Would you ever tell a bride-to-be she looks fat?

[Guilty Pleasure]

I think it is pretty clear that the OP was not considering saying anything to this bride in particular, but using the situation as an example to lead into her question for us - would you say something to a bride BEFORE the wedding during the shopping and fitting process?

Yes, if I was close enough to be invited to a shopping/fitting, then I would consider myself close enough to that person to give them my honest and tactful opinion. Why else would they have invited me?

I do agree with Circe though in that people have different opinions of what "fat" looks like, and maybe she chose that dress because her husband wanted to see it all, so to speak. My wedding gown was a modified A-line that really hugged my hips, I was a size 8, and I'm sure there are people out there who think no one above a size 4 has any business wearing a curve-hugging wedding gown. I felt thinner in that gown than I did in the poofy dresses though.

 

[sillyberry]

Sure, only the bride's opinion on her dress ultimately matters, but perhaps I'm vain because the opinion of others also mattered a lot to me. So picking a wedding dress was about what I felt beautiful wearing, but also what I thought others would find beautiful. If I put on a dress that I looked terrible wearing and my friends DIDN'T tell me, I would be mortified. Sometimes I know I get blinders on and need someone to say "oooh...not so much." Because I don't want others thinking "what on earth was sillyberry thinking?"

HollyS, I'm really sorry your friends were unkind when shopping with you. But not all friends approach the process with bad intentions (mine certainly didn't) and thus their keeping their mouths shut would have made me very displeased!

 

[HollyS]

My (best) friend wasn't unkind. She was ridiculous. Every really inappropriate or ugly dress - - she claimed to like on me. Maybe she wanted me to look terrible, I don't know. I left her at home, never again asked her opinion, never let her in on any other wedding details at all. I didn't need the drama.

 

[sillyberry]

My (best) friend wasn't unkind. She was ridiculous. Every really inappropriate or ugly dress - - she claimed to like on me. Maybe she wanted me to look terrible, I don't know. I left her at home, never again asked her opinion, never let her in on any other wedding details at all. I didn't need the drama.

Ugh. That sounds like a whole 'nother ball of wax right there...

 

[rosetta]

My (best) friend wasn't unkind. She was ridiculous. Every really inappropriate or ugly dress - - she claimed to like on me. Maybe she wanted me to look terrible, I don't know. I left her at home, never again asked her opinion, never let her in on any other wedding details at all. I didn't need the drama.

Ugh. That sounds like a whole 'nother ball of wax right there...

Methinks someone was a bit jealous of the beautiful HollyS.

I'm one for keeping my mouth shut unless it's a very very close friend and then Id be tactful but honest.

After the wedding, I'd say nothing.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

No I would never tell someone-bride or otherwise-that they look fat.

I think you're being unfair to her. Dresses like that are tricky regardless of the size of the person wearing it. Now look at this dress and tell me, is the bride too large to wear it? In picture #1 there's a clear tummy bump-I'd say she looks downright pregnant with that bump. In picture #2 the bump is almost non-existent. This bride was a size SIX and she looked amazing on her wedding day and it wasn't because of the dress.

It doesn't matter if a bride is a size 6 or a size 16, this style of dress is tricky. But the dress isn't want makes a bride beautiful.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I would NEVER EVER EVER NEVER tell someone, anyone that they looked fat.

Say it once...they would never forget it, the damage could never be undone.

 

[sillyberry]

If this thread was instead called "would you ever tell a bride-to-be a possible wedding dress is not the most flattering?", would there be a different set of opinions?

 

[Maria D]

Now see, I think the bride that HH posted looks great in both pics! Sure we can see the bump but I think the whole effect of the dress is sexy-curvy, not pregnant (which is not to say that a pregnant woman isn't sexy, I just don't think she looks pregnant!).

I would never tell anyone they looked fat.

 

[Jennifer W]

Now see, I think the bride that HH posted looks great in both pics! Sure we can see the bump but I think the whole effect of the dress is sexy-curvy, not pregnant (which is not to say that a pregnant woman isn't sexy, I just don't think she looks pregnant!).

I would never tell anyone they looked fat.

and I wouldn't tell someone they looked thin, either. I find that equally offensive (and yes, I've listened to comments on both). It's just not appropriate to comment on, either way.

eta, the bride in HH's photos looked beautiful, and from her posture and body language, far more importantly, I think she felt beautiful too.

 

[Hera]

I wonder if there's a difference between the two brides. I imagine from the original poster's post that the dress was unflattering on the bride. I think the second bride posted with the small bump is wearing a flattering dress. I'm not sure it's an even comparison or is it?

 

[nfowife]

well, in this particular situation the wedding is done, and the dress was the dress, so all you can say is 'you looked beautiful on your wedding day! Love the dress!".

However if you were shopping with her I would have said, I don't think it flatters your body shape. And asked her to try on some other styles for comparison.

 

[princesss]

If this thread was instead called "would you ever tell a bride-to-be a possible wedding dress is not the most flattering?", would there be a different set of opinions?

Similarly, it's amazing the difference in the responses in the thread in BWW right now about the bride that wants a yellow dress. The poster is being told to keep her opinions to herself, since what she thinks would look good and what the bride thinks are fairly different. I think it applies here, too, we just have such a cultural obsession with being/looking as thin as possible that somehow it's permissable to comment on somebody's body.

That said, I'm in the "Unless she's beaming like she's won the lottery, be polite but honest" camp about all fashion-related issues. If I know your typical style and how you like to look and I think what you're wearing doesn't suit that, I'll tell you and I'll be blunt. But wedding dresses are more of an emotional purchase than your average pair of jeans, so I think a little more tact is called for.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I wonder if there's a difference between the two brides. I imagine from the original poster's post that the dress was unflattering on the bride. I think the second bride posted with the small bump is wearing a flattering dress. I'm not sure it's an even comparison or is it?

Ah, but you see Herr "unflattering" is in the eye of the beholder. That bride is me (thank you for the kind words) and I received comments about that dress to the effect of it being unflattering, the tummy being too prominent and my thighs looking large. I knew I looked beautiful, and I felt it as well, but I was still horribly self conscious on my wedding day-hence the copious amounts of champagne imbibed.

My point is, it's not the bride who's at fault, it's the dress. So the title of this thread "Would you ever tell a bride-to-be she looks fat?" is misleading. Like sillyberry said the actual question should be "Would you ever tell a bride-to-be her chosen dress is unflattering?".

 

[Hera]

I wonder if there's a difference between the two brides. I imagine from the original poster's post that the dress was unflattering on the bride. I think the second bride posted with the small bump is wearing a flattering dress. I'm not sure it's an even comparison or is it?

Ah, but you see Herr "unflattering" is in the eye of the beholder. That bride is me (thank you for the kind words) and I received comments about that dress to the effect of it being unflattering, the tummy being too prominent and my thighs looking large. I knew I looked beautiful, and I felt it as well, but I was still horribly self conscious on my wedding day-hence the copious amounts of champagne imbibed.

My point is, it's not the bride who's at fault, it's the dress. So the title of this thread "Would you ever tell a bride-to-be she looks fat?" is misleading. Like sillyberry said the actual question should be "Would you ever tell a bride-to-be her chosen dress is unflattering?".

Yes, I eventually came to that conclusion. I'm sorry people said such things about your wedding dress. I think it accentuates your curves and is well fit. We're not all perfect and it's about accentuating what you do have and minimizing what we don't.

 

[AmeliaG]

If they ask, they're not sure they like it themselves so I find its safe to give my opinion - politely of course. My favorite line is 'That's a dress that seems destined to always look better on the hanger no matter who wears it.' No one can argue with that - everyone who's tried on wedding dresses knows that's the truth. And it makes the problem be the dress and not my friend's body shape.

If they don't ask and just beam, then I might just suggest a veil or train that accentuates the positive and plays down the negative.

 

[Maria D]

I wonder if there's a difference between the two brides. I imagine from the original poster's post that the dress was unflattering on the bride. I think the second bride posted with the small bump is wearing a flattering dress. I'm not sure it's an even comparison or is it?

Ah, but you see Herr "unflattering" is in the eye of the beholder. That bride is me (thank you for the kind words) and I received comments about that dress to the effect of it being unflattering, the tummy being too prominent and my thighs looking large. I knew I looked beautiful, and I felt it as well, but I was still horribly self conscious on my wedding day-hence the copious amounts of champagne imbibed.

My point is, it's not the bride who's at fault, it's the dress. So the title of this thread "Would you ever tell a bride-to-be she looks fat?" is misleading. Like sillyberry said the actual question should be "Would you ever tell a bride-to-be her chosen dress is unflattering?".

Based on your experience then, I don't think it's the bride or the dress that's at fault -- it's the busy-body people who are audacious enough to think that their opinion represents Truth. So according to the OP, when you came out of the bridal shop dressing room wearing your heart's desire, your MOH should have said the dress wasn't the most flattering for you? Sez who?

Good for you HH for wearing the dress you dreamed of -- you looked fantastic in it! (I did not know that was you when I wrote my first post.)

And I agree Jennifer W that it's just as annoying to be told you look thin. I think it would be great if people stopped paying so much attention to how they think their friends (and friends of friends) look and started paying more attention to how friends feel.

 

[Gypsy]

Oh good lord. When I was on BWW I had NO ISSUE with anyone telling me a dress did not suit, and I had no issue returning the favor. There was ways you can be honest without being hurtful. But letting someone chose a dress that is obviously unsuited for their figure is not something I would be okay with-- if my opinion were solicited. If the thing is already purchased, fine, too late to say anything. But if someone is asking for opinions before they buy... yeah, I tell them the truth. Keep looking, you can do better.

Same rules as RT versus SMTR. You are stuck with your wedding pics forever.