Would you do it all over again/was it worth it?

[Italiahaircolor]

I had a big wedding, and I can tell you almost 4 year later I've never regretted it--not for one second. Of course there would be things, given the chance, I'd do different knowing what I know now, but hey--you know what they say about hindsight.

But, with that said, that day is a memory I'd never exchange for the sake of stress or the devilish details, it was worth every minute and probably a lot more. And that day was a carbon copy of my dream. I wanted the big white wedding dress, fancy ballroom, great food and awesome music surrounded with family and friends. So, when it came together as such, I was one happy lady. But, that's the thing...what you're asking is so subjective. If you're the girl who wants to be married on a secluded beach with sand between you toes, then that is your dream--and likewise, you'll probably never regret it.

My point is, chase your dream. Whatever that is. Who cares a pinch if it doesn't mesh with traditional or anyone else's wants. It's not their wedding, and they aren't the ones who HAVE to be happy. If you plan a wedding that will make others happy, then yes, you'll probably regret it.

 

[HollyS]

Your wedding idea is not that far from what my husband and I actually did. We invited 65 people, 58 showed. We had it at a country inn (local) and everything was included: ceremony spot, officiant if we needed one, place to change and take photos, reception room, food and cake, reception decor. It was easy, it was organized without needing a wedding planner, it was intimate and cozy, and our guests loved every minute of it. And we would do it all over again, in much the same way.

 

[rosetta]

Ok I confess.

I had my religious ceremony two months ago, super secretly. I am a secret wife.

We hired the presidential suite in a London hotel (bizarrely our suite was opposite Lady Gaga's) and only ten members of our immediate family were there. I had pro make up and photos and we hopped into taxis for dinner in a private room of a nearby restaurant. Wouldn't change a thing especially the pro photographer.

I fought hard for this, others wanted other people there but I put my foot down. I don't regret it a bit and the naysayers all said it was fantastic day afterwards. Stick to what you want.

I will have a big 150 people wedding next July when I have my civil ceremony. It's a whole other beast and a LOT more work. I'll let you know how that goes!

 

[marymm]

My husband and I were together for 6 years before we decided it was time to get married; we started planning I think in October and got married four months later on Valentine's Day (the one corny thing we did.. but we had met on Valentine's Day and stayed together ever since so it was also marking an anniversary). We neither of us are traditionalist and neither of us wanted a splashy wedding or a big to-do. We thought about eloping but we both felt that if we wanted to stand up and be married in a ceremony committing ourselves to each other for life, it should be witnessed by those we care about. We paid for it ourselves; it was important that we do so, we'd already been living together for years and had our household together. But we wanted something small and easy, and we wanted a honeymoon.

We decided to we'd invite only our immediate families and the MOH and BM - plus my aunt and my husband's grandmother, since they both had basically been a part of our respective immediate families our entire lives. There were probably 20 people all together. [I later heard there were some relatives that would have made the trip out to California and would have liked to come to the wedding, but really, what can you do? I was glad that we had paid for it ourselves and thus our parents could say they had nothing to do with the guest list or the arrangements.]

We got married at the County Admin building by a Justice of the Peace... this was in San Diego and the building is right on the bay... very very pretty location. (Since it was Valentine's Day the news crews were there, and we were actually approached to see if we'd have our ceremony in front on the building so they could film it... but we said no, that would defeat the whole purpose of our small intimate wedding!). My husband had rented a gorgeous gray morning suit. I actually found my wedding dress at Macy's, off-the-rack, a tea-length ivory lace with satin under-slip-dress. My lace wedding veil was more expensive than the wedding dress - I had to order it from Los Angeles - it was beautiful!

After the ceremony, the guests drove over about 10 blocks to the very nice restaurant where we booked the "fishbowl" room for our group -- it was right on the bay with fabulous views no matter which of the 5 tables you were at. People just ordered off the menu. My brother had brought over our wedding cake before the ceremony, along with a box of loose flowers from our florist, and the waitress who handled our party was the one who arranged the flowers on top of the cake -- she was wonderful.

Our favorite memory, other than the words spoken by the Justice of the Peace about the symbolism of the wedding ring being an unbroken circle, was that we walked over from the wedding venue over to the restaurant... it was lovely to walk by the bay hand-in-hand in our wedding finery - almost everyone we passed offered well wishes and congrats, and it gave my husband and I a chance to have 10-15 minutes alone together since he had spent the prior night at his mom's house.

After the reception lunch, as it turned out everyone came back to our house. They were forcing us to unwrap some wedding gifts which we really didn't want or plan to do, but they had picked up a great camera and other things for our honeymoon, so it was a good add-on to the celebration. That night we spent at a hotel on the bay, and then the next morning my folks drove us to the airport and we flew to Rome for a 2-week honeymoon. (I always forget, but I also had to go to the dentist for an emergency appointment that afternoon, in between present unwrapping and getting to the hotel... funny how I never remember that part)

We loved our wedding day - we each think it was probably the best day of our life - and we have no regrets whatsoever. The people who came tell us it is their favorite wedding they've been to.

So I guess my take is, do what feels right for you both - it is really not about the money you spend or the number of guests, it is about marking what is truly a life-changing event in a way meaningful to you both. It really doesn't matter what other people have done or what other people expect (unless you have children or unless others are paying for the wedding) - when you come right down to it, you two are promising each other before the world that you will love and stand by each other until the end of time -- who should be there when you do this, and what time of day do you want it to take place? Those answers will guide the rest of your decisions. Good luck with your planning (and sorry this post is so long)!

 

[dec2410]

wow. marymm, your post was something out of my dreams!

when i envision my wedding, i want it to be like you described. but like the OP, i'm just having a rough time deciding on how many to invite.