1/3 split--How can FI bring it up..?

[Mandarine]

Mustang, I am sorry you feel this way. This is a public forum and you will get responses you may not agree with when you ask a question. I don''t think anyone, including myself, had bad intentions.

You should stick around though, you will disagree with people in life all the time, that doesn''t mean you should not be able to move on from it.

Anyway, if you decide to not post again, that is your decision, we will miss you around here! good luck and have a great wedding!!!

M~

 

[Love in Bloom]

 

[rainbowtrout]

Ah, the smell of PS drama in the morning...

 

[Love in Bloom]

Date: 6/18/2007 10:37:57 AM
Author: rainbowtrout
Ah, the smell of PS drama in the morning...

That was really funny, I didn't quite know what to say! Thanks rainbotrout, hehe.

P.S.
What does it smell like??? I'm a little stuffed up in the nosie, haha!

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 6/15/2007 4:28:05 PM
Author:MustangFan

I want to split the wedding costs into 1/3 I have estimated it costing around $16k without a honeymoon, we will probably have a registry.

I have been informing FI mom about costs, she offered to give us $3k, but I''m trying to come up with a way for FI to tell her what we''re buying, my parents are buying and see if they can contribute alittle more.

Sticking strictly to your initial question, I don''t think there is a way that FI can tactfully ask for more $$. Speaking just for myself, I couldn''t be comfortable asking for more. If I were the parent in that scenario, I''d be offended if I were asked.

They''ve offered what they feel they can, and I think you need to run with that number.

If you''re stuck on having things split evenly into thirds, the only way to do that is to scale back to a $9k wedding....and everyone will pay $3k.

If you want more than you can get in $9k, then I think the burden is on you to fund the overage.

Good luck with the wedding.

 

[rainbowtrout]

I believe the consensus is that it generally smells like lemon pie....although I personally prefer chocolate or strawberry rhubarb.

 

[surfgirl]

Well, I'm going to reply because typically people continue reading a thread after they say they're not, so... The bottom line is that we've all tried to help you, Mustang, to see that your "idea" about requesting more money from an in-law isn't a great idea, and why. And based on the information you provided and your own comments, we've all taken a lot of time to continue to try to help you see that you appear to be way in over your head, financially speaking. Going into debt over a wedding, IMO, is a terrible way to start a marriage. You also mentioned that "Unfortunately NJ is one of those states where is very hard to live and everything is on credit", to which I say it is only expensive if you are living beyond your means! If you are living within your means, than it is no more expensive than the Bay Area, Southern California, or the general Tri-State area. The fact that you seem to think "living on credit" and having a wedding you cannot afford is not such a big deal seems to me to be setting a very dangerous life precedent. Marriage is hard enough without the added stress of living in debt. Do you really want to start married life like that? I grew up there and believe me, the cost of living is far higher in Southern California and the Bay Area than in NJ. neatfreak is having a lovely wedding - in SF! Talk about a pricey area! - and she's able to do it for $5k! And I'll bet she'd even be willing to share her budget with you if you asked her. That's because people are more than willing to share sources here. We dont always agree on things but as Mandarine said, life isn't about agreeing with all the people all of the time. It's about making compromises, and getting along with people. I think if you've felt "ganged up on" it's only because the majority of posters on this thread are in agreement, and it's not in agreement with what you want to hear. That doesn't mean we dont like you or think you're stupid or anything like that. We're just trying to help you see a different perspective of the situation you're describing to us. Getting married can be an emotional time, and if the collective "we" see's someone not seeing what we're seeing, I think it's okay to be honest. If more recent posts have been more "direct" in tone it's only because you don't seem to be hearing what people are trying to say. But please know that we're only saying these things to try to help you NOT make what we think is a mistake...and that is starting a young marriage in debt over what amounts to one day in your hopefully long, happy, and hopefully financially stable life.

ETA: Regarding my comments on a h/moon registry (HR), I wasn't intimating that it's tacky, only that while my friends and younger relatives might think it's cool, my older relatives and my parents friends will likely think it's odd or even offensive. And in addition, as I think EBree mentioned, one cannot really plan a h/moon with a HR until after they know exactly how much people contributed. It's a dicey situation because as she said, one has to plan for and make deposits and payments on the biggest portions of a h/moon well before taking it - flights and hotels. So my comment was that I personally would not "plan" a h/moon that I couldn't afford the basic hotel/airfare portion of since there really is no way to know if you'll get enough gift funds to take that trip. Then you're stuck with airfare and hotel reservations that you cannot afford and that you likely have to pay some penalty for changing/canceling and/or lose you deposits entirely. So isn't it better to plan a honeymoon that one can afford?

 

[luckystar112]

We just lost a really great poster.

While I agree that a message board is an open forum for ideas and opinions...some of you need to learn when to put a foot in your mouth. I swear, sometimes I feel like I''m on the knot board with a few of you who don''t *think* you''re insulting...but ARE. And honestly...I don''t know what''s worse. To KNOW you have a motor mouth or to be oblivious to it.

I''m sure I''ll get responses to this from the exact people I''m talking about,

with responses like, "Well if she can''t take it then she shouldn''t post on a message board!" and "This is what you do on a messageboard...boo hoo." So you can''t be civilized? You just HAVE to quote the person with the same opinion as you and re-rewite the whole paragraph in your own words and add lots of exclamation points so the original poster knows you mean business? You''re so focused on being the opinionated know-it-all on the board that you can''t take a step back and ask yourself if what you say is going to insult someone? It doesn''t matter if that''s how you *meant* it to sound if that''s how she took it. I think people owe her some apologies.

Mustang is a GREAT person and I hope that she comes back, but I would totally understand if she didn''t. It''s really OUR loss.

 

[pricescope]

Date: 6/18/2007 10:37:57 AM
Author: rainbowtrout
Ah, the smell of PS drama in the morning...

We do not need drama, now rainbowtrout what is THAT SAPPHIRE?
Please post more pics in the SMTR!