would you reconsider an engagement

[Niel]

So, it's assumed we only connect with partners with money?

My SO of 13 years has always had low income, no savings and terrible credit.

Should I dump him?

I think needing to have someone just like you is kinda sad.

Amen. Love is love, for better or worse..real love that is. If you wouldn't marry someone because of debt then it's not real love. For better or worse, you don't pick and choose when you love someone.

If someone can find excuses not to marry then they shouldn't get married period because it won't last anyway.

I think thats an interesting way of looking at it. Love is love. But what if he's married? Or doesn't want to get married because he's seen his parents divorced, etc. What if you're 17? I have never considered the idea that love absolutely equals marriage. If you're in love do you have to get married?

 

[monarch64]

If your FI was in severe financial trouble?

Now I know "love is all you need" but if you found out your FI was in severe financial trouble would you marry them? Break off? Hold off the wedding?

Would it matter to you if they were or were not actively doing something about it?

Would it matter to you I'd you had kids? He had kids? Both? Neither ?

Not my situation but I'm just curious...

I'd have to know the exact circumstances to really give an honest opinion. I just want to know one thing, actually. Did he finance the ring and now can't make the payments? Because THAT would be kind of a dealbreaker.

 

[Dancing Fire]

If your FI was in severe financial trouble?

Now I know "love is all you need" but if you found out your FI was in severe financial trouble would you marry them? Break off? Hold off the wedding?

Would it matter to you if they were or were not actively doing something about it?

Would it matter to you I'd you had kids? He had kids? Both? Neither ?

Not my situation but I'm just curious...

I'd have to know the exact circumstances to really give an honest opinion. I just want to know one thing, actually. Did he finance the ring and now can't make the payments? Because THAT would be kind of a dealbreaker.

Will you still keep the ring?..

 

[monarch64]

If your FI was in severe financial trouble?

Now I know "love is all you need" but if you found out your FI was in severe financial trouble would you marry them? Break off? Hold off the wedding?

Would it matter to you if they were or were not actively doing something about it?

Would it matter to you I'd you had kids? He had kids? Both? Neither ?

Not my situation but I'm just curious...

I'd have to know the exact circumstances to really give an honest opinion. I just want to know one thing, actually. Did he finance the ring and now can't make the payments? Because THAT would be kind of a dealbreaker.

Will you still keep the ring?..

Not if the repo guys find me and pry it off my finger!

 

[Dancing Fire]

So, it's assumed we only connect with partners with money?

My SO of 13 years has always had low income, no savings and terrible credit.

Should I dump him?

I think needing to have someone just like you is kinda sad.

Amen. Love is love, for better or worse..real love that is. If you wouldn't marry someone because of debt then it's not real love. For better or worse, you don't pick and choose when you love someone.

If someone can find excuses not to marry then they shouldn't get married period because it won't last anyway.

Don't know about other's, but "LOVE" have yet to pay any of my bills...

If I told my landlord that wife and I love each other very much, but I don't have your rent money, then do you think my landlord will let us live here for free?

 

[arkieb1]

As the Beatles song says, can't buy me love, money can't buy me love. People can have all the money in the world it doesn't mean they would make decent, intelligent compassionate and committed partners.

 

[Niel]

As the Beatles song says, can't buy me love, money can't buy me love. People can have all the money in the world it doesn't mean they would make decent, intelligent compassionate and committed partners.

But that's not what I'm talking about. You can love a person and be loved back regardless of money. But a marriage means more than just being in love its about building a life for yourself and your family. I mean not everyone is unhappy with the prospect of bankruptcy and debt collectors, but could you fault someone who is?

I guess I just don't believe all loves result or even should result in a marriage.

 

[MMtwo]

Even in stable marriages things can happen that kick the plans right out from under your goals. I would not leave a partner for a change in circumstances, but I would consider ending a relationship that showed serious red flags like dishonesty or serious omission of facts. A lack of good character is usually not something that miraculously becomes better with marriage. Lack of economic scale is not a fault. It's easier to have money, but there is no shame in having less. I have had both and survived.

I HAVE ended a serious relationship for lack of emotional commitment and lack of honesty, and once for lack of fidelity. No man is perfect, but marrying one with a serious character weakness is a guarantee of future chronic problems. Emotional stability is essential.

Edit: Different people place different values and importance on income and wealth. I think everyone should follow their conscience in such matters.

 

[LaraOnline]

Even when you are married, money will come up from time to time.
Even the most conscientious person will insist on the couple making an investment that turns out bad, or develop an expensive hobby *cough* etc etc.
Attitude, key values, are the most important thing.
A hard worker who makes an investment mistake is a very different creature from the one who spends credit frivolously on grand holidays, flashy nights out etc etc

 

[arkieb1]

As the Beatles song says, can't buy me love, money can't buy me love. People can have all the money in the world it doesn't mean they would make decent, intelligent compassionate and committed partners.

But that's not what I'm talking about. You can love a person and be loved back regardless of money. But a marriage means more than just being in love its about building a life for yourself and your family. I mean not everyone is unhappy with the prospect of bankruptcy and debt collectors, but could you fault someone who is?

I guess I just don't believe all loves result or even should result in a marriage.

I sort of agree with you and disagree at the same time. I do agree that not all people should get married, and I get your point because I would put my son before everything. I am biased, I got engaged years ago to a man that was in the process of going broke literally - he lost an airline, lost a 5 story house, flash cars and went bankrupt and really did lose pretty much everything other than a few suitcases of clothing and some junk out of a shed just before we were married and I still married him. We have had a lot of trials in our marriage but money has never been a huge one of them. We lived in a friends house for a while and I was the main breadwinner until he got back on his feet again. He went on to do great things after that, so I think in some cases you can marry the person and love the person and not judge them for the situation they are in.

Having said that not all people are worth marrying, some can be complete deadbeats with our without money, so I guess what I am saying is it depends upon the person involved.

 

[momhappy]

This is not just about money and/or seeking a partner with money. Debt can be an indicator for other issues (not always, but some times). I have a family member in serious debt trouble and they got there from poor choices. In that particular case, the debt was just the tip of the iceberg and I don't care to go into details, but this person has always had a very good income (their debt was not a result of unfortunate circumstances). Debt can be complicated, so it's important to understand the how, the why, etc. This isn't a black & white issue and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. For some of us, marrying someone with serious debt is worth some consideration, which is different than implying that someone is a gold digger.