are ok with getting an eternity or even a simple gold ring. That is great. The couple have to communicate first.

But... if someone is going to spent more than 5k in eternity, I would say that does not make sense to me. With 5k you can get a pretty decent diamond for engagement ring. It doesn’t have a be big.

For me personally I would not want the eternity as ER.

 

[Rhea]

I would have been disappointed at the time. I was in my early 20's and it just wouldn't have sat right with me. I did want a coloured stone to stretch our budget and get a diamond later. DH didn't want to upgrade and felt a diamond was the best choice. In hindsight, between those choices he was right.

Now I wish I'd be clever enough to think of an eternity ring as an engagement ring and confident enough to pull it off.

At our budget, an eternity ring would have made a much bigger impact than my engagement ring. I also find that I wear my wedding ring way more than I wear my engagement ring and wedding band together.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

After reading through all these comments I feel like the thing that jumps out most is “consideration”, ie “think about what your partner would want and you can afford, or ask your partner what she wants.” It’s not like eternities should be banned from proposals, but only given if someone wants to give them!

 

[missy]

After reading through all these comments I feel like the thing that jumps out most is “consideration”, ie “think about what your partner would want and you can afford, or ask your partner what she wants.” It’s not like eternities should be banned from proposals, but only given if someone wants to give them!

It always comes down to communication in all relationships. In my opinion healthy relationships share good communication.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

It always comes down to communication in all relationships. In my opinion healthy relationships share good communication. ❤

I saw your comment, went back and read my own, and realised I said “if someone wants to give them” instead of “if someone wants to get them”. So there’s a miscommunication in a comment about the importance of communication

But you’re absolutely right! It’s funny - with my ex this issue with “what to propose with” also came up and he was unilaterally against diamonds not only for him but for me and wasn’t open to “discussion” (literally, I couldn’t spend my own money on jewelry without a fight), to hell with my own preferences and hobbies it’s not the reason we broke up but it underscored the importance of being open, understanding and a good communicator in relationships (both speaking and listening!)

 

[maryjane04]

I saw your comment, went back and read my own, and realised I said “if someone wants to give them” instead of “if someone wants to get them”. So there’s a miscommunication in a comment about the importance of communication

But you’re absolutely right! It’s funny - with my ex this issue with “what to propose with” also came up and he was unilaterally against diamonds not only for him but for me and wasn’t open to “discussion” (literally, I couldn’t spend my own money on jewelry without a fight), to hell with my own preferences and hobbies it’s not the reason we broke up but it underscored the importance of being open, understanding and a good communicator in relationships (both speaking and listening!)

Sounds like there was no compromise in that relationship. I think sometimes it's about being heard, understood and sometimes we have to be willing to compromise on things to make our partner happy (as long as it's legal!). Having concrete views on jewelry etc causes so much resentment from what I'm reading.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

Sounds like there was no compromise in that relationship. I think sometimes it's about being heard, understood and sometimes we have to be willing to compromise on things to make our partner happy (as long as it's legal!). Having concrete views on jewelry etc causes so much resentment from what I'm reading.

Yes, absolutely! And in my case that rigidity spilled over into so many other things - he didn’t like the same kind of TV shows that I did, and so we either watched shows he liked or didn’t watch TV together. He didn’t like going for walks and preferred staying inside on a nice sunny day, so that’s what we always did. He didn’t enjoy dancing, so we never went - not even on my birthday. He didn’t care about birthdays so we never celebrated. It was always his way or the highway, and I grew to resent him for it because I always tried to make an effort with his hobbies and interests but he didn’t with mine.

So to cut my own sob story short, I would say that the lesson I learned from that was that compromise needs to be a two way street, and so does effort.

 

[ccyk]

You can look at it from a financial angle. A lot of people max out credit card for dream wedding. Is it romantic? absolutely! Is it bound to doom in financial sense? absolutely. Is spending a few thousands for a diamond ring a sensible choice when you cant even afford to own a place to live? probably not. If you are financially secured, by all mean enjoy luxury, nothing should hold you back.

Love is love, and if you can be disappointed with such a small things, marriage is not really for you as there are 84257286582 other things in a marriage life can make life like hell for you. Tiny things add up and can eat away love.

 

[Emerald City]

I gotta say honestly @Emerald City you are a better woman than I coz if a bloke thought I was only worth spending $30 on I'd tell him to go jump in the lake...

I loved him then, and I love him still. I was and am upset about the ring, but the ring isn't ultimately the heart of a relationship. It's a courtship ritual. I'd have loved a better ring, and I was sad it didn't happen, but ultimately what I wanted was to marry him. And, I have to admit, it seemed hypocritical to me to expect him to buy me a ring when I was broke and couldn't buy him the watch I wanted to get him as an engagement present.

I don't think I'm explaining myself very well. I think it was just knowing that my husband was being clueless about what the ring meant, rather than seriously thinking I wasn't worth $30. This was cemented when, after we had a couple of big fights, he said that he never understood how I felt and that he felt terrible, and after that he bought me two emerald rings, plus a lovely aquamarine set in white gold. If I had sensed that my husband just didn't think I was worth it, then that would have been hugely problematic. But he's a programmer; they work in mysterious ways. He's no different from engineers - he gets blinders on about things he doesn't initially consider important. When, after perhaps waving your hands in his face, he sees how you feel about something, then he reverses course.

I did ultimately get some gorgeous and valuable jewelry from him. It took a while, but it was worth waiting for. And even if the jewelry hadn't come, the way he has cared for me since I was injured is not only priceless, but additional proof that he loves me a great deal.

By the way, I'm sorry I didn't see this message until today. I was expecting PS to e-mail me if there were new replies, but I didn't see any new e-mails for this thread in particular. Oops.

 

[Emerald City]

I want to come over and play dress ups with your mum's stash
Some of that costume stuff can be quite vailable and glamouress and fun

when i was a wee girl my great aunty died who had no children and i got all her sparkly costume jewles to play with
i kind of wish i still had them because they were actually nice, but i got alot of fun out of playing with all the sparkles anyway
My older cousin got a ton of her hat pins
I hope you wear some of your mum's pieces

I'm so sorry I didn't see this message until today!

My mother left behind so many interesting pieces, a few of which were valuable, most not (possibly a few?). There are a lot of turquoise and sandstone pieces, her favourite stones, as well as a lot of blue topaz and pink CZ. None of it is my style and some of it is loathsome to me in terms of aesthetics, but I actually have taken out about 30 pieces the last few weeks and have cleaned them afresh, and begun figuring out how they fit into my collection.

With regard to this thread, my mother had a gold wedding band but she had to sell it shortly after she got married to my biological father (he wasn't big on paying his share of the bills; fodder for another day). She would have a lot to say about this topic, for she loved jewelry almost as much as I do. I think it broke her heart that she never had a proper engagement ring, and that she had to sell her wedding band. She spent the rest of her life wearing random rings on her "wedding ring finger," and I notice I tend to do the same; perhaps for the same reason? -that I didn't have an engagement ring per se, either?

She had really gorgeous hands, with long tapering fingers. An eternity band would have looked amazing on her. Unfortunately she preferred to spend money on a lot of costume jewelry rather than invest in one really nice piece.

Anyway, if you're ever in Seattle, you can totally come visit and play with her ginormous assortment of pretties.

 

[Emerald City]

You can look at it from a financial angle. A lot of people max out credit card for dream wedding. Is it romantic? absolutely! Is it bound to doom in financial sense? absolutely. Is spending a few thousands for a diamond ring a sensible choice when you cant even afford to own a place to live? probably not. If you are financially secured, by all mean enjoy luxury, nothing should hold you back.

Love is love, and if you can be disappointed with such a small things, marriage is not really for you as there are 84257286582 other things in a marriage life can make life like hell for you. Tiny things add up and can eat away love.

I don't know if I agree with this completely. Your first paragraph makes perfect sense; it's stupid to max out your credit cards for a ring or wedding you can't afford. I think most people here would agree with that.

But the whole point of this thread is that the ring matters. Whether the wearer wants it to be plain or fancy, what she wants should be factored into what is bought, so long as it fits within the budget that is agreed upon. And a lot of couples find they can't agree on a budget, because they prioritise what the ring means differently. A ring is a courtship ritual, and tends to mean a lot to a woman. If her partner doesn't understand how much it means to her, or does, but dismisses this, it is hurtful. It is more about how the ring is approached than the ring per se, I think. This is an element of communication; if a woman feels her partner is ignoring her wants, or the partner feels the woman is blowing way over a reasonable budget, or what have you, then these things matter. It's more about the communication aspect than the ring, I think, for most people.

And feeling as though you've been ignored is not a good feeling. Marriage is about give and take, mutual respect and admiration, admitting you were wrong, and a host of other things that can be humbling. I don't think anyone here was saying that the ring makes or breaks a relationship per se. The ring can be a symptom of other things that are going on in a relationship. I love my husband deeply and he loves me; I still am disappointed I didn't get an engagement ring that I really wanted. We've had a wonderful marriage and I wouldn't trade him for anything. The ring ultimately didn't make or break our relationship, but it was an aspect of communication that didn't go well, and that is the part that upsets me the most about it.

 

[barbie86]

I would be disappointed.

For me, an engagement ring is supposed to be something you will wear every day, for life. Of I am wearing any ring every day forever it needs to be what I want: something sparkly, with an obvious centre stone. That is just my preference for rings in general (almost all my RHRs feature an obvious centre stone).

I can wear an eternity ring as a wedding band, but it doesn't fit the bill for an ER for me.