Would you feel guilty if you LAPPED someone?

[MagsyMay]

I got lapped several times before getting engaged, and while it may have made me feel a bit down, I would never have held any resentment towards the friends that got engaged before me. I was always as thrilled for them as I would be had they not lapped me!

I think the resentment or bitterness is more commonly directed towards the non-engaged girl''s BF, not the friend who got engaged.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I never felt bad when my friends my friends who were dating someone for less than a year got engaged, because I personally never would go that fast. But now I am at 2.5 years, and it is getting to the point where people who started dating after us are engaged and getting married soon. It does kind of bother me, but I am not upset at them, they did nothing wrong! I am more upset at the curve balls that were thrown in our situation that have slowed things down.

 

[vetrogrl]

I''ve been lapped-my bf''s 2 friends got married after 2 months of dating and the other 3 weeks o dating. They''re both in their early 30''s so they thought they were getting too old and needed to get married asap. My bf is 26 and im 25 and have been together a lil shy of 2 years. We plan on getting engaged within the next few months and married within the next year or two. I couldn''t believe that both his friends got married before us...but we''re at different places in life than his friends who are older.

But i wouldn''t worry about getting engaged before your friend does...they may have different goals/life plan than u guys do...as in my situation...best of luck to u! I think most girls from what i''ve known don''t necessarily get upset
that one of their friends/family gets engaged before them, i think its just having the ring

 

[Littletreasure]

I have been lapped by plenty of my girl friends! While I was at uni it was common to get engaged during one semester and married before the next started! It didn''t bother me. That was their choice I didn''t want that!

I do admit that sometimes it feels like my now married friends look down on my relationship as less serious than theirs now that they''re engaged. My SO and I used to do a dinner and game night with some other couples now they are all engaged or married and we are no longer invited. Something about puttin a ring on that finger has made things all wonky.

I am still happy for my friends though. And love supporting them

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Date: 10/16/2009 11:45:22 AM
Author: tlh
I know when I was waiting, it stung when other people got engaged, and I didn''t. Even people I don''t know! There does come a point when talking about getting engaged, and the future - gets old. In the beginning when I first was a LIW - it didn''t hurt at all. I didn''t see why people would get upset... but after 2+ years of ''talking'' I was getting pretty fed up... and unfortunately a little hostile. However, I have a pretty spunky personality, so my behaviour wasn''t really that out of line with some of my spectacles on other things. But as time progresses, you get engaged, and later married... the pain - and crazy behaviour - becomes a point where the stunts pulled are funny and make amusing stories.

But I won''t put down the pain of being lapped. The pain of being lapped has nothing to do w/ the other person who is on a different timeline and in a totally DIFFERENT relationship with a totally different person. (Otherwise there''d be an even BIGGER ISSUE AT HAND.) The pain stems from doubt in your own relationship, and the lack of a feeling of connection with the other person in YOUR relationship. The pain comes from a lot of different things... questions of love, and if he loves you... and if he loves you, why doesn''t he want to marry you - or propose already... why all the excuses? In the end, you want action... from your partner. The joy of someone else getting to be WHERE YOU WANT TO BE - it is the same pain, you feel when someone else has a baby or gets pregnant, when you''ve been trying for YEARS but cannot conceive. It is the envy/jealousy you feel when someone get to buy a house, when you''re stuck renting... the list goes on and on. Those pains are real.. and you can be happy for the friend or person who (got what ever it is that you wish for - for yourself) - but at the same time, feel a sting that you personally are not experiencing the same thing... and wonder if you ever will.

So it isn''t like the person who got lapped is upset that they deserve it more - because they''ve put more time in... but more -- WHY CAN''T THEY BE THERE ALREADY! sorry for such a long post...

DITTO to all of this! DH and I were together for only a year and a half before we got engaged and we were only engaged for 9 months before we got married, but we started talking marriage after our 3rd or 4th month of being together and I moved in a year into our relationship because we discussed it and WE KNEW marriage was in our future.

It had nothing to do with the length of time we were together, talking about getting married got OLD very soon and once that happened, I couldn''t figure out WHAT IS THE HOLD UP!?!? Watching others getting engaged (whether they had been together longer or less than us didn''t matter) SUCKED! Towards the end, it was just excruciating! I would smile and congratulate the happy couple, hug them and celebrate. But as soon as we got home, I would just curl up in a ball and cry! It got so bad that at one point I was ready to walk away because I just wanted ACTION. Stop talking about it, JUST DO IT ALREADY!

Even now, that we''ve been married for months, I can recall the pain of those days before he FINALLY proposed with such clarity that I am tearing up as I type this.

Men don''t understand that, no matter how badly they want to marry you, too.