Adoption Thread

[ImperfectGirl]

Bella I'm so angry for you! I can't believe your caseworker is in the USA and said nothing to you about it! Kind of important to know when you are stuck in another country trying to get home. I'm so sorry. And the vaccinations...why on earth would they get an appt at the clinic the day before his vaccines would be in?? Makes no sense.

I'm praying that you guys that you make it home quickly and as inexpensively as possible. This process can be so tough in so many ways...thinking about you and your family.

 

[lliang_chi]

Bella, hugs to you my friend! What a rough day you had! I feel so bad that everything's going crazy over there. I'm hoping you have a better day today, B's vaccine's will be ready for you today, and the embassy paper work makes progress to getting sorted out. Sending you some bureaucracy dust over there in ET.

IG, thinking about you friend. What's the next step for you now that you secured your adoption attorney?

~LC

 

[ImperfectGirl]

IG, thinking about you friend. What's the next step for you now that you secured your adoption attorney?

~LC

Thanks LC That was the last step so there's nothing left to do but wait...she is 35w3d. I'm just trying to keep myself occupied!

 

[ImperfectGirl]

Hi everyone!

Bella - I hope you're feeling better physically. The feeling of being in limbo sucks and I hope you have some clarity soon. Any word yet on when you and B will get to go on home?

Penn - Still thinking about you and your family! I hope everything is going well; check in when you can.

As for us...birth mom is 36w3d and as full term approaches on Saturday, I can't help but feel sad. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy at the thought of becoming a mom but in order for that to happen, birthmom and her family must experience a significant loss. That has really been weighing heavy on me for the last week and I don't feel much like being excited. I'm just praying for them. I'll be packing for the trip this weekend. We'll see how it goes.

 

[charbie]

Hi everyone!

Bella - I hope you're feeling better physically. The feeling of being in limbo sucks and I hope you have some clarity soon. Any word yet on when you and B will get to go on home?

Penn - Still thinking about you and your family! I hope everything is going well; check in when you can.

As for us...birth mom is 36w3d and as full term approaches on Saturday, I can't help but feel sad. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy at the thought of becoming a mom but in order for that to happen, birthmom and her family must experience a significant loss. That has really been weighing heavy on me for the last week and I don't feel much like being excited. I'm just praying for them. I'll be packing for the trip this weekend. We'll see how it goes.

Aww, IG, im positive the emotions you are experiencing are so typical of anyone who becomes a mother through adoption. On the flip side, I would be willing to bet that the birth mother is feeling some relief and sense of calm knowing that someone is there who is wanting to and able to become parents.

This is totally a different situation, and I hope it doesn't come off wrong, but many transplant recipients have those same emotions that you're describing, and you always hear stories from the donor's family about how happy they are to have made such an impact in the lives of others. I think as the birthmom continues coming to terms with the situation, you will as well. Just as she is making the selfless decision to give her baby up for adoption, you are making the selfless decision to become a parent and will raise your daughter in a way she never could have imagined, which is so incredible and amazing in its own regard! Big hugs! And hang in there!

 

[ImperfectGirl]

Thanks for replying Charbie. What you said makes total sense and I'm sure I'll move past these feelings. This rollercoaster of emotions has just been so overwhelming and I want to get off the ride! I'm glad to have this outlet to be able to 'say it out loud' since nobody in real life knows about Avery.

PS - I've been stalking you on the preggo thread! You're the closest to birthmom's due date (Sept. 17) so I've enjoyed following your pregnancy to know what birthmom might also be experiencing. And a big yay on reaching full term!

 

[Bella_mezzo]

IG-I totally understand those feelings, B's parents are both dead, but he has older siblings (who were not available for adoption) and it stops me in my tracks when I think of them, and when I think of his parent's deaths which both could have probably been prevented in a more developed country with access to medical care...I think Charbie had some wise words

We are still in Addis, our agency has taken a while to submit our paperwork to the Embassy due to communication issues between the US and Ethiopian staff we are not happy right now about that and are meeting with the ET staff tomorrow to try and take our file to the Embassy ourselves. it looks like I will likely be in Addis for 2+ more weeks, but DH leaves Friday b/c he starts class next week... I'm trying to view it as an adventure, but right now I am just really annoyed and not thrilled about the idea of being here alone. B is great, but it is awesome to have another adult to talk to

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Big hugs to you, IG, especially since you're sensitive and thoughtful enough to think about these difficult issues.

I've never placed a child for adoption so I can't even imagine what that is like. But, as an adoptee, I do know that I am happy that my birth parents did what they thought was best not only for my sister and me (I have a twin, in case I didn't mention it before), but also for our 3 older brothers and for themselves as well. My birth parents were very poor (remember, until the 1980s, North Korea was the more prosperous country and South Korea was very poor) and my birth mom was in bad health. They were married and had three children already. They placed us for adoption so ALL of us could have a better life and for that I'm grateful.

Without getting into too many details, my daughter also has siblings on both birth parents' sides. She has a difficult background and I often wonder if her parents think about her often or if that's a chapter in their lives they'd prefer to tuck away and forget.

I do know that in both cases, our birth parents could have chosen to access our files for info and ask for updates, but to date, no one has yet to do so.

 

[lliang_chi]

Bella, Hugs my dear. I'm sorry to hear about all this paper work BS. Bummer your DH has to go back for class, I was really hoping you guys can come home together. I hope you and B have a fantastic adventure together and you'll be home as a family sooner than you know it.

IG, I'm thinking about you this week. I can see how/why you're feeling the way you do, but Charbie said it way more eloquently than I could've. Both you and the birth mother are doing what's best for this little baby girl. You and your DH love her enough to take her into your lives. Hoping everything goes smoothly from here on out. Many many hugs to your and Mr. IG.

~LC

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Bella...I hope things go more quickly than you think and that you'll be able to go home soon!

IG....I know you must have some apprehension after your last experience. I am praying it all goes perfectly this time!

 

[ImperfectGirl]

Bella - How frustrating! I'm so sorry, I know you must hate for DH to go home before you and B. I hope things get worked out quickly!

Thanks to Bella, Logan, LC, and Diamondseeker for sharing your thoughts on how I've been feeling. I am feeling a bit better. I got an email from birthmom yesterday in which she said how happy she was to know that her daughter would be raised by a great family. She met with her attorney yesterday to complete all the pre-birth paperwork and we received/completed an affidavit of legal risk. Kind of makes it seem real since we never got this far with the legal stuff in our last match. I'm hoping the next few weeks fly by.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

Oh IG-I am so glad that things are moving forward and hope that everything is smooth from here on out!

I had a major crying jag last night. The not knowing when I'll be coming home and being in Addis without DH is so frustrating (and our agency totally dropping the ball)! Sigh, hopefully' I'll have better news next week!

 

[monkeyprincess]

Bella, I've been lurking and also saw your posts on the pregnancy thread. Just wanted to say I'm so sorry that you will not be able to go back with our DH and that you've been having a bit of a health scare in a foreign country. That's a lot of uncertaintly to handle. I hope that spending time with your beautiful little boy will get you through the next little while and that things fall into place very soon!

 

[ImperfectGirl]

You're response is to be expected Bella. I know in your shoes, I would be overwhelmed to the max and really nervous about being without my DH in a foreign country. I know you'll be just fine with little B there with you and I really hope you'll have some good news next week.

As for us...we got updated medical records today. At last appt (last week - 35th week), birth mom had only gained 7 lbs total in the pregnancy There are lots of notes about nutrition counseling and having her keep a food journal for her Dr. to review. They don't seem overly concerned though. She was pretty slim to start out with (5'8", 119lbs) so I guess I won't worry unless the Dr. seems worried. There were also lots of notes about her plans to place the baby for adoption.

 

[Logan Sapphire]

You're response is so natural Bella. I know in your shoes, I would be overwhelmed to the max and really nervous about being without my DH in a foreign country. I really hope you'll have some good news next week.

As for us...we got updated medical records today. At last appt (last week - 35th week), birth mom had only gained 7 lbs total in the pregnancy There are lots of notes about nutrition counseling and having her keep a food journal for her Dr. to review. They don't seem overly concerned though. She was pretty slim to start out with (5'8", 119lbs) so I guess I won't worry unless the Dr. seems worried. There were also lots of notes about her plans to place the baby for adoption.

I realize this is just one story but my co-worker only gained 9lbs total during her pregnancy and she had a very healthy robust baby. She was slim too...it was an unexpected pregnancy and she was depressed until the baby was born. But baby was healthy...plus don't they say you really pack on the pounds in the last 4 weeks of pregnancy?

 

[ImperfectGirl]

You're response is so natural Bella. I know in your shoes, I would be overwhelmed to the max and really nervous about being without my DH in a foreign country. I really hope you'll have some good news next week.

As for us...we got updated medical records today. At last appt (last week - 35th week), birth mom had only gained 7 lbs total in the pregnancy There are lots of notes about nutrition counseling and having her keep a food journal for her Dr. to review. They don't seem overly concerned though. She was pretty slim to start out with (5'8", 119lbs) so I guess I won't worry unless the Dr. seems worried. There were also lots of notes about her plans to place the baby for adoption.

I realize this is just one story but my co-worker only gained 9lbs total during her pregnancy and she had a very healthy robust baby. She was slim too...it was an unexpected pregnancy and she was depressed until the baby was born. But baby was healthy...plus don't they say you really pack on the pounds in the last 4 weeks of pregnancy?

Glad to hear another similar story that turned out fine. I'm sure birthmom and baby are just fine. I guess I'm just so used to hearing much higher numbers in terms of pregnancy weight gain so it was a bit surprising. At least she won't have much to lose, if any at all, once the baby is born.

 

[lliang_chi]

IG, Wow, 7lbs total? I gain 7lbs going on vacation! :LOL: I'm getting really excited for you IG, and hope everything goes smoothly!

Bella, Transatlantic HUGS to you!!! I would feel the same way if I were in your shoes now, but remember you've come this far and waiting so long for your beautiful boy. You finally have him now and it's just waiting for the pencil pushers to get off their arses. This waiting, albeit supremely annoying, is just time. You have B now and you guys are a family. That's the most important thing ever.

~LC

 

[Bella_mezzo]

thanks so much ladies! DH left tonight, i tried to keep i together but pretty much cried like a baby--I guess that's kind of a mommy fail, but at this point if all three of us are alive and healthy and reunited in the US in the next 2 weeks I will consider that a huge success! B didn't cry, but pretty much understands (we've been explaining it to him over the past few days) and got really quiet. Praying that DH gets through to NY despite the hurricane rolling in and that things go smooth as silk for me and B over the next week wiht the submission of his file to the Embassy so that we can go home ASAP! The second we know that his visa is in progress I will be on the phone with our travel agent

 

[Lanie]

Bella -- that sucks that DH has to leave, and when my DH started back to work after our baby was born, it sucked, so to feel that for 2 weeks would make me miserable. In this case though, focus on the positives...you have a beautiful baby boy, you are in an exciting new country, your DH is on his way to start the career of his dreams, and a year from now you'll be like, yeah, I survived 2 weeks as a single parent, and it was really not that bad. Now I'm home with my family of 3 (maybe more???) and all is good in the world!!!

IG -- I can totally see where you are coming from! That is so nice of you to think of the other family. That just shows what a caring mommy you are to think of them during this time. I can't wait for the first time you see your little one!!!!! And by the way, I didn't gain a total of 7 pounds, but I didn't gain a lot overall, and I'm slim too. But I did gain like 8 during my last month. The baby will be fine, and you must feel relieved to see the notes!

 

[icekid]

Bella- B is absolutely a darling little man. You and dh are so blessed. I'm sorry that your agenct botched everything, but you'll look bsck fondly on these first days with your precious boy. I am so thrilled for you.

IG- glad to hear things are moving along for you.

Love this thread!

 

[Bella_mezzo]

We're doing better today (I put my big girl panties on and am trying to make this as fun as possible for B and talk about his daddy a lot

Meanwhile, poor DH is stuck in Frankfurt for the next 2-3 days as all NYC airports are closed and he can't get home (would have been nice if they would have told him that when he checked in as he could have just stayed here for a few more days!)

Oh, and not only is our head Ethiopian staff person traveling in the States and not accessible via email, but our US person is on vacation and the person handling her clients works remotely from South America!!!!!!! Literally noone is looking to keep our case on track right now! WTF!??!?!?!?!? This is crazy!

 

[Lanie]

Bella -- when is your mat leave over for work? If you got in touch today, say, are you going to make it back in time?

 

[Bella_mezzo]

Hi Lanie-It's technically over the end of Sept, but if we get stuck here waiting for his visa I'll figure something out. I am pretty difficult to replace so I think I could push it out a couple weeks if absolutely necessary...

 

[Lanie]

That's good to hear! Hopefully you'll be back soon and still have some time to relax and get him into a routine before heading off to work again. Post more pics in the meantime!!!!

 

[Bella_mezzo]

 

[ImperfectGirl]

Bella- love the new pics!! Such a handsome little guy! I'm praying that you guys get to come home soon so you can have some time at home before having to return to work.

Thank you Icekid and LC!

Lanie - Thanks for chiming in about pregnancy weight gain and yes, it is so nice to read all of the medical records. Some of it is hard to understand so I end up googling all the medical lingo.

AFU...37 weeks today! WoooHoooo for full term! Birthmom and I texted a bit today. She said that she is feeling good, just a little tired. I will be packing tomorrow for the trip. It's getting close and I'm getting more excited.

 

[ImperfectGirl]

37w3d...we got a call from our caseworker today. Everything is moving smoothly. Birth mom updated her preferences for the hospital stay to inlcude us having access to the baby after she is born but not being in the room when birth mom labors/delivers. Caseworker reports that the hospital is adoption friendly and we'll get a hospital room and ID bracelets. We have no expectations for acess to anything but the waiting room so we'll just go with the flow.

 

[Puppmom]

IG, it seems like a great sign that birthmom continues to take steps toward the final result. I hope this experience is all you wanted in the end. Her due date is approaching so quickly!

 

[Bella_mezzo]

IG-You are so close and Avery is almost here!!! I am sending you so much love, prayers, and PS dust from over here in Africa!

AFM-Our agency is F-ing up right and left. Hopefully I'll have good news soon, but right now I am just waiting, and waiting, and waiting...I'll post all about it once it's done, but at this point I don't think I should put details online the good news is that B is on my lap (ns now nows the words "icon" "Avatar" and "emoticons"

 

[pennquaker09]

Pricescope isn't cooperating with me right now, but I came by to say HELLO LADIES!! I have to get ready to pick up the twins from preschool, but I'm going to make an effort to come by more. Charles is starting to sleep and nap on a more consistent basis, so I might get a little daddy time. And, we're on day THREE of preschool. Savannah has a never met a stranger so she loves it, but Gray has major separation anxiety. Anyway, hello again and I hope everyone is doing well! I haven't even had a chance to read the updates!