1/3 split--How can FI bring it up..?

[whatmeworry]

hmmm..., maybe the flowers are only $450 and just the way the message got formatted it looks like $2650?

 

[nejarb]

my eyes popped when i saw your flower budget versus the other numbers! get your flowers at costco and just do something simple like 1 type of flower and then they''ll be easy to arrange yourself. you can order really cheap glass vases in all different shapes and sizes, just google it online.

 

[Miscka]

I think her budget got formatted wrong....looks to me like flowers $450. Is that right Mustang? Good luck with your MIL, only you know what is right for you and your situation.

 

[Cehrabehra]

2600 bucks for the flowers for the wedding party? That is *insane*!!!!

I don''t think the rings should be included in your wedding planning budget.

 

[So_happy]

Seriously, if you had half that amount for your flower budget you really would be a HAPPY bride!! There''s $1300 for ya right there, saved!!

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 6/15/2007 5:30:33 PM
Author: MustangFan
Wow okay, I guess I''m in the wrong.. I don''t really appreciate everyone ganging up on me, I don''t think that''s fair, espeically since it was my FI''s idea to ask them and I was trying to figure out a way of doing it nicely. Never once in his life did he ask for his parents help, paid for his own new bicycle at age 10, paid for his first car, they never had to pay for college, and he helped his parents out by buying their house when they wanted to get out for full market value, he gave them extra because it''s his parents!!! and he just wanted them to give a little more ti return the favor which I don''t think is really rude, it''s just asking.

I don''t think anyone''s ganging up on you, but after a decade of online message board experience, an overwhelming # of people who agree with something certainly can *feel* like you''re ganged up on. I didn''t even read any other responses before I posted mine. I thought it was out of place to ask but not "rude" ness. so I just left my thougths on that out. I still think for one bouquet and 10 other flower thingies you''re paying way way way too much. Even if that amount is for every flower in two different venues, I think its too much LOL But what do I know about flowers?

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 6/15/2007 6:38:46 PM
Author: Gypsy
I agree with surfgirl, that you need to work the other way around.. budget first then vendors etc.

With regard to the above. Your flower budget seems to be someplace where you can cut back. Do you mind if I ask what exactly it is you are getting for that money. And maybe we can help you cut a few hundred down from that?


Also your invitations might be another place we can help you find lower cost alternatives. Why don''t you post what you have found, and at what price (how many guests) and we''ll see if we can silm things down for you.

If your FI wants more money from his parents, you stay entirely out of it. Don''t even be in the same vicinity when he approaches them. Leave it all up to him, how he asks, what he says. This is his family, his idea, and his responsibility as a result. Don''t get involved. And make sure your FI doesn''t mention you in anyway shape or form.

thank you gypsy LOL No one else mentioned it and I started thinking 3k for flowers was typical nowadays and I thought woah, crazy. I had daisies. I think it cost $50 and we had daisies coming out our ears LOL And they lasted a month at home in the arrangements my aunt made LOL

 

[Cehrabehra]

So maybe this is how it works???:

A&M (FI Parents)
$950 Church Fee, Officiant fee, site rental, music etc. church programs
$2650 Half of reception Approx
$450 Bride’s Bouquet and Bride’s Maids, Corsage
$350 Invitations and Thanks You cards
$500 Half of Rehearsal Dinner
TOTAL: $4,900.00

 

[basil]

Date: 6/15/2007 4:28:05 PM
Author:MustangFan
A&M (FI Parents)
Church Fee, Officiant fee, site rental, music etc. church programs $950
Half of reception Approx $2650
Bride''s Bouquet and Brides Maids, Corsage $450
Invitations and Thanks You cards $350
Half of Rehearsal Dinner $500
Approx: $4,900.00

S&M (Me and FI)
Rings
Photographer
Cake Topper
Favors
Limo
Tuxedo
Gifts for attendants
Approx: $5,000.00


S&W (My parents)

W Dress, Veil and Shoes and alterations
Half of Reception cost The
Music & DJ
Decorations
Candles, pictures, card place holders etc.
Half of rehearsal Dinner
Video Camera
Approx Total:

$16,000

Geesh, people. I think her formatting just got messed up. No need to jump all over her. Here''s what I would assume to be the correct budget numbers. In general, it doesn''t seem too unreasonable.

The question would be if your FMIL understands what the costs are and the options involved. If you want to ask her for more money, I think you''re going to have to raise it as "well, we could have the rehearsal as a picnic and save money, or we could do it this way but may need more money". I agree with the person who said it should be your fiance''s decision and responsibility and in no way should it be able to be construed as coming from you personally.

 

[luckystar112]

Date: 6/16/2007 12:49:53 PM
Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 6/15/2007 6:38:46 PM

Author: Gypsy

I agree with surfgirl, that you need to work the other way around.. budget first then vendors etc.


With regard to the above. Your flower budget seems to be someplace where you can cut back. Do you mind if I ask what exactly it is you are getting for that money. And maybe we can help you cut a few hundred down from that?



Also your invitations might be another place we can help you find lower cost alternatives. Why don''t you post what you have found, and at what price (how many guests) and we''ll see if we can silm things down for you.


If your FI wants more money from his parents, you stay entirely out of it. Don''t even be in the same vicinity when he approaches them. Leave it all up to him, how he asks, what he says. This is his family, his idea, and his responsibility as a result. Don''t get involved. And make sure your FI doesn''t mention you in anyway shape or form.

thank you gypsy LOL No one else mentioned it and I started thinking 3k for flowers was typical nowadays and I thought woah, crazy. I had daisies. I think it cost $50 and we had daisies coming out our ears LOL And they lasted a month at home in the arrangements my aunt made LOL

I mentioned the flowers! Why do I feel like Jan Brady? lol.

 

[musey]

Date: 6/16/2007 1:42:03 PM
Author: luckystar112

I mentioned the flowers! Why do I feel like Jan Brady? lol.

haha, so did firegoddess, Finding_Neverland, bee* and surfgirl (and others in passing). We're all Jan Bradys on these boards 80% of the time!!

 

[upgrading mama]

Mustang,
Tough question here. As lots have said already, talking budget is never fun. When you added your 2nd post about how your dear FI bought his own bike, car, paid for college, etc...I think that speaks volumes about your future in laws. All familes are different and have different ways of raising kids. IT seems they felt it was important for their son to learn the value of a dollar and how to save for something he really wanted. I am sure this has paid off for him in the long run.

You are probably wondering why I am saying this (lol).... His parents offered you guys 3k towards a wedding before they were asked, which sounds like a huge gesture on their part. I know times have changed, but it is still quite traditional for the bride''s family to pay for the wedding and the groom''s fam wanting to contribute is bonus.
My parents paid for our wedding, and we chipped in a few thousand but that is all. My hubby''s parents weren''t in a financial position to contribute at all. (They were missionaries for over 20 years so I am sure you can imagine- no savings!)

Anyway, I just feel bad #1, that you felt ganged up on. It just happened to be that all of those people had the same opinion, all beit, some told a bit more abruptly than others. Anyway,I think your FI, having grown up with his parents might be the one to truly know if he should ask for more or not.

I do agree with the others that maybe you can try to find ways to cut down the budget too. Ask here, the girls always have such great ideas!


Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[E B]

Date: 6/15/2007 6:38:46 PM
Author: Gypsy
I agree with surfgirl, that you need to work the other way around.. budget first then vendors etc.

Agreed! Planning a wedding before knowing how much you'll have to put toward it is just setting yourself and your families up for unrealistic expectations. A wedding doesn't have to cost $16,000, and things can be cut way back.

 

[MustangFan]

My floral budget is no way $2650! lol I''m not an impractical person. Somehow the prices got misalligned, sorry about that---disregard
For me and my bride''s maids and crosages for everyone around $500? I don''t really care about flowers, but FI doesn''t think it''s something to worry about the night before either, to save $200 it''s not worth the aggervation. We will be paying $75 per head and that''s the cheapest I can find for a nice place and good food. THIS IS NEW JERSEY AFTER ALL, so I''m not really being unreasonable with that and we are not inviting 200+ just 75 people and that''s it!! Which works out to be $5350 that is the brunt of the cost and the photographer, I don''t really want to sacrifice on that since this will be are memories and $2500 is pretty average anyway for THIS AREA.

Unfortunately NJ is one of those states where is very hard to live and everything is on credit.

Date: 6/15/2007 8:04:22 PM
Author: luckystar112
Hi guys!

I''ll admit...I thought you guys were ganging up on her too. I just think things can be said in a way that leaves no room for misinterpretation. For instance, ''Hi Mustang. I don''t know if it''s a good idea for you to bring it up to your FMIL at all. If she can only contribute $3000, you might embaress her by asking for more, not to mention she might think you guys are rude for implying $3000 isn''t enough.'' See...YOU don''t think she''s rude...her MOTHER IN LAW might though!

Anyway Mustang,
If I were you I would have a meeting with all future in-laws where you guys just casually discuss the wedding without pointing fingers at who isn''t contributing enough. I think that I would just show both families what you''re hoping to achieve and ask for their help in making it happen...even if some things are DIY. I do think that if your FI''s parents have the extra money they are being kind of stingy considering all that your FI has done for them.

I guess that''s life.

I can believe some of the costs! Bride bouquet and bm''s corsages.....$2650....ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? I really hope that isn''t the average or I''ll be taking dandelions down the aisle. I bet you can do those yourself with the right instructions! And you''re going to spend $5000 on attendant gifts....is that normal? What are you getting them, new washer/dryer sets? lol.

Maybe you can skimp on the DJ too and just use an Ipod and pay a teenager $100 bux or something.

Can you borrow a video camera from someone? Or rent one?

 

[MustangFan]

Date: 6/16/2007 12:58:27 PM
Author: Cehrabehra
So maybe this is how it works???:

A&M (FI Parents)
$950 Church Fee, Officiant fee, site rental, music etc. church programs
$2650 Half of reception Approx
$450 Bride’s Bouquet and Bride’s Maids, Corsage
$350 Invitations and Thanks You cards
$500 Half of Rehearsal Dinner
TOTAL: $4,900.00

lol thank you!! yes this is what I meant
I wouldn''t expect anyone to pay for our rings either that''s definitely a thing we have to buy ourselves
I am probably going to have sunflowers, Thanks you cards are around $100 and $250 for the invites

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 6/17/2007 10:31:27 AM
Author: MustangFan
My floral budget is no way $2650! lol I''m not an impractical person. Somehow the prices got misalligned, sorry about that---disregard

For me and my bride''s maids and crosages for everyone around $500? I don''t really care about flowers, but FI doesn''t think it''s something to worry about the night before either, to save $200 it''s not worth the aggervation. We will be paying $75 per head and that''s the cheapest I can find for a nice place and good food. THIS IS NEW JERSEY AFTER ALL, so I''m not really being unreasonable with that and we are not inviting 200+ just 75 people and that''s it!! Which works out to be $5350 that is the brunt of the cost and the photographer, I don''t really want to sacrifice on that since this will be are memories and $2500 is pretty average anyway for THIS AREA.


Unfortunately NJ is one of those states where is very hard to live and everything is on credit.

Mustang,

While I understand that NJ is an expensive area, believe me you do not need to spend $16,000 on a wedding to have an elegant affair. We''re having our wedding in San Francisco, another crazily expensive area, for 45 people for less than $5,000. Granted this does not include our rings or my dress, but it includes EVERYTHING else. We''re doing an outside ceremony, lunch, and even rented a cable car for 3 hours.

Trust me, it can be done for less, even for 75 people in NJ. All we''re trying to tell you here is that it isn''t really fair (unless you''re paying) to set the budget for your inlaws. Really, you should figure out how much $ you have, then find a location, etc. that can fall within that budget. That''s it.

 

[MustangFan]

I don''t think a honeymoon registry would make people offended I thought it was a great idea when FI friend''s did that, we wanted to make their trip memorable by buying them a dinner cruise for their trip. There''s always the monetary optionalso , we just don''t want a traditional registry since we have everything we would possibly need. Fi has been a home owner for 6 years and we combined house. Im not the type of person who would ask for $200 crystal when we have no where to display or sliver candlelabrahs that would vanish and we''d never use.

If no one contributed the the honeymoon we will just take out a small loan and pay for it ourselves. Yes, a honeymoon is a luxury, but we have never been on vacation as boyfriend and girlfriend, so I thought it would be nice to do it as husband and wife. Besides my FI hasn''t taken a week vacation in at least 4 or 5 years, he could use it!

 

[MustangFan]

I''m not expecting them to give $5k, I just made the list as a mental note, he could ask her hey would it be possible for you to pay x, x, and x? Like someone else said it''s a question not a demand. I''m fine if they can''t, then we will rethink our budget or just add to the pile of debt.
I don''t really think she''d give too many demands if they had to contribute more, besdies inviting certain people and that''s fine, pretty much everything is turning out the way his mom would have wanted it, with the Russian Church and the winery and it being in september, not too hot.
I''m going to try to do DIY stuff, like making my own invites, I don''t really know how to even begin, can you just print them out on a regular computer??
Actually I found some online that I liked $136.00 for 80 does that sound like a good price?

 

[door knob solitaire]

Sweetie,

You haven''t been ganged up on because...I haven''t posted yet!! Just kidding.

I am the head cheerleader for the NO NO NO, DONT ASK FOR MORE....yes that was all capital letters...and no I won''t change the color of the font...or even the font...but I reeeeellly want to.

I think where I got my feathers ruffled was the total on your data...it was well over $25k(whether that was a mistake or error in format what ever...I added all the numbers and I came up with $26.5k ~ on a wedding you can''t afford is TOOO extravagant). So I too was yelling at the screen in BOLD VIVID TEXT. Then I noticed you were authoring a honeymoon fund. (I realize this is done by all you new brides...I just don''t get it.) You should have seen the text size coming out of my mouth then!!! So the way I read it was, you can''t afford your wedding and you can''t afford your honeymoon...odds are you kids are in hock and will be the first years of your marriage.

I am married. Sweetie, I realize this is going to sound parental...and parental things hold no logic with people your age...but money is the root of many a marriage strains

. Ask anyone here on the board..that is married. Hearing that you are entering into this contract, already deliberately strained is beyond my comprehension.

Now back to responsibilty...not even your parents are responsible to fund anything. They were responsible to provide a roof over your head as you were growing up...nutrition to keep you nourished...clothing to keep you modest

...an education by law...meaning public school...and medical assistance when you were ill. That is it. Period.

If you got a bike, designer jeans, brand name sneakers, clothing to choose from in your closet, support on extracurricular activities such as dance-music-sport, help with college, gifts at your birthdays

-parties too, a car....you were richly blessed. LISTEN UP: these are all NOT REQUIRED for a parent to do. None of us were not entitled to any of these things simply by being born.

Paying out the wazoo to facilitate all the details to a ceremony is no ones responsibility but the two the ceremony benefits. Yes...there is a custom that this group does this, and this one does that...but there is not a prewritten amount in which they oblige. They know what they can contribute...and that is where is stops.

I have thought about your situation sooo much that I woke this morning having had a dream ...this is the scene at your reception played in my head. The grooms father clanked his glass and said he had an announcement to make...

"His mother and I have been very stringent with him and refrained from spending as he grew up. After all a bike can only satisfy you for a short time....Everything other children were given we took the money and put it in a fund. This fund was to be given to him on his wedding day so that he and his bride could start their future with less worries than we had. But the bride needed more money to fund this wedding and we were penalized by an early withdrawal from the fund. It would have been $500k, but she needed more for these lovely napkins and ARENT THEY JUST LOVELY?? and we felt obligated to give it...so here is what is left...$523.56. We love you, son, be happy"

I sat up in my bed...and it was so real...it was almost surreal. I don''t even know you Mustang...but it must really be on the forefront in my conscience to help you. For goodness sake I could have been dreaming about George Clooney!!

These words I am typing are just words. Don''t read anymore into them than that. It is wordy and I tried to add some humor so you knew I wasn''t yelling. We all are trying to get you to a happy place. Through understanding our view...it is after all what you asked for. Advice. Opinions. It is not flaming swords being hurled at you. Just take any, some or all of the boards comments and weigh them againist your feelings. This board loves you...and appreciates your posts and no one is trying to gang up on you. It appears we all have a different views. But it doens''t mean we don''t love you anymore!!!

DKS

 

[ljmorgan]

I think some people on this thread are being incredibly rude. Mustangfan has not asked anyone to analyze her wedding costs, or tell her what amounts of money to spend on various aspects of the wedding, or determine her ability to pay or not pay for a wedding. How rude!

The only question that she asked, is how to bring up asking her fiance''s mother for more money. In my opinion, there is absolutely no way to politely ask someone for more money than they have offered as a gift to you. It''s my opinion that you should not ask at all, but if you are intent, your fiance should do the asking since it is his mother.

 

[door knob solitaire]

Lindsey,

I didn't ask her expenditures...she provided them in a convenient take home menu form. I took it as her intention to include all aspects so that a reasonable logical decision could be arrived at. She is a big girl old enough to be married...it was her choice. She didn't have to reveal the details...but I really think she wanted to place everything on the table and get the advice she came her to obtain. No one attempting to help, could have read all of those details and simply said..."Isn't the sky blue today."

There is no way to be helpful here on this subject without offending the whole slew of brides. Something someone says is going to set off a ripple effect. Lets take this thread in context. Not out of it. Sometimes our threads get off the subject and the conversation flows the opposite direction, in this case, that is your interpretation.

The objective here, is to attempt assistance...faceless...nameless...help. Things you can't ask someone you know...you can come in here and ask it. We don't know you...personally. We only recognize a little image in your avatar and maybe recall you from previous posts. Some of us know each others passions and interest...but basically we are just faceless nameless people stroking a keyboard.

If you want to see rude...go to other boards and experience it. MustangFan is a beloved

member of this forum. No one is intentionally being rude. None of us have ill intent. ME INCLUDED. We love her. And nothing will change even if we have confilicting opinions. We move on and try to help each other with the next issue, crisis, or whatever.

So I will aplogize to you for my words that were rude...but I will not apologize for my intention...and that was to be helpful. I will stay up late night and research and locate something for my "beloved" members...and will continue to do so. I don't come here just to GET. I try to support, give or build up as much as I can.

Respectfully,

DKS

 

[Maisie]

MustangFan - I won''t comment on what has been said before but I have to agree with one point you made. Don''t scrimp on your photographer. We made that mistake and we don''t have any nice wedding photos at all. Its so sad. The day flies by so quickly that you only have your photos to help you remember.

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 6/17/2007 10:53:04 AM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 6/17/2007 10:31:27 AM

Author: MustangFan

My floral budget is no way $2650! lol I'm not an impractical person. Somehow the prices got misalligned, sorry about that---disregard


For me and my bride's maids and crosages for everyone around $500? I don't really care about flowers, but FI doesn't think it's something to worry about the night before either, to save $200 it's not worth the aggervation. We will be paying $75 per head and that's the cheapest I can find for a nice place and good food. THIS IS NEW JERSEY AFTER ALL, so I'm not really being unreasonable with that and we are not inviting 200+ just 75 people and that's it!! Which works out to be $5350 that is the brunt of the cost and the photographer, I don't really want to sacrifice on that since this will be are memories and $2500 is pretty average anyway for THIS AREA.



Unfortunately NJ is one of those states where is very hard to live and everything is on credit.

Mustang,


While I understand that NJ is an expensive area, believe me you do not need to spend $16,000 on a wedding to have an elegant affair. We're having our wedding in San Francisco, another crazily expensive area, for 45 people for less than $5,000. Granted this does not include our rings or my dress, but it includes EVERYTHING else. We're doing an outside ceremony, lunch, and even rented a cable car for 3 hours.

Trust me, it can be done for less, even for 75 people in NJ. All we're trying to tell you here is that it isn't really fair (unless you're paying) to set the budget for your inlaws. Really, you should figure out how much $ you have, then find a location, etc. that can fall within that budget. That's it.

I have to DITTO neatfreak's entire post. And door knob solitaire's (but her posts are way too long to quote!)...Mustang, you've simply got to get off this "this is what it costs in NJ" trip and come back to reality. Nobody wants to be told they cant do it their way for their wedding but you also cant go into debt for a wedding. Well, you CAN, but it's not a very smart way to start a marriage, IMO. We are all trying to help you to realize that your expectations and wants are not in line with your real life budget - and this is reinforced by the fact that you cannot afford this wedding you're already planning. Heck, you cant even afford a honeymoon. And you seem to have unrealistic expectations on what people are going to "give you" just because you're getting married. I wanted to do a honeymoon registry but I'm not going to because I think it will offend the older folks who dont "get it." So I would never assume my hmoon will be covered by a hmoon registry. Nor would I assume that "oh well, people will either give us money on the hmoon registry or they'll give us cash." Cash? Seriously? I don't know a lot of folks who give cash unless they are immediate family. I just think you need to stop planning, look at your budget, and adjust your expectations from there. You've gotten some great advice here that's been echoed many times - draft a list of priorities and start taking off what you dont absolutely need. Yes, you might have to change your venue. Yes, you might have to change the food you're offering at the meal, and you might have to go with less expensive options on other aspects. But nobody said you HAVE to have a $25k wedding if you cannot afford it. And based on what you've told us, you cannot afford what you are planning. I grew up in NJ and it's no more expensive than SoCal. Weddings are expensive no matter where you are. You have to do the best you can within your own budget.

ETA: I just re-read your post above and you say that you're only inviting 75 people. Another option is you keep your site, etc. and you only have immediate family and a handful of your closest friends...

 

[rainbowtrout]

OK, I might have missed something...


It isn't that she is doing the honeymoon thing specifically bc she cant afford a honeymoon, she just wants to do a honeymoon registery. Which isn't necessarily saying "I can't afford a honeymoon," it's saying "this would be a gift I would love if you care to give it to me."

Is "expecting" guests to pay for a honeymoon more or less rude than "expecting" them to pay for your sheets and china and silverware? I just don't see how a honeymoon registery is different from a regular one.

And she isn't going into debt for the wedding, she's only paying 5k? Only thing I saw maybe going into debt was the honeymoon. That, I wouldn't do myself, but as you like...



I thought I read the whole thread, maybe I missed a post?

 

[door knob solitaire]

And door knob solitaire''s (but her posts are way too long to quote!)...

Surfgirl...That does it!!!!! Did you just infer that I am a windbag? You have absolutely no proof that that is factual. "My posts are too long" for what standard? No wait you said WAY TOO LONG. Well...I''ve never...

Geeze.

DKS aka WINDBAG

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 6/17/2007 1:44:02 PM
Author: rainbowtrout
OK, I might have missed something...



It isn't that she is doing the honeymoon thing specifically bc she cant afford a honeymoon, she just wants to do a honeymoon registery. Which isn't necessarily saying 'I can't afford a honeymoon,' it's saying 'this would be a gift I would love if you care to give it to me.'


Is 'expecting' guests to pay for a honeymoon more or less rude than 'expecting' them to pay for your sheets and china and silverware? I just don't see how a honeymoon registery is different from a regular one.


And she isn't going into debt for the wedding, she's only paying 5k? Only thing I saw maybe going into debt was the honeymoon. That, I wouldn't do myself, but as you like...




I thought I read the whole thread, maybe I missed a post?

Just to answer your debt question, I think people are **assuming** (and they are assuming because we don't KNOW) that Mustang is already in debt by her comments like:

"Unfortunately NJ is one of those states where is very hard to live and everything is on credit"

"If no one contributed the the honeymoon we will just take out a small loan and pay for it ourselves."

"just add to the pile of debt."

So I think that is where people are pulling the debt card from.

 

[E B]

Date: 6/17/2007 1:44:02 PM
Author: rainbowtrout


And she isn't going into debt for the wedding, she's only paying 5k? Only thing I saw maybe going into debt was the honeymoon. That, I wouldn't do myself, but as you like...

From one of the above posts, MustangFan said "we will rethink our budget or just add to the pile of debt", which I assume means that paying for what other people will not will put them further into debt, but I'm just taking that from her quote.

I also don't see anything wrong with a honeymoon registry, but that's just me. A 'traditional' registry AND a honeymoon registry would seem excessive (depending on the # of guests), but one or the other is fine, IMO. I saw a cute one recently where a couple wanted to go to Japan and had certain activities guests could purchase like see a sumo wrestling match or a train ticket to ____.

One thing to remember, though...her wedding was over, and less than half of the activities/plane tickets/etc. had been purchased. The moral of that story: don't register for a honeymoon you can't afford to pay for *most of*, just in case.

 

[So_happy]

Sort of off the main topic of how to ask for more money, but about the honeymoon reg thing........

It would be the case that since couples won''t really know what they will or won''t recieve as gifts from thier H-Reg until the wedding day (and even after), they would have to book a trip anyhow waaaaaaay beforehand. And while there are places that allow deposits and final payment later, that final payment is usually due several weeks before the wedding.

The moral of my story is that HRegs are usually, I would say, a backwards kind of registry in that the couple has already paid for most or all of thier desired honeymoon and are now requesting money back. In a way, it would be like going to Macys, buying everything you would possibly want for you new home and then putting all of that stuff on the registry...or similar anyway.

I have one and I find my family and friends ask all the time "So, aren''t you nervous you won''t have a honeymoon booked until the day after the wedding?" and "How do you know when to request time off of work if you don''t have the honeymoon in line before the wedding?". All of these questions, rooted of course, in the assumption that we havn''t booked yet but that just really wouldn''t be logical unless you aimed to have a honeymoon much later after the wedding.

 

[Finding_Neverland]

Date: 6/17/2007 1:03:51 PM
Author: Maisie
MustangFan - I won''t comment on what has been said before but I have to agree with one point you made. Don''t scrimp on your photographer. We made that mistake and we don''t have any nice wedding photos at all. Its so sad. The day flies by so quickly that you only have your photos to help you remember.

I agree with Maisie on this one!!

We had a very small wedding. Family and close friends. We had a friend who was/is an excellent photographer. Her gift to us was she would shoot the pics of our wedding for us. There was a camera malfunction GF was unaware of. GF thought she was shooting pics when she wasn''t. Later we learned the film broke inside the camera. We got maybe 2 pics from the day.

We''ve seen people do things for their honeymoon in addition to having a traditional registry. Money trees at the reception. One wedding we went to, the Bride and Groom did "$1 a Dance" during part of the Reception for money for their honeymoon. They danced a few bars of a song with one person and then traded partners so they were getting $4-$5 each per song played. It added a lot of fun to the Reception.

I don''t see any harm in going with a Honeymoon Registry in lieu of a regular Gift Registry since you''re already set up. But as others have mentioned, you''ll most likely have to pay for the trip up front and use the Registry funds as reimbursement or spending money.

 

[MustangFan]

I don''t even know why I''m bothering to explain myself... I feel like I have been ripped apart on this board and I don''t need the aggervation.
I think this will be my last post here, after being a member for the past year and a half, I''ve simply had enough, so don''t bother to reply to this.
Thanks for your opinions, but I really don''t think I need them and I''ll do just fine. Everyone good luck with the wedding planning!